The confused fan and the run of the mill fan are every star’s dream. We purchase their CDs and sometimes attend their shows when they are coming to our area. We enjoy the music and performances and they plug their upcoming CD because they know we are going to buy it, no strings attached, end of story. The truth is that it doesn’t always stop there.
The Obsessive Fan usually has a favorite artist, one unlike any other, one in which they are extremely focused upon. Most likely, this fan feels some kind of a connection with the artist. This is the CD that we can hardly wait to be released, and after we rush to the store to buy it, it stays in the CD player for more days than not. It follows us into the house and back into the car because we can’t stand to be without it. Every song is memorized and looking forward to a concert becomes a part of our everyday life. We tune into talk shows to see what is going on in our idols’ lives. We buy any magazine or book that splashes our idols picture on the cover. We may write an occasional fan letter in hope to connect with our idol with that one percent chance that we may get a response. No, we are not crazy, but we want to believe that our letter is special.
We are usually grounded but for some reason seem to need the extra excitement in our life. We want to believe that we are on the same wavelength as our idol and we think of ourselves as more of a friend than a fan. More times than not, there is an attraction to our idol in more ways than one. We are attracted to the piece of them that is a musical artist, attracted to their personality and/or sense of humor and most likely attracted to them physically.
In my experience, there have been two times in my life in the past seven years that fit into this category. My experience as an obsessive fan has been both a fun and frustrating adventure for me, somehow developing into somewhat of an unsolved mystery. If you fit into this category, you may be able to relate to my experience, which I like to refer to as, my American Idol experience.
If you are a little crazier than the obsessive fan, then you are probably the Irrational Obsessive Fan. This is the fan who as a teenager or an adult spends three quarters of their time online reading about their idol or arguing on an unofficial website with other fans about who is going to meet their idol first and which one has the better chance of a marriage proposal. Not only do you buy tickets to a show in your area, but buy tickets to several shows or to every show on the tour to watch the same show over again. You may become known as a “groupie.” When you show up for the show, you could possibly have the front row seats or backstage passes and could have possibly paid thousands of dollars for them from a ticket broker or from eBay. You consider this an opportunity to touch, get close to or possibly meet your idol. You might adopt a new style or maybe keep your everyday look of dressing head to toe from hats and t-shirts to handbags and earrings with your idol’s face on it. These items may even be homemade. You may carry signs that read, “Will you marry me?” or “Can I hug you?” These signs can be creative and quite humorous to others, but because you made them and hold them up high for your idols to see during the show, you take them seriously.
I always want to be inside of a celebrity’s head when they see this type of fan because I would love to know what he or she is thinking. I always wonder if he enjoys this or does it make him uneasy? I have never been one to wear a concert t-shirt to a show. I guess I feel that if I ever got a chance to meet my idol, I would want to look at him as a down to earth person and I would want him to look at me the same way without feeling uneasy.
It is almost guaranteed that at least one of these types of fans becomes a stars worst nightmare…The Stalker.
Beware, The Stalker. I don’t know much about this type of fan because I have never seen or encountered one in any of my experiences. I would say that the stalker is the fan gone mad.
The unfortunate thing is that they don’t think that they are a stalker. Most of them don’t even mean any harm but as they “create their own reality” and then are rejected they can become angry and sometimes violent.
There are many celebrities who have unfortunately experienced the stalker such as Uma Thurman, Debbie Gibson, Jeff Goldblum, Michael Douglas, Cheryl Crow, Gwyneth Paltrow, Mel Gibson and Anna Kournikova.
Although most of the time issuing a restraining order does the trick, some stalkers are actually convicted.
I can definitely understand why celebrities would fear this type of fan. Celebrities can never be too careful because you just never know. There are a lot of crazies out there and it is this type of fan that ruins it for the rest of us. In truth though, we are not all crazies.
Chapter 4
The Separation of the Universes
Is there a fine line between celebrities and their fans? Where exactly do celebrities stand with their fans? How much of themselves are they willing to give us? What can we expect from them? Why can’t we talk to them? Will we ever know the answers to these questions? Probably not, but we can explore the possible answers. Where we stand with our famed favorites is a much different story than where they stand with us, or is it?
It is true that some of us just want in on the “bling.” Although I cannot speak for our celebrities, I think it would be a fair guess to say that it is difficult for them because after they reach celebrity status, it is hard to know if someone is just interested in them for their money. In today’s world, you never know. I am sure there are many men and women out there that just want to marry a star so that they can be well off for the rest of their lives, live life in the fast lane and get lots of publicity by being in the limelight. Although being pampered and spoiled is sometimes nice, money is not everything. Although having money can make life easier, it is definitely not the most important thing and it does not buy happiness. The Beatles had it right when they sang, “Can’t Buy Me Love.”
