I seriously hated Mike now for this crap. “I just want to let you know that he doesn’t want anything to do with you.” If she only knew. “And I’ll be keeping my eye on you.”
I laughed incredulously. “Yeah, okay, you do that. Look, I’m dating Nolan Rylan, so I’m not into Mike. He’s all yours.” I moved swiftly around her and her gaping mouth and pulled Mike’s number from my pocket. I turned the corner away from the lockers and into the girl’s bathroom. I pulled my pen out and wrote, call for a good time, on the sheet and placed it on the sink.
Mike would be getting some phone calls today, that was for sure. It would be interesting to see Hailee’s face tomorrow.
Nolan was waiting for me right where he said he would. He was leaning on the passenger side door with his arms folded and glasses on. He looked like he stepped right out of an 80’s movie. I ran and jumped into his arms, covering him with kisses. His glasses nearly fell off.
“Whoa, this is just a guess, but I’m going to venture to say that you missed me?” he said fixing his glasses.
“You are right, Mr. Rylan.”
***
By mid-fall Nolan and I had gotten back into the routine of school and were enjoying our college class together. The work load was a bit more than I was used to, but it helped that Nolan and I could study together. We’d share notes, and if I missed something during lectures, he usually got it or vice versa. We were looking at colleges and both really liked the state college. If everything went as planned, we would be going together. I wasn’t one to look to the future, but with Nolan that was easy to do. It wasn’t hard to imagine our future together. We were one together and I loved that we could be that way.
I was getting dressed for Nolan’s parents annual Autumn Party. It was at his house, which I still hadn’t seen. We spent most of our days at the mountain house because it was there that we fell in love and saw each other for who we really were.
My mom stood by and helped me pick out the right outfit. So far, half of my closet lay on the floor. I stood in front of the mirror wearing a navy blue dress and black leggings.
“I like that one,” my mom said with a smile. She was brutally honest about every other outfit so far, so I would wear this one. I was a ball of nerves. I had introduced Nolan to my mom at the end of summer. She really liked him, saying, “I can tell he has good intentions when it comes to you. I can see it in his eyes.”
Whatever she could see, I was happy she could. I was most happy that she approved and loosened the reigns with me. I was able to go out with Nolan as long as he had me home before eleven o’clock on a school night and midnight on the weekends. She had her rules, and I had to follow them.
My dad was not so keen about Nolan and me. He was still coming around. I guess it’s hard for dads to see their daughters dating.
I pulled my hair up into a bun and secured it with pins. I took one final look in the mirror and grabbed my bag.
“Okay,” my mom said. “Be home by twelve, Sadie.”
“Yes, mom. I know. I love you.” I kissed her and ran out the door.
***
Nolan was waiting in his driveway for me, a worried expression on his face. My stomach clenched. I looked up at the house itself, and my mouth dropped. It was bigger than the cottage house, which was enormous itself. The brick mansion that sat before me was the most elegant house on the block. It was dressed up and ready for fall with mums lining the gravel driveway and barrels of hay intricately placed alongside a few pumpkins.
“What’s wrong?” I whispered as I walked up to meet him, trying hard not to stare at his house.
“I’m just nervous. Sorry.” He leaned down and kissed me so softly on the mouth. “You look so beautiful, Sadie.”
I blushed. “You look pretty good, too.”
He was wearing a button down shirt and slacks. Nolan never dressed down for school or social events, only if we were hanging out alone. But even so, I was always in awe of how adorable he was. Clothes really mattered to him. I, on the other hand, didn’t care what he wore. He could have worn a ragged, holey t-shirt and hot pink pants and would still be the most beautiful guy in all of the world.
“Everyone is waiting,” he told me sarcastically as he pulled me into the house.
“Oh, don’t make me nervous or anything,” I teased. Honestly, I was a mess. His nervousness didn’t help me at all.
