Heart of a Soldier

by Belle Calhoune

  “Well, welcome to town. West Falls has a lot to offer.”

  His gaze shifted back toward Holly, giving Dylan the distinct impression he was making reference to her. “Especially here at Horseshoe Bend Ranch.” He looked Dylan straight in the eye, his expression hardening. “We’re a real tight community, too. Always looking out for one another.”

  “As it should be,” Dylan drawled, meeting Cullen’s unwavering stare head-on.

  “Cullen!” Tate’s voice carried across the yard. He was motioning for him to come over. Cullen acknowledged him with a wave before excusing himself to go join him. Dylan shook his head in disbelief as Cullen walked away from them. When he turned back toward Holly, he noticed the corners of her mouth were twitching with laughter. “Don’t mind Cullen. He’s a little protective of me.” She covered her mouth with her hand in an attempt to hide her amusement.

  “Did the two of you date or something?” he asked gruffly. Again, his gut tightened at the thought of Cullen and Holly’s seemingly close relationship. It was a distinctly uncomfortable feeling.

  “No, we never dated. He’s just a good friend. And an all-around great guy.”

  The pressure in his chest loosened up so that it no longer felt uncomfortable. The thought of Cullen and Holly being more than friends didn’t sit well with him. With Holly’s reassuring words, he began to relax again.

  “I hope what I said earlier about your mother didn’t upset you.” He studied her face, looking for any signs of distress.

  Holly shook her head. “I wasn’t upset. Not with you anyway.” She twisted her lips. “I was pretty mad at myself, though. And embarrassed. You held a mirror up to me, and I was forced to take a long look at myself. For months now I’ve been angry at Mama for keeping information from me, but I did the very same thing to you. Not to mention that the roses and I kept a huge secret for eight years about the cause of the accident. How could I not have seen that I was holding her to a different standard than myself?”

  “Sometimes we’re too close to a situation to see it clearly. Don’t beat yourself up about it. It happens to the best of us.”

  She looked away from him. “You must think I’m a hypocrite. ‘Judge not, that you be not judged.’ I’ve read that scripture dozens of times, yet I’ve failed to practice it in my own life.”

  His heart cracked a little at her somber tone, coupled with the lost expression on her face. A strong urge to console her swept over him.

  “Listen, Holly, I’m the last one to point any fingers at anyone. My relationship with my father is a train wreck. For most of my life I’ve been angry at him because all I ever wanted was for him to be present in my life. And he wasn’t.” He paused for a moment, determined to stave off a rising tide of emotions. “You’ve got something special. Two parents who are involved in your day-to-day world and who love you. All I was trying to say is, don’t let anything get in the way of that. It’s a beautiful thing.”

  Her shoulders sagged. She looked frustrated and defeated.

  “I know what you’re saying is true, but I’m just not there yet. In my own way and in my own time, I’ll patch things up with Mama.”

  Dylan reached out and captured her chin in his palm. He stroked her jaw with his fingers, enjoying the feel of her silky-smooth skin. “Just don’t wait too long, okay? My mama used to tell me not to let the sun go down on my anger.”

  Holly cocked her head to the side, her brow furrowed. “Did you always listen to her?”

  “Nope,” he said with a chuckle. “I was an ornery little fella. A few times she had to wash my mouth out with soap due to my sassing her.”

  “Thanks. Now I’ve got that image in my head,” Holly said with a smirk. She began laughing, which caused Dylan to chortle even louder at the memory of his pint-size self. She threw her head back and clutched her belly, her face contorted with merriment.

  A feeling of joy slid through him until he was filled to overflowing with it. It was moments like this, when it was just the two of them, that it seemed as if all was right with the world. And it felt as if this was all he would ever need to be perfectly, deliriously happy.

