“That won’t happen,” he says cupping my face. “You worry too much. This time apart will close the distance between us. I know there is tension between us and you’re worry is understandable, but I truly believe these two weeks is all we need to get our groove back. You’ll realize just how much we love one another and all shred of doubt you ever had about us will disappear. Then we can start afresh and find the middle ground.”
“If it doesn’t, then?” I ask in a wobbly voice without even looking up at him.
“No,” he tells sternly, lifting my chin so that we’re eye to eye. “That’s not going to happen. You’re it for me, Sara. You’re the only one I love or I can ever love. There cannot be an end to us.”
“I need an alternative,” I tell sternly, meeting his gaze. “You’ve made this decision all by yourself, thinking it’s the best for us. An alternative is all I ask for.”
I never thought this day would ever come to be but yet, here we are, finally talking openly about the what ifs. But we have drifted miles apart and now I don’t even where he is headed and if I can even follow him on the same path. I need this ultimatum.
“Okay. I’ll set you free. You’ve expressed your need for space and time. I’ll give you that for an indefinite time. No questions asked. We will break up. Does that suit you?”
He is cold. That’s expected. But I can also sense the underlying pain and fear. As always Bryce is being sincere.
“Thank you.” It is all I can mutter as more tears threaten to flow.
“I love you,” he stresses. “I’m not going to think much of that alternative because it won’t come to that. I know how much you love me. You care too much for me, about us, to just let some misunderstanding and priority issues tear us apart. That won’t happen,” he tells with conviction.
“Let’s just hope for that,” I say in a meek voice. “Enjoy your trip, Bryce. Remember, I love you a lot too.”
Be bends his head to meet his lips to mine. It’s slow, soft, unmoving kiss. With one last kiss to my forehead, he pulls away and I stand rooted to my spot. Why do I already feel like it’s a goodbye?
“Do you mind if I take this seat? The place is full.”
I keep down my cup and lift my head to be met with a strangely familiar face.
“Yeah sure,” I reply with a smile.
She is quite tall and has wavy chocolate brown hair. Having donned a black blazer over her white dress shirt, she looks a lot like a model in a corporate setting.
“Thanks,” she tells, sitting across me. It’s only when she pushes up her sunglasses, perching it on her forehead, do I immediately recognize her.
“Jennifer Collins,” I half gasp-half exclaim.
She smiles again and takes a sip of her coffee seemingly unperturbed that I just recognized her.
Her ember green is hard not to notice. It’s a clear giveaway of who she is.
But for me this is awkward. It’s my first encounter with an actual celebrity and I’m in such a low mood. If I weren’t this sad, I would be very excited and would have even taken pictures with her.
“Hi,” she tells, taking another sip. “Is it that obvious that it’s me?” She pulls few strands of her hair to the front, trying to cover a part of her face. “I really don’t want any attention now. I just want to lie down on my bed and get some good sleep.”
“With your sunglasses on it’s hard to recognize you,” I answer honestly. But either way, she’s so pretty that she’ll be grabbing everyone’s attention.
“Once I step out, it’ll be only cover.” She smiles again.
There’s so much I want to ask her, but if she wants some peace and alone time, I don’t want to bug her or intrude on her privacy, so I decide to stay silent.
“You are?” Her brows raise in question.
“Sara Waters. And I’m sorry, I’m making this awkward. I ought to be excited and engaging you in a conversation but I’m just…”
“Sad,” she completes for me. “I know. It’s pretty obvious and so am I. I try not to make it that obvious. But the pretention too takes a toll on me.”
“I understand that. It’s hard to have a smile on our face when our heart is the one enduring all the torture. Life sucks at times,” I state dejectedly.
“I second that.” She nods her head.
Is it rude and insensitive to ask about Linden? Quite recently their relationship became sizzling, hot news. Within a day the picture of them hugging and kissing went viral and not so surprisingly it topped the celebrity gossip charts. I can bet that somehow it’s Linden or her relation with him, which is the cause of her sadness. Two people who are victims of heartbreak can always relate to and connect with each other. I’m getting similar vibes from her.
“How’s Linden?” I ask boldly, treading unsafe waters.
“He’s good, but I suppose, we aren’t that good.” She rubs her eye, probably holding back her tears.
I can’t probe for more if she doesn’t want to talk about it. And why should she even open up to a complete stranger?
“I had gone for one of his games. It was a date actually. Those were some good times and I must add, your boyfriend is one awesome player, but to be blatantly honest, he’s a little too cocky for my liking.”
That cracks a smile on her face. “I know, right? Tell me about it. But that’s also why I fell so hard for him. It’s crazy. He makes life crazy. But at the end of the day, his love is worth it.”
“Is love really worth that pain?” The sadness that’s etched over my face is very hard to miss at this point.
“Guess I’m not the only one facing problems in love paradise,” she analyzes.
“Totally,” I agree. “I mean at this point in time, I honestly don’t understand anything anymore. Can love ever become suffocating, Jennifer? That’s what it feels like for me.”
Who can understand love better than her? If I go by the movies that she’s scripted, she has always depicted love for how it is. Beautiful and yet dirty. As real as it can get, bringing both joy and tears.
