Sorrow

by Brian Wortley

  Sara opened her mouth but the words didn’t come. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway as the shattering noise of an explosion stole the spotlight. Immediately everything seemed in slow motion as the plane careened out of control, slamming Sara into her seat. She clutched at her child drawing him even closer to her chest. Like a ragdoll, Val found herself thrown against the wall of the jet. The plane fell into a steep dive.

  Val managed to claw her way back into the cockpit and looked out the glass at the approaching ground. She grabbed the controls and yanked back on the wheel. Miraculously she managed to glide the plane into a controlled descent. While they approached the ground at a much slower speed, it gave time for Val to look back and see part of the right wing missing. Her first thought was something must have hit them.

  She slowed the plane down until she felt it slipping from lack of speed. Just to amuse herself she lowered the landing gear. She knew in a crash it would do her almost no good. She maneuvered the plane towards a long flat stretch and descended. The wheels hit first but buckled quickly. This sent the nose and belly of the plane crashing onto the earth.

  The plane fell to its left side and the wing dragged the plane into a semicircle. This pulled the craft into a deadly course. It crashed nose-first into a steep cliff face with the right wing hanging over the edge of an abyss.

  ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ •

  When the terrible vibrations ceased, Sara opened her eyes. She discovered herself in a twisted, misshapen cylinder. Eerie beams of fiery, apocalyptic light poured in the windows. The whole cabin danced with the witch-like shadows created by the red haze.

  Though screaming, Sara’s child appeared to be unhurt. She rewrapped him and unbuckled her seatbelt. She took a moment to run her hand over her body. Most of the blood from her zombie inflicted wounds had scabbed over. Only a few newly reopened wounds still bled. Everything felt intact and still bent in the right direction. When she brought her hand back from her head, she found blood on it. A piece of jagged metal in front of her also bore a red mark. Sara assumed she slammed her head against it when they collided with the ground. With her seatbelt undone, Sara made her way through the debris cluttered cabin to the cockpit.

  “Val!” she screamed as she stumbled on wreckage.

  Sara put her child down on a level spot and tried to budge the cockpit door. At first, only the middle of the door accommodated her. The top remained stuck. Sara pulled back on it using her full weight and it screeched and gave in.

  The cockpit had been crushed. The cliff face jammed itself through the broken window and into the cockpit. The entire nose crumpled from the impact.

  There pinched into the compressed cockpit hung Val. Her mouth open. Her right hand dangled freely to the floor. A trail of blood journeyed from her forehead back to her ear and dripped onto the wreckage. Her eyes stared lifelessly towards the ceiling.

  “Val!” Sara screamed and touched the woman’s torn face. “Val, don’t leave me!”

  Val groaned.

  “I need to get you out,” Sara said.

  Sara reached in with her left hand and moved it underneath Val’s armpit. When Sara started to pull, Val’s eyes moved and she screamed.

  Val yelled. Her arms went down to her legs and she screamed again. “Oh. Oh!” she wailed.

  “Val,” Sara screamed to get her attention, “I can’t pull you out alone. You have to help me!”

  Val screamed in short breathless gasps. Her eyes clouded with pain. Val started to shake violently as she looked about.

  “No,” Sara yelled. “You don’t get to slip into shock just yet!” Sara grabbed Val’s face and forced her to look her in the eyes. “Hey. Hey!”

  Scared, childlike eyes met Sara’s gaze. It startled Sara at first.

  “You have to help me,” Sara said.

  Through Val’s crying eyes, she agreed. Together the two women pulled.

  Val stopped her, “My legs! Oh god, my legs!”

  “They have to come off. Look, they’re already half way torn.”

  This only made Val cry.

  “The bones are already broken,” Sara said.

  “You’re not helping!” Val yelled.

  “One last push,” Sara said grabbing Val again. Val pushed up with her arms while Sara pulled. Val screamed as her legs tore completely from her body. In shaking agony Val fell onto Sara. Sara watched as Val’s eyes grew distant and she slipped into shock.

  Sara looked at the two legs pinched under the twisted metal and then at her convulsing friend. Sara, overcome by compassion, placed a hand on her chest and kissed her forehead.

