Style and Disgrace

by Caitlin West

  I swallowed hard. Listening to the tale of my father’s last moments was surprisingly trying. The fact I hadn’t ever met the man and only knew what he looked like through photographs and dreams made no difference. Somehow, I felt bound to him and despite the fact we had never spoken in real life, I suddenly missed him.

  “I knelt beside him and offered to get him help, to heal his wounds much as he had done for me. He took my hand and shook his head, drawing me closer so he didn’t have to raise his voice.”

  * * * *

  “Ian,” Richard sounded so weak, he didn’t sound like himself. An hour before, he had been vibrant and alive. Now, on the way out, he was as frail as if old age were claiming him. “Your affliction still lingers. It’s time we freed you of it completely.”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Ian said. “We have to heal you. Be quiet and let me get you out of here. I know a couple of people in Los Angeles.”

  “There’s no time for that. You have to listen. There are two things I need from you for what I’m about to give.”

  “You don’t have to give me anything,” Ian interrupted. “You’ve already provided more than I could ever repay and you know that I hate debts.”

  “You’re going to try. Listen closely, we don’t have much time.” Richard handed Ian his wallet. “I have a daughter…still young but you know what that means. She doesn’t have a lot of time before things happen. You must find her and protect her through the process. Don’t make her a statistic that has to learn all of this on her own.”

  “I won’t.” Ian could barely speak through the lump that had formed in his throat. This man had become more than his savior, he was a mentor and a friend. He brought a balance to his life that he had never known, not since before he embraced what he had become. “I swear she’ll remain safe.”

  “Good,” Richard coughed hard and blood flecked his lips. He winced, staring up through squinting eyes. “The second thing I want you to do…is to take my life.”

  “What?” Ian stared at him, horrified at the prospect and unable to even fathom the request. “There’s no way! How could I? After all you’ve done, I won’t do it.”

  “It’s my final gift to you, Ian. Your affliction requires a sacrifice to be exorcised completely. It feeds on lives, but only those unwillingly stolen. This one, I give freely. Take it. Free yourself, elevate your status in your organization and above all…protect my daughter. You’ll need the clout with the Pillar to do it.”

  “You want me to make it seem like I built up to this moment.” Realization hit Ian like a punch to the kidney. “You want the others to believe I wasn’t a traitor but that I was planning this all along.”

  “Such subterfuge is the very lifeblood of the Pillar,” Richard replied. “When you return, all suspicion will be washed away. You’ll be able to operate independently. You’ll be a full knight in their order, a true operative for their cause.”

  “After all that you’ve taught me, how long do you think I can really hold up that façade?”

  “Perhaps we’re not all that different, the Pillar and the Sphere. Perhaps it will take visionaries like yourself to point it out. In the end, we only want to integrate them back into the fold…as it was in the old days. If they could get over their grudge, they’d see the only thing holding them back is the acceptance of our forgiveness.”

  “I don’t care about the old arguments…I don’t even care about the affliction. I don’t want to…to kill you! I won’t do it.”

  “Let the affliction take over,” Richard said. “It knows what to do…and it will burn itself out in the process. You have to do this, Ian. Don’t waste my death. Use it…for your sake and for Abigail’s.”

  * * * *'

  “I don’t think I have to tell you what I did.” Ian paced away from me, turning his gaze to my neighbor’s house. “The affliction was burned out as he promised. The Pillar accepted me back with open arms. I became the knight he supposed I would be and now I’m here, fulfilling the last part of my promise to protect you.

  “I’ve done many things I’m not proud of, Abby, and that was certainly one of them. Please don’t think less of me or him for the decisions we made. If you were going to embrace your gifts, you’d understand the meaning of sacrifice and belonging. As it is, we have to work together to make your father’s wish come true.

  “So what do you say? Now that you’ve heard the truth, do you still trust me? Are we going to continue on with our arrangement? Or would you rather risk it alone? I will not force myself on you, but truth be told, I would much rather have the chance to fulfill my bond. The choice…is entirely up to you.”

  Chapter Five

  The Eternal

  Life is a matter of perspective. Mine’s definitely skewed, but I can tell you right now that I do not get the appeal of reality TV. Those things are better scripted than your average police procedural and twice as dramatic. Take it from me, people are big enough freaks you don’t have to enhance the flavor for prime time. Just visit the Testy Fest in Montana sometime if you don’t buy it. Unbelievable.

  —Abby’s Facebook

  I probably shouldn’t have trusted him. A confessed murderer, a man who admitted to working with people that didn’t believe in mercy, and, most telling of all, someone my mother was leery of. Combine all these facts and Ian should’ve been on a permanent watch list with bells on and maybe a sign with all capital letters reading Seriously, I’m dangerous.

  If I was to take Ian at face value, to compare him to monsters and demons of the biblical variety, then I would have to call into question everything he said. After all, devils are meant to be deceiving. According to every warning in the book (literally), they could make the most absurd lie sound true. There would always be a shadow of doubt concerning Ian and what tormented me the most was he knew what he was doing by telling me.

