Enticed by you (Miraculous Love Book 1)

by Meghana Sarathy

  “Be honest, I know you’re not sorry. You think it’s the right thing to do.”

  “Yeah,” I concede, not meeting her eyes. “But,” I lift my head and clasp her shoulders. “If what I said hurt you, then I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have been so crude. It has happened before and I thought you would think along the same lines and understand.”

  “No.” She snaps my hands away and plops on the bed. “You always make it look so simple. That’s the thing with you, Nathan, you never actually think deep and take everything so lightly. I might have conceded easily the last time but the circumstances then were different from now.”

  “How is it any different?” I ask softly. “Can you explain, Cecilia?”

  “This is not a business decision, Nate, where you just analyze the pros and cons and make a choice accordingly. It’s a sensitive matter. We are talking about a life. A life that we created. We can’t just dispose it like it doesn’t mean anything. It means so much to me.” She sobs and doesn’t even try to hide her tears.

  I sit beside her and clasp her hands. “You want it so badly? I’m not against it, Cecilia. It’s just so unexpected. I never even gave it so much of a thought.”

  “That’s the problem. You never try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. You always assume that they will agree to whatever you have to say since you come up with the best and most optimum solutions. That’s not how it works all the time.”

  “I know that,” I stress. “But you’re blowing this out of proportions, dear. Let’s just stick to one topic at a time and address all issues pertaining to it. I never realized that you have been struggling with the kind of decisions that I make. If I had known, we would have had this conversation a long time ago. I’m always open to any discussion and I expected you to know this.”

  She doesn’t answer, neither does she face me. She stares straight at the wall before us. We have hung few pictures of us over the course of our marriage. It’s not forced nor fake, but our smiles don’t appear genuine. They are not even candid photos. It’s us attempting to appear as a happy couple for the camera. Cecilia and I are far from being a perfect couple. Our wedding was also under some dire circumstances. But that doesn’t mean we are not happy together. It’s our kids that make our family perfect. Our love for our kids might exceed the love we have for one another, but adding another one to the equation certainly won’t help any of us.

  “Cecilia,” I try again. If there is one thing I can’t handle – that’s silence. It’s a deadly punishment. “What’s gotten you so frustrated? Is it the baby or has it primarily got to do with me and the way I take important decisions? Until you’re being completely honest with me, we can’t get through this. I need you to be forthcoming.”

  “It’s both,” she accepts. “I just hoped you would value my opinions prior to taking any decision. Don’t you think even I have an equal say even if you find my thoughts stupid and impractical?”

  “I didn’t say that,” I correct her. “And nor do I think so. You are a very sensible woman, Cecilia and I’ve always admired how principled you are. So, me considering your opinions stupid and not valuing them is totally out of question.”

  “Then why didn’t you even give me a chance to speak yesterday?” She asks heatedly, her teary gaze landing on me.

  “It’s my fault. I just assumed…”

  “Don’t” she cuts me. “Please don’t assume that I’ll always be ok with whatever you decide. I respect your decisions too, Nathan but that doesn’t mean I’ll always be convinced.”

  I lift my hands in surrender. “Point taken. My bad. Not going to happen again.”

  It’s not that she’s wrong. I can be presumptuous at times. I know this. I try not to be, but going by my wife’s words, it seems like I have failed at it more times than I realize.

  “Now that I’ve apologized, I want to make up for it by listening to what you have to say about the baby.”

  She narrows her eyes at me and I immediately correct my words. “Our baby. Do you really want it?”

  This is a very difficult conversation to have right in the morning. My talk with Sara was sweet. Refreshing. Exactly what I needed. I had expected her to be conceding but she rebuked me at every stage and easily managed to entice me more. I have grown to like her more than I had anticipated. Not sure if it’s safe given my current position.

  “You clearly don’t,” she answers, snapping me out of my thoughts of a chestnut haired girl with a sassy mouth. “You don’t want it.”

