I Knew You Were Trouble: Accidents Happen

by Potter, M. X.

  "Broken garage door my ass!" Mary laughed. Emily, who had been reading over my shoulder, tried to stifle her laughter and failed. I, quickly as I could, stuffed the note in my pocket. I felt heat rise to my cheeks

  "Who is she?" Emily asked. I ignored her question.

  "Ah...I have to get these into water," I lied as I rose, "can we break for five?"

  "You have to tell us who she is." Emily laughed as I hurried out. Mary followed me to my desk.

  "You like her?" Mary inquired. I had never really discussed more than the weather with Mary before, and now she was acting like my trusted friend. I turned, more embarrassed than I should be.

  "Yes," I sighed, "a lot." I surrendered to the obvious.

  "She's claiming her turf," Mary chuckled. She handed me a card. "That's a same-day florist. Send two dozen back." I am sure I looked confused. "She's letting everyone here know she has dibs. There are rules you know -- send twice as many back." Mary turned and almost walked into Emily.

  "Sex toy?" Emily asked quietly, with a smile I didn't deserve. Mary had a private chuckle with Emily. "That's one hell of a no trespassing sign." Emily continued as she leaned over and smelled one of the roses. "What's she like?" Both were looking at me intently. Suddenly my sex life was everyone's business.

  "The sex toy is a private joke," I said quietly. Talking over cubicles wasn't exactly private.

  "So you haven't?" Mary asked. I must have turned fifty shades of red thinking about Adeline naked. They both started a new round of laughing. Flowers -- she had to send me flowers.

  "It's not like that," I said louder than I intended, "I love her!" My mouth quicker than my brain. Neither Mary nor Emily seemed shocked, both still smiling.

  "She's a lucky girl," Emily said.

  "Two dozen," Mary reminded me. They both walked off giggling. I plopped in my seat defeated, picked up the phone and ordered two dozen roses.

  Lunch was strange. I usually just headed out to a sandwich place and brought it back to my desk. Sometimes, I would mix it up and have a burger. This time, as I was walking back to my cubicle I was waylaid by Emily. She insisted I join her in the break room. I couldn't comfortably decline, though I really wanted to.

  Mary and a compliance officer named Claire were sitting there, seemingly waiting for me. I had spoken with Claire before when I designed some fishing queries looking for anomalies in our databases. I was going to be interrogated by polite busybodies. I sighed as I sat down.

  "What's her name and how did you meet her?" Mary started. I had six eyes on me, waiting for my answer. I slowly unwrapped my sandwich to give me time. Then I gave in and spilled. The whole story sounded so asinine as it came out of my mouth. They all looked on intently as I described the events as they unfolded. They had me clarify some issues then I would go on. I ended at the point where the flowers came in.

  "She rear-ended you, tried to blackmail you, lost your favorite jeans, you bailed her out of jail and she broke your phone and your garage door. Her family hates you, and you love her?" Emily asked incredulously as she summarized.

  "Yes," I said, and then smiled at the stupidity of it all, "completely."

  "It's adorable," Claire said.

  "It's insane," Mary contradicted, "you've only known her five days. She's homeless and unemployed." I nodded. There was no arguing with the truth.

  "Are you sure you aren't rebounding from your divorce?" Emily asked. I looked at all three of them. Claire was smiling, the other two looked concerned. I liked Claire's smile.

  "My marriage was over four years ago," I said, looking at Claire, "I have no idea why I connected with Adeline, but I have. I couldn't stop now if I wanted to."

  "See, it's beautiful," Claire added, looking between Mary and Emily, "she's rearranged the kitchen."

  "Well, she is in it for the long haul," Mary agreed. I was beginning to get lost. Emily saw it.

  "It's her kitchen now," Emily said, smiling, "the flowers, the kitchen, it all means the same thing." I obviously missed the book on female mating behavior. "If you find your sock drawer moved, then you better get a ring," Emily laughed. It didn't bother me. It should, but I saw no downside to Adeline marking her territory. In my mind, I had already claimed her. I smiled at the thought.