“No reason to be anxious, Sadie. It’s just my family.” Oh, just his family. No big deal, just little Sadie Peter’s meeting the infamous Rylan’s. I checked the pins in my bun and entered the house with Nolan’s hand in mine. I gripped it tighter, and he squeezed back.
The house was full of people holding drinks and food. Waiters walked around serving them and taking coats.
“Come on,” Nolan said pulling me through the crowd. We walked out to the backyard that was bigger than a football field and full of people. Tents were set up through the grounds and housed tables and chairs and food.
We walked into one and I noticed Nash right away standing with the smug faced Oliver.
“Oh, hey,” Nash greeted me. “How are you, Sadie?” He actually was being the same polite Nash.
“Hi. I’m fine, thanks.” It was awkward, and I wondered if he felt the same.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Amelie walk in, and immediately cling to Nash like he was her lifeline. She noticed me, and a smile grew wide over her beautiful face. “Sadie, I didn’t know you were comin’. What a pleasure to see you again, honey.”
She pulled me into an awkward hug, and I fell into her arms, hesitantly patting her on the back. It was weird, but the girl was so damn nice. How could I not hug her back? She broke the hug and gushed about how this party was so much fun.
Nash squirmed a little in his seat and afterward pulled Amelie down with him. “Sit, Ame. You’re going all crazy again.” She laughed, but I almost felt bad for her. She still didn’t know about Nash and me.
Nolan pulled out a chair for me. I sat, and he squeezed in next to me, grasping my hand and squeezing it like I had just done in the house. “I’m right here,” I whispered.
“Good, because I can’t stand these things. I couldn’t do it without you.”
I didn’t understand why it was so hard for him to be at parties. He was so relaxed everywhere else we went.
Oliver came back from the food table with a plate full of food and sat across from me. He smiled at me and took a bite of his sandwich. “So,” he said with a mouth full of food. “You and Nolan, huh? The big, hot couple?”
I squinted my eyes at him. I had a sudden urge to pick up his plate and smash it in his face.
“Is there a problem, Oliver?” I asked, even though I knew better than to even encourage him.
“No, just wondering how you move from brother to brother so fast.” His eyes locked on mine and seemed to dare me to speak. Amelie looked from Nash to Nolan confused.
“Knock it off, Oliver.” Nolan said with clenched teeth.
“No. It’s okay,” I told Nolan. “I don’t let little weasels like Oliver get to me.”
Oliver laughed out loud mocking me.
“You know what does get to me?” I locked eyes with Oliver. “Guys who hit girls. Now that I can’t stand. I think guys who put their hands on girls are actually weak and have a need to feel bigger and better than they actually are. So they hit defenseless women.”
The whole table grew quiet. Nolan stared at me.
Oliver stopped laughing and grew quiet instead.
“What, Oliver? No quick retort?” I asked, feeling brave.
He still said nothing.
“Well,” Nolan said grabbing my hand. “I think we need some food and a drink.” He pulled me to stand and toward the table.
He handed me a cup, and I realized that my hands were shaking. I’d gotten so worked up that adrenaline was coursing through me.
“Sadie, you shouldn’t have said all that.” He handed me a plate.
I took it and star
ed at him. “Why not? Because of what everyone else thinks?”
Nolan looked around and set down the plate of food he had dished out. He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the tent, through the crowd of people, up the stairs, and into a room that was bigger than any I’d ever seen. He closed the door behind me, and I crossed my arms.
“So what, now you’re hiding me in your room? Are you embarrassed that I stood up for Lily? Or shit, even Gwynnie?”
Nolan looked down at the floor then back at my face. “No. I’m not sticking up for that asshole. I’m not embarrassed either. I’m actually happy someone told him that to his face.”
“So, why are we hiding here?”
“Because I want you to know that I hate these fucking parties,” he screamed. “I hate being here. I hate that I have to eat next to those fake ass people. I just want to be with you at the lake or at the cottage. But we’re here, and I have to try.”
Before I knew it tears were running down my face. “Try to what?”
