“Got all of your stuff?” he asked taking my bag.
“Yes, that’s all of it. Did you expect more?” I tucked my long hair behind my ear.
“I didn’t know what to expect. I’m pleasantly surprised with how little you need,” he laughed. “You never know.”
“Nolan, I don’t own that many clothes. So it’s easier to pack.” He opened the door for me while kissing me gently.
“You won’t need much. Not tonight.” A nervous thrill coursed through me.
“What does that mean?” I got in, and he closed the door, smiling widely.
We drove up the snowy mountain, passing lakes and beautiful snow covered trees, but all I could think about was what Nolan had planned for me. The cabin was about an hour drive. We pulled in, and it was actually pretty quant for the Rylan’s. Normally everything they do was over the top, but not this cabin. This was perfect.
Nolan got out and opened my door. I looked at the area surrounding the cabin, and it occurred to me we are in the middle of nowhere.
“This is the perfect cabin,” I said as we walked up the steps.
“This isn’t the cabin we’ll stay at tomorrow. This is just for tonight,” he explained.
He unlocked the door. I still had questions, but they could wait. Once I got a look at the inside of the cabin, I was in awe. It was all wood, everything, like something out of a storybook. A fireplace sat with a fire already roaring to life.
“Who lit the fire?” I asked as he pulled our things inside.
“I did. I came up here before I picked you up to get things settled.”
I laughed. “You’re up to something, Nolan. Aren’t you?”
“Up to something? Me? Never,” he mused. “Now. Get comfortable. I have to go outside and pull in more firewood.”
I looked out the window and saw the stack of wood piled up against a tree. I nodded, and he left. My body was chilled to the bone. I pulled off my coat, hung it, and sat by the fire to let it warm me through and through.
It was so awesome in this tiny cabin. The kitchen was off to the right side and a little door sat next to it―the bathroom probably. I looked up and saw the bedroom loft that hung over the edge of the living room space. I got up and walked up the stairs that led to it. It held a large bed and dresser and a huge picture window. The view from the window was of more snow covered mountains. I could run away and live here with Nolan. I would be so happy just him and me holed up here in the wild. No phones, just us.
I didn’t hear him come up behind me. He placed his hands around my waist and turned me to face him.
“I love it here,” I whispered as I looked into his big doe eyes. “I don’t ever want to leave.”
He kissed my neck and whispered, “Then let’s stay.” He lifted my shirt off and kissed along my collarbone and down my arms to my hand. He then swiftly lifted me and lay me down on the bed. He took off his shirt and exposed the beautiful body that I adored. He was so magnificent, and he was mine. I sat up to see him better and shook my head in awe.
“Are you not ready?” he asked worried.
“I’m ready, Nolan. I was only admiring the view.” In truth I was nervous, and I wasn’t sure I was ready.
He laughed and his face grew red. “The view from where I’m standing is the most perfect ever.”
He lay down with me and ran his hands across my belly. Running circles and giving me chills. He was gentle and caring with me. He wouldn’t ever hurt me. I realized I was ready.
When I couldn’t take it anymore, I leaned into him and kissed him hard just like I had that night. The night when I told him how I felt about him, that I couldn’t be without him. I could almost feel the summer heat spread across me as he took my clothes off and threw them across the room.
It was just Nolan and me in that moment. No one else existed in the whole world. It was beautiful and magical and more than I even thought it would be. I only wondered why we waited so long.
***
It was the end of winter when I got the call from Lily’s mom that she was in the hospital. She was in a car accident. I didn’t ask what happened exactly, I just got into my car and drove. I called Nolan on the way and told him where I was headed. I was a crying mess.
“I’ll be there. Just drive slow and get off of the phone.”
I did as I was told and took the icy roads as slow as I could. It was the longest drive of my life. The whole time I was in the car I tried to imagine what I would hear once I got there. Lily had been hurt and wasn’t going to make it, was my biggest fear.
I ran into the waiting area and saw Lily’s mom pacing the floor. She looked up and smiled weakly.
Nolan sat in a chair to the side and gave me a little wave of support. I hugged Mrs. Chavez, and she fell to pieces in my arms. Finally, once she got control of her emotions, she explained what happened.
“She and Oliver were driving back from skiing in the mountains. I had just gotten off of the phone with her,” she said sadly. “I guess he was drinking … that’s what the police said … but not Lily, she was sober.” Like it even mattered. “She fractured her collarbone, but she’ll be okay. I’ve been so worried.”
I patted her on the shoulder, and a doctor came out holding a file looking around. “Mrs. Chavez?” he said.
“Sorry, Sadie, let me talk to the doctor.”
She left me and went to him. I took this opportunity to talk to Nolan, who was now getting a drink of water. He threw the cup into the trash and wrapped me in his arms.
“He was drunk,” I said in a daze. “How could he?”
I knew the answer; I didn’t need Nolan to say anything. Oliver was drunk because he felt like it. He felt like he could do anything he wanted, even if that meant risking Lily’s life.