  “Not because I don’t love the idea of having a baby. My only reason for refusing is, we have passed that age. I’ll be forty- three in two months and you’re forty-one. Raising a child requires a lot of effort. We need to be physically agile and active. You know this. Given our age, don’t you think somewhere along the way, we’ll fall short? Everything will come on Isla and Clay’s heads. We can avoid such a scenario. I think that’s a ….” I stop. I had planned on saying wiser, but given the mood she’s in, she’s bound to misconstrue it. “More sensible thing to do?”

  “I get it.” She sobs. “I know it won’t be easy, but is your reason strong enough to kill a baby? Especially when we can actually afford one.”

  “It’s still a fetus now,” I clarify. “So it won’t actually have conscious. Don’t see it in that light. We’re just trying to make life simple for us and our kids. That’s not a completely selfish thing either.”

  I wait, but she doesn’t reply, so I continue. “Last time you told the circumstances were different. How?”

  She sighs and speaks hesitantly, “I know that we can’t just go with an unexpected pregnancy. It’s really tough but not seemingly impossible. Maybe we need not have to raise it at all…”

  “No, hold it.” This time I actually raise my voice. “Has this got anything to do with Serena? Please tell me no.”

  She need not even have to agree vocally. I can see it in her eyes. I can’t believe it took me this long to fit the pieces together. It has to be HER. Cecilia can never tell no to her sister. In a very twisted way, she’s the reason we got married in the first place. It always comes down to what Serena wants.

  “Why?” I ask, totally frustrated. This day had actually started out good. All thanks to my sweetheart – Sara, but just the mention of Serena can ruin the day for me. Cecilia is well aware of it.

  “They are trying but even IVF is not working out. They don’t wish to adopt. But if it’s my baby, she won’t have any qualms.”

  “Ours,” I correct her before she continues. “And no matter what the reason is, I won’t let either of you play monopoly over our baby. That’s not going to happen.”

  “But you don’t want it!” she exclaims.

  “I didn’t say that. All I said was given our age, and our kids, our family is complete. We don’t need to extend our family. But that doesn’t mean, we will just give our baby to your sister just because she’s not able to conceive despite her repeated attempts.”

  “That’s mean and crude.” She gets on her feet and fists her hands at her sides. “Nathan, she’s my sister. My family. This is the least I can do for her.”

  I scoff and stand up, meeting her head on. “A very selfish sister, who was more than happy to sacrifice your happiness, just to live upto your grand-mom’s words. And not because she respected or loved her. It was only for the money she would inherit. You know all this about her. She even married very late, skirting with her many boyfriends, until she found a really rich, rather young guy to settle with. And now she wants a family. Late realization. She’s my age. But why do I care? It’s her life. Let me make it very clear to you, irrespective of whether we decide to keep this baby or not, I’m not donating it to your vile sister.”

  “Vile?” she stomps her feet. My wife doesn’t get angry often and when she does, she’s never the one to back down first. “That’s not true. I know what she did to you was wrong, but you can’t always hold it against her. People make mistakes when they’re young
. You’ll have to get over it.”

  “It’s more about you than me. She has always tried to put you down. She’s jealous of you. Now she wants our baby as well. Not happening. I’m not going to let her ruin its life. No way.”

  “Now, you tell me who’s being selfish.” Her eyes reduce to slits as she points her finger at me. “You don’t want to raise a child and my sister is desperately in need of one and still, you’re not ready to do something right and noble.”

  “Noble.” I shake my head. “I’m not a noble man, Cecilia. Heck, I don’t even deserve a woman as nice, selfless and sweet as you. I come with my flaws that are very hard to erase, and yet, I can proudly say that I’m better than your sister. She wants this baby ‘cause she’s scared that she’ll lose her husband and the money that comes with him. She’s worried that he won’t shower the same love on an adopted child. She wants the child to tie herself to him. That much is pretty obvious. She doesn’t know a single thing about being a mother. This is just her game plan and I won’t play to her schemes. Period.”