“Try to feel like part of the family again. I owe it to my parents and Nash to do that at least.” He pulled me on his bed and sat across from me. “Last year I grew so distant that I became like an island. I didn’t let anyone in. I thought I was going to die, so in my head I felt like it was best to shut them out. I thought it would hurt them less, and I thought it would hurt me less too.”
He pulled me closer and looked into my eyes. “I was an island until I found you. You’re the only person I’ve let in my life since I got sick. I never wanted to be part of anything until I met you.”
“Nolan,” I whispered. There were no words.
“I love you, Sadie. And if Oliver said anything to you down there …” he pointed toward the yard. “I would have killed him. That’s why I stopped you. I don’t trust that I could stand by and let my brother’s friend insult you.”
Before I knew it, we became a tangled mess of hands, hair and lips, my body crashing into his and my hands running through his hair. We had not had sex yet; we were waiting until the right moment, trying to be smart about it. But in that moment, we were taking things to a whole new level of intimacy. Just as his hands were slipping my shirt off, someone rapped on the bedroom door bringing us back to the here and now.
I regretfully pulled away from him, fixing my shirt, as he answered the door.
“Nolan, why did you take off?” It was Nash.
“Just couldn’t breathe down there,” Nolan expressed. “I can’t believe you invited him here.”
“I didn’t. He just showed up. Listen, you’re my brother, and I respect you. But Sadie really started something down there…”
“Oh, and your boy Oli didn’t? With his comment about her picking brothers?”
Nash had a point. I didn’t start it, but I could have waited until we weren’t at Nolan’s house, at a party. Ugh. Bad choices, Sadie.
I walked to the door and pulled it open further. Nash’s eyes grew wide, as if he didn’t expect me to be here. What? Like Nolan would make me leave.
“Look, Nash,” I began. “I didn’t mean to start a scene, I just don’t like Oliver. At all. And you don’t really know the half of it. You sit back and listen to his bullshit. I know what he did to Gwynnie, and I hate him for turning Lily against me.”
Nash nodded like he actually understood.
“I won’t sit there and say nothing. That’s not who I am.”
Nolan took my hand in his and squeezed.
“I am not asking you to do that. He left, okay? Can you guys come back downstairs?” Nash was actually trying to get his brother back into his life. I could see it in his eyes, like my mom had said she saw in Nolan’s. I could see the desperation and loneliness he felt while his twin was with me. I pulled free of Nolan’s hand and walked past Nash. I turned, faced the boys, and said, “Come on.”
The party started out pretty crappy, but by the time we ate and relaxed, it was more easy going. I still had yet to meet his parents, and I won’t lie, I was okay with that. But Nolan was perturbed.
“They knew I was bringing you.”
I turned to him. “Nolan, they’re hosting this huge party. They’ll make it over when they get a chance.”
The party was full of people I knew from town and even some teachers from school. Amelie explained that this was the go-to event of the fall. Everyone who was anyone came to this party. I felt a pang of regret for not inviting my mom. She would have had fun here.
Twilight hit and the fireworks crew were setting up on the end of the yard. Nolan and I walked into the house to grab sodas and a blanket, so we could watch the fireworks from the dock. “It’s better to watch it there because you can see them reflect on the water.”
“Son. There you are.” Mr. Rylan and Mrs. Rylan stood in front of us, holding champagne glasses. “Is this your Sadie?”
His Sadie. I liked that.
“Yes, Sir, this is Sadie Peters,” Nolan said. I reached out my hand, and Mr. Rylan took it in his. He shook it firmly and in turn placed it in his wife delicate hand. “So pleased to meet you both,” I told them.
“We are so happy to finally meet the young lady who makes our Nolan here so very happy. Are you enjoying the party?” she asked.
“Oh, yes. It’s very fun, and I’m excited for the fireworks.” I hoped they realized how happy I really was about being there.
“Good, dear. Just be careful out on the docks.”
“How did you know?” Nolan asked his mom.
“Darling, you always watch them there.” She smiled and patted his shoulder, then took her husband’s hand and led him out the door.