“They arrested him and charged him with driving under the influence,” Nolan informed me. “He’ll pay for this, Sadie. I know he will. He could have killed her.” I nodded numbly and hoped he was right about Oliver paying for what he did wrong.
“Sadie,” Mrs. Chavez said, getting my attention. “You can go in and see her. They said she’s awake now.” I pulled away from Nolan and followed her down the hallway to where Lily was lying. She pulled back a curtain, and Lily lay there, staring at me with blank eyes.
“I’ll let you two have some privacy. I’ll just go get another coffee,” Mrs. Chavez said backing away.
Lily looked at me, and I noticed the bruises under her neck. They started at her there and spread out across her chest. She noticed me staring and pulled up her gown, wincing in pain.
“What are you doing here?” she asked incredulously. That was not at all how I thought this would go.
“I … I just wanted to see that you were all right.”
She laughed and looked away. “Well, I’m fine. I don’t need you rubbing it in my face, okay?”
Her anger surprised me.
“I would never do that, Lily. I told you I would be here when you needed me. And I’m here,” I said gently. I hoped my words could calm her down. Her eyes found mine, and she laughed mockingly.
“Well, I don’t need you, so you can go.”
I backed away out of the room. “I … I didn’t mean …”
She snapped, “No. Sadie. You never mean to do anything, do you? Just walk around with your perfect life and your perfect boyfriend, while I am with the guy who’s bad news? Is that it?”
“No. I never said that. Ever.”
She picked up a cup and threw it across the bed. It hit the curtain beside me. “Go!” I knew the action must have caused her immense pain, and I cringed just thinking about it.
I left so fast that I almost tripped and ran into a nurse carrying a tray. “Sorry,” I mumbled.
I burst through the doors and found Nolan talking to a man in scrubs. He looked up at me, and he knew that it went badly, I could see it in his face. I wanted to run into his arms, but Lily’s mom intercepted, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me into a hug.
“Th
ank you for coming, Sadie. I’ll keep you posted. I’m going to go see her.”
She didn’t know that her daughter hated me. She had no clue. She probably thought that things were fine between us. She didn’t see the panic in my face, nor could she see the hurt in my eyes.
She left me standing there feeling empty, but Nolan took over. He could see it. He could probably feel it in waves coming off of me.
“I’m guessing it didn’t go well,” he whispered. “I’m guessing she was angry that you were here.” He was guessing correctly.
“I just want to go home.” I was blank and empty.
I had tried to care for her, and she didn’t want it. I couldn’t believe that I thought she would come around. I actually thought she would be happy to see me. What a fool I was.
“Hey, Nolan, I’ve gotta get back. I’ll see you next week for your treatment,” the guy in scrubs said. He patted Nolan on his back and gave me a weak smile, with that he left the room. I watched him go with the word treatment floating around my head. Nolan was having treatment? No way. He would have told me. He wouldn’t have hidden anything from me.
“What did he mean?”
Nolan placed his hands on my face and cupped my cheeks. “Sadie, I didn’t want to scare you …”
“Treatment for what, Nolan?”
I shoved his hands from my cheeks with force. He stared at me with a blank expression, his mouth opening and closing like a fish fighting for air.
“Nolan! What did he mean?” I knew without his answer, but I wanted it anyway.
Finally he pulled me from the hospital waiting room to the cold air outside. He turned me around and faced me, his face looking sad.
“They found something. Another tumor. I’ve been having treatments but … God, Sadie, I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want to scare you.” He paused searching my face. Tears ran down it, and I couldn’t speak. “It wasn’t something to worry about, but now they think they should go in and remove it.”
My heart sank to the floor. I felt hollow. My beautiful boyfriend was sick again, and he didn’t want to tell me.
No, don’t make this about you, I thought.
“What … what does that entail? Removing it?” My voice sounded far away, miles away from here.
He looked down, avoiding my eyes, and finally back to me. “It’s a procedure they’ve done countless times. The surgeon seems really hopeful that it will be okay. But the treatments they’re doing aren’t shrinking the tumor. They want to take this opportunity to remove it while they can.” He tried to make his voice sound positive, but his eyes showed the fear that he really felt.
“While they can?”
“It’s not cancer, yet. And it’s in an area that they can go in, and it won’t affect brain function severely.”
All I heard was; Cancer, Tumor, Brain Function.
“When?”
“Next week I have one last treatment and then they’re thinking the following week.”
I couldn’t meet his eyes. I had to get myself together, but the fear of losing Nolan was too strong. I didn’t want to do anything but run away. I felt myself sway and all at once his arms steadied me.
“Sadie, it will be okay. I promise you,” he assured me.
“If you’re so certain then why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
He had no answer because he wasn’t sure that everything would work out fine. He knew just like I did that the risks were high.
Even though I wanted to run, I knew that staying with Nolan was the best idea. I wasn’t going to be a coward, he needed me. He needed support. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight.
“We’ll get through this,” I told him, even though I had no idea if we would or not.
Spring
Twenty Two
The ride to the hospital was the longest ever. My mom not only drove like an old lady, but she cursed like a sailor at everyone who passed her. “Go on, pass me, jerk!”
