Heal (His Command Book 4)

by Piper Scott

  Cedric’s throat constricted. If he said anything more, he knew he’d start to cry.

  “Cedric,” Adrian said, startled. “Wait.”

  But waiting wasn’t an option. Cedric had done enough of that already. He entered the carport, sank into the driver’s seat, and got the hell out before he could change his mind. As he drove past, he spotted Adrian by the front door, his typically stern face softened by surprise—or regret.

  Cedric set his eyes on the road and didn’t look back. He couldn’t.

  Another future shattered. Another love stolen from him.

  Cedric left his heart behind him, and as he did, all his carefully assembled pieces fell back apart.

  31

  Cedric

  There was a buzzer beside the back door of Sterling’s penthouse—a simple rubber button that glowed from the inside. Cedric pressed it in, then leaned against the metal railing out of the way of the door. No matter how bad he felt, he knew that coming here was the best thing he could have done. He would look Sterling in the eyes and admit that he wasn’t man enough for the job, and he would shoulder whatever punishment followed. It was his burden to bear, and he wouldn’t shy away from it.

  The door opened. Heated air gushed out and warmed Cedric’s cheeks. He looked up to find Sterling in the doorway wearing a simple button-down shirt, the top two buttons undone, and a pair of slacks. His blond hair was a little messier than Cedric was used to, almost like he’d been sleeping. “Cedric,” Sterling said with a knowing nod. “Come in.”

  Coming in felt like a bad idea. When Sterling found out the truth, there was going to be bloodshed. “I think it’s best we talk out here.”

  Before Cedric could so much as begin the conversation, Sterling stepped back from the doorway and gestured down the hall. “No, I insist you come inside. The longer we keep the door open, the more the cold will come in, and I don’t want Lilian to catch a chill.”

  Lilian, the baby. Right. Cedric swallowed his nerves and stepped through the door, making sure it was latched behind him. Like ivy creeping across a foundation, anchoring its roots against all odds, Cedric’s emotions had become entangled in what was, at its core, a business transaction. The only way forward was to pluck the roots out and leave behind barren subject matter. The simpler he kept this conversation, the better.

  He stood by the doorway, unwilling to enter the penthouse any farther. He wasn’t a guest here—this was business, nothing more. “I’m here to prematurely end the contract, and I want to return the money you gave me in compensation for Gabriel’s care.”

  “It seems like a drastic step to take so suddenly.” Sterling’s face was as impossible to read as his tone. There wasn’t joy in his eyes, but there wasn’t anger, either. He kept his mouth neutral, no twist of his lips there to reveal what was going on inside his head. “You kissed him?”

  “I…” A kiss was technically accurate, but it didn’t encompass what had gone on that night, and what had happened earlier that morning. Cedric would be truthful—Gabriel deserved his honesty. “It’s more than that. It’s not the physical that bothers me, but the intention behind it. Over the last few weeks, I’ve learned what Gabriel needs, and sex isn’t it. Gabriel needs someone who won’t be tempted to drag him back into the same darkness he escaped from. I’m not a good fit for him.”

  Sterling looked him over, the track lights overhead hitting his shoulders and casting dynamic shadows that amplified the features of his face. Next to Sterling’s greatness, Cedric remembered just how small he was—nothing more than a young man looking to find himself through kink, but doing a miserable job at it. Gabriel needed someone sure of himself, whose every move was made with purpose, and who spoke with confidence no matter what he said. At twenty-five, and after having suffered a tragic loss, Cedric wasn’t ready to be that man. It was foolish to think he could take on a job so big when he, himself, was a work in progress.

  Two broken souls couldn’t heal each other. Gabriel needed stability. It was better to end things now, because Cedric knew if they continued, their pieces would start to slot together as they healed, and it would make their eventual separation that much more difficult.

  “Cedric?” Sterling’s voice was crisp, and it lacked the anger Cedric anticipated. Cedric lifted his gaze to look into Sterling’s eyes. “Do you know why I chose you?”

