Names I Call My Sister

by Mary Castillo

  “Carl must have fallen in love all over again.”

  Her grin faded. “He’s mostly confused. I’ve been doing yoga for five months, and my teacher wants me to teach some of the newbies. Carl’s freaked out.”

  I tried not to look at the trash on the floor or the fluffy drifts of dog hair in the corners. “He feels threatened because his life’s changed.”

  “Look at you, the psychologist now. They run an article in the in-flight magazine?”

  Ouch. She’d always cracked snide remarks about my intelligence without actually coming out and saying that she thought I was dumb. This trip was getting less comforting by the minute.

  She pulled my aromatic nephew off of her leg, which he’d been clutching as if it was a life raft. “Come on mi amor, time to change that awful diaper.”

  She held him at arm’s length as she walked up the stairs. I followed. I still hadn’t told her I was staying there.

  “So, could you use a little help around the house for a while?”

  “Thinking of applying for the job?” She yanked the diaper off of Antonio, releasing an ungodly stench, and threw the whole thing onto a lidded bucket. It hit with a hefty thump, then slid slowly off. A little of its contents oozed onto the carpet.

  I backed away.

  The baby stood quietly while she wiped him down with scented Baby Wipes, leaving clean streaks on his brown-stuccoed backside.

  I got queasy if I saw a dot of dried urine on the floor of an otherwise clean toilet. I could not do this mommy thing.

  “I could help with some things,” I said cautiously.

  “I got your phone message about the job. Sorry I didn’t call back.”

  “I understand. You’re busy. But I’ve got an interview at the airport. If I get the job—”

  “You want to stay here until you get back on your feet?”

  I nodded. She’d always been quick.

  “Stay as long as you want, querida. Rent-free. But I’ll need you to help with the chores. And the kids.”

  The smell of the diaper bucket was intense. Either way I’d be in deep doo, but industrial-strength rubber gloves would solve one situation.

  “No problem.” Relief made me light-headed. I wondered if I’d been holding my breath, waiting for her decision.

  She was my big sister, and when our mom had died when I was nineteen, she’d taken on that role, too. Despite her young, new look, I depended on her to be the sensible one.

  After the baby was clean, Susu showed me to the guest bedroom. With pink-striped sheets on a sleigh bed covered in a quilt with all different kinds of roses on it, set off by taupe walls, it looked like a photo spread from Martha Stewart Living magazine. “Your bathroom’s through that door.” She turned and left me alone.

  I caught a glimpse of myself in the oval mirror over the old-fashioned dresser and stopped to fix my hair. It was dark brown, and the gold highlights I’d added before the job fiasco needed to be touched up. Otherwise, I looked the same. Green eyes, clear skin, wide mouth that I hated but guys loved.

  My looks had gotten me my first job, and they’d probably help me get my next one. I lay down without unpacking. A nap would keep the stress circles away.

  I woke up again when Susu stuck her head in the door. “Anita? I’m going to a birthday party for a friend of mine. Want to come along?”

  “Tonight?” I glanced at my watch. It was almost six. I’d slept three hours. “What about dinner for the kids?”

  “Fed them already. I’m leaving in an hour if you want to join us.” She pulled the door closed.

  Leaving at seven, on a weeknight? That was something I seldom did, especially if I had a flight early the next day. I shrugged and decided that aside from the spotted high heel, I should be okay in my pinstriped interview suit and floral silk camisole. It better be. I didn’t have anything else.

  At seven I grabbed my bag and ran downstairs. Carl was watching television in the den, a huge room with a floor-to-ceiling stacked stone fireplace and leather furniture covered in colorful pillows and throws.

  He didn’t glance up as we passed. “See you later,” Susu called out. She turned to me. “He never pays attention.” She looked me up and down. “You’re all chic. This is sort of a casual place, but they get business types, so you won’t stick out too much.”

  “Great.” I didn’t even own a pair of jeans anymore, so it would be hard to dress down. I thought of all the clothes I’d lost when I got evicted. The curbside stack had been practically picked clean when I returned from an interview. I had the clothes I’d interviewed in, some underwear, and my abuelo’s tackle box sneakers.