I said nothing. I knew she was nervous, as nervous as I was. I let her drive and scream because it seemed to make her feel better. I just looked out the window and watched the birds fly around. They were so free. So happy that the weather was warming and the trees were thawing. I could relate. The winter was hard here and spring never lasted long enough. It seemed to fly by in a blink.
I would be graduating in two short months. Then it was off to State. I was ready, ready to leave this town behind and start a life as a college student. Kyleigh was staying in Laurel Lakes to attend the community college, but we promised to stay in touch no matter what. We made that promise last summer, and we kept it. We talked regularly, and without her I don’t know how I would have gotten through the winter.
Mom pulled the car into the visitors’ parking section. I felt a chill run through me as I looked up at the hospital. The last time I was here was for Nolan’s surgery. It was the longest six hours of my entire life.
“Come on, Sadie,” she said breaking my trance. I followed her through the glass doors, and she spoke to the lady at the desk. She handed us visitors passes, and we walked to the elevators.
“You okay?” she asked me when the doors opened. I shook my head, but said nothing. I wasn’t okay, because I never would be okay standing in this hospital again. It brought back too many memories.
We took the elevator up to the sixth floor, and I followed my mom, who seemed to know exactly where to go. We rounded the corner and found room 623. “Go ahead,” my mom told me. “I’ll wait right here.”
I went into the room and found him standing by the windows looking out on the parking lot. He heard me and turned around, a smile on his face.
“Sadie, you made it,” my dad said. “You here to break me out?”
I nodded and felt the tears stinging my eyes. He’d had a heart attack while he was walking his dog, Butchie. He fell right into the street, and no one found him until thirty minutes later when a car came down the street. The lady almost hit him. Luckily she stopped and called an ambulance, and they rushed him here just in time.
He didn’t have anyone to give him a ride home today, and wasn’t cleared to drive just yet, so my mom volunteered. He would be staying with us until he was ready to take care of himself.
He grabbed his small plastic bag holding his belongings and pulled me into a hug.
“I’m happy to see you,” he said, his voice cracking. I fell into my dad’s arms, and even though they were weaker and frailer, I felt secure.
“Me too, Dad.”
***
That night I drove to the Rylan’s to visit. Mrs. Rylan, or Becky as she insisted I called her, opened the door for me.
“Sadie, sweetie. We’re so happy to see you’re here. How is your dad?” I filled her in on his progress, and that he would need time to get better.
“Well, your momma will take good care of him. I am sure of it.”
I nodded, and she ushered me into the kitchen where Nash was cooking something that smelled delicious. He smiled at me, waving his spatula. “Nash, you’re gettin’ food all over my floor, honey.”
I just laughed. Becky went to work cleaning up the floor, and Nash went back to stirring dinner.
Behind me I heard a familiar slow shuffle of Nolan’s feet; I had become used to the sound over the past few weeks. I turned around and saw his bright and cheerful face, despite everything, he remained happy. I wanted to run to him, but the doctors and physical therapists told us to let him come to us. They urged us to let him gain his strength and not baby him like we all wanted too. So instead of running to meet him halfway, I stood there waiting for him.
The surgeons had taken out the remaining tumor in Nolan’s brain, but they had no idea just how big the tumor was until they took it out. They assured Nolan’s family that he would be okay now, but he was still on the road to recovery.
His speech was fine, but his motor abilities were slow in the beginning. He could walk without help now and was gaining more strength every day. I know his family though
t they’d lose him; I saw it on their faces every time we spoke about the surgery. The fear controlled my own thoughts day and night, so I could relate.
Once he had his surgery, the doctors told us things could only get better from here. Hearing that made the fear I held subside a little. I don’t think it will ever go away fully. Nolan was strong, and he would fight until he was back at one-hundred percent.
“Hey,” he said once he reached me. “How’s your dad?”
“He’s better. I dropped him off with my mom, and she got him settled in Cara’s old room.” Nolan ran his finger down my arm, giving me chills. “Are we eating here?”
He shook his head. “Nope. I have a surprise for you,” he answered, clasping his hands in mine. “Mom, Dad, we’ll be out there.”
“Have fun you two,” Mr. Rylan called.
I was confused. I had come for dinner and had no idea what little surprises Nolan had in mind. He took me through the woods on the path that led to the dock. The sun was just going down, and it actually looked like it was sizzling into the lake from where we stood.
We reached the dock and I noticed it was covered in something. I wrapped my sweater tighter around my shoulders and leaned in to get a better look at what it was. Nolan stopped and told me to turn around.
“Come on! I want to see,” I whined.
“Nope. Turn.”
I did as he instructed and listened intently on what he was doing behind me. Finally he said, “Okay.”
I turned and walked closer. The dock was littered in red rose petals. At the end was a picnic basket and him holding a bouquet of the same colored roses.
I smiled and walked slowly to meet him. Once I reached him, he handed me the flowers, and I took them, smelling their sweet scent. The whole dock was heavy with it.
But I was confused. What was the reason for all of this? Finally after I sat with him on the small blanket he laid out, he filled me in.
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