  “To assess my worthiness when it came to the management position,” Cedric replied. The answer was obvious—Sterling had told him as much during their conversation at the interview. “You wanted to see my work ethic.”

  “Not quite.” Sterling’s blue eyes were soft, like he was looking upon his favorite son. “There are other ways to test a man’s mettle than to entrust him with your vulnerable brother-in-law. The reason why I entrusted you with Gabriel was because I knew you understood.”

  Saliva pooled in Cedric’s mouth. No matter how many times he swallowed, it never seemed to make a difference. What was Sterling going on about? He’d waded into the job blindly, and he’d only learned about Gabriel’s past when Gabriel had opened up and subsequently broken down on him over Garrison Baylor. Cedric understood nothing.

  “Five years ago, the young man who let himself be paraded around on a leash with stars in his eyes, beautifully submissive to a woman he loved, disappeared. In the blink of an eye, the man you were was stripped from you, but here you stand before me, risen from the ashes of your past, and stronger than you were before.”

  On the surface, Cedric kept his reaction impartial. He didn’t allow his bottom lip to tremble or his eyes to widen with surprise. On the day of the interview, he’d walked in thinking that Sterling never would have looked into his past—but of course he had. When he’d looked across the desk at Cedric, searching the depths of his soul for the truth, he’d already known what secrets Cedric housed. All he was looking for was honesty.

  “You’re young, and many would say that you lack the experience necessary to take on my position at The Shepherd, but they don’t understand what it’s like to lose someone, do they? Or how it feels to grow up overnight? From starstruck and in love with the world to jaded and guarded out of necessity. I know your pain, Cedric, because it’s a pain I share with you. I ended up growing up well before my time, and The Shepherd is my monument to that struggle.”

  There had to be a catch. Cedric held firm before Sterling, keeping his silence. Once, Sterling had used that tactic to encourage him to speak, and now Cedric returned fire.

  “You’ve had your whole world reduced to nothing, and yet you still managed to rise back up and make something of yourself. You changed your life to fit your new goals and aspirations, and you did so on your own. Nothing could stop you—not tragedy, not hardship, and not yourself. That’s why I chose you to take on what seems like an insurmountable task.”

  “Because I bested tragedy?” There were tears lurking behind Cedric’s eyes that he refused to shed. Remembering what he’d lost when Brittany died was hard at the best of times, but as shaken as he was from abusing Gabriel, it hit him harder than it had in years.

  “Because you were shaped by it.” Sterling made no move to come closer, but Cedric felt so close to him in that moment, they might as well have been standing side by side. No one had ever put into words the way his life had changed after Brittany’s death because no one had ever understood what it was like, but Sterling knew—Cedric heard it in his tone of voice as plainly as he heard it in his words. “And I had hopes that you might be able to see into the truth of a young man who’s going through that same pain right now, and that you might grow together.”

  “Then why didn’t you tell me that from the start?” Cedric uttered. His voice was hoarse, betraying the profound sorrow and hurt he kept buried inside. That hurt was clawing its way through the earth now, disrupting ground laid to hide it years ago. Its efforts eroded at Cedric’s façade, like he was a house of cards built on a mechanical bull. “You kept information from me about Garrison. You smoothed over Gabriel’
s past. You made it seem like it was no big deal, and I wandered into a goddamn mine field without so much as a metal detector. That boy tore into my heart and left me bleeding. I tried to take advantage of him when he wasn’t well enough to know better. I deserve to be arrested, not given a pat on the back and a motivational speech. I almost raped him, Sterling. I wasn’t prepared for what I would encounter, and I almost raped him. You can’t sweet-talk what I did—or what you did— away.”

  “We kept it from you because you, of all people, should know that Gabriel is a person, not a problem.” Sterling’s face was unreadable, but compassion lurked in his tone. “The struggles he’s gone through and the experiences that have shaped him are part of who he is, the same way your struggles and experiences are a part of who you are. You know that. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have cared enough to come here. So let me ask you this: why are you standing here, Cedric?”