Personally, for me, it is not about the money. I would never want to be rich, just comfortable. I really believe that having too much has a negative effect on people. I would never want a home with more rooms than I could use or a car that costs more than a college education. I would not change one thing about my lifestyle. The most important thing is just to be happy. I actually enjoy giving much more than getting. However, I would love to have my own recording studio to fulfill my passion for singing and music. Oh, and of course I would love my own physical trainer so that I could look like Britney Spears in her MTV Video Music Awards performance in the year 2000. Most of all, I will never give up the fantasy of having some kind of relationship with my idol, but how close is too close?
Not receiving a response to my letters bothered me more and more, and so I had an interesting conversation with my friend, Elizabeth, which started me thinking even more.
For the last few years, she had actually had an interesting relationship with someone in the music industry. It all started when she was online inquiring about her idol and came across an icon that said “Say hi.” Curious, she clicked on it and simply left a message that read, “Thank you for all the great music.” To her surprise, she actually got a response. From that point on, they were quite friendly. She had several conversations with him on email and in person while attending several of his shows. One day, she asked him to have a cup of coffee with her and he immediately put up a wall. It was as if the emails and personal conversations were fine, but once she took it a step further, it was an absolute no-no. Is there a law against having a cup of coffee with a fan or is that just too personal? Do celebrities fear getting too close to a fan? If there is chemistry or even the grounds for a solid friendship, why is this so wrong? What is crossing the line?
Anyway, Elizabeth told me to be happy that I never got a response to my letters and that things would be better off that way. She said that for whatever reason, they do not want to get personal with us and that we should not try to get personal with them. This was because through her experience, becoming close had led to nothing but her feeling crushed.
I remember our Aunt Carol and Uncle Tony taking Bryce and I on what was my first and only trip to
New York City. I was so excited to visit the Big Apple. New York City is definitely the place where no one sleeps at night.
It has always been my dream to visit both New York City and California because both are affiliated with the stars. As I still await that trip to California, I was going to enjoy New York to its fullest.
In one night and two days, we toured most of the city. We even went on a horse and carriage ride through Central Park. It was really fun but I kept giggling on and off throughout most of the ride because for some reason all I could think of was that episode of Seinfeld when Kramer kept feeding the horse the baked beans. Yes, it is true, we live in a world where farts are funny and the farting horse to me was even funnier. I cannot understand people who do not find humor in comedians like Jim Carrey and Steve Carrell. It is important to be able to laugh at the simple things in life.
We also went to see Beauty and the Beast on Broadway. As I dressed up that night all in black wearing a hat, I felt like a movie star. I walked the streets of New York City and looked around just hoping to see one celebrity. Uncle Tony told me that I had probably walked by several of them but never would have known it because in reality, they are just like me. In truth, the thread that they used to make those $2,000 jeans is no different than the thread they used to make mine, Old Navy style.
I am assuming that the biggest issue is the difference in class and also living completely different lifestyles in almost completely different worlds. When do you ever see a celebrity befriend, date or marry someone other than another celebrity? It rarely, if ever, occurs. This is because it is so much easier to be with someone who naturally lives the same lifestyle, dare we blend the two.
Succumbing to some type of realism, no matter how hard it may be, we fans do have to take some accountability for the way we perceive the separation of the two universes. If we were to befriend or capture the heart of our most admired idol, would we actually be able to deal with and accept their way of life? We are not at all accustomed to that type of lifestyle; always on the road, missing out on quality time, never seeing some who are most important in life, giving up privacy and freedom, leaving behind family and friends, and perhaps even loneliness. Again, is it really the dream?
If I wasn’t married and got a chance to meet my idol and had an opportunity to have a romantic relationship with him, I’m not sure I could handle it. I would want his undivided attention all of the time and would not take it lightly when he would have to leave me behind, especially if there were children involved. The difficulty in never knowing what is really going on or not playing an active role in what we are accustomed to as the family life makes me wonder, would it ever last?
I have observed through magazines and entertainment news shows that many stars are either not married or have been married several times. If it is impossible to make a marriage work with someone within their own status, how can we be hopeful about the success in uniting two people of completely different worlds? Sometimes I think we want to be affiliated in some way with a star because we are somehow filling a void. In trying to fill that piece of something in our lives that seems to be missing, we try to live our dreams through their reality.
From another point of view, as we would like to live our dreams through their reality, could it be possible that maybe they would like to live their “old lives” through our reality, something they used to have that they occasionally miss? I continue to go back and forth about the whole fame thing. If I could ask a Hollywood star one question it would be, “which life is better, your old one or your new one?” Sometimes I think that everyone would just like to have their one week of fame and then go back to business as usual. I know that is just another dream, but I think that in truth, it is only the curiosity of the celebrity lifestyle that is so inviting to most people.