  When we got back to the house I’d go shopping in Susu’s closet. She seemed to have gotten over her frumpy wardrobe and into decent clothes, and now that she’d lost weight, some of them would fit me. She wouldn’t mind.

  We took off in the minivan, Susu dressed in a cute sundress and strappy sandals, and me in an interview suit with baby shit on the toe of my shoe. My new life had gotten off to a fabulous start.

  Chapter 2

  The party was at a private residence, a house as big as Susu’s but on the Chattahoochee River. It cost millions to live on the banks of the Hooch. I appreciated the foyer, with its huge arrangements of fresh flowers. The vast room beyond it was bordered by a deck overlooking the churning waters below.

  “Some house,” I whispered to my sister.

  She laughed and took my arm. “Becky’s wife number three. To the winner go the spoils.”

  Becky looked like she was maybe nineteen. A poised nineteen, but she didn’t even look old enough to vote. A humongous painting of Becky and her spouse took up part of the opposite wall. Mr. Becky was balding and pink-skinned, with shiny black eyes. He looked like Porky Pig.

  The birthday girl was Susu’s age, but so leathery from the sun that her flesh seemed cured, like a hide. All of the women wore lots of jewelry and expensive casual clothes. Susu mingled with them, air-kissing and hugging as if she’d known them all of her life.

  “Did you come straight from work, dear?” one of the big-toothed women said, laying a French-manicured hand on my arm. I hadn’t been touched so much since the last time I’d booked a massage.

  “I flew in this morning. I’m staying with Susu for a few days.”

  “How charming. Where do you live?” The question seemed sincere.

  “I lived near Los Angeles. Playa del Rey. I hope to live here now.”

  The hand withdrew. “And you aren’t married, right?”

  “Right. Single.” I smiled reassuringly. “Not looking, either.” I meant to imply that her husband was safe, but when she winked and said she understood, I wondered what exactly she thought she’d heard.

  We stayed at the party until three in the morning. I kept tapping my watch whenever Susu looked my way, but she ignored the hints.

  She also drank like a thirsty guest at a Cuban wedding, leaving me to drive her polluted ass home. This was so unlike my sober, clean-living older sister. She snored, face pressed flat against the passenger side window, red hair stuck to her sweaty cheek.

  What a lovely picture she made. What would Carl think? What did Carl think of his wife’s different look, her new friends, her late night parties?

  This was not the comforting home I’d fled to. I wanted the old Susu back. The one with the pillowy bosom, who baked cookies and cuddled her children and kept a spotless house. The one whose husband smiled all the time and told corny jokes, instead of watching TV all evening, sullen and solitary in a landfill of a house.

  My life had gone to hell, but I’d thought that hell was confined to LAX and its environs. I left everything behind to come to Atlanta. Well, okay, everything had been taken from me, but I didn’t expect my sister to be included on that list.

  As I helped her up the stairs, bumping into walls, I thought about the raccoon circles I’d have under my eyes in the morning. So much for beauty sleep.

  Carl opened the bedroom door an
d took Susu from my grasp. Our eyes met in the night-light’s dim glow and he turned away, as if he was embarrassed that I’d seen her like this. Then the bedroom door closed and I heard her wild giggles through the wall. I was alone in the hall. Carl was caring for Susu, but who would take care of me?

  I accompanied Susu, miraculously not hung over, on her rounds the next day. Play dates, doctors visits, yoga classes, and shopping.

  “I don’t know how you do it all.” I slipped my sunglasses on as we left the babysitter’s house. The sun was brilliant today, but mostly I was embarrassed to be seen in the minivan.

  Susu waved a hand airily. “One thing at a time. Like beads on a necklace, until it’s all accomplished.”

  She shot a look at me. “What about you? What’s up with you now?”

  I told her about my eviction and my airport job interview.

  “You have no savings, you’ve lost everything you own, and you don’t look like you care. What is it with you, Anita?”

  “What?”

  She stomped on the brake, sending us both toward the dash. The car behind us honked. She swerved into a church parking lot and pulled around to the side of the yellow brick building.