  "See," Claire said, nodding at me, "you haven't even scared him off." In fact, they had solidified my thinking. I took a bite of my ignored chicken salad sandwich. All three of the women were watching me closely as I chewed. I swallowed hard, before I had fully chewed. The spotlight does that to eating.

  "Why are you so interested?" I asked. I didn't think I was worthy of more than a hello before the flowers. The ladies looked at each other and grinned.

  "Sex toy," Mary chuckled, "Adeline, sounds like she's having more fun than we are." My cheeks got warm and I took another bite of my sandwich and tried to look away. I think they enjoyed my embarrassment.

  "Does everyone have to know about that?" I asked desperately. All three smiled and nodded. I guessed I was what passed for entertainment at an insurance company.

  Chapter Eleven

  "I love my flowers," Adeline said as she swallowed me in her arms when I walked in the door. I could smell something delicious cooking in her kitchen. I made a mental note to check my sock drawer. She then kissed me like I had been gone for a month.

  "My flowers were wonderful as well," I said, enjoying Adeline in my arms. I liked the idea of coming home to her.

  "Here, this is for you," Adeline said, handing me a check. It was from Rose for three thousand dollars.

  "What for?" I asked as I read the check for the second time.

  "For my bail," Adeline answered smiling, "Rose dropped by for lunch and insisted. You weren't here to refuse, so I accepted."

  "But...I'll get the money back when you go to court," I added. I had already written off the service fee and didn't want to upset Adeline by mentioning it.

  "She likes to do things for me," Adeline said, "she's rich, so let her." I wasn't sure I would cash the check. I'm not much for gifts of that size or the feeling of being in someone's debt. Adeline seemed to take it in stride.

  "Does she always do things like this?" I asked, then smiled to ease Adeline's mind.

  "My whole life," Adeline responded as she led me to the kitchen. "She likes your fish, by the way." I looked over to see Mufasa lying calmly on the bottom of the tank. Rose and Cathy were a strange support system for Adeline. I was hoping I might be a bit more stable, or at least more predictable. "Dinner is almost ready," she said brightly.

  "Smells wonderful," I said, setting the check on the counter.

  "I'm experimenting," Adeline said, "and you're my guinea pig . Pork chops stuffed with pesto." She pulled two sizzling chops out of the oven. Sounded gross, smelled not gross. I knew I was going to eat it even if it tasted horrid. I prepped my taste buds and went to grab a strong wine, just in case.

  "Why didn't you ask Rose to stay for dinner?" I asked as I fished in the wrong drawer for a corkscrew. Adeline pointed at the drawer next to it. Strange how we didn't need words. Sure enough, the corkscrew was exactly where she put it.

  "I did," Adeline responded as she transferred the chops to plates. "She said she was busy." Adeline gave me a sly smile, "I think she was meeting her lover." I had to smile at that.

  "A lover? I would have thought she was married."

  "Her lover is," Adeline laughed. She placed some green beans and mashed potatoes onto the plates. The potatoes looked like they had some kind of cheese mixed in.

  "I never pictured her that way," I said honestly. I was thinking back to my quick meeting with Rose. She seemed too proper to be fooling around with a married man. Maybe it was just the rich decor in her apartment that made me feel that way.

  "She's been his mistress for years," Adeline continued, "I think that's where her money comes from. God knows she doesn't work." Adeline put a plate in front of me and I traded her a full glass of wine. I looked at my pork chop and the somewhat ugly looking
greenish nutty substance leaking out of it. I won't even get into what it reminded me of. I was losing confidence in my ability to fake enjoyment. I wondered if Adeline would be insulted if I doused it in A1.