  The question demanded a response, but Cedric couldn’t find words.

  “You’re standing here because you’re a man of character. If you didn’t care, a kiss wouldn’t weigh on your conscience.”

  “It wasn’t just a kiss,” Cedric stressed. Maybe Sterling didn’t understand. “We… I was seconds away from taking him. I didn’t get him out of his boxers, but—”

  “You’re standing here,” Sterling said as if Cedric hadn’t spoken at all, “because you’re looking to make things right. You want what’s best for Gabriel, not for yourself. You’re putting the needs of others before the needs of yourself, and you’re coming to me to let me know where you fell short, and what is needed to correct the situation.”

  No matter how much Sterling analyzed the situation, it didn’t change what had occurred. Cedric shook his head. “What does it matter?”

  “In some ways, everything, both good and bad.” Sterling’s expression tightened, and the affection in his eyes dulled. “I will be removing Gabriel from your care. I’ve already started to investigate alternative treatment options, since he did so poorly at Stonecrest.”

  At last, something that made sense. Cedric accepted the news, and he let himself mourn his loss. Losing Gabriel stung, but there was no other way.

  “But the qualities you’ve demonstrated this past week?” Sterling continued. “The rigid moral and professional standards you hold yourself to? I would be a fool to look for someone else to manage The Shepherd in my place. If you’re still interested in the position, it’s yours. I couldn’t picture a man better suited for the job.”

  The job offer didn’t fill the void unearthed in Cedric, and it did nothing to push his sorrow back down into the bog it had clawed its way up from. “Gabriel is worth more to me than a job offer. I can’t, in good conscience, accept when it means that our paths might cross again. Until he’s healed, I don’t want to get in his way. I wouldn’t want to hinder his recovery.”

  “I’m not ready to step down just yet,” Sterling said. He kept his voice level, and Cedric couldn’t pinpoint exactly what his underlying motives were. “You’ll have a month to think about it before I reopen the position and entertain other candidates.”

  “You’re wasting your time. I’ve given you my answer.”

  “Time is never wasted if it’s spent in hope.” Sterling met his gaze. “I’d offer you a place to stay while Gabriel sees his heat through to completion, but I get the feeling you’d refuse.”

  “You’re right.”

  “Then I want you to know that I don’t hold you accountable for what you did.” Sterling’s eyes bore through him with the same contemplative look he’d given Cedric during his interview. “There are two sides to every story, and although Gabriel’s view of the world is skewed, I know that there are details that have been omitted or overlooked. You aren’t the villain you make yourself out to be. Bad deeds aren’t what make a villain a villain—inaction in correcting those deeds is.”

  “I should go.” The longer he stayed here, the worse he was going to feel. What Sterling said was reassuring, but it did nothing to assuage Cedric of his suffering. The fact was, he’d let his heart get in the way of a job, and that job had morphed into something he wasn’t ready to handle. If he’d been strong enough, could he have seen Gabriel through to the end? Could he have made him realize that suffering made men as much as it broke them?

  That after he was done pulling himself back together, Cedric would be waiting for him?

  It didn’t matter anymore.

  Cedric pushed the door open and stepped out onto the metal-grate landing. Sterling stood in the doorway, watching.

  “You have my number, Cedric,” Sterling told him. “I’m not upset. You’ve made a mistake, but you can still recover from it.”

  “Thanks. I’ll wire you back the money tonight, once I find a place to stay.”

  “Don’t.”

  Cedric squared his shoulders and returned Sterling’s gaze. “I will.”

  Nothing more was said between them. Sometimes, silence didn’t need to end. Cedric turned and headed down the steps to the alley a little more quickly than he would have liked, a chilly autumn wind biting at his cheeks. He hadn’t had the presence of mind to grab a hoodie before he’d left the house. Everything was in disarray, and it would remain that way until he pulled himself back together.