  “You’re being presumptuous again. Why don’t you at least talk to her?” she argues. “Hear her out.”

  “No. I’m civil to her for the sake of you and your dad. That’s it. I’m not talking to her about this. We are done with this discussion.”

  “I’m not done,” she declares heatedly. “I’m sorry but I can’t accept this decision of yours, Nate. It’s our baby.”

  “That’s precisely my point too. Ours. That implies a collective ownership. If you don’t have my consent, you can’t go ahead with your plans either.”

  “You’re being unreasonable,” she shouts.

  “Calm down, Cecilia. This topic is up for discussion only if you wish to keep the baby for yourself, not to donate it to your sister, who’s probably just envious of you at this point in time.”

  “So, you assume. Be as stubborn as you wish to be, Nate, but this time I’m not backing down so easily. If you don’t want to talk about this, let me make it even simpler for you. I won’t talk to you. I’ll give you space and you give me mine. Let’s cut down on our communication.”

  “You know that’s not what I was going for. I’m trying to be patient and reasonable here,” I explain in an even tone.

  “And I just want you to understand my predicament. She’s my sister and I want to see her happy. One last time, Nathan. Can you at least give this a serious thought?”

  “No,” I say in a clipped tone.

  “Fine.” She folds her arms across her chest. “Until I decide how we can go forward with this and reach a middle ground, I’m going over to stay at her place. She’s anyway planning for a short vacation and she wants me to come along.”

  So that she can brainwash her more. I might loathe Serena but I know how smartly she plays her game. She’s desperately in need of help from Cecilia, which also explains why she’s being so nice.

  “This was planned all along, then?”

  “No. I wouldn’t do anything before consulting you. In fact, I wanted to refuse her but after this argument with you, I really need some time away. I hope you don’t have a problem even with this. Even if you do, honestly, I’m done listening to you.”

  “Fine. Suit yourself.” I don’t give her a second look as I walk out of the door.

  “I can’t believe that mom just left. That’s odd.” My son shrugs and sets his bowl of cereal on the kitchen counter, going for the tin of milk.

  “I can’t believe it either.” I scrub my face, staring hard at the ‘Cecilia-less’ kitchen. “It was unexpected. Sudden plans.”

  “She seemed pissed and she didn’t actually try to hide it. So out with it, dad. What did you do this time?”

  He appears more curious than bothered. I wouldn’t call myself an honest man, but I don’t shy away from lying or accepting the truth either.

  “We had an unproductive argument,” I offer, taking a sip of my black coffee. I’ve never been a fan of caffeine, but this occasion calls for it.

  “When have arguments with wives ever been productive? You tell me.” He munches on his cereal, undazed by my solemn mood.

  “It’s serious this time around,” I try in a strict tone.

  “I give her five days. Max seven. Before this week passes, she’ll be back here, apologizing to you. That’s just how mom is. If she’s super pissed, she might take more time to calm down. But I know how much of a softie she is. Add to that, she’s very forgiving too. So you just chill, dad. No point brooding over this.”

  That’s the thing with my son – He’s my split image. Both in looks, personality and attitude. And like me, he takes issues lightly and sees it solely from a logical perspective. I don’t blame him for it, but sometimes it doesn’t work at all and also ends up worsening the problem at hand.

  “Let me be honest with you.”

  “You’ve always been honest with me, dad and that’s something I’ve always admired in you. So, you don’t actually have to put that up as a disclaimer before any confession.”

  I wish there were really the case, but sadly, I have hid a lot of stuffs from him and Isla. I might be a good dad, but if they were to know my track record, they would probably debate if I’m someone to look up to or even admire. I’m not weighed down by guilt because from my perspective, I’ve give my all to my family. I’ve never failed them, but guess I’m failing my wife again.

  “What are your thoughts on getting a brother or a sister?” I ask bluntly.

  He finally stops chewing and gives me the wide eyes. “Holy fuck.”

