The Gift of a Child

by Laura Abbot

  Lily put an arm around Rose and nestled her close. “Today was a start, dear. I’m proud of you. I realize it was an effort to come. We know life is not the same for you now, but better days will come.”

  Rose shrugged with doubt. “Promise?”

  “I promise.” Lily hugged her again. “Just you wait and see.”

  * * *

  On his way back to the ranch from picking up supplies in town, Seth paused the team on the hill above Caleb’s house. Fattened cattle grazed in the distance. The open range stretched out before him, offering the promise of bountiful pastureland. Meat prices were on the rise, so the fall roundup and sale stood to bring a handsome profit to the Montgomerys. However, rustlers were always a threat. As a result, he and Caleb had posted outriders. Seth had read about the introduction of barbed wire fencing in some areas, but he hoped it wouldn’t come to that in the Flint Hills. Surely gentlemen’s agreements regarding the open range would be sufficient.

  Back at the barn, Seth escaped into the manual labor of unloading the supplies. Work was all that kept him from going crazy wondering about Alf. The more sweat, the better. He knew he should have stopped to see Rose while he was in Cottonwood Falls today, but he was too cowardly to do it. Her ravaged face had pierced his heart. And what more would they have found to say to one another?

  Just as Seth finished unloading the wagon, Caleb rode up. “I know you planned to see Sheriff Jensen while you were in town. Any news?”

  Seth perched on a nearby hay bale. “No. Every day it’s all I can do not to ride out to hunt for Alf, but where would I go?”

  Caleb dismounted and sat down beside him. “I don’t know which is worse—taking ill-conceived action or waiting. That same dilemma faced us in the war.”

  Seth figured his brother had a heap of experience with both. “I should be able to shake this off. Come to grips with the fact that Alf is with a parent. But I can’t. I have a bad feeling about what’s happening with him.” He studied his hands, clasping his knees in frustration. “It’s hard to know where God is in this situation. I try to hang on to my faith, but Alf’s kidnapping is too much.”

  “I know that feeling.” Caleb went silent, seemingly lost in his memories. “Trying to find God on a battlefield...” He did not finish the thought.

  “You seldom talk about your army experiences.”

  “They’re not pretty. You can’t watch men being blown to smithereens or running through a rain of bullets in unfamiliar territory, without questioning the sanity of the human race.”

  “So how did you reconcile God with all of that?”

  “Seth, you cannot believe the acts of courage and compassion I witnessed. Individual men can be astonishing in the face of chaos. I knew I would drive myself crazy if I thought God was the source of all that pain and destruction. The only way I made it through the war was to focus on the good I saw amid the terror and to honor the many selfless acts performed by men on both sides. There is infinite good in humanity just as there is greed for power, money or position.” Caleb sat quietly, his jaw working. Seth knew he had more to say. His brother cleared his throat before continuing. “Seth, Lily is the only other person who knows what I’m going to tell you. At the Battle of the Washita River out in Indian Territory after the war, Custer led us into an unnecessary and bloody massacre, one I was helpless to prevent but which has wounded my soul. For a time after that, I thought I was unworthy of love, unworthy of God’s forgiveness.”

  Stunned, Seth was at a loss for words. He’d known his brother carried battle scars, both physical and emotional, but hearing this now, he could feel the immediacy of Caleb’s pain.

  “I don’t tell you this for you to pity me or think less of me. I speak because I have learned there is forgiveness. Redemption.” Caleb laid a hand on Seth’s shoulder. “I want that for you.”

  “How did you...?”

  “Lily, for starters. She helped me to understand that God isn’t the cause of the bad things that happen. Human beings are. She also helped me learn the patience of waiting for God, of understanding His timing. It was His timing, not ours, that finally brought Lily and me together. Her steadfast love has healed me, to the extent that is possible.”

  The two men fell silent. “If only I could know Alf is safe,” Seth said.

  “Turn him over to God, brother.”

  “It’s hard.”

  “God knows what Alf needs. He can do more for him than we have any idea. Pray for the boy.”

  “I try.”

  “You’re expecting immediate answers. Remember, all things in God’s good time.”