  By the time the sun began to slide beneath the horizon, two dozen or so people were gathered at the ranch. Tate, Cassidy, Doc Sampson, Jenna, Pastor Blake and his wife were some of the faces he recognized, as well as Frank and Maggie. Holly introduced him to the local vet, Vicky Shepard, and her husband, Tom. Everyone gathered around the table and feasted on barbecued ribs and chicken, corn on the cob, baked beans, biscuits and peach cobbler. Even though he didn’t know everyone, he felt at ease in their company, as if they were old friends with whom he was getting reacquainted.

  After dinner Maggie invited everyone to head toward the arena. It was lit up with lanterns and twinkling lights. There were six horses in all being led inside. Three Arabians, one chestnut, two onyx. The other three were bay-colored American quarter horses. It was a sight more breathtaking than any he’d ever seen. Each was more beautiful and graceful than the next.

  Holly was radiant. As much as he found himself captivated by the horses, he found his gaze straying toward her. His sweet, beautiful Holly.

  “This is incredible,” he said. “I’ve never seen so many fine horses all at once!”

  “Believe it or not, it moves me every single time,” Holly gushed. “I can’t even count how many runnings of the horses I’ve witnessed, but each and every one is special.”

  Frank walked by, leading an Arabian. He stopped right next to them, a glint in his eyes as he addressed Dylan. “We have a tradition around here. Since you’re our newest hire, we’d like you to showcase one of the horses. His name’s Warrior. I think it’s pretty fitting.”

  Frank held out the reins to him. His smile was full of encouragement. For a moment Dylan was frozen, unable to reach out and take Frank’s offering. He swiveled his head toward Holly, filled with disbelief at the gesture.

  “Go on, Dylan,” Holly urged. “What are you waiting for?”

  She gave him a nudge. Dylan took the leather straps, running his fingers over them for a moment before guiding Warrior into the arena and mounting him. Once he sat astride the Arabian, Dylan cast a quick glance in Holly’s direction, his pulse quickening as their gazes locked. She was clapping for him and the other riders, her face lit up with happiness. His heart seized up at the sight of her.

  Against every instinct warning him not to get too invested in his temporary life in West Falls, he was becoming tethered to Horseshoe Bend Ranch and all its inhabitants. As each day rolled into the next, it was becoming harder and harder to imagine himself leaving this wonderful place. And most of all, saying goodbye to Holly.

  * * *

  Watching Dylan mount Warrior and then lead him in a trot around the arena caused a fierce swell of emotion to course through her. Together they were pure poetry in motion. Her cowboy soldier. He was constantly surprising her, just when she thought she knew him like the back of her hand. The restrained emotion he’d shown just before taking Warrior’s reins had almost done her in. His expression had been full of gratitude. Why had he been so surprised by her father’s gesture? Why had he acted as if he didn’t deserve it?

  More than anything in the world, she’d wanted to share this special moment with Dylan, to see it reflected through his eyes. And she’d seen it all—the wonder, the admiration, his deep love of horses—shining back at her. He’d gotten choked up when her father asked him to ride one of the Arabians because of the respect he had for Horseshoe Bend Ranch.

  Dylan got it. He understood her family’s passion. He had reverence for the horses and livestock. Some people were simply impressed with Horseshoe Bend Ranch and the grandeur and majesty of it. Dylan saw past the surface. He was all about the horses and the day-to-day running of the ranch. The lifestyle. Those values went way down deep to his very core.

 
The sound of boots rustling in the dirt had her swiveling around. Malachi was standing there, his gaze transfixed by the horses trotting around the arena. She grabbed him by the arm. “Malachi! You’re back. How’s your grandfather?”

  He winced, letting out a slow hiss of air before he responded. “He passed on to a better world. We had his burial earlier today.”

  Holly knew enough about Native American traditions to know the ceremony had been sacred and simple. She reached out and placed her hand in his, squeezing it gently.

  “Oh, Malachi. I’m so sorry. I know how much he meant to you. He practically raised you.”

  A slight tremor danced along his jawline. “I was glad to be there with him in the end as he drew his last breath. He lived a good life. That’s all that really matters in the end. And the things we take away from our loved ones. The lessons they leave behind.”

  “I’m sure Jacob left you with enough of his wisdom to sustain you for the rest of your life.”