  If Cecilia were here, she would have asked him to mind his language, but I’m more tolerant. It’s expected.

  “I gave the same reaction and automatically assumed that it’s not something she was looking forward to either. Guess, I was wrong there.’

  He stares blankly at me and drops his spoon in the bowl. “This is insane. I mean, it’s so uncalled for. I get your choice, but it’s unusual for mom. Didn’t this happen like two years ago, as well? Mom didn’t say a word but after the abortion, you did mention it to me.”

  “Yeah, I was expecting your mom to be understanding, but she has plans of her own and she’s not agreeing to anything I have to say,” I tell with a shrug. I did try my best.

  “First thing’s first. I need to clarify this. Does this mean condoms are really ineffective and the risk of pregnancy is always there or were you just….” He cringes his face. “careless again?”

  No wonder Cecilia avoids such conversations with our kids. It’s awkward and embarrassing as hell. My plan is to appear stoic. I won’t let my awkwardness show on my face.

  “I was careful but these things happen and we have no control over them. It’s a case of that minor probability. Pills are safer, but your mom doesn’t prefer them because of the side effects it has on her.”

  “Right.” He nods and thinks for a bit. “So far I’ve always gone with a condom but next time if she says she’s on pills, I can take her words on it and avoid the condom, right?

  “As long as you can trust the girl. If she’s your girlfriend then there shouldn’t be a problem,” I reason.

  “I wish that were the case. But dad, you know me.”

  I do. I know how I was back in his age, and I can proudly say he’s not as worse as me. But with time, he might catch up with the old me and that’s something I can still try to avoid.

  “Actually I don’t. Last I heard, you were seriously into this girl. Layla, I suppose her name was? You said you were in love.”

  “Bullshit,” he mutters. “She was too whiny and clingy. She just wanted to show off to the others girls that she was the dating the most sought after and hottest guy in campus. I just got bored and lost interest in being her showpiece.”

  “Wouldn’t you call this boasting? The hottest and most sought after guy?” I ask. My lips upturn into a sly smile.

  “One implies the other. I was even ranked as one of the hottest guys.”

  “Not denying that. But stil
l, just because you’re hot doesn’t necessarily mean you’re the most sought after one. Girls see beyond mere physique.”

  “Like?” he questions, doubtfully.

  “Personality, smartness, maturity, depth with which they think, their control and most importantly, experience,” I state Sara’s words. That’s what she had described in her book and I’m certain that’s what she personally believes too.

  “What? Wait, don’t tell me mom told you this. That doesn’t sound like her at all. She would always go for a gentle and sweet guy. So who bestowed you with such exquisite knowledge?”

  I wish I could tell him about Sara. Even mentioning her name might be a risk later on. She’ll always be my delicious, sinister secret.

  “I’m more exposed to the thinking of modern women. College goers are still quite immature to even realize what they truly desire.”

  “That’s actually pretty cool, dad. Those are pretty nice requirements. One day soon, I’ll be able to achieve that feat and actually attain that tag. Keep giving me such insights.”

  “I do wish to have a discussion with you in regards to your lifestyle but that can wait for now. We have a bigger Cecilia crisis to solve first. Let’s keep her as our focus for now.”

  “Yeah. Sorry about that. I got sidetracked. So, you question was if I want another sibling? My honest answer is a no. I think we’re good being a family of four. It’s perfect actually. Having said that, if mom wants one real badly and you’re ok with it, then I won’t complain against it. It’s completely your call. But I would say, talk to Isla before deciding anything. If it’s up for discussion, she’ll also have a lot to say.”

  “I honestly don’t want one either,” I sigh. “I’m trying to convince your mom otherwise, but so far, I hadn’t thought about Isla’s reaction. In such matters, your sister becomes hard to predict.”

  He rubs his chin in thought. “She would probably say no. She’s kind of possessive, especially when it comes to you. She wants your attention solely on her. Another young member to the family would imbalance the whole equation. She sure wouldn’t be happy.”