2003—New York City
Aunt Carol, Uncle Tony, Bryce and Me Carriage Ride, NYC
Uncle Tony, Aunt Carol, Brye & Me—Times Square
Bryce & Me—NBC Studios
Uncle Tony, Aunt Carol, Bryce & Me—Home from the Big Apple
Chapter 5
My Idol
What is an idol? One definition explains it as, “One that is adored, often blindly and excessively.”
My definition of an idol is not only someone that you adore blindly and excessively but someone you adore for one or more admired qualities, with whom you feel a connection with because of commonalities such as interests, morals and values. Although it is said that opposites attract, I think it is important to have someone in your life with whom you can relate.
I remember in college having a small crush on actor Andrew Shue. As most people were watching Beverly Hills 90210, I was a Melrose Place junkie. Sometimes when I watch Desperate Housewives, I get flashbacks of Melrose Place. I still think of Bree Hodge as Kimberly and Tom Scavo as Matt.
I also had a short lived crush on Leonardo DiCaprio after Romeo and Juliet came out. The Titanic was just another whole phenomenon leading to a pink and silver angel fish named Jack and Rose. I’ll give you one guess as to who went belly up first.
I really have not had an idol since junior high school and wondered if it was even normal or healthy to have one at age twenty-eight. At first I kept my feelings very quiet because I was afraid that everyone would think I was crazy. I am definitely a kid at heart and feel that you are never too old for anything. After all, life would be pretty boring if we didn’t have that inner child.
Maria, my best friend, was someone I felt I could talk to about anything. We met in college and lived across the hall from each other in our senior year. We always had a lot in common besides the fact that we were the same height, wore the same size and we were both blonde. We had our ups and our downs, but we always had each other’s back. We had lost a few years between college graduation and marriage, along with the birth of her first child, due to a falling out. I always regretted letting anything come in between the friendship and I wrote her a letter apologizing. As we started to get together again, things soon got back to where they were. We enjoyed karaoke, never in a public place, and loved reminiscing about the college days when pouring as much salt as we could on the others food without getting caught until the other took a bite was hysterical.
I started to confide in Maria about the secret love affair that was going on only inside my mind revolving around a celebrity obsession. She was the one who convinced me that I was not crazy.
Although it has taken me years, I feel as if I can talk about my ongoing experience as a fan, including some of the crazy thoughts and feelings that led me to do some crazy things.
It all started in January of 2003 when I found myself getting lost in the reality show, American Idol. I never watched season one but I was a fan of the winner, Kelly Clarkson. I always heard people talking about season one, especially Maria.
As I have always had a passion for singing, I thought I would tune in to season two of American Idol. I watched the show week after week and grew from liking it to loving it, and then to loving him.
From the first time I laid eyes on him, I was intrigued. As I liked many of the top twelve contestants, for some reason I was really drawn to him. I looked forward to his particular performance every week and found myself getting excited when it was his turn to perform. My strong liking grew into what I would consider a small crush.
I had assumed the role of junior high guidance counselor at a small school in Massachusetts for four years. Previously, I had worked with special education students for two years. Knowing that my idol had a similar experience in the work field before he rose to stardom, I felt that we automatically shared something in common.
I had built a lot of great relationships with most of my students and a few selective co-workers. Therefore, it was not unusual for me to come into work in the morning and have a picture of my obsession on my office door or the most recent People magazine sitting on my desk.
I even had one student come into my office after a doctor’s appointmen
t and hand me a picture that she had torn out of one of the magazines in the waiting area at the doctor’s office. After I told her that I had appreciated that she was thinking of me and that I knew she meant well, I had to explain to her why it was wrong for her to tear the picture out of a magazine that was not hers. After she left my office, I smiled and laughed to myself.
Although some people despise the junior high age, the middle school student, in my opinion, is the best. This is because they are always making me laugh even when they are not trying to be funny.
As I sat back down at my desk, I felt that I was being watched from every direction with all of the pictures collected from students. As a guidance counselor, it was my main priority to be there for the kids but in a lot of ways, they were also there for me. These kids kept me going and kept the excitement alive in my life. As a twenty-eight year old, more times than not I was mistaken for a student.
When I was a junior high and high school student, I was not the most popular girl in the class. I did not fit into cliques well because I felt I should be able to be friends with who I want, date who I want and not be judged for it. I was also the good girl and there were times when my own friends did not want to take “mom” to the party. I paid for this my first three years of high school. You would think things would be different in a Catholic school but when I changed schools two weeks into my senior year, it ended up being one of the best years of my life.
I felt that I did my job as a counselor well because my students saw me as a cool friend rather than a teacher or counselor. When the junior high students came to visit me in my office, it was because they looked up to me and my advice was important to them. I felt that I got through to a lot of them because I didn’t look the part of mom, but I still preached the part of mom.
Reaching Out to the Stars Page 3