  My seat belt locked and I leaned back to give it some slack. “What was that for?”

  She stared straight ahead, brows together. She looked furious. “All my life I wanted to please Mom and Dad. I did everything they asked me to, and you did none of it. I went to school, got good grades, dated in college, and had sex for the first time with the man I married. You smoked, you swore, you skipped church, and you snuck around with boys.”

  All true so far. I waited for the revelation.

  She banged on the steering wheel and turned teary eyes toward me. Her nose was red and her skin blotchy.

  “And you know what Mom said when she was in the hospital, dying? She wanted to see you. She said to tell you she loved you.”

  I felt my mouth sag open. “You never told me.”

  “What good would it have done? I didn’t want to hurt you, but I was so mad at you. You weren’t there for her.”

  “I was in the cafeteria with Dad. Give me a break.” I was starting to get pissed off, and dizzy with emotion. Mom asked for me, and I hadn’t been there. “Where’s this headed, Susu?”

  “It’s headed nowhere, that’s where. I’ve done everything right, you’ve done everything wrong.” She started to wail. “It’s not fair!”

  “Are you saying you envy my unemployed, evicted, homeless lifestyle?” I looked around, but no one had noticed us there. At least we weren’t having this meltdown in traffic. I opened my door. “Here, let’s walk a bit. We’ll get some air. It’ll be good for us.”

  I stepped out of the van and was about to close the door when she came surging over the console and through my door, landing with both feet planted on asphalt. I took a few steps back and she grabbed the neck of my jacket and pulled me short.

  “You are not running away, Anita. We are going to talk this out.” She looked like a demon. I swear her eyes had red fire in them.

  “I wasn’t going anywhere. I was waiting for you, you crazy bitch.” I covered my mouth. Oops. Not what you say to a crazy bitch.

  She slapped me. I took it. I deserved it. Apparently she liked it so much that her hand started to swing back, open-palmed, for a second helping of Sorority Smackdown.

  “Hold it right there, hermana. Look where we are.”

  Her eyes never left mine. “I was the good one. You did whatever the hell you wanted. Even after she died. I know that you got arrested for underage drinking. I know what happened with that guy from UGA, I know about the lawyer who was married.”

  “What, did you hire a detective? What does it matter? That lawyer was a long time ago.”

  “Three years was not a long time ago, Anita.”

  “So? What’s gotten into you? Have you found religion or something? Want me to repent?”

  “Would you?”

  “I’m kind of on the verge.”

  She laughed, and it was evil sounding. “On the verge? Why, because things aren’t going your way?” She hiccuped. “Anita always gets her way, and now she’s had a little setback and she comes running to Sister Su.”

  “You were always there for me, Susu. You’re so maternal.”

  Her hand shot out and smacked me again. This time I saw stars. Enough. I hooked a foot behind her knee and pulled her leg out from under her. She fell, then rolled up onto her hands and knees. I turned and started back to the van, but she tackled me before I took the second step.

  My teeth hit the grass on the side of the parking lot. She was lighter, but she’d carried a lot of momentum. I spat out dirt and grass, swiveled my hips, got a knee under me and pushed her off, then pinned her with my body. Blood dripped onto her frantic face. Oh shit. I was hurt.

  “What’s going on, Susu? What’s the matter with you?”

  “I was the good one,” she cried, twisting under me, trying to get purchase to toss me off. “I was good, and you—you—” She sobbed. Her eyes lost a little of their craziness, and then focused on my face above her. She looked horrified.

  “What?” I shook her shoulders a little. “What were you going to say? That I was bad? Well I’m sorry.”

  She shook her head, tears leaking down the sides of her face and into her crazy red hair. “No, not bad. Fun. I was good, but you had fun.” She sobbed again. “I’ll never have fun like that Anita, I never will.”

  The police found us on our knees, crying, arms around each other. The young cop who came out of the car looked as if he was trying not to laugh.

  “You ladies okay? We had a report of a scuffle.”

