Heal (His Command Book 4)

by Piper Scott

  Adrian set a hand on his knee, but it was Sir who Gabriel was focused on. The arm wrapped around Gabriel’s shoulders tugged him closer, then abandoned his shoulder to run fingers through his hair. Gabriel held back a sigh of contentment and cuddled closer. It was a silent sign from Sir that everything was okay.

  “So this is me trying,” Gabriel said. “I know you don’t think it, but I’ve changed so much since I came to be with Sir. I want to be good, but I don’t want to be good in the way Garrison taught me to be. Not anymore. All this time I’ve been learning and listening, and even when it’s too much and I’m too weak to do what’s right, it’s inside of me. All of it is inside of me. And maybe one day, when it all builds up, I can be more like who you want me to be. I can be someone who makes you proud.”

  “You already make me proud,” Sir whispered. It was a simple statement, but it lit up Gabriel’s world. The smile it produced was radiant, and Gabriel tried to hide it by burying his face against Sir’s arm. To be praised like that by someone he loved made him want to be strong again and again.

  “You’ve made me proud, too,” Adrian said. His hand squeezed, then parted from Gabriel’s knee. “Even if the police let you back in the house tonight, you’re not going to want to stay there after what happened. Once you’re released, come with me back to the penthouse. Stay the night, both of you. We have a guest bed.”

  “There’s only one bed.” Gabriel lifted his head from Sir’s shoulder, frowning. Adrian had made it clear he wasn’t supposed to touch Sir intimately. “The guest room was taken out for Lilian, remember?”

  “I know.” Adrian got up from the sidewalk and brushed off the back of his pants. “It’s cold out here. I’m going to go sit in my car and call Sterling to let him know what’s going on, and to expect guests. If you need me, you know where to find me.”

  “Okay.” Gabriel bit the inside of his lip, equal parts excited by the prospect of sharing a bed with Sir, and dreading it. He knew the last time that had happened, he’d been bad, and he didn’t want to disappoint anyone else. “I love you, Adrian. I’m sorry for making you scared.”

  “Scared?” Adrian shook his head and laughed a coarse, exhausted kind of laugh that made Gabriel regret the pain he’d caused him. “That’s an understatement. But you know what?” Adrian’s gaze softened. “I can take being scared, if this is what comes of it. I’m going to need a monster of a martini when we get home, though. You want the olive?”

  Gabriel closed his eyes. “Yes, please.”

  With nothing more said, Adrian wandered back to his car, his hands dug into the pockets of his coat, leaving Gabriel to wonder what he meant. He didn’t have long to think before Sir kissed the side of his head and sucked him back into the moment. The kiss melted Gabriel’s heart and did away with the remnants of his panic. He opened his eyes again and lifted his head to look at Sir, only to find Sir looking at him with tender affection and kindness.

  There was nothing said. There didn’t need to be. Beneath flashing lights, they held each other. The look Sir gave him was enough to tell him everything he needed to know.

  Whatever hurt Gabriel had inflicted onto him, and whatever emotional suffering he’d caused, it had been forgiven. In Sir’s eyes was forgiveness and an eagerness to make things right. Gabriel had set out into the world on his own not to suit another man’s agenda, but to do what his heart told him needed to be done. It had landed him in danger, and he knew that next time he needed to be more cautious, but at the same time, it had set him free.

  He was worthwhile. He was important. He was able.

  And now, he was Sir’s.

  It didn’t matter how dangerous it was. To Gabriel, the risk was worth it.

  41

  Cedric

  The house was quiet and the room was dark. It had to be closing in on four in the morning, but Cedric couldn’t sleep. Not only was he wired from the confrontation with the intruder, but his mind raced with what had happened afterward.

  The image of Gabriel, furious and panting as he stood over his abuser and took control of the situation, was etched into his mind. Cedric didn’t think he’d ever forget it. And now, that same young man was curled beside him beneath the blankets they shared, looking at him through the dark.

  “Sir?” Gabriel asked.

  “Yes, Gabriel?”