  “Oh Valerie,” Sara whispered lovingly.

  Sara moved back into the cabin in search of a way out. Sara hastily read the instructions on the door and soon had it open. With only a little drop, she could reach the ground.

  The outside world burned like some demon’s lair. Great caverns littered the landscape. The mountain bluffs rose only to fractions of their previous heights. And even as Sara watched, a mighty mountain shook and crumbled into an abyss. Sara turned her attention to a nearby hill. There she found the path they needed. Soon Sara dragged Val’s shaking body through the hazardous cabin and to the exit. There she managed to drop Val’s body onto the ground outside as gently as she could with one arm.

  Sara ripped out a long strand of electrical wires and picked up her child to leave. Soon she stepped off the plane and into the barren fiery landscape. There below the burning asteroids Sara wove the electrical wires around Val’s broken body. She secured the cords to herself that she might drag Val along. With her baby in her arm and Val’s cords tied around her chest, Sara started ascending the hill.

  A rumbling behind her forced Sara to turn. When she did, she beheld the earth give way and swallow the plane whole. There in the gigantic crevasse Sara gazed upon the naked shame of the earth. Its mighty foundations stripped bare.

  Sara found it difficult to see out of her left eye. When she examined it with her fingers, she found the skin drooped because the muscle no longer had tension. To see the way before her, she tilted her head far higher than normal. With great struggle Sara dragged her companion along in the dirt. Val’s arms lifelessly came along behind her. Though she wished she could do something for them, Sara watched helplessly as Val’s gaping wounds filled with clinging dirt. Sara knew she had not the time or strength to clean them. And something told her it soon wouldn’t matter.

  Brilliant orange lightning tore apart the sky as it waged war against the earth. Like the clash of mighty piano chords the rumbling thunder shook the ground. Sara stumbled under its vibration and fell to one knee. Sara paused a moment to gather her strength for the remaining stretch to the top. She heard in her mind all the voices of the dead urging her on. Her great race pressed up behind her and she felt as if millions of hands touched her at once. The wind picked up helping to lift her to her feet and she almost stumbled forward into the first few steps. Like a dream she watched the crest of the hill move closer. With one final push, she stood on top it. She turned back as if to thank the voices and hands but found no one.

  There before her stood the end. A great crater littered with stardust and remnants of the shuttle. There the great head of the bunker had been severed. By the unexpected star from space, the terrible turrets and concrete walls had been reduced to rubble. Sara saw on the far side of the crater a small tunnel opening like a dragon’s throat leading down into its bowels. She moved towards it, but a moan from Val stopped her.

  Turning to face her companion, Sara met the bloodshot gaze of Val’s wild, yellow eyes. The person inside seemed only a shadow of her former friend. The condition of Val’s broken body would have made Sara cry if only she could manage the tears.

  Val breathed an inaudible word. Her attempt brought Sara down to her. Placing her baby beside her, Sara pulled Val onto herself as she rested against a white shard of the shuttle. Like a seatbelt Sara wrapped her left arm around Val’s chest and pressed her against her own body. Wi
th their cheeks touching, Sara whispered to her. Sara looked down at her friend’s bloody and dirty truncated legs. They seemed like such pitiful things. Sara rested her head against Val’s shoulder and exhaled.

  But Val’s head turned upwards and she stared with wild eyes at the majesty before her.

  “Look,” Val managed to breathe.

  Sara looked at her and then followed her gaze. Together the two women gazed up into the sky. With such struggle, Sara had remained blind to the wonders unveiled above her. Beauty, unlike anything Sara had ever seen, spanned the space between the horizons. Though few clouds graced the Colorado sky, bright orange lightning fell from the heavens striking the fires below. The sky itself burned with the brightest of colors. Brilliant oranges, purples, reds and violets swirled about the sky. Stars bled raining down their tearful colors upon the earth. Other stars broke from their facets falling any which way into other parts of the heavens. Ferocious asteroids hurled themselves onto the earth shaking loose its foundations. The angry sun boiled like a red simmering witch’s brew. As she looked at it, Sara barely recognized the terrifying splendor that once was their sun. Even as they watched, the dying star cast red columns as it streaked through the failing atmosphere. The majesty of it all reflected off their eyes as it soaked into them. Like babies they beheld something altogether new.