  I learned a long time ago to always be nice to cops, no matter what the situation. “It’s okay, officer,” I said, trying to smile. My lip had swollen and the words came out wrong. The smile didn’t happen at all.

  Susu had apparently not gotten that memo. She jumped up, breaking free of my arms. “Who? Who called the cops?” She looked around wildly. “It was someone in the church, wasn’t it?”

  “I can’t say, ma’am. You all need to get in your car and move along.”

  “Yes, sir.” I tried for the smile again.

  “You goddamn people need to mind your own business!” Susu screamed. She picked up a rock from the prayer garden that bordered one side of the parking lot and heaved it at the building. A classroom window shattered.

  She turned around, a look of wild glee in her face.

  Totally nuts.

  The cops were coming at her from either side, trying to corral her. I thought about jumping into the minivan and just taking off and leaving her insane self to them.

  I remembered what she said about our mom, who had died in her arms while I was grabbing coffee with Daddy. She wouldn’t want me to ditch my sister, even if she had gone insane.

  “Susu, just calm down, you’re making things worse for yourself.” I got in closer to the tangle of navy blue arms and Susu arms and tried to grasp my sister.

  “Ma’am, we’ll need you to back away.” The cop was huffing and puffing from the exertion. Susu wasn’t even breathing hard, except to scream. That yoga really paid off.

  “She’s my sister, officer. I can take care of her.” I’m not sure what he heard from my swollen lip. It was like having a water balloon pinned to my mouth.

  Susu got an arm loose and punched the cop in the nose. He pulled back and his elbow clocked me in the lip again. It hurt so much that I slapped his ear. Oops.

  I thought I’d at least get an apology from Susu, but she sat stiff and hard-eyed as we were put in the back of the patrol car. My interview suit was a mess and one of the heels had come off of my Moschinos.

  Handcuffs, and I wasn’t even in the bedroom. This was a week full of firsts.

  Carl bailed us out.

  “Disorderly conduct.” He closed the door on his wife’s side of the car and held the handle of mine, ready to do the same. “Good thing the k
ids weren’t in the car.”

  He shook his head, closed the door and drove us home. It was a quiet trip, because Susu wasn’t speaking and I had two stitches in my lip.

  Heidi was excited to see us. She’d been told we were in an accident and wanted to see my stitches. I went straight to bed, knocked out by painkillers, the booking process, and my sister’s revelation.

  Close to daybreak I had a weird dream that Susu was sitting on my bed, caressing my upper arm and crying. “I love you, Anita. I’m sorry I was so jealous. I’m sorry I’m making my husband and my children suffer. I just want to have a little fun. Something to remember when I’m old.”

  “It’s overrated,” I tried to say, but my lips were stuck together from the salve I’d put on them.

  When I woke up, late the next morning, Susu was gone.

  “What do you mean, gone?” It was hard to speak with a swollen lip.

  “Gone as in took a cab and left with a suitcase.” Carl looked as if he was one step away from the deep end. He was flinging starched, folded shirts into a huge pilot case.

  “You’ll have to check a suitcase that size. Why don’t you choose a smaller bag?”

  He didn’t stop. Tennis shoes, hiking boots, and thermal underwear.

  “Carl, I doubt she’s gone to the Arctic Circle. Where are you going, and what are you going to look for?” And are you leaving me here alone in charge of the kids? Yikes.

  No answer.

  “And say you find her. What’ll you do then? Toss her over your shoulder, or put her in this suitcase? Get real.”

  That got him. He whirled to face me. “Get real? I’ll show you real.” He flung open the door, where Heidi was listening, wide-eyed. “Real enough for you?”

  Heidi straightened, looked at both of us, and ran down to her room. Her door slammed.

  “Do you think she knows?”

  “That her mother’s gone?” Carl’s laugh was short and bitter. “Oh yeah. She woke up when Susu left. Luckily, Tony’s still asleep, so keep it down.”

  Damn. I left Carl to his crazy-ass packing and knocked on my niece’s door. No answer, so I opened it and went in. The room was spotless, every Barbie and Diva doll in place, a teddy bear tea in full swing on tiny tables and chairs in one corner.