by Mary Nixon
"Do you want to hold her?"Jacob asked.
I nodded and I stabilized myself before I took the little girl into my arms. She was a year old now. I kissed her cheek and she smiled at me. She was pretty.
"I'm sorry I didn't listen to you." I told him. "Maybe my boys wouldn't have died."
"Tony, it's not your fault. Shit happens. You acted out of love and you wanted to stop her from hurting herself and the twins but we can't save everybody we love. Take it a day at a time and you'll be okay."
A day at a time sounded hard... This bloody day was not even coming to an end. It seemed to be dragging by the second.
"Does the pain fade Jacob?"
"What pain?" Jacob asked as he turned to face me.
"The pain of losing someone you love to death."
"At first it feels like a recurring nightmare that never ends even when you wake up. It feels like an annoying song on replay. The pain feels fresh every day and you wonder if the days would stop being so long and if the sleepless nights will end. With time, it starts to fade but the smallest reminder throws you back into the dark pit of misery and you start all over again." He spoke solemnly. "Tony, it's going to hurt like hell for a while. Buckle up because you just boarded a roller coaster of misery."
He patted my shoulder and I handed Madeline back to him. He had fought the pain of losing his beloved wife and now I could grasp what he had been dealing with.
"I'm going away. I won't be around
for a while. Please don't look for me."
I needs to be on my own and find some sanity.
"Where are you going?" He asked.
"I won't tell you. That way you won't look for me. I just need to find myself Jacob. I need to be the man I was before Bianca messed me up."
"I understand. Take care of yourself and remember the answer is never at the bottom of a bottle. I love you kiddo."
He had always called me kiddo.
I offered him a small smile before getting into the waiting car.
"Let's go Simon."
"Yes sir."
***
I got home a few hours later after I told the boys I wanted to be alone. My servants all offered their deepest condolences and I thanked them. I made my way up stairs to the nursery that would have housed my sons. I was searching for some sort of proximity to them. I was searching for some closure.
I heard sobbing and I caught a glance of Bianca in a corner holding a baby blanket. I was moved by the sight of her but again all she reminded me of was how desperately she had wanted to leave me. How desperate she had been to leave me and my sons behind to go back to her career. To her life.
I pushed the door open and Esperanza walked my way. She had been consoling her.
"My deepest condolences sir." She said sympathetically.
"Thank you. Please leave us alone."
She nodded and left. I sat on a chair facing Bianca and for the longest time we just stared at each other. I was feeling upset with her for her carelessness and part of me was glad she was alive. I still loved her
despite the anger I felt towards her. I wanted to pull her into my arms and comfort her but then she got what she wanted. She was free.
She looked so innocent, tormented and distraught.
She stood up and walked my way. She was in pain probably from her surgery.
She collapsed on her knees beside me and took my hand into her own.
"Tony please forgive me."
I just stared at her. How could I forgive her?
"Please. I am very sorry for the way I behaved. I'm sorry about the death of our sons."
"Are you really?" I asked as I pulled my hand away from hers.
"Yes I am. I'm sorry Tony please forgive me."
How could I possibly forgive something she did intentionally?
"You got what you wanted love. Scott and Kenan are six feet under and they can't slow you down anymore. Go on and live the life you wanted. I'm setting you free."
"No please Tony don't let me go."
"I love you." I said as I cupped her face with my good hand. "I love you so much that I was willing to die just to save your bloody life. I was willing to trade places with you in a heartbeat. The love I feel for you made me blind Bianca. It made me blind to the fact that happy endings don't exist with you. I was hoping I could make you happy and give you a home and children to love but I was wrong."
I managed to stand up with difficulty and I leaned in and kissed her lips as tenderly as I could.
This would be the last time I kiss her.
I looked into her eyes and rubbed her cheek.
"You wanted me out of your life. I am cutting the rope. I'm cutting you loose love. Go ahead and leave. But I want you to know that you are the first and only woman that I will ever love. Now please leave my house and I never ever want to see you ever again."
I turned and I left her on her own. I gave her what she was craving for... her freedom... and now she was free... although my heart ached, I knew this was the right thing to do... our love was just too toxic.
We were not a match. I had loved her and if had all gone to waste.
=================
Chapter eighteen: The Charity Ball
Bianca's POV
"Excuse me miss, are you Bea Bianca Buchanan?" A waitress leaned in and asked.
I looked up at her and smiled.
"Yes I am. Is anything the matter?"
"No madam, I just wanted to inform you that you have been selected to be tonight's bid."
"No, there must be a mistake. I didn't submit my name for selection."
"I'm sorry but I'm only a messenger. If you have any queries you should probably take it up with Sir. Wayne Bellingerre. Please excuse me."
Wayne Bellingerre; Tony's father. Two years ago he had selected me as the bid and Tony had parted with over ten million to take me home with him.
I had received an invitation to Wayne Bellingerre's Annual Charity Ball which consisted of the crème de la crème of high society. To receive an invitation meant you were part of their circle.