  “You’re not angry about what I did, are you? Or the things I said? I’m sorry that I spoke like that. It’s—”

  “No.” Cedric shifted closer. The sleeper sofa they shared was small enough that it didn’t take much until they were chest to chest. Gabriel adjusted his position so their bodies were flush. “Don’t be sorry about anything. I should be upset that you put yourself in danger like you did, but the truth is, without you, both of us would have been in even more danger. If you hadn’t stepped in, bad things would have happened.”

  “He would have taken us,” Gabriel murmured. His hand traced down Cedric’s side, and just like that, the air thickened with the chemistry they shared. It hit Cedric right away, filling his lungs and plunging to his groin. He might have wanted to go to sleep, but his cock had other ideas. “I heard him. I heard all the things he said to you. I was hiding in the kitchen while he spoke, waiting for a chance to creep closer without being heard so I could help you. I’m sorry I took so long.”

  “No. I told you, don’t be sorry about anything.” Cedric traced his fingers over Gabriel’s cheek, aching to kiss him. “What you did was perfect. I’m okay, and you’re okay, and he’s going to jail, and that’s all that matters.”

  “I should have told you about him.” Gabriel lowered his gaze. “From the very first day I came to your house, I picked up on his scent. You… you don’t forget something like that, after you spend so long living in a nightmare. I don’t think I’ll forget it for as long as I’m alive.”

  “I won’t forget it, either.” Cedric’s fingers traced down Gabriel’s neck, then under his jaw along his chin. Stubble pricked his skin.

  “I didn’t want to tell you about what happened to me because…” Gabriel hesitated, but his gaze flicked upward. His eyes were partially lidded, and his face relaxed. Physical contact had always been an excellent way to soothe him, and tonight it did the trick just fine. “Because everyone treats me like I’m broken, and I didn’t want to think it was true. I thought I was in love with Garrison, and that if I could trick you into thinking I was okay, that maybe you’d let your guard down and I could escape and find him. All I wanted to do was get back to him because I didn’t know how to be on my own. I still don’t, but the difference now is that I understand it.”

  All the times he’d run away, and all the times he’d clung to Cedric seeking comfort. Over the years, Garrison had turned Gabriel from an impressionable teen into a subservient young man who couldn’t function on his own.

  Subservient, not submissive.

  Cedric understood the difference better than ever now that he had confronted the truth.

  “And I didn’t talk to you about the man without a name because I was ashamed of what I’d let him do to me. I didn’t try to fight when he took me out of The White Lotus. I didn’t even scream. I was scared by what was happening, and I wasn’t thinking straight, and… and so he took me, and he kept me in his house, and I hated it. I got out as soon as I could. I wish I would have told you. All of this could have been avoided if I was honest with you from the start.”

  Cedric’s hand cupped Gabriel’s cheek, and he waited until Gabriel was focused on him before he spoke. “If you were listening that whole time, then you know it wasn’t you who was responsible for what happened tonight. You didn’t cause any of this, and you don’t have to blame yourself. Whether you were in the picture or not, that man would have come for me.”

  “But—”

  “Shh.” Cedric whispered. He let his hand wander back to stroke the short hairs on Gabriel’s nape. “I won’t argue with you, Rabbit. I’m here for you, remember?”

  Gabriel was quiet, hi
s lips parted the slightest bit, like he was waiting for a kiss. What he wouldn’t give to make that happen…

  “Let go of your pain,” Cedric whispered. His fingers caressed, teasing Gabriel’s hair. “Let me take your pain and make it my own. Let me shoulder it for you. I don’t ever want you to feel like you belong to me, but I want you to know that I’m here to bear the weight of your world alongside you. When it feels like it’s too much and you’re afraid of falling apart, entrust your struggles to me, and let me chase them away.”

  The Gabriel Cedric had thought he knew wasn’t the Gabriel who laid in bed beside him now. The meek, frightened creature he’d been told to dominate was gone, and in his place was a young man who’d started to find his footing in the world.