“Yes, but then it’s no longer love. It’s just a shackle that you’re no longer fighting against. You’re becoming a willing prisoner of your own insecurities, wrongly believing that you’re holding onto your love and fighting for it. But the truth is, it’s already a lost battle.”
Her frankness takes me aback. I’m lost. She doesn’t know anything about my relationship with Bryce, but her words are soaked with conviction. I don’t know her story either, but going by her words, I can confidently say that she has been through hell and back in her relationship. Her tears are an indication of remorse, regrets, and that unconditional love that she is still holding onto.
“I’m sorry,” she continues. “I might have spoken too soon without even hearing to what you have to say. But if you really find it suffocating, then that can’t be love. Love sets you free though you might have to carry the burden of the wings, until you flap them and actually start flying.”
“You speak out of experience,” I conclude. “You can’t be wrong with your analysis.”
“I have wronged two most special and dear people in my life in the name of love. I’m not always right, but I understand the pain that comes with love. The raw, double edged, guttural pain. People hardly speak about it, but pain and love come together as a package.”
“If circumstances are always against a couple, and the two of them become distant and drift apart because of it, is it natural to stop fighting after a certain stage and just give up on that love? Or will it be more like a dick move that goes on to show there was no real love in the first place?” I ask hesitantly. If anyone can give me an honest answer, then it’s Jennifer. Not sis and definitely not Bryce.
“Love is never situational. Don’t ever let circumstances and time decide whom you love and when you have to get together. I made that mistake once and till date, I regret it. I waited for the right time and time just fucked me over. Please don’t ever do that.”
“But, Jen
nifer, my case is different. I really do love my boyfriend. He’s my first and I firmly believed that it’ll always be him. Now, I’m just confused. He doesn’t even feel like the same guy I fell for. He’s changed so much that we’re no longer even compatible. We think so differently, it’s hard to even have a casual conversation without us getting on each other’s nerves.”
She doesn’t say anything but continues to study me. “Is it possible that I’m no longer in love with him and I’m just trying desperately to make it work because I don’t wish to hurt him and I can’t imagine a life without him?”
“I think you already have your answer. We tend to outgrow certain relationships owing to many factors and though they say there’s no coming out of love, love can always change its forms. It need not have to stay the same. Care, concern, pain and even friendship constitutes love but that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be in love with someone,” she explains.
“But isn’t it selfish to just stop loving someone because it has become too painful? Love should be giving us the strength to fight that pain. I can’t just tuck tail and run from it.”
She shakes her head and gives me a warm smile. “The very fact that you’re questioning your love points to the fact that something has definitely changed. Once that spark is lost, it’s lost. Love doesn’t follow any strict rules. It’s different for everyone. In my case, I love two people. A lot. They’re my everything. But they hate one another and all thanks to me. The other guy is not my boyfriend, but I’m still very much in love with him but that doesn’t mean I’m not in love with Linden. I love him too. Don’t judge your feelings by societal decorum. The society would have a few choice words for me and I don’t expect them to understand. My love is different but I know how real it is.”
“I do care for him. I don’t want to hurt him and he’s a really a nice guy but..”
“He’s not right for you because he is not the one you seek. He is not the one who makes you smile and keeps you happy. He’s the one you fake your smile for just to put a smile on his face. You can do that even as his friend, you need not have to be his lover.” The smile is back on her face and that’s when understanding washes over me.
“What if I’m just the weaker one? The one who’s just pulling him down with me? He really loves me, and I’ll really be a bitch to break his heart like this.” This time I actually cry and tears stream down my face.
“Either way if the relation has become toxic, then you’re sparing him from misery he’s bound to encounter down the lane. You’re not weak, in fact, you’re being the stronger one by making a difficult decision for his happiness. There is no place for pretense in love. You did love him once and for you to do justice to those feelings, stop lying to yourself and to him. Just let go.”
“But what if he continues to wait for me?” I question uncertainly. “I can’t do that to him.”
“That’s his choice to make. But, Sara.” Her hands reach out to mine, giving me a reassuring squeeze. “You can always fall back in love with him. It sort of happened to me. There’s no saying what can happen in love. It also depends on our maturity and expectations. Just don’t ever completely close those doors, but for now, don’t give him false hopes. He deserves the truth.”
“Thanks so much, Jennifer. You’ve given me the stamp of approval for something I’ve been pondering for many months now. I owe you big time and I really hope you sort out your mess too. Love can be very messy but let’s both try to make it out alive.”
“May I ask you something? I might be wrong, but I need to know..” she trails away.
“Please go ahead.”
“If you’ve been pondering this for many months, then what suddenly made you realize that it’s time to stop?”
“My boyfriend just did something that really irked me. He could have just consulted me once….” I stumble for words and go quiet when I see a look of distrust on her face.
‘There’s more to it,” she assesses. “Is it because of a third person?”
Nathan’s face flashes in my mind and I grow cold. It can’t be because of him, but subconsciously, is he the one influencing my decision?
“Maybe,” I flush. “But it’s too soon to say. That door is already closed. No hopes on those grounds.”