  His brother had given him much to ponder. Seth rose to his feet and, looking down at Caleb, said, “One way I hold out hope that there is a caring God is you. Thanks for being a fine brother.”

  Caleb stood and the two embraced awkwardly. Just before they broke apart, Seth heard his brother mutter, “And don’t forget that God sent you Rose.”

  * * *

  Late in August, Lily persuaded Rose to spend a couple of weeks at the ranch. “The change of scene should do you good,” her sister had said by way of persuasion, and, truth to tell, while the daily routine at the Kellogg house kept Rose busy, the surroundings constantly reminded her of her missing child. Lavinia was once again sparing Hannah to prepare meals for Ezra, and Bess also had agreed to stop by to check on him and feed Ulysses, so there was really no reason not to accept Lily’s invitation. Rose figured one place was as good as another to grieve.

  Yet when she arrived at Caleb and Lily’s, there was one factor she had failed to consider. Mattie. She loved her niece and couldn’t find it in her heart to resent her. Yet, holding her, smelling the lemon-sweet scent of her washed hair and feeling her niece’s tiny hand clasped in her own, brought memories that ripped Rose apart. Once when Mattie looked up at her and questioned, “Brudder?” Lily shushed her, but not before Rose teared up with the bittersweetness of it. Watching Lily and Caleb with their daughter dredged up the very pain that Rose was trying to come to grips with. Yet she found comfort in cuddling Mattie and sharing in her giggles over the fuzzy caterpillar they found on the porch.

  Happily, the ranch house was situated on a hill and was blessed by breezes that never reached the house in town. Daytimes, the heat was relentless, but almost every evening, it cooled off. After supper the four of them would often sit on the porch. Sometimes Lily read poems aloud or Caleb told a Bible story for Mattie’s benefit. One night they sang familiar hymns, with Caleb’s rich baritone leading the way. Being witness to such contentment, Rose found herself relaxing into the ebb and flow of their family life.

  Toward the end of her stay, Rose and Lily lingered on the porch one evening to enjoy the full moon while Caleb and Mattie went on to bed. The prairie was aglow with moonlight, and myriad stars blanketed the heavens. The creak of their rockers and the baying of far-off coyotes provided accompaniment to the silence between them. In that moment, Rose felt especially blessed to have such a sister. No words were necessary. Lily’s acts of kindness and common sense were proof enough of her love. How strange, Rose reflected, that Lily’s ambition to live in a cosmopolitan city had, instead, brought her here—brought her to a love worth the sacrifice.

  “You can have other children, you know,” Lily whispered into the dark.

  Rose startled. She had long ago given up that hope. “No, I can’t.”

  Lily turned toward her, her face highlighted in the moonglow. “I know there will never be another Alf, but, dear, you may very well marry and bear children.”

  “I know you’re trying to help,” Rose said, “but that will never happen.”

  Lily continued to study her, to the point Rose finally had to look down. “There’s something you’re not telling me, isn’t there?”

  Her throat filling with bile, she shut her eyes against painful memories. />
  “Rose?” Lily moved her chair closer. “Please. I hope we can confide anything to one another.”

  As she brushed away the traitorous tears streaking her cheeks, Rose looked at her sister. “Before Papa and I left Fort Larned, I’d decided marriage was not for me.”

  “Why ever not? You would make some man a delightful helpmate.”

  Rose strangled on bitterness. “Men are not to be trusted.”

  “Who could you possibly mean? Papa? Caleb?” Then as if clouds had suddenly obliterated the moon, Lily’s mouth fell open and she gripped her sister’s hand. “What man, Rose? Tell me. It must’ve been after I went to St. Louis.”

  As if a raging flood had surged against an earthen dam and breached it, Rose could no longer withhold the brutal details of her sergeant’s betrayal. “I thought he loved me, Lily, truly I did. He made me feel...oh, dear...lovely. Desirable.” Then she laughed scoffingly. “Me? Rose Kellogg, desirable? What a ninny I was to believe one word that came out of that man’s mouth! How pathetic to be so giddy and vulnerable.”