  Another atmospheric high met with a meteoric fall. He should have listened to his common sense when he’d met Gabriel for the first time and felt the sparks between them—if he’d refused the job outright, he never would have had to feel this way. Now, a part of his heart was missing all over again. Cedric didn’t know how many more pieces it could break into before it crumbled into dust.

  32

  Gabriel

  A damp cloth dabbed the sweat from Gabriel’s forehead, and for the first time in what felt like ten years, Gabriel opened his eyes. It wasn’t Sir who sat at his bedside, like he thought it might be, but Adrian. In some ways, the sight of him took a load off Gabriel’s mind—he hadn’t realized how much he’d missed his brother until he saw him in person. But mostly, it made Gabriel feel miserable. He closed his eyes and tried to hide the fact that he’d woken up.

  “You can’t fool me, you know.” Adrian took the cloth away, and Gabriel heard saturated fabric splat as it landed on water. “It’s been two days. Are you finally coming down?”

  “No.” Gabriel wasn’t lying. He knew that he was far from finished with his heat—snapping back to lucidity partway through estrus wasn’t uncommon for an omega. “My body’s just letting me get something to drink, and maybe something to eat, if I’m lucky.”

  “You’ve been eating and drinking just fine. I’ve been making sure of it.” Adrian’s voice was stiff, like he was angry. He had every right to be. Gabriel had pushed Sir away, and now once again, he was going to be his brother’s problem. “What the hell were you thinking, not telling anyone you were going into heat? You’re not even on birth control, for Christ’s sake.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You’d better be. You were living with an alpha. Do you know what that means?”

  Silence. Gabriel didn’t open his eyes. His mouth was dry, and every inhaled breath he took tracked that dryness farther down his throat. It felt like if he breathed in anymore, he’d start to strip his vocal cords.

  The bed creaked. Sopping fabric twisted, and beads of water trickled downward. The cloth met his head again, cold, like frost seizing a desert at midday. Gabriel exhaled and held his lungs empty for as long as he could. Maybe if he didn’t breathe, his body would be so worried about air that it would forget about making a baby with an alpha who didn’t think he was good enough.

  “You do know what that means. Of course you do.” Adrian spoke so quietly, Gabriel wasn’t sure he was meant to hear. “Why would you do something like that, Gabriel? Cedric was taking care of you, wasn’t he? Wasn’t he treating you nicely?”

  Why did Adrian always have to make him feel bad? Gabriel rolled onto his side and curled into a ball. The cold cloth on his forehead
plopped onto the sweat-damp pillow he was resting on. “Sir was treating me very nicely.”

  “Then why would you hurt him like that?” Gabriel heard the cloth move, and soon after, it met his forehead again, held there by Adrian’s will. “What you did was really low.”

  “You gave me to him,” Gabriel whispered, almost too ashamed of himself to speak. “Omegas are designed to be bred, Adrian. Why else do we go into heat? Why are we so soft and slender when alphas are so hard and broad? If I can’t give Sir a baby, then what use am I to him?”

  “Jesus Christ. Nine months in Stonecrest and you still think that way?” The cloth blotted his forehead, then hit the water again. “That bastard really got to you, didn’t he? What you just said isn’t right. It’s not right at all.”

  Garrison had always warned him to be careful of the nonbelievers. Brainwashed omegas who argued that there was more to life than to serve the purpose they were born for were dangerous, and their way of thinking was toxic to happiness. At least, so Gabriel had thought. But he was starting to question what he believed. When had Garrison ever told him the truth?

  “What you did to Cedric? That wasn’t okay. You need consent from someone before you do something like that, Gabriel. Heat isn’t something you drop on someone out of the blue.”

  It hurt to hear, but Gabriel knew it was true. In pursuit of his own selfish desires, he’d tried to harm Sir by making him do something he didn’t want to do. If he’d truly respected Sir, he never would have done something like that. “I’m sorry.”

  “I’m not the one you need to be saying sorry to.”