“You never know. If he can trigger such a big decision, then he can probably alter your life. Just be careful. Love can be a whirlwind too. It can carry you away and throw you so hard that it might take you ages to stand on your feet again. Again, you get to decide if it’s worth the risk,” she warns in a friendly tone.
“One step at a time, right? I’ll have to first deal with Bryce and that’s very tough.”
“You can do it, Sara. Don’t reconsider your decision now. It’s already made.”
Thank heavens for Jennifer and the precise time she chose to talk to me. She cleared my head and gave me my answers. At least now I’m no longer confused and I’m more aware of what I’m supposed to do in regards to Bryce.
Then we chit chat like we are two long lost friends who happened to run into each other. She tells me about her ongoing and future projects. She also happens to mention Brandon twice, and every time she takes his name, her eyes prick with tears. I’m not sure who he is, but I’m certain he has a deep rooted connection with her. We don’t touch upon the topic of Bryce and even Linden for that matter. Neither of us pries nor do we try to dig deep into each other’s personal lives. It’s not even necessary. These men don’t rule our lives. We have a life outside of them too.
“I really have to get going now, Sara. Have a flight to San Francisco. It was truly my pleasure to meet you. Let’s stay in touch,” she tells as she puts on her sunglasses again.
“Will you really read my book?” I ask, still shocked that she took such a keen interest for my book.
“Of course.” She smiles vibrantly. “I’ve bookmarked the link. I’ll buy, read and review it. In fact, I’ll even share it on my social media. My followers will definitely pick it up as well.”
That would work wonders. She has a huge number of followers, me being one of them.
“Thank you so much,” I tell earnestly.
She gives me a quick hug and pat on the shoulder. “Take care and all the very best. Don’t ever feel guilty of your decision. It’s not wrong.”
I nod my head and wave her goodbye. I really hope to run into her again under better circumstances. It’s not every day that I meet celebrities, especially the ones as nice and sweet like Jennifer Collins.
Chapter six
Nathan
My phone buzzes in my pocket but I ignore it as I force my limbs to flex faster. Even as my legs protest, unable to meet my high demands, I push myself harder, extracting every remaining ounce of strength they possess. My calves are burning, my legs are almost dead and my sweatshirt is soaking wet. And yet, I don’t stop. I finish another lap on the running track before finally coming to a halt. Bending with my hands braced on my knees, I take deep long breaths. My phone continues to ring incessantly for the second time, but I ignore it. I don’t like to get distracted while I’m running. I’m already lagging behind in my working out regime. My gym time has considerably reduced these days and there is no fucking way I’ll be compromising on my running time. I’ll be adhering to my schedule strictly and as per that schedule, I still have to spend ten more minutes here. I had estimated that these many laps would be taking an hour, but I proved myself wrong by performing better. Though it’s not big, it’s still an achievement. But it came at a price. I don’t usually set off with an intension of exhausting myself this much. And yet, here I’m, completely drained and unable to take another step. Not sure if I’m supposed to feel proud or blame my age for my depleting stamina.
I take a seat on one of the benches facing the lake. Removing my phone from my basketball shorts, I steer my vision to the clear surface of the water. It’s serene and beautiful. It gives me the well-deserved peace of mind, away from the stress and buzz of office. The sun has
almost set, casting a faded red glow over the surface of the water. Though it’s a Sunday, there is absolute silence here. Some people find their harmony and silence in the chaos of their daily hectic lives, but not me. I’m very much normal on those grounds. For me silence equals peace and I barely make time for such peaceful moments that I can enjoy on my own. I’ve never been a person that needed company to truly enjoy and seek happiness. I’m glad even after many years of marriage, that hasn’t changed and as much as I love my family, part of my happiness, albeit small, resides in my hands. I prefer it this way. It makes me feel that I’ve some control over my life and the way I steer it, and for me, this control is very important.
Unlocking my phone, I scroll through the missed call list and find Cecilia’s name first. I immediately call her up. She picks my call in the third ring.
“Hey Hon, sorry for disturbing you. I know you don’t pick calls during your run but this was important.” Her voice sounds strained and I don’t like it one bit, but as always, I keep my composure.
“Tell me, what is it? Are Isla and Clay doing well?” My voice quivers with the fear that my kids are in any kind of trouble.
That’s the change that happens when we become parents – Our own interests, and the interest of our wives ends up taking the second place, losing to the love we have for our kids. I love my kins- they are my flesh and blood. I can go to any heights for them and that’s what’s expected of parents, but it also surprises me just how our priorities that have changed post their birth, never changes again but our kids just outgrow us with time, and we continue to drop in their priority list. It’s like a universal fact that everyone’s aware of, and yet it doesn’t stop us from loving our kids and giving up everything for them.
It also saddens me that I didn’t ask about the well-being of my wife in the same sentence. I don’t want to fail her as a husband, but there are times that I feel that I can do more. So much more.
“They are fine. This is not about them.”
That’s a relief and a worry at the same time. Confusing and conflicting emotions.
Enticed by you (Miraculous Love Book 1) Page 7