  “What he taught me most is that life is too short to be afraid.” He turned toward her, staring at her pointedly. “I think that’s something we have in common, Holly. Fear.”

  “You? Afraid?” Holly scoffed. “I can’t ever remember you being intimidated by a single thing.”

  Malachi grimaced. “It seems that way, doesn’t it? Sure, I can tackle a rattlesnake head-on and break in a wild horse, but when it comes to opening myself up...to a woman...that’s where I let the fear take over.”

  “What do you have to be afraid of?” she asked, swallowing past the huge lump in her throat. It suddenly dawned on her that Malachi avoided relationships like the plague. Why hadn’t she ever asked him about it? For the life of her, she couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a woman in his life.

  “Rejection. Opening myself up to someone who can hurt me again.”

  Again? When had Malachi’s heart been broken? And by whom? She crossed her hands in front of her, fiddling with her thumbs as her mind raced. “And you think I’m like you?”

  Malachi leaned down and brushed a kiss across her cheek. “I think you might believe you’re not good enough, just like me. But from where I’m standing, there’s nobody better than you.”

  Tears filled Holly’s eyes as the beautiful compliment washed over her. Malachi smiled at her and ambled away, heading straight toward Tate and Cassidy. She watched through misty eyes as Malachi delivered his news, and Cassidy and Tate hugged him. She loved this man like a brother, yet until this very moment, she’d been clueless about his doubts and fears. And his heartache. It was so true that you never knew the burdens people carried around with them.

  “One ice-cold lemonade for the pretty lady.” Suddenly Dylan was standing in front of her, offering her a glass. While she was busy talking to Malachi, he must have finished up in the arena. She’d been so consumed by their conversation that she hadn’t even noticed.

  Dylan took one look at her and frowned. “Hey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

  “Malachi’s back. He was just telling me his grandfather passed away.” She wiped a tear away from her cheek.

  Dylan got down on his haunches, setting the drink on the ground beside him. “I’m awful sorry to hear that. Losing someone is never easy.”

  “I’ll be praying for Malachi and his family. Now, more than ever, it makes me realize I really need to set things straight with Mama. I don’t want to live in regret. If something ever happened to her, and I hadn’t fixed things—”

  He clutched her hand. “Nothing’s going to happen to her. Talk to her tonight and tell her how you feel. Don’t let another day go by without forgiving her, especially if it’s weighing this heavily on your mind.”

  She nodded. “I will. For sure. As soon as the evening winds down, I’ll talk to her.”

  He reached up and grazed her cheek with his palm. “Hey, what can I do to bring back that gorgeous smile of yours? I don’t like seeing you so sad.”

  “I’ll be fine. I just got a reality check, that’s all,” she reassured him, reaching out and brushing her knuckles against his hand. The desire to touch him, to connect with him, was overwhelming. Yet it took all of her courage to initiate contact with him. Malachi was right. The fear of rejection still lived close to the surface. Thanks to Dylan and his rock-solid presence, those fears were slowly fading.

  “Hey, c’mere, Holly. I want to show you something.”

  Dylan gestured for her to follow him as he walked past the stables and headed toward the pasture. The area was peaceful, with not a single person in sight. He walked right up to the fence and threw his head back, causing his cowboy hat to come tumbling down to the ground. He stretched out his arms and looked up toward the heavens. Glancing back over his shoulder, he grinned at her, then pointed up at the full moon dazzling an otherwise onyx sky.

  Watching Dylan revel in the beautiful fall evening was a humbling experience. She’d lived on this ranch her entire life, and although she loved it, she knew there were times she took it for granted. He’d told her enough about his time in Afghanistan for her to truly appreciate what the great outdoors meant to him. Clean air. Wide-open spaces. Freedom. Safety.

  She was in awe of the way he appreciated the simple things that couldn’t be bought or sold. Of the way he could rejoice in God’s most wondrous creations and show such sincere gratitude for all his blessings. As she gazed at him, her mind and her heart felt full, almost to the point of overflowing. And she knew in this moment no other man would ever do, because Dylan was wedged firmly in her soul. For now and always.