  My practical side reminded me I didn’t have many options. Ian was my only link to this world and, if he was to be trusted at all, the only way I could get out of it. Without him, I’d go through these changes alone, possibly get killed, and if not, be stuck with it forever. Dad sounded like a great guy, but, in this case, I saw no reason to follow in his footsteps.

  “I don’t want to risk it alone,” I said, adding quickly, “but…I’m not sure what to think of you now.”

  A soft chuckle shook his chest. “This is a new development?”

  “Well, no…” I flushed. “It’s just…”

  He held up his hand. “You don’t have to explain. Just know no one feels your father’s death more profoundly than I do. I got the impression I was as close to him as he allowed anyone to be. Understand this: I would give my life to protect yours and to help you realize your wish, I would sacrifice much.”

  “But why? Why give up the gift my father gave you to save me?”

  “Because when he cleansed the remainder of that affliction from my heart, I knew the eternal part of me was safe…that when I pass from this place, I will not do so with taint. Those who leave this realm impure, regardless of where they go, suffer…greatly.”

  I grimaced, turning away. There was no arguing that logic, but I still wasn’t sure I was worth the presidential security treatment. That particular horse had been flogged enough though, so I decided to move on.

  “So when I tossed that person…that thing back from me, was that…I dunno what to call it…some kind of natural reaction or is it something I’d be able to control eventually? You know…if I decided to keep on with this stuff.”

  “It was both. If you manifest powers similar to your father’s, you’d be capable of controlling and channeling kinetic energy. This means you’d be able to move objects, strike things from afar, and deflect objects.”

  “That would be a useful power onstage in Texas,” I muttered. “The shoes are murder…”

  Ian just stared at me.

  “Well, excuse me for trying to lighten the mood after what you’ve been talking about.”

&
nbsp; “Anyway,” he continued, “I could teach you how to channel it all and control it if you wanted. Or, you could go on as you have been. There is one piece of good news. The things coming after you at this stage will not be overt and risk exposure to the general public. Providing you’re in crowds, you should be safe.”

  “Even with that operative phrase should be, I think that won’t be a problem. I’m scheduled to be with crowds for the next several days.”

  “There you have it then.” Ian turned away, his tone dismissive. “I will ward the house before I go…that should keep you safe before the morning. Do you plan to go out?”

  “No, I’ll be ordering dinner in.”

  “Very well.” He stomped down the stairs. “I’ll see you tomorrow at the pre-release party.”

  I had almost forgotten how he had ingratiated himself into my life. Hell, even the band was feeling a little peripheral to these recent developments. There was one thing to take heart in, though. If I was already attracting unwanted supernatural attention, then maybe it would all be over far sooner than I had anticipated. Instead of months, maybe I just had to weather a couple of weeks.

  Wouldn’t that be convenient?

  I sighed. Better not count on it…

  Chapter Six

  Fear-Related Company

  I used to think love left you battered on the road without your watch, wallet, or dignity. That’s how my previous relationships have been. It’s wonderfully strange to finally know how it’s supposed to be.

  —Abby’s Facebook

  David called about an hour after Ian left. Apparently, the place they used to press the magazine was having trouble and they were running up against their deadline. He was organizing a crew to determine whether or not they had to find an alternative or if the equipment could be repaired soon enough to get through their required run.

  “I’m sorry, this is taking a lot longer than I anticipated,” he said, genuinely sounding contrite. If any of my previous dates had made such a claim, I would’ve been suspicious. It was a pleasant change of pace to be with someone that didn’t warrant such concern. “I’ll make it up to you.”

  “Nah, it’s fine. It’s work, right? There’s nothing you can do about that stuff. You didn’t break it. Just…you know, be fabulous and get everyone back to work. They’ve got a magazine to print.”

  “You really are amazing, Abby.” David sighed, but there was a smile in his voice despite the frustration. “Thank you. Maybe we can get together before your event tomorrow and hang out? I’ll take you to the venue if you want.”

  “That would be great. Now get your ass back to work, mister! We’ll talk soon!”

  My exuberance died the moment we hung up. Faced with a night alone, I began to think about my bad dreams, the weirdo who came to my door, and Ian’s involvement in my father’s death. Despite the fact I understood it wasn’t entirely his fault, that made it no less chilling and, as I sat there, I wondered if the feeling in my gut was paranoia or outright fear.

  I was about to call up Sammy when the phone rang, causing me to flinch so hard it hurt my neck. Ian’s phone number lit up the screen and I let out an irritable sigh. What the hell, did your ears burn or something?

  I tapped the speaker button and leaned forward. “Hello?”

  “Good evening, Abigail,” Ian said. His uptight voice was distorted by a crackle in our line. “I was just calling to check in and see how you’re doing.”

  “I’m just great, Ian.” I couldn’t fight off the sarcasm. “Just hanging out here alone at the house…trying not to freak out and all that. How’re you? I trust your creepy way home was uneventful.”

  “Did something happen?”

  “David’s got some work thing that’s going to keep him all night,” I replied. “He was going to spend the night, but now…it doesn’t look like he’s coming at all.”