I had spent the entire week looking for something to wear. I had settled on a beautiful deep sweet heart cut jade green silk dress that left most of my back bare and ended slightly below my knees. The color of the dress brought out my eyes even more and I paired it with black ankle boots. I had a diamond chocker on my neck and simple diamond stud earrings. My hair was pulled back away from my face.
In my opinion, I looked stunning.
I peered through the crowd and saw Wayne Bellingerre making small talk with some business men.
I stood up and made my way towards him. I got a lot of stares but I didn't mind. I had gotten used to them. Since Tony and I split, all sort of rumours spread about why we broke up. Some of them hurt a lot and I stayed locked up in my house for months before I was back on my feet. My manager had been very understanding and she gave me time off.
Some stares though were not based on the rumours about Tony and I but on the obvious. Since I stopped being seen with Tony, men stared a lot some of them undressing me with their eyes. I was okay with it as long as they didn't touch. There was nothing much I could do anyway.
I reached Wayne Bellingerre and his associates and they all gazed at me.
I caught Wayne Bellingerre looking me over and he smiled. His eyes reminded me of Tony's. The darkness within them and how they quickly brightened up with a smile. Tony's eyes were dark brown while Wayne Bellingerre's were a silver but these two men had a striking resemblance to each other.
"Miss Buchanan, it's lovely to see you again. It's been two years " He greeted as the other men dispersed.
"I don't want to br tonight's bid." I got straight to the point avoiding small talk.
"Last time you raised ten million. I'm hoping to get the same tonight." He responded with a small smile.
He held out his arm to me. I took it and he looked down at me, his height matching Tony's.
"Walk with me." He said an
d we started walking.
I got nasty looks from the women in the ball room but I ignored them. Tomorrow's headlines in the tabloids would probably read Supermodel ditches son for father.
I sighed and he heard me.
"Anything the matter?" He asked me.
I looked up at him and smiled shaking my head.
We got out to the garden and he released my arm putting both his hands in his pocket. He expression turned a little dark as he focused on me.
"It's nice to meet the woman who has my son by the balls. Forgive my blunt language but no woman has ever captivated Lyons like you did... and still do."
I still meant something to his son?
"Thank you sir but I would prefer not to talk about Tony."
"I understand but just because you won't talk about him doesn't mean the problem is resolved."
"What problem?" I asked.
"You are a clever woman, no doubt you know that you broke my son's heart and now he is this dark hearted man working on auto pilot. You tamed him, something I could never do. Now that you aren't with him anymore he is back to raving, sex, alcohol and making his billions. I do not know how he hasn't had a nervous break down yet."
Tony had been raving, that was no secret and he had gone back to his old womanizing ways. I hated seeing him with a
new woman every other time but I no longer had any rights to him.
"I have no control over what your son does sir."
"You do Bianca. Like I said, you have him by the balls."
He pulled out a cigar and he lit it up and took a puff facing away from me. He then turned his head and gazed at me. I placed my clutch on my chest to hide my exposed cleavage from him.
He chuckled and stopped smoking.
"Bianca, there is no need to hide your well endowed chest. You are a very beautiful woman."
I removed the clutch and set it on my side.
"Don't tell him you saw me with this cigar."
"I can't. The last time I saw him was two years ago."
"Really now? Well there he is." He said pointing to a man in a sharp black tux walking towards the entrance of the ball room.
Wayne Bellingerre pulled out his phone and smiled at me. He dialled a number and I could spot Tony with a phone to his ear.
"Turn to your left." He said to his son.
Tony turned and voila!
"Come over." He said and he hang up.
He turned to me and smiled. He handed his cigar to his body guard and then popped some mints into his mouth. As Tony got closer, I wanted to run but Wayne held me in place by wrapping his hand around my small waist.
"Watch and see how stiff your presence makes him." He whispered with a muffled laugh.
Tony finally reached us and true, he seemed
stiff. His eyes were settled on me and his gaze burned through me. It felt like i was seeing the sun for the first time. He looked so good. He had not aged a bit except for the stubble growing on his face. He locked gazes with me for only a second more after he arrived.
"Good evening Miss Buchanan." He said and he didn't wait for a response before he turned to his father.
"What do you want?" He asked sternly.
"I wanted you to see what you threw away Lyons." Wayne said as he pushed me forward right into Tony's arms.
Tony barely looked at me and it hurt like hell.
He released me and took a step back. If Wayne Bellingerre found this amusing, I didn't.
We remained in silence till he broke it.
"Can I go now?" He asked his father.
Wayne took Tony's hand which he gave begrudgingly and then he took mine and he placed them palm to palm. Tony barely folded his fingers to hold mine. Wayne held our hands in place.
"I know this is not the right forum to discuss this but can the stand off end already? Lyons I liked you better when you were with her. Can't you two kiss and make up already?"
Silence dawned.
I wanted to make amends with Tony whatever the cost but Tony seemed unwilling.
"Father I mean you no disrespect but I have moved on. Miss Buchanan has too. I prefer leaving the past where
it belongs. Please excuse me."
He withdrew his hand from mine, straightened his coat and walked away from us. As soon as he left my hand dropped to my side. The heat that had been surging through me left with him.