  There at the end of the world, Sara held Val. Now that she had rested, a small tear rolled down her face.

  “Is this the end?” Val asked.

  “I hope so.”

  “Do you know that your face droops?”

  “I know,” she whispered.

  “I almost didn’t say anything,” Val said softly. “It’s just that it makes your one eye’s expression really intense.”

  Sara wasn’t exactly sure what to say to that so she said merely, “Oh, Val.”

  Val’s yellow eyes darted back and forth as it scanned the colorful sky. “Do you see Orion?”

  Sara looked for a moment but knew she wouldn’t recognize it if she saw it. “I don’t know.”

  “It’s my favorite,” Val struggled to say. “Connor and I sat under it for hours by the cabin. Fighting back the cold.” Val pressed her head into Sara’s cheek. “I miss him! Even if he’d be disgusted by the sight of me now. One more kiss…”

  “I don’t know what happens after death, but I know he’ll be there,” Sara said and smiled as more tears came down. “And you’ll have your legs. And you’ll be so beautiful he’ll just go crazy over you!” Sara’s tear fell onto Val’s head.

  “Thank you,” Val whispered softly. “I’ve put on such bravado. But inside I’m just a little girl afraid he wouldn’t find me beautiful. But from the hotel on, he always did.” A strange calm washed over them. Val seemed to fade in and out and whispered unintelligibly of Connor. The earthquakes seemed distant for a time. And the only sound reaching their ears was the soft burning of asteroids as they fell through the shattered sky.

  Unsure if Val even heard her or not, Sara whispered, “These tragedies have fallen upon me as a great river of sorrow. It has carved its deep canyon into my soul. I have felt the emptiness of the howling wind through its gaping walls. But only now, at the end, I know this canyon is a valley waiting to be filled with joy. The wider hardship carves its yawning cliffs, the greater my delight will be. For I could not know the true depth of an orphan’s smile if I did not first know his suffering. Oh, Val, my soul is etched and aches to be filled!”

  Sara held Val long after she died. A part of her knew she was gone, but refused to admit it. But when Peace woke again and refused to go any longer without feeding, Sara let go her embrace of her friend and let her body fall gently to the earth. After nursing, Sara bent over her friend giving her bloodstained face one final kiss. With a simple, “I love you,” she rose and left Val’s body beside the shuttle wreckage.

  ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ ∙ •

  Sara startled herself to find her heart racing. She knew Brady could be only minutes away. Starting in her heart, a fierce desire for him overtook her. The first in a very long time. It spread eventually sending the emotion to her whole body. She hoped he knew her suffering. She hoped she could trust his words. Her skin tingled with anticipation. Desperately she wanted to know the connection between him and the happenings of the world.

  All around a dying planet tore itself apart. Lightning coupled with deafening thunder blinded her as it shook the earth. Her heart feared the ground would split and swallow her whole like the airplane. Fire pressed in on multiple sides and desolation burned in most directions.

  Throwing caution to the wind, she ran through the scattered debris and burning pockets to the dragon’s gaping throat. Without pausing to glance inside, she quickly descended the steps within.

  At the bottom of the stairs, she came to a small room fill with computers. She entered it about the same time someone else did from an opposite doorway. The two people stood there as if unsure of how to greet each other. She did not recognize him but he seemed altogether familiar.

  As if he were someone she knew, he approached her lovingly. Nothing within Sara resisted. She knew this was not Brady but gave herself fully to him. His arms surrounded her and she fell into his embrace. Though he bore the gaunt appearance of a skeleton wrapped in skin, he effortlessly picked her and the child up. Without any struggle, he carried her through the concrete hallways.

  “Sara, you sweet,” he said these words and then drew in a large breath as if to say some long sentence. But only one more word came from his lips, “sound.”

  “And what do I call you?”

  “I am Protocuss,” he said in a robotic type of voice. Then in his normal halting voice he continued, “Here at will of puppeteer.” Protocuss looked lovingly at the child in her arms. “Tassssss Peaccccce,” he whispered with a smile.