  * * *

  Holly followed behind him, maneuvering herself over to the fence until she was parked beside where he stood. She was smiling now, which was a good thing. It had been painful to see her with tears in her eyes. It made him realize he’d do anything to make her feel better. And who wouldn’t feel their spirits lift by looking up at this incredible full moon? Who wouldn’t feel buoyed by this beautiful backdrop? It was a reminder of how insignificant they all were in the scheme of things. Their problems were nothing compared to the celestial splendor of the sky.

  He couldn’t remember a time in his life when he’d felt so content. For so long he’d had this feeling of unhappiness lodged inside his chest. He hadn’t even realized until recently how much it was weighing him down. Ever since he’d arrived in West Falls, those feelings had begun to dissipate, like fog lifting after the rain. He felt almost weightless. Content.

  “The look on your face when you’re here in your element... It’s pure joy,” Holly said. “I’ve spent my life around cowboys. Not all of them light up from the inside when they’re working the ranch. Not all of them feel what you feel when they’re surrounded by nothing more than land and sky and horses.”

  “I come from a long line of ranchers on my dad’s side. I think it runs through my veins,” he said, acknowledging for the first time his ranching ties.

  “Whether you realize it or not, Dylan, you’ve found your sweet spot.” She grinned at him, appearing delighted at the prospect of him finding his way.

  He was just happy he’d gotten her to smile. “I think you’re right,” he acknowledged. “For so long I resisted it, this gravitational pull toward ranching. That was one of the reasons I enlisted. I was so afraid of being like my dad, so scared I’d turn out to be his carbon copy. I wanted to go down a road he’d never traveled.”

  He shuddered, suddenly overcome by a feeling of vulnerability. “But here I am again. Right back where I started.”

  “Just because you love ranching doesn’t mean you’re like him. It just means you’re a cowboy, down to the bone. He doesn’t own that.”

  “I know that here.” He tapped the side of his temple. “But here.” He placed his palm over his heart. “That’s where the doubts live. And sometimes they rattle around my brain until I can’t even think straight.”
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  Holly nodded her head, her expression full of understanding. “I get it. That happens to me sometimes, too. The voice of doubt in your head becomes louder than your own instincts. When those thoughts creep in, I just have to focus on something to center me.”

  She reached out and placed her hand on the fence enclosure. “Most times it’s Horseshoe Bench Ranch that settles me. Being here reminds me of what’s truly important.”

  There was a wistful feeling rising up inside him as he listened to Holly’s words. His gaze focused on a place far in the distance. “Lately I’ve been thinking more and more about my dreams of owning my own ranch.”

  He cast a quick glance in her direction, needing to see her reaction to his statement. More times than he could count, his dreams had been scoffed at and deemed out of his reach, so much so that he no longer shared them. Confiding his aspirations to Holly wasn’t easy. It left him wide-open.

  “Nothing as grand as your family’s spread,” he qualified, “but something all of my own. A legacy for my children. Something they can feel proud to be a part of.”

  Children. He’d gone and said it out loud. That desire was something he’d wrestled with for some time. As much as he wanted to experience being a parent, there was still so much doubt about whether or not he would be a good one. For him, fatherhood seemed like this elusive thing he couldn’t quite put his finger on. It was a mystery he wasn’t sure he could unravel.

  “Oh, Dylan, that’s wonderful,” Holly said, enthusiasm laced in her voice. “I may be biased, but owning a ranch, working the land and seeing it grow into something more beautiful than you ever imagined... That’s as good as it gets.”

  It was as if she was reading his thoughts. Truthfully, he couldn’t imagine a better life. Unless, of course, that life included a woman with whom he could share those aspirations. Someone he could cleave to for the rest of his days, the way the good Lord intended. That would be a fulfilling life.

  Holly bit her lip, her expression thoughtful. “Having children is something I think about all the time. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to have a child of my own, but if I could, it would be a dream come true.”