Live Today (Live Today #1)

by Savana Jade

  “God Damn it Jenna.” He takes my shoulders and forces me to look up at him. “Look at me in the eye and tell me you feel nothing.” Biting my bottom lip, I try to keep my heart from jumping out of my chest. “Say it.” He leans in, resting his forehead to mine. “Say it.” He whispers with his eyes closed.

  My chest tightens and my pulse quickens with the contact. He knows he has an effect on me. And I’ve told him a thousand times that I’m off limits. He took advantage of the moment I let my guard down with him and ran with it. “I” I swallow to push the knot down in my throat. “I do feel something for you Gabe.” Damn, not the way I wanted that to come out. “But.” As I try to finish, his lips come crashing down on mine. My heart goes into overdrive as he takes my face between his hands and deepen the kiss. My hands automatically rest on his abs, moving their way up to his chest as I allow his tongue access. Suddenly, we hear some kid yelling “Get it dude” from the street. Breaking us away from the kiss, he looks at them and gives them the thumbs up and I begin to giggle mentally thanking the kids for the interruption and drawing my mind back to our first kiss.

  I’m standing in front of the mirror making sure I look good enough for the show. Humming to loosen my vocal cords. I decide on a more sophisticated look tonight and wear a tight long sleeve black top with some stone washed blue jeans and heels. The guys decided to wear black hoodies. While I begin to softly sing the song that Gabe and I had been working on I watch Brennan leave the room through the reflection. Will and Matt are chatting in the corner and Gabe is on the phone, most likely chatting with some broad waiting to meet up with him later, I roll my eyes at the thought.

  Before I know it, Gabe is standing behind me, mimicking my exercises. I must have been daydreaming and humming because out of the corner of my eye, I see a flash. Matty has taken a picture of me and Gabe. I turn to see what going on, and immediately smack Gabe on the stomach. Laughing hard at me he smacks my ass. My cheeks flush out of embarrassment and I smack him again. He raises an eyebrow, hums the melody again and smacks me on the ass again causing me to jump.

  Finally, I turn and place my hands on my hips and stare at him. He does the same in return. Will and Matt are laughing harder at us until I turn and eye them. They both suddenly look at each other and pretend to turn away and hide their smiles. As I turn, I notice Gabe waving his finger as if he’s punishing the two from behind me. It takes all I have in me to stay mad. He looks so funny with his hip poking out, hand rested on his hip waving his finger at me now. I notice the couch behind him and think quickly.

  Without notice, I give him a good shove, knocking him on his back, but not before he grabs my arms taking me down with him. I’m now giggling at his surprised reaction. He begins to tickle me. My hand makes its way to his chest, and with an evil grin, I take his nipple between my fingers and twist. He winces and narrows his eyes in return. “Oh now you’re gonna get it.”

  Before I know it, I’m the one on my back and he’s got his hands moving quickly under my arms, bringing me into a fit of giggles. I realize where my knees are and where he is, so instinctively I bring my knee up. He grunts as he leans onto me in pain resting his head on my chest. “Oh no.” I say, trying to sit him up with me. He doesn’t budge. I try to lift his head and ask “Are you okay?” I ask.

  He brings his head up, his arms under mine, his hands rest on either side of my face. “Couldn’t be better.” He says before bringing his lips down onto mine. My heart stops completely with the shock when his lips meet mine, but once he runs his tongue along my lips, asking for access, it jumps into overdrive. On impulse, my mouth opens welcoming him. He moans softly before deepening the kiss. Never in my life have I ever had such an effect by a kiss. I bring my hands to his back, and bring my knee up to rest on the back of the couch. He took that as an invitation to slightly grind his now hardness between my legs. The friction alone had me groaning and wanting more.

  “Get a fucking room.” We hear. Gabe doesn’t break contact, but he opens his eyes when I open mine and smiles. My cheeks flush with embarrassment and I immediately hide my face in the crook of his neck as he begins to chuckle.

  “Fuck off Matt.” Gabe says remaining still so we can get our breathing to slow and his hard on to relax. “Mind giving us a minute?” he turns his neck over to them.

  “That’s all you need is a minute, right?” Matt challenges and Will laughs.

  “Will?” I ask but it sounds like a muffled whine since I’m still hiding my face.

  Laughing, Will says “C’mon Matt, let’s go see where Brennan is. He’ll be pissed if he saw this.” Matt pushes up, I can hear them walk past us and close the door behind them.

  “Wow.” Gabe says lifting his head to make eye contact with me. Wow is an understatement.

  “Gabe.” I try to get out without any sexual intent, but fail. He takes it as another invitation decides to finish where he started. A knock on the door stops us again. He groans as he rests his forehead on mine. Closing my eyes, I wish we didn’t have to go on stage but clearly, the second knock on the door lets us know that Brennan was on his way back in.

  “This isn’t over with.” He kisses me again quickly before lifting himself off me. With a deep breath, I think to myself. God, I hope not.

  The kids laugh at us leaving me smiling at the nice memory and they ride away. I Slide over to the end of the swing and decide on a different approach. “Gabe. Look. Yes, I admit I feel something for you. But, this has to stop here.”

  “Why?” he asks with a heartbroken tone.

  “Because, we just can’t! Brennan for one will have a coronary if he has to think about us being together one more time.”

  “So, you choose to live your life in the eyes of him?” he questions me. I knew this was going to be a lot harder than it seemed.