  Cedric wasn’t delusional—he knew that Gabriel wasn’t cured. The warped mindset Garrison had instilled in him couldn’t be undone so easily, and there was a chance he would never fully recover. But the initiative Gabriel had taken proved that all hope wasn’t lost. Consent wasn’t impossible. If Gabriel had the force of will to stand up for himself and subdue the alpha who’d done him wrong, and if he had the presence of mind to admit that he was broken, they had a chance.

  The young man Cedric had fallen for had grown bolder, and the more confident he grew, the more Cedric wanted him.

  “Adrian says we can’t be together anymore,” Gabriel whispered. He came a little closer, the tips of their noses so close, they brushed. “He says that after what happened, we have to live apart… and I think he’s right.”

  Cedric’s heart skipped a beat. “You do?”

  “Yeah.” Gabriel’s hand rested on Cedric’s hip, the contact between them electric. Sparks raced up Cedric’s arm and invaded his chest. He couldn’t hold them off if he tried. “I know that I’m not okay, and I don’t want that to… I don’t want that to come between us. I want to work on getting better, and to do that, I think we have to live apart. I don’t know how to be on my own, so… so I need to be on my own in order to get better. Does that make sense?”

  “Yes.” Cedric wanted to kiss him more than ever. The confession was beautiful, and it reaffirmed his belief that a future between them was possible.

  “I love you, Sir,” Gabriel whispered, so small and so timid that the sound almost didn’t make it to Cedric’s ears. “I love you, and I need your help. Will you help me be strong for you? I don’t know a lot of things, but I know that I want you. Even if it’s hard, I’m going to do what it takes to make sure we can be together.”

  “I’ll help you,” Cedric whispered back. He lifted his head only enough so he could bring their lips closer, and when he spoke next, he let the words find their home on Gabriel’s skin. “I love you, Gabriel.”

  The shiver he felt in response to his confession was innocent instead of frightened, and the kiss that followed it was sweeter yet. Gabriel initiated it, lifting his head to press their lips together. He took the lead, letting himself explore Cedric’s lips while Cedric played the passive role and returned his passion, but never pushed for more. The kiss continued, uncontaminated by the aching need between Cedric’s legs or his urge to mark the omega he loved as his. It was exploratory and cautious. Perfect.

  “I don’t want to go any further than kissing,” Gabriel whispered against Cedric’s lips. “Is that… is that okay? I know we’re sharing a bed…”

  “No, it’s fine. It’s better than fine.” Cedric smiled. “I want you to always tell me what your limits are. I won’t take anything from you that you’re not willing to give, even if you’ve given it to me before. If, ten minutes from now, you decide kissing is too much, I’ll stop. I won’t ask for it again.”

  “You’d do that?”

  “I love you.” Cedric grinned, holding back a laugh. After all this time, after fighting with himself for so long, he was able to acknowledge what he felt out loud. There was no more shame. The past was the past, and he let it go. Gabriel was capable of consent, and the choices he made were rational instead of based in fear or desperation. Cedric couldn’t ask for more. “You’ve given me your body and your mind, but you can always take them back. Always. My commitment is to serve you and to respect you… to bring you pleasure however you want. If you ever don’t want something, all you need to do is tell me, and I’ll stop.”

  “Then… then I want you to kiss me.” Gabriel brushed their lips together to mark his statement. “I want to kiss until our lips are sore and we’re too tired to go on.”

  “What you give me, I will take,” Cedric whispered. He pressed a chaste, exploratory kiss to Gabriel’s lips that made Gabriel moan. “And what I’m asked, I will perform. I’m yours, Gabriel. Yours. And no matter how long it takes, I will wait for you.”

  42

  Gabriel

  “Open your mouth, Gabriel.”

  Rabbit was gone, and Gabriel didn’t miss it. He opened his mouth, eyes closed, and allowed Sir to place the pinhead-sized pill on his tongue. The box of prescription contraceptives sat on the bathroom counter within arm’s reach, the packaging torn and the first pill popped out of its blister pack.

  “Swallow.”

