Reaching Out to the Stars

by Donna DeMaio Hunt

  As we walked to our seats, I got really excited because we were really close. Behind us, there were two more women about my mother’s age, with the homemade bags. Another woman sat behind us with her husband, who slept through the entire show.

  The show was again, excellent, but there was one drawback. Wouldn’t it figure that the largest woman sat right in front of me? Every time my idol made it over to our side of the stage, she would jump up screaming and waving while I, five foot nothing, could see not a thing. Lucky for me, she and her friend left after intermission.

  When the show came to an end and we were leaving the arena, Aunt Carol had commented jokingly to the woman behind us about her husband sleeping through the whole show. I guess she had dragged him there as I had dragged Bryce so many times. She was just happy that he took her.

  Although the show was fantastic, this was the show that left me the most depressed. Not only did I realize that I forgot to enclose a check in my letter as a contribution to his new foundation, which was part of my slick plan, but I was really counting on a response this time. At the time, I believed that my letter was not the usual fan letter and I thought he may think it was special. I guess every fan wants to think that his or her letter is more special than all the rest. Again, how totally awesome of me for being a complete jackass?

  I began to feel very angry, for absolutely no reason, but I could not help the way that I was feeling. Then the questions in my head started. Did he get it? Was it just another fan letter to him? Did he appreciate it? Is he just too busy to respond to fan letters? Am I an idiot?

  Again, I vented to both Elizabeth and Maria about the situation and they told me not to take it personally. I was so sad and I was not even sure that I wanted to attend the next show in Boston. I did not know if I should just leave it alone. Or, if I did attend the show in Boston, should I try again?

  Elizabeth reassured me that he did receive it and appreciated it, but no matter how he felt when he read it, he probably would not respond because he receives hundreds of letters and has no clue who I am. I knew deep down that was all true. I did not want to hear this because I had never wanted to be realistic about it. I just wanted this dream I had to come true even if I knew it was impossible. I felt that if I hoped enough that my fantasy would become a reality. Who is to say that it could never happen?

  I decided to go to the next show, enjoy it and stop thinking so irrationally. I think I had started to actually irritate myself with my unrealistic expectations and stupidity.

  Chapter 8

  A Third Attempt

  In getting ready to attend what I decided would be my last show for a while, I wondered if I should leave well enough alone. Or, should I make one more attempt to connect with my idol. If nothing else, at least I could forward my contribution.

  Giving a donation was something that I definitely planned to do. Frankly, I knew if the check cleared, then I finally could no longer make excuses for my idol not responding because he did not get the letter. At least I would know that he was not responding because either he would not or could not for the most obvious of reasons.

  On Sunday morning, August 28th, Bryce drove me to Maria’s house in Abington. She would be attending the concert with me. After Bryce dropped me off, we hung out for a while before we went to the show. I remember it being very uncomfortable because she was having some marital problems and her husband for some reason blamed me because he knew she talked to me about things. I never quite understood that. Maria did talk to me about quite a bit and I knew that she was not happy. As I always listened and was always there for her, I never gave her a lot of advice because truthfully, she never took it. She always did what she wanted, which I respect. The only advice I remember giving her that she ever took was to try to talk about things and to try counseling because they had two children together. Unfortunately, it did not work.

  We got ready to go and left early because with Boston’s Big Dig, there was no telling how long it would take us to get there. We had no problems and ended up getting there two hours before the doors even opened.

  We walked to a small restaurant and we were seated on the back deck overlooking the Boston Harbor. As it should have been very relaxing, I was experiencing a lot of pre-show jitters and anxiety.

  You would think that I was the one who was performing. We finally decided to make our way down to the Pavilion.

  Once again, I found myself looking at the hundreds of fans that were waiting outside, hoping it would not rain. We walked by one girl who was around the age of sixteen. She was holding several signs. As she noticed us trying to read what her signs said, she yelled at us, “I have no shame!” I thought to myself, oh my. We were absolutely speechless. We looked at each other and started to laugh. We were not judging her but just trying to read what her signs said and she totally freaked out. Love and luck to the Obsessive Irrational Fan. It is when I experience this type of fan that I do not feel so bad about my own craziness. Later, we saw her down by the front row. Now, why am I not surprised?

  Before leaving for the show, I had foolishly decided to make a third attempt. I had purchased a small gift for my idol, a miniature book with words of inspiration from famous people and an astrology kit tied together with a yellow ribbon. Inside the small book was my check with the following note:

  Dear Idol,

  Thank you for all of the great music in the last two years. You have brought excitement to my life as I’m sure your fans bring excitement into yours.

  I left you a letter inside a purple YMCA brochure on July 29th when you performed at Mohegan Sun and realized that I forgot to enclose my contribution to your foundation. Enclosed is my donation.

  Here are some things to keep you busy for the rest of your tour.