  Adeline confidently cut into her chop, swirled the piece of meat in the pesto and took it in her mouth. I was patiently waiting to see if she gagged. "Mm, much better than it looks," she said as she went for another piece. I wasn't sure if she was trying to fool me. I hesitantly picked up my fork and chickened out. I went for the potatoes and happily enjoyed their cheesiness. The green beans had some kind of crunchy, seasoned stuff mixed in. That was also very tasty. At least I wouldn't starve.

  Adeline smiled at me. "You're afraid of it," she said sweetly. I knew what she meant.

  "What?" I feigned ignorance. I didn't like my cowardice much at that point. Adeline just tilted her head and smiled. I caved first. "It's just how it looks," I tried to be kind."I'm working my way up to it." She rose and walked over to me, still smiling, though she had a sneaky look in her eyes. "I'll get to it," I said, trying to defend myself. I really wasn't relishing her feeding me like a child. She stuck her finger into my pesto stuffing, scraped it off onto her tongue. I had to admit it looked pretty good on the end of her tongue. She kissed me, deeply.

  I instantly became a great fan of pesto. The pork was the perfect platform for the pesto to shine. It was a shame Adeline had only made two, though I was allowed to eat half of hers. I made her promise to make it again. "I am going to be a fat guinea pig at this rate," I said as we began washing the dishes.

  "I'm working on your exercise plan," Adeline said with a serious face. I looked over as I handed her a plate to dry. I didn't see any humor in her eyes.

  "I don't really go for the workout thing," I said. I figured she might as well know now. I'll do some walking or biking, but no schedule. I only had one life to live and I wouldn't be spending it sweating in a gym.

  "Shame," Adeline said, "I was enjoying our naked workouts." There was that smile. It was a few hours later before we returned to finish the dishes. My aerobic heart rate had been raised sufficiently.

  ***

  Oliver met me for lunch the next day. We met at a bar and grill near his office. I usually didn't drink during the working day, but with Oliver you make exceptions. I always got a kick out of seeing him in a suit. It is so counter his personality, it was almost humorous. By the time I got to the grill, he was on his second beer.

  "Damon," Oliver called loudly as I neared the table, "I'm glad you decided to wear pants today." Damn, the man had no inside voice. Half the restaurant was looking over at me, grinning.

  "Oliver," I said, a little more quietly, "I forgot to thank you for picking me up that night. Next time I'll call someon e else." Oliver laughed which made me forget my embarrassment. We ordered some sandwiches and a couple of beers.

  "So, she's living with you."

  "Yep, we kind of hit it off."

  "You mean she hit you," Oliver said, shaking his head and grinning, "so much for bachelorhood. You lasted, what, twenty-four hours?"

  "It was a really long day," I added. Our beers arrived, and Oliver toasted to my stupidity and then to a lucky girl named Adeline. That's why I liked Oliver, he joked about your idiot moves, but never judged them. He was simply there for me.

  "She's got a strange family," I said when we relaxed. "A sister who doesn't like me much, and a really rich friend who seems to care too much." I showed Oliver the check. "That's from her friend, to offset the bail money."

  "You going to cash it? I would. Always wanted a rich friend myself."

  "Adeline says I would insult Rose if I don't. I guess I'll stop at the bank on the way back to work. I don't feel real good about it though."

  "Three grand is three grand. Don't insult the lady. Introduce her to me."

  "That would be insulting," I joked. Oliver laughed and then drank down half his beer.

  "You love her?" Oliver asked, as he set his mug down.

  "Yes, and I don't know why. Everything says run, but I am glued willingly in place."

  "Sex will do that," Oliver claimed as I took a sip. I almost sent beer into my nose trying not to laugh. I knew he waited until the beer was in my mouth before he spoke.

  "Sex and good cooking," I added, once I had wiped the beer drool off my chin.

  "Sexy chef with a rich friend," Oliver summarized, "I'm thinking you hit the mother lode."

  "It's not just the sex," I said, "I want to be near her. I don't want her anywhere else but in my house."

  "Go with it," Oliver encouraged, "you deserve to be happy and I need more happy friends." I really wished I didn't have to go back to work that afternoon. If I could, I would wallow in beer with Oliver.