  Gabriel closed his mouth, and Sir pressed a glass of water into his hand. He raised it to his lips and did as he was told. The pill traveled with the water down his throat and entered his system. He welcomed it.

  “Good boy.” Sir took the water from him and set it by the remaining pills. “How does that make you feel?”

  Gabriel knew better than to lie. He sucked in a breath and readied his response, considering it before he spoke, just like Sir wanted. “Good and bad. Good, because I know that I’m not ready to have a family, even though I want one with you so badly. Bad, because it makes me remember all the times in the past when… when he would tell me I just had to wait a little longer, and then he’d give me what I wanted.”

  “But was it ever what you wanted?”

  The question was difficult. “… No.”

  “Justify.” Sir took another box from the small pharmacy bag in the sink and opened the side flap.

  Justification was difficult when Gabriel’s thoughts were scattered. He closed his eyes and did his best to align what he thought was true, and what he knew was true. “It was true in the sense that I wanted stability and love, but… but a family doesn’t always mean that. A baby doesn’t guarantee that. I linked love to having a baby and it doesn’t work that way. Having a baby won’t make anyone love me more.”

  “Good boy.” Sir kissed his forehead. The praise was simple, but Gabriel craved it. He smiled and opened his eyes to watch as Sir prepared the next pill. It snapped free from its blister pack and landed on Sir’s palm. “Open.”

  Gabriel opened his mouth, and Sir placed the pill on his tongue. Heat preventatives were bigger than contraceptives, and if taken mindlessly, could have detrimental effects on the body. With his spring heat about to manifest, Gabriel knew that it was time. He trusted Sir’s judgment entirely.

  “Swallow.”

  The glass of water met his palm again, and Gabriel took a sip. The pill passed down his throat.

  This time, he wouldn’t go into heat. He wouldn’t try to ensnare Sir. When they decided to start a family, they would make that decision together.

  “Let me see,” Sir said. Gabriel opened his mouth, then lifted his tongue. The pill was gone from his mouth. “Good boy. You can close it.”

  The release was appreciated. Gabriel closed his mouth and beamed, then looked up at Sir to search for further guidance. The tiny smile on Sir’s face—almost unnoticeable—let Gabriel know there was nothing more he needed to do. He relaxed his shoulders and let himself rest. He’d been good.

  Half a year had evaporated faster than a drop of water on a hot frying pan. During the hard times, when Gabriel had done everything he could to win Garrison’s favor, time had come to a standstill, and six months had stretched into infinity. Not so anymore. Hours passed like seconds, and days like hours. Even the days when Sir was unable to attend the
ir afternoon sessions didn’t drag out—Gabriel was kept sane by the knowledge that soon, they’d be reunited, and that if he waited patiently, Sir would reward him.

  Most days, Sir picked Gabriel up from the penthouse after waking up. Sir’s new position in Sterling’s club meant that their sleep schedules didn’t match, but Gabriel took comfort in knowing that one day, when he was a little better, Sir would take him home for good.

  One day, because Gabriel knew that he wasn’t ready yet. Not now. The instability in his core was still too prominent, and his destructive thoughts still sometimes refused to leave him alone. When he was ready, he would give himself to Sir—but it was his choice to make, and he didn’t mistake it. No matter what anyone else wanted, whether it was Adrian, or Sterling, or Sir himself, Gabriel would not give in.

  Before he could let himself live with anyone else, he had to learn to live with himself.

  “I want to take you to dinner on Monday night,” Sir announced. He took Gabriel’s hand, and Gabriel followed him from the bathroom. “There’s a restaurant not far from The Shepherd I’ve been meaning to try that Sterling’s recommended. Would you prefer to wear your blue tie, or your gray tie with your suit?”

  A decision. It was small, but sometimes, even the smallest choices left him paralyzed. Gabriel bit down on his lip and quashed the voice inside that panicked about making the wrong choice. Sir had never punished him for making a choice before—in fact, Gabriel was pretty sure there never was a wrong option. The purpose of Sir’s questions wasn’t to get him into trouble. Sir was never cruel to him.