  I know that it is impossible for you to respond to your fans but I hope you get this and I hope that you got my letter.

  Good luck on the rest of your tour. I am looking forward to your upcoming CD and Christmas tour.

  We approached a girl wearing a blue Bank of America Pavilion shirt sitting in a circular booth. She looked really nice and I was looking for someone who seemed approachable. I asked her who I could give my gift to so that I could get it to my idol. I knew it was possible because of my last experience at Mohegan Sun with Aunt Carol. The girl told me to come around to the door where there was another lady who did not look so friendly. She said in a very panicky tone, “Please do not enter the booth,” and was all freaked out, you know, because I am so scary. Anyway, she started yelling at me and telling me that there was no way to get anything to him and told me to go away. I did not know if I was going to cry or punch her, but with my excellent ability to control my explosiveness, I remained calm, and was determined to find someone else to help me.

  In a large way, I was a little hesitant to approach anyone with the way I was just treated by the scary monster lady. Then, a nice gentleman with a maroon shirt labeled STAFF pointed me in the right direction.

  I handed my gift to a young girl with blonde hair sitting at the entrance of the gate for all those lucky fans that actually had backstage passes. She was very nice and handed it off to a guy wearing a Boston Red Sox shirt who brought it backstage. After seeing the Sox shirt, being the big Sox fans that Bryce and I are, in a weird way, I had a sense that I could trust him. I was very happy and then I started thinking back on what had happened to me a few moments earlier at the circular booth with the witch lady and thought to myself, what a huge bitch. There was a big piece of me that wanted to go back there just to let her know that I got my gift to him, to slap a big L on her forehead and say how do you like those apples!

  The show was as enjoyable as it could be since I already saw the show once before. As I am always up for a show with my idol, just to know that I am in the same vicinity as him, I do not really know how groupies can go from show to show to watch the same performance over and over.

  Well, this was it for me. I knew that I needed to come to grips with the fact that the
re would really never be any contact between myself and my idol. At least I knew that if the check cleared that the book had been opened and it got to the right place. To me, it would be at least some sort of closure which would be the beginning to an end.

  On September 13th, twelve days after the tour ended, the check did clear. I, of course, have not gotten a response and still remain with many unanswered questions that frequently enter my mind. I guess in playing the role of the fan, I will never really know the truths I am looking for regarding stardom and as far as expectations, what is unreasonable. I knew that someday, I would be able to make peace with my situation and I would better accept that my wish upon this star would never be granted.

  Chapter 9

  Three Years Later: Out with the Old & In with the New

  It’s been three years since my last attempt to somehow connect with my idol and since then a lot has happened in my life. In 2006, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl who we named Faith Leahnetta. Leahnetta was my grandmother’s name. Now with two little ones, there need not be any wondering about how busy life has been.

  I had attended a Christmas show in 2005 at the Orpheum Theater in Boston which I almost missed due to another difficult pregnancy. As I looked forward to my up close and personal performances by my still famed favorite, I struggled to get there. I choked down a soft pretzel to stop the nausea as I waited in line for my Collectible Christmas ornament and my program.

  The show was very different from the last Christmas show that we attended. It was more like a play that was supposedly scripted with the help of my idol. It started off with a grumpy old lady who had lost the Christmas spirit and it was a little boy who was her neighbor who ended up bringing the joy back into her life. All the songs revolved around the plot. It was really cute but I still preferred the last year’s show over this one. My idol seemed more of a part of a cast and even though I did get to look at him and hear his unbelievable voice, he did not interact at all with the audience until the end of the show. I felt like it was not as personal as his other shows. The show also started an hour late due to technical difficulties but I made it through and still enjoyed every minute of it.

  It seemed as if it took a long time for the release of his new CD. I had read something about him not being happy with it and then removing songs from it, leaving four originals and the rest being covers. At this time, my idol was the victim of some controversy that had taken place on Live with Regis and Kelly and rumors were flying around that he was gay. There was no tour that year and it seemed as if he was fading for a while. As he finally released his CD in fall of 2006, in order to promote his CD, he started to make himself a little more public again. I was disappointed that there was no tour and no actual Christmas tour but Bryce and I were able to catch a Christmas show in Hartford, one of the few selected cities that he would be performing in that year.

  I enjoyed the show as the atmosphere was great and there was a lot of humor in the show. My idol openly joked about the media previous to the show and it was quite funny. Shame on you, Kelly Ripa.

  In 2007, I attended another Christmas concert at Mohegan Sun. Bryce and I took the trip with my mom and dad. Bryce and my dad enjoyed the casino and my mom and I went to the show. Although the performance was good, he seemed to be somewhat out of steam. He did not interact much with his fans but most of the hour and a half stood in one spot behind the microphone and just sang. This seemed very out of character for him considering I had seen him several times before. This was a quite different experience. After the show, I had heard that he was somewhat under the weather. It probably took everything out of him just to go out there under the lights and put his full effort into the singing part, which is never a disappointment. His encore was unbelievable. I remember getting goose bumps from the power in his voice as he sang the song “All Is Well.”