"If the two of you have really left your past behind, why are you both so affected by it?" Wayne asked.
He placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it.
"What is it you wanted to ask Bianca?"
"I want you to pick someone else for the bid. I can't do it. I need to go."
"I can't pick someone else because I settled on you. You are stunning and many rich men will be bidding tonight. Imagine the amount of money we will raise for charity tonight."
"What happens if someone wins the bid?"
"If it is Tony, he takes you home and makes love to you... if it's any other man, it's just dinner and that's all."
Tony... would he bid on me?
"You look pale. Take in some fresh air and come in the next half an hour." He kissed my cheek and left me on my own.
Would Tony bid on me? Most likely not.
I went to the ladies bathroom to touch up on my make up and found a beautiful woman with moss green eyes and long brown hair applying blood red lipstick. She glared at me and I had just had enough of the glares.
"Do we have a problem?" I asked her.
"As long as you stay away from my man, we shouldn't have a problem."
Her man? What man?
"Pardon me but who are you referring to?"
"I guess a woman like you has been with so many men you don't even know who I'm talking about."
"Please don't judge me and you don't know me." I shot at her.
"Whatever!" She said. "Just keep your knees together around my man."
She left and I wondered what man she kept referring to.
After a touch up, I left the bathroom. When I got to the ballroom, I spotted Tony at his table with Jacob, Bruce, Ferrer and Cole. That woman who had been threatening me was sited in between Jacob and Tony.
Which of the two was her man? Tony? Would he have replaced me that fast? It had been two years after all. Was it Jacob? Not a chance. Why would she feel I have been with Jacob before?
Although it wouldn't be so bad considering how good he looked.
All those thoughts lingered in my mind as I took my seat and waited to be bid on. A few minutes later Wayne Bellingerre took the stage.
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, as usual, we gather here every year to contribute millions for various charities under the Bellingerre Foundation. I know most of you are here for a good course while a selected few are here for dessert."
The audience laughed a little as Wayne's devilish eyes settled on me. I felt a little uncomfortable as everyone witnessed the private look he gave me.
"So let's get to it then Gentlemen, get your cheque books ready. You know how we do. Tonight our lady for auction is the beautiful and stunning Miss Bea Bianca Buchanan!"
There was a round of applause as I stood up and gracefully
walked towards the stage. Wayne held out a hand for me and led me up the steps. I felt shy standing in front of all the curious men. My eyes met Tony's for a moment before he looked away. Jacob's eyes tore through me as Tony whispered something to him. He broke into a rueful smile and whispered to Cole right next to him. Cole nodded and Wayne kicked off the bid.
Bloody hell they were talking about me.
***
Quarter an hour later, it was over. Wayne Bellingerre walked me over to James Lyons's table and smiled at his son.
"Here I was thinking you would bid on your ex." He said and turned to Cole. "Mr. Harrington congratulations."
He handed me to Cole who gave me a comforting smile. Jacob was not smiling at me and Bruce had a poker face I couldn't read. Ferrer offered me a small smile an
d Tony ignored me. And then there was the rude woman from the bathroom who held on tightly to Tony's arm.
Sitting at the billionaires' table would be interesting.
All the men suddenly stood up as Cole pulled out a seat in between him and Ferrer. Only after I sat down did they sit.
Talk about being gentlemen.
A conversation about a business project Bruce was doing picked up and I felt left out. I glared back at the rude woman I met in the toilet and then back at my plate. Tony glanced my way occasionally his eyes settling either on my lips or my cleavage and I knew what he was thinking.
I felt awkward so I played with my ice cream. I didn't eat it at all and Cole placed his hand on my thigh underneath
the table. The warmth of his hand startled me.
"Is everything okay?" He asked me.
"Yeah. I want to take off." I told him. "Thank you for the cordial treatment."
"Can you give me ten more minutes then we can go?" He whispered back.
His hand didn't leave my thigh and he kept squeezing as if giving me some sort of reassurance that everything is okay. They kept talking about business and sports and I phased out thankful that Ben Arden had lost the bid to Cole.
He had gotten over his blackmailing phase for one reason or another. Since I handed him the one million, he had moved on.
Cole gave me a tap on my thigh as he stood up. The other men stood up as well and only sat down after I left with Cole. I glanced back at Tony and he was looking at me.
"Are you okay Bianca?" Cole asked once we reached his car.
It was a beautiful black Bentley.
"Yes I am." I said.
He took off his coat as a yawn escaped me. He draped it over my shoulders and gave me a smile.
The deep dimples on either of his cheeks made him look sinfully good. He helped me into his car and he moved on to his side. He got in and drove off. I gave him directions to my place as we went. We caught a little traffic up ahead and he took the chance to look my way.
This man was gorgeous. Sinfully good looking. And he had the kindest heart.
"Thank you for bailing me from Ben Arden." I said.
"Thank Tony."
Tony? Why?
"Why?"
I asked.
"He asked me to bid on his behalf." He said. "Actually he asked Jacob but he refused."