“They’re nice.”
“Yeah,” was all Nolan said as he led me to one of the many closets in the living room. He pulled out two large blankets and a flashlight.
We made the trek through the woods on a pathway that was no doubt built just for the family. The dock sat right along the water. The lake was still, showing the moon in its reflection like a picture. Nolan threw a blanket out, and we both sat. With the other blanket he wrapped it around both of us. I held one side, he the other.
A loud crack sounded and the burst of fireworks shot up in the sky. It was the most perfect show I had ever seen.
“This is … just beautiful. Thank you for having me here tonight.” I leaned my head on his shoulder.
“It’s only beautiful because you’re here. Normally I sit here alone.”
I closed my eyes picturing a lonely Nolan. “You’ll never be alone again.”
“Promise?” He held his pinky in the air.
“Forever promise.” I looped my pinky around his.
Winter
Twenty One
I stood in my coat waiting for Kyleigh to pick me up. It was absolutely freezing, so I stood by the window closest to the door, watching for her car. Finally I saw it coming and called out a goodbye to my mom.
“Have fun!” she called. She was on the phone with some guy she met on the internet. They went on a date weeks ago and have been talking almost every day. I guess that meant it went well.
I ran out to meet Kyleigh’s car, and she pulled to a stop to let me in.
“Are you going to be warm enough in that?” She asked eyeing my peacoat and tall boots.
“Yes! This coat is warm.”
She shook her head and put the car in drive. We were going ice-skating on North Lake. We had been talking about hanging out together, but one of us always was getting caught up in something. Busy. But this weekend was just for us. No boys. Just the girls.
Kyleigh started dating a college guy, Joel. He wore hearing aids also. She was just so happy she found someone that could relate to her. He was so sweet to her, and I knew they were going to be together for a while. She wore a smile today, and I knew that meant news.
“What is up with the big cheesy grin?” I asked.
“Nothing, I’m just happy to see you. Finally!”
She wasn’t telling me everything. “Kyleigh, spill it.”
“Oh. That.” I laughed. I didn’t have any advice to give her yet; Nolan and I still hadn’t done anything more than kissing. A few times we got close, but either it was me who stopped it because I wasn’t ready or Nolan did because it wasn’t in the right place.
We pulled into the lake’s entrance and Kyleigh got giddy like a little kid. “I love skating. I always feel so free.”
“Me too.”
We got out and ran to the lake like little kids. We put on our skates and joined everybody else on the frozen lake. She pirouetted and spun like a ballerina, and I clapped and sang out, “Bravo!”
I missed Lily on days like this, days when I knew she could be spinning in circles with Kyleigh and me. We would have all been good friends together. It was hard not to think about her while I skated around the lake, watching the snow fall in little tufts around me. We have skated this lake many times before.
As kids her mom would bring us here, and we would get so cold that she would pack hot cocoa and let us drink it in her brand new car.
I shook the memory from my mind and looked up at the grey sky. The snow melted on my tongue as I spun in a circle. I would make new memories but it was hard letting go of the old.
***
I packed my favorite sweater, the one with the little moose on it, and threw it in my bag. I was going camping with Nolan and his family. They had rented a cabin, like they do every January, in the mountains. My mom had surprisingly said yes. Maybe because she knew the Rylan’s were good people and I would be safe in their company.
I searched the room for my phone and my heavy coat. I left a note for my mom, who was out with Bill, her new boyfriend.
Nolan was waiting for me outside. We were driving separate and getting there a day early. Nolan’s dad had to finish something up for work, and Nash was bringing Amelie tomorrow.
I didn’t complain that we would be there alone for a day and night. I was actually thankful for the time alone. It had been crazy with the holidays: parties at his house, New Year’s at mine. Our parents finally met that night. My dad came with Julie, a longtime friend that turned romantic. Cara came alone, because she was in between boyfriends. It was the best New Year’s ever because I had Nolan with me.
Who We Were Page 14