  This was the last show I had attended before my idol surrendered to Broadway. As I would have loved to see him on Broadway, New York City was not in the playing cards for a mother of two.

  In 2008, I was excited to find out during a new season of American Idol that he was releasing a new CD. This was surprising because there had been no mention of it and I would never have expected him to be working on a new CD while he was on Broadway. Naturally, I bought it the day it was released but I was beginning to feel that the excitement was not there like it used to be. It was like when you are in a new relationship and everything seems so exciting and new, but then as you get used to each other the excitement wears off a little. At first I thought it was because I was just tired physically from raising two children, but then started to realize that for a while now, what once seemed to be a crazy obsession was becoming more of a distant thing of the past.

  I remember going for a drive in the car with Bryce, Ethan and Faith, just for a ride to nowhere, something that we do frequently. As my kids thoroughly enjoy music and are used to listening to what I listen to in the car day after day, Ethan always requests to hear “Falling,” which is undoubtedly his favorite. Lately, it always requires me to take out the CD that I am currently enjoying.

  As the four of us were driving, he proceeded to ask for the same song per usual. As I took out the CD I looked at Bryce and said, “I think I’m all Clayed out.” There are no words to describe the look on Bryce’s face when those words came from my mouth but he did say that he thought that, “Jesus was going to fall out of the sky.” The truth is I think J.C. did fall from the sky, but not that one.

  I always tuned into American Idol since season two. Season four won me as a true fan to a new born country star, Carrie Underwood, who I saw at Foxwoods in August 2008. I am always excited to go to a concert, as long as I am a fan of the music. I love everything from the hype to the atmosphere to the actual performance. Carrie was blessed with an unbelievable voice and I am envious of her. She is also, without a doubt, one of the most beautiful women in country music.

  Seasons three and six left me somewhat disappointed although I still had some favorites from season five such as Chris Daughtry and Kellie Pickler.

  Although I would always continue to be a true fan of Clay Aiken, my most admired idol, I began to accept that the excitement and enthusiasm of my fandom, once strongly possessed and sought after for the last five years, had finally been grounded….and then something happened.

  2004

  Clay Aiken Measure of a Man Tour

  Ryan Center, URI

  Chapter 10

  American Idol (Season 7)

  As a new year surfaced, so did a new season of American Idol. I found myself watching week after week, looking forward to every Tuesday and Wednesday, carefully planning my schedule around shows because it would be a tragedy if I missed it. This season held the most talent that I had ever seen. I watched quietly, trying to hide my newest secret. Without words and large efforts to cover any expressions, I tried to stay subtle.

  Some of my thoughts and feelings were both very similar but also very different from my past infatuation with season two runner up, Clay Aiken.

  One of the major differences was that I was actually more embarrassed because three months into the show, I realized that my most recent crush was for a twenty-one year old and wondered if that was wrong, being thirteen years older. Being a thirty-four year old mother of two and having no more than an innocent crush on someone I knew I would never even come close to meeting, I was still feeling this weird guilt.

  I started to think back on the high school student who had the crush on me that I said seemed icky. As I realized that there was an eleven year difference between this student and me, I found myself thinking in a whole different light. I then started to feel extremely guilty. I did think there was a big difference between a seventeen year old and a twenty-one year old but I felt the need to get things off my chest. I needed to hear from someone else that I wasn’t some weirdo. I picked up the phone and called Maria.

  As I began to try to bring up the subject, I almost automatically felt uneasy a
bout talking with her and confiding in her. We had drifted a little since her divorce. She had a new love interest, whom she had been dating for two years, and I still had not met him. I feared that our friendship had started to go in two different directions. I was desperately looking for someone to make me feel better about what was going on in my head. As she was going through a different time in her life, I felt that we were in different places and that we no longer had the same things in common. Her tone made me feel like she did not really want to be bothered talking about something so beneath her.

  When I started to talk about the new season of American Idol, a show which she initially got me interested and involved in, she immediately turned the conversation in a different direction with her quick response of, “I don’t really watch that any more because Brad doesn’t watch it.” I truly believe that she boycotted the show midway through season four when the love of her life, Constantine Maroulis, was voted off prematurely. Now that I think about it, I remember how steaming mad she was. She did say she was never watching the show again.

  As I knew I was on my own with this one, I then started to try to justify things myself and came up with ten reasons why what was going on in my head was okay:

  1. Billy John & Katie Lee — 32-year age difference

  2. Catherine Zeta Jones & Michael Douglas — 25-year age difference

  3. Donald Trump & Melania Knauss — 24-year age difference