  Lily, apparently sensing her sister’s need to purge herself of the venom of betrayal, let her ramble on.

  “It is one thing to enter upon a private dalliance, but some at Fort Larned, though not Papa, knew the sergeant was courting me. And how many of them, do you suppose, also knew he was married? What a joke on me, they must’ve thought. More fool I.”

  “He was very wrong to so mislead you, Rose. However, that doesn’t mean he didn’t have feelings for you or was being untruthful about your charms. You are an appealing woman, especially, I imagine, to someone who is lonely and far from home.”

  “Don’t excuse him. That only makes me feel all the more naive.” Rose stewed with the effort to get her sister to understand. “For once, I truly thought a man would cherish me. That I, homely Rose Kellogg, could have a home of my own and children. Well, you can forget about that.”

  “That cad hurt you to the core.” Lily’s eyes now shone with tears. “He’s lucky I can’t get hold of him. But, Rose, you mustn’t tar all men with the same brush.”

  “Intellectually, I understand that and have evidence of that in Papa, Caleb and others.”

  “Seth?”

  Rose groaned inwardly. Her sister would have to bring him up. “Seth and I are friends. That is all we will ever be to one another. Evidence suggests that he is a fine man. But hear me now. I will never again put myself in the position of making a fool of myself for a man nor allow a man to have power over me or inflict hurt upon me. Not if I can prevent it.”

  “Oh, Rose,” Lily said. “I am sorry for your pain and puzzled as to how to help you understand that one man’s perfidy is no cause to reject another.”

  Rose relented. “I know you mean well, Lily. I’ve held in this episode with the sergeant for so long that while it is a relief to talk about it, I am sorry it has caused you distress. More than anything, I hope it will help you see why I am resigned to living as a spinster and why Alf’s loss has so injured me.”

  “That’s enough,” Lily said, her voice charged with purpose. “We will not speak of this again, nor will I permit you to indulge your poor opinion of yourself. I heard you, now you hear me. You are a lovely, talented, caring woman who deserves all that God has in store. Trust me, His eye is every bit as much on you as on the sparrow. Good things are in your future, Rose, so pay attention and don’t let the past blind you to what awaits. There,” she said, rising to her feet, “that’s enough for one evening. Pray take your rest and consider the one thing I know for certain. God is not finished with Rose Kellogg.”

  * * *

  Seth and his father sat at the kitchen table devouring the pork chops, biscuits and gravy Sophie had prepared. “Sit down, Sophie,” Andrew said. “I reckon you’ve piled us up enough food to stave off starvation.”

  Sophie eased into her chair and helped herself to a dainty serving. “I surely wouldn’t want you menfolk to be deprived of nourishment this close to the roundup.” With so innocent a look that Seth was immediately put on the defensive, she added. “I guess I’ll soon have to start bulking up a bit more myself.”

  Andrew eyed her as he ladled a spoonful toward his mouth. “And why might that be?”

  “So I can keep up with you.”

  Seth sputtered. “Keep up with us? Tell me you’re not saying what I think you are.”

  Smiling, Sophie wiped her mouth with her napkin. “Brother dear, if you conclude I’m riding with you on the roundup, well, then, go to the head of the class.”

  Seth turned to his father. “Pa, do you know about this?”

  “Well, we are short a man,” he admitted with a sheepish grin.

  “Have you looked lately? Sophie is no man.” The mere thought of his sister riding the range with a bunch of ill-mannered rubes sent his temperature soaring.

  “No, son, she isn’t. But she’s a darned good hand and she can ride better than most of our cowpokes.”

  “Who’ll protect her?”

  Sophie shoved back her plate. “Who needs protecting? I can outride and outshoot any of those fellas.”

  “You can outtalk them, too,” Seth muttered, glaring at his father. “Now I’ll have to keep one eye on you and one eye on the steers.”

  “Since when did you get so all-fired protective of me? Seems like I did everything you boys did when we were growing up.”

  “But...” Seth sought the words he needed “...you’re a lady now. You’re even being courted. Maybe it’s time to grow up. Do womanly things.”

  Sophie’s laughter eased the tension. “Seth, you are a dear to concern yourself, but I can be both—a tomboy and a flirt.”