  "I owe you one, you know. Without you, I would never have survived the divorce."

  "Anytime, my friend," Oliver said, and waved the waitress over for another round of drinks.

  ***

  "I found a job," Adeline announced as I walked in the door. I felt her joy and gave her a congratulatory kiss, then another. She was wearing my Stay Puft Marshmallow Man t-shirt and little else from what I could feel.

  "Where?"

  "Waitressing, but it's a job," Adeline continued, "it's on the bus route and not too far away." She held up my Ghostbusters boxers. "Change, I have an exciting night planned." Her smile was delicious. "And only the boxers," she added as I headed off to the bedroom. I was liking where this was heading.

  Adeline had the Crock-Pot on the coffee table. Next to it was a plate with a chunk of sharp cheddar, surrounded by crackers. There were two cans of beer and a couple of plates waiting. "I found your Ghostbusters DVDs, and figured we would have a picnic in front of the TV," she said with a proud smile. I really liked where this night was heading.

  "I thought you said the movie wasn't that good?"

  "It's all in who you watch it with," Adeline countered. She pulled the lid off the Crock-Pot and I saw the oddest looking mini pigs in a blanket warming inside. She picked one out with her fingers and put it to my lips. The mini wiener was covered in a much darker breading than I had seen before. They looked almost overcooked. Adeline smiled, and pushed harder until my lips parted and I bit down.

  Pretzel heaven. The wieners were baked in a pretzel breading. The Crock-Pot suddenly looked too small. "These are delicious," I said rudely, with mouth full of half-chewed pretzel wiener. I loved the smile that caused on Adeline's face. I had to learn to trust her cooking. She violated every edible principle I had, but never ceased to make love to my taste buds.

  "Finger food tonight," Adeline said and flipped on the TV. Somehow, she had figured out the myriad of remote controls and fired up the stereo tuner and Blu-ray player.

  "Perfect," I said, smiling as I sat down on the couch. I had to shove a few folded towels off to the side. I gave Adeline a quizzical look.

  "Don't want to ruin the couch," Adeline said in a sultry voice. Now I was sure there wasn't anything under that t-shirt.

  "Absolutely perfect," I rephrased. We curled up on the couch and watched the movie, feeding each other, laughing and not always paying attention to the screen. Adeline had fun teasing me by flashing, rubbing or simply being sexy. I had fun being teased.

  We were at the scene where the pencil neck was shutting off the containment grid. Adeline, obviously, couldn't care less. She smiled at my rapt attention to the screen and her head dropped into my lap. She fished my half-awake cock out of my boxers and her mouth closed around it. The impending demise of New York City no longer held my interest.

  Chapter Twelve

  I was still smiling from Adeline's movie night. It had been a few days ago, but still kept me warm at work. I thought it deserved some original thought on my part. I spent some work time surfing until I found a gourmet cooking convention in Indianapolis for the coming weekend. Adeline wasn't supposed to start her new job until Monday, so I booked a hotel room and purchased some tickets. I was anxious about my surprise when I drove into th
e garage.

  For the first time since Adeline had moved in, there was no smell in the air. Nothing cooking. She wasn't there to meet me at the door. The house was dark except for the blue glow of the fish tank. I called out, receiving silence in response. She hadn't told me she would be out, not that we were married, but something didn't feel right. I flipped on the light and moved to the bedroom, thinking I had caught her napping.

  My head snapped to the right before I felt it. The whole left side of my face exploded in pain and I lost my vision. My knees wobbled as I nearly dropped to the floor. A large form moved in front of me from the hall, and my stomach caved in response to a fist. I went down on all fours before my hands could come up. I tasted blood as I gasped for breath. A foot drove into my stomach, turning me over and driving bile into my mouth. Three men, none of whom I recognized, stood before me. One was smiling, one spit on me and the other had a knife at Adeline's throat.