  “I see.” Ian cleared his throat. “If it’s company you want, I could come over. I mean, if anything happened I’d already be there. It would be a little more convenient in the protecting-you-from-harm department.”

  Part of me instantly said No way! It argued quickly and vehemently he was dangerous, he had killed my father, and I couldn’t entirely trust him. Furthermore, it felt that having Ian over would be completely inappropriate because David might be jealous or, worse, think I was cheating on him.

  Of course, that part of me was somehow totally detached from how scared I was to be alone that night and it also was lost in my past when my boyfriends were paranoid, suspicious freaks with egos far larger than their penises. The very fact I even thought about Ian in an intimate way was a fine example of how cracked I was.

  The moment that my birthday nonsense went away, Ian was following them. Out the door, down the street, do not pass go, do not collect a piece of my ass. Maybe he was interested in sleeping with me and perhaps seduction was on his made-up menu, but there was no way in hell I was jeopardizing something so amazing as David. If I lost him, I would literally be one of the stupidest women on the planet.

  And that’s far from the truth how?

  Sometimes, I really hated my subconscious.

  “Um…I don’t know…” I had to buy some time. There was another part of me that had a valid argument for letting him come over.

  The fact was, Ian was capable. Of what, I wasn’t entirely sure, but I believed firmly and totally he could protect me from whatever might show up. He wasn’t a low-ranking Sphere member, he was up there on the list. Not a monster per se, but someone like me…born of a human and raised here before coming into his skills.

  Besides, he seemed rather asexual when it came right down to it. He was his job. That should’ve made him one of the safest people on the planet to hang out with. There wouldn’t be any expectations. Hell, there might not be anything at all. Something told me he might be a little awkward if the two of us were alone together.

  “I could, of course, stay home if you’d prefer, but I know the others are a little busy tonight. Sammy and Doug are visiting relatives. Jack has a date and Wyatt took two sleeping pills and went to bed. Apparently, he’s not been sleeping very well and he wants to be vibrant for tomorrow’s event.

  “Your boyfriend is busy with work and you’ve got nothing going on. So unless you think social media will be enough to keep you busy and your mind off of all that’s going on, I suggest you take a friendly offer when it comes your way.”

  “Why’s your friendly offer feel a lot like an intervention?”

  “Because I’m socially inept one on one,” Ian answered instantly. I could hear he was kidding, a grin in his voice. It made me feel much better knowing he had some humor. “And I sincerely believe you should let me come over. We can…watch a movie or something.”

  “I’ve got a spare room.” I cursed myself for the impulsive, desperate statement. I didn’t want to be alone. There were so many options of what to be worried about, I couldn’t imagine having to face the whole night alone. Besides, I had to be alert for the pre-release party. Zombie Wright would definitely light up some message boards and I had no desire to fight that battle on top of everything else.

  “Are you asking me to stay the night?”

  “Only if it’s not inconvenient…you know, and if you want to. I mean…” I sighed. “Yes, I’m asking you to stay the night. The place is huge and I have extra of everything but clothes, so if you bring some stuff, it won’t be a big deal.”

  “Lucky for you I can come and go undetected.” He was teasing me again and it made me grit my teeth. “We don’t want to cause a scandal.”

  “Yeah, let’s avoid that.” I rolled my eyes. “Just…if you’re coming, then get over here. I need to make dinner…or something. I’m starving.”

  “I’ll see you in ten minutes.”

  * * * *

  I spent the time tidying up the house even though it really didn’t need it. Five minutes in, I started to question a few things. My sanity was at the top of the list. What the hell was I thin
king inviting Ian over after everything we’d talked about? Couple that with impulsively inviting him over to stay and I truly felt like I had lost my mind.

  Previous boyfriends would not have been cool with that at all and back then they would’ve had good cause for concern. It wasn’t that I was a slut, but the younger version of myself had a similar proclivity toward promiscuity that men did. I was easily distracted by the next big thing and that was usually a recipe for total disaster.

  I wanted to say I wasn’t like that anymore, but the truth of the matter was, I had no idea. David was certainly the best thing that had ever happened to me and I would be the first person to admit I was in love with him. Unfortunately, that didn’t stop my mind from wandering. Was I a bad person for thinking about it or was this a defense mechanism designed to prevent me from being stupid?

  Yeah, that’s likely. Sometimes, regardless of how hard I try, I’m still my mother’s child and that means moments of epic irresponsibility. I let out a long sigh and flopped on the couch. I have to get myself together. This is out of control. I’m not a soap opera character for God’s sake!

  A knock at the door replaced my thoughts with a sense of panic. I heaved myself up, wiping the sweat from my hands against my hips. The doorbell rang and I tried to shout I was coming, but nothing came out. I cleared my throat and belted out in my loudest voice, “Hold on!”

  I peered through the peephole. It was Ian, standing a few paces away from the door looking out at the street. He was dressed differently than earlier, this time in an off-white blazer, matching slacks, and dark brown shoes. His shirt was neatly pressed, unbuttoned at the throat, and his blond hair was neat but for some rogue bangs resting on his forehead.