  Seth once again appealed to his father. “Pa?”

  Andrew shrugged. “Son, when have we ever bested this one in a debate? Not likely to start now. She’ll come with us.”

  Defeated, Seth slumped in his chair, moving his spoon through the gravy on his plate. Sophie was, indeed, one of a kind, yet he’d no more let Rose go on a roundup than fly. Shoot. Where had that thought come from? The woman had taken up residence in his brain and wouldn’t budge. Friends, that’s all they were. Rose had made that quite clear. He had no claim on her, so persisting with anything further would lead only to awkwardness and hurt.

  Sophie leaned over and caressed his forearm. “See? It’s all settled. I appreciate your concern, Seth, but it’s time you understood that I’m my own woman now. You no longer have to take care of me.”

  As if. He would always take care of her, however she needed him to. “We’ll see, sister, we’ll see.”

  Later that night after they’d all gone to bed, Seth tossed restlessly, thinking about the way life changes. Sophie, once a little firecracker of a girl, was now a woman in love. Alf, who’d been given a loving home, was lost in the wilds of Kansas. It was as if there wasn’t a thing a man could count on. He knew what Caleb and Lily would say to that. He could count on God, they would remind him. Reflecting on his recent talk with Caleb, it was obvious how God had played a role in his and Lily’s lives. It wasn’t so obvious with others. Were some just lucky? Favored by the deity? Or in ways still lost to him, were all people under God’s care and direction?

  Sometime after ten, he fell into a deep sleep only to be aroused by a clatter from the henhouse, followed by the howling of the ranch dogs. Jumping out of bed, he ran barefooted to the front porch. It was then he made out a figure on horseback approaching the ranch.

  “Hush,” he said, motioning the dogs to be still. In a moment he was joined by his father, also having been rousted by the racket.

  “Who’s that?”

  “Can’t tell yet,” Seth answered, straining his eyes to identify the rider.

  “Can’t be good news, coming like this in the middle of the night.”

  Then they were join
ed by Sophie, her shoulders covered by a shawl. “Mercy, what’s happening?”

  “Seth, I believe it’s the sheriff,” Andrew said.

  Seth sighed. “Hope that doesn’t mean rustlers.”

  “Or worse,” Sophie whispered, shivering against Seth.

  They waited for what seemed an interminable time for Jensen to cover the ground separating them. Finally the man rode up to the porch, dismounted and tied his mount to the post. Eyeing the threesome clad in nightclothes, the sheriff apologized for disturbing them before saying, “I have some news about the boy the Kelloggs took in.”

  Seth held his breath, his chest expanding with both dread and hope.

  “I’ve already talked with Doc and I’m on the way to your brother’s place to visit Rose, but since you’re on the way, I thought I’d stop here and tell you what I know.”

  “We thank you, Sheriff,” Andrew said. “Go ahead.”

  Sophie slipped her hand into Seth’s, as if to steady him, as Jensen began to speak. “Up Council Grove way, there’s been an unfortunate circumstance. Indian woman who worked at the saloon was killed last night. Murdered, it appears, by her drunken white husband, a fella who, it turns out, is an army deserter, wanted all over the territory. Perhaps the same man we heard about earlier, up Fort Riley way.”

  Seth strained with impatience. Get on with it. What does this have to do with Alf?

  “Seems the woman was living in a lean-to behind the saloon with her son. Little half-breed boy about three or four years old.”

  “Alf?” Seth’s knees nearly buckled.

  “Don’t know yet, Montgomery, but it could be. The authorities in Morris County have incarcerated the alleged killer, and the sheriff’s wife there has taken the youngster in, pending identification by someone from here. Sorry to bother you, but I thought you’d want to know.”

  Rose. Dear God, let it be Alf. Seth felt as if his chest would explode any minute.

  “Indeed, we do—” Andrew started his reply, but Seth was long gone into the house throwing on his clothes and boots and gathering up his hat. He ran back onto the porch. “I’m going with you, Sheriff,” he said as he raced past the group on his way to saddle Patches. All he knew was that he had to get to Rose. Now.