  Sara felt very warm in his arms. “You walk don’t you?”

  “Wok wok? Better than I tok tok.”

  At this point, Protocuss settled in to repeating a string of numbers over and over. But he spoke them in such a poetic and beautiful way Sara did not mind. In fact, they gave her comfort as if she were a little girl and these repeated numbers were her parents leaving the hall light on while she slept. Protocuss leaned in to get her attention and they met eye to eye. He smiled very largely and repeated the numbers over her one last time in a very slow voice.

  “Where is my Brady?” she asked him.

  “Taking,” he said with a smile. But it soon fell as he said, “Aching. Breaking.”

  Sara reflected his somber tone. “Can he not be fixed?”

  “Becoming unmixed.” He started crying as he said, “Cannot decelerate the separate.”

  “What will happen to him?”

  Protocuss turned his head towards the ceiling. “Evaporate.”

  Protocuss entered a large room and turned to smile at Sara. “Mmmmm Brady,” he said moving out of the way.

  There Sara beheld a shocking sight. Many, similar to Protocuss, rested flat on metal slabs not unlike tombs in a catacomb. Each bore a tube imbedded into their head. From their minds the wires traveled upwards gathering into a giant collaboration of networking towards the top of the dome. There they were wound into a single spiral of cords leading to a single thing hung to the ceiling. At first Sara could not make it out, but as she examined it closer and her eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, she realized it to be the frail remains of a human. The pitiful creature dangled from the ceiling by ropes, cords, chains, and any other means able to hold his weight. With more observation, Sara could easily see the cords lacerated his skin as his weight hung on them. The creature seemed altogether very zombie. His sunken face and protruding bones gave him away as one deeply infected.

  As Protocuss stepped closer to the center of the room, she recognized the dangling creature was indeed a shadowy reflection of Brady. Despite the grizzly scene, calm washed over her and she knew her war had ended.

  Sara sat up and Protocuss lowered her to her feet. She
kissed Protocuss gently on the cheek and stepped away from him. Sara moved underneath Brady and looked back at Protocuss obviously desiring Brady to be lowered.

  As if in direct reply to Sara’s wish, dozens of similarly gaunt creatures rose from lying positions all throughout the room. With perfect uniformity, they all performed simultaneously. They rose into standing positions and meticulously disconnected the tubes in their heads in perfect harmony. With that being done, they moved into position to lower Brady. Using the system of pulleys they created, Brady’s skinny body began to descent to her.

  The original Protocuss held Peace so Sara could receive her husband. When he descended enough, she reached through the chains and wrapped her arm around his waist. With the help of some others, they removed the chains and soon Sara sat holding her unconscious husband.

  In wonder, she examined how greatly he changed. The chains had bitten him deeply leaving sores and cuts on his bony skin. She could not keep herself from examining the assortment of wires protruding from his head. When she did, she found the top of his skull missing so the wires could connect directly into his brain. The thought of such a thing would have startled her before the war but now such gore seemed commonplace. Staring at his motionless face, she found her initial impressions of his appearance correct. His flesh bore strange marks as if infected. Her heart ached even more.

  “Brady, can you hear me?” she whispered.

  His mouth made no reply but his eyes slowly opened. They looked up at her and he gently smiled. Once he saw it to be her, he turned his head deeper into her arm. He exhaled something between a sigh and a groan.

  “How I’ve missed you,” he whispered into her arm.

  “How can we start over after all this? I feel like I need to unlearn everything about you. What you’re telling me and what you’ve done – I don’t know how to reconcile the two. I want to. I really want to. My heart has always wanted to trust you.”

  Brady, finding his strength, sat up next to her.

  “I don’t know how to love you again after so much suffering!” Sara continued. “You told me this was the only way. Moses was convinced this pain was all for my benefit. But I just can’t help thinking,” Sara started to cry, “I would have rather died than know any of this! All the shrapnel from all the people now embedded in my soul. I come to this, which should be my happy ending, but I find myself unfixable. I have seen too much. You have done your work too well. You made me impenetrable - even to you.”