  “No. But you are all like my brothers.”

  “Bullshit Jenna.” He begins to raise his voice at me. “I don’t see you kissing anyone else the way you just kissed me.” Shit, he has a point. “Just admit you’re scared.” Wow, low blow.

  “Gabe. I am not scared.” I say standing facing him. “I’ve told you over and over that we could never...” Shaking my head, this is useless. “Ugh. Why are you making this so hard?”

  “Because you know as well as I do that we would be great together.” He answers without a hitch. I do know that. I’ve seen it many times when we are around each other. Whether we go to the mall, or the beach together, we fit together like two lost puzzle pieces. But how can I give myself to someone who’s given himself to everyone he sees?

  “Yeah, until you get what you want, and then what? You move on to the next girl like you’ve always done?” I finally get to the root of my issues, even though we’ve joked about this time and time again. “I’ve seen it Gabe, I’ve never seen the same girl twice. Don’t you think that would crush me?”

  “Is that what you really think?” He asks. Not knowing the true answer to that, but looking into his eyes and knowing I’ve hit a nerve, I nod. It’s definitely what I see. He’s got a new woman waiting for him after each set. “If you only knew.” He whispers under his breath.

  “How good would Live Today be if we hooked up and then you moved on? You think I could just move on like you can?” His eyes look down. I know I’m breaking his heart but this is the way it has to be. I must sacrifice myself for the better of the band. “I’m sorry Gabe, but I just can’t. It would kill me to see the band split up because of our carelessness.” There it’s out.

  “Jenna, I’ve told you time and time again that I would give you my world. Hell, I already have. But think about what you just said about the band. You’re defying the exact meaning of the band’s name. We are supposed to live for today aren’t we?” He looks over to me, then shakes his head. “I know we could make this work. I think you know it too.” He stands and looks down at me. “You’ll regret your decision. I won’t wait forever.”

  “Wait? Gabe, if that’s what you call waiting, I would hate
to see you truly be dedicated to one person.”

  Looking down, he chuckles before looking up me with hurtful eyes. I know I've torn him into two, and he’s fighting it. “Well,” he reaches up to caress my face, leans down to kiss the corner of my mouth before whispering in my ear. “Guess, you’ll never know now, will you?” Then he turns and walks into the house. Just before he opens the front door, he turns. “I can play your game Jenna. You will see.” His eyes finally making their way towards mine, “I bet dinner’s ready.” He winks, opens the door and walks inside.

  I sit back down and think about how that went down. Deep down, I know he’s right. I know we could be good together. I’ve even dreamed about a future with Gabe. But that was just a dream. I just hope that what had happened can be forgotten about and we can go back to the way things were. I have to think about the future of the band, and of Brennan.

  Brennan, there’s another issue that needs discussing. I hear the door creak open and Matty’s head pops out. “Is it safe?” Giving him a genuine smile I nod. “Good.” He comes over and sits right next to me, putting his hand on my thigh, squeezing it hard, making me jerk. “Dinner’s ready. The guys are setting the table now.” I nod again. “Wanna talk about it?”

  Shaking my head and shrugging, I finally speak, leaning into his shoulder and resting my head there. “I’m sorry Matty. I know it’s not your fault. I acted like a brat.”

  He rests his head on mine. “It’s not your fault Jems. No one asked for what you and Bren are dealing with.” He says. “And for Gabe.” He chuckles. “He really does care about you.” Why do they all find that so funny? I have the feeling they are all keeping something from me. I have to figure out what it is.

  “I know. I feel the same towards him, but Brennan will kill him.”

  “You have to do what makes you happy Jenna. Not Brennan. And I know you worry about the band. But you know what? We will be okay. I promise.” I smile and nod, take his hand that’s on my thigh and give it a squeeze. I do have to start being happy for me. But at what cost? Did I already ruin things with Gabe? Can I ever feel for anyone else the way I feel for him? Can he truly be dedicated to one person and one person alone for the long haul? I guess only time will tell, Gabe was right, I’m not living to the band’s potential. I keep living for others, and not myself. I have to stop worrying about what tomorrow holds because it may never come.

  “Thank you.” I say. “I mean it Matty. Thank you for everything.” I look up at him, and then kiss him on the cheek.

  He starts smiling down at me, “Hey! Easy now, I may ask for another first kiss.” He begins laughing as I give him a titty twister and remember Gabe and my first kiss with him again. “C’mon, let’s go eat.” We stand and I follow him in. “We still have some things to talk about.” Great. That’s just what I wanted to hear. I still have to deal with Brennan. “Jenna?” he stops before I open the door.

  I turn at the door “Yeah?”

  “Brennan will be okay with whatever decision you make. Just give him time. And hear him out okay?”

  “Are we talking about the money now are we talking about Gabe?” I ask.

  He laughs lightly. “Both.”

  Sighing before I answer. “I will. We will talk after dinner.” I wrap my arms around his neck for another hug. “Thanks again Matty. I love you.”

  He smiles, hugging me tightly in return. “Love you too.”

  The radio from the outdoor surround system is playing. The guys have the patio table set up for dinner. I offer to help with the finishing touches, but Matt refuses help so I decide to check my phone. I turn to go outside when Gabe tells me my things are on my bed. I thank him and make my way upstairs to grab my phone and freshen up a bit. It’s a beautiful day and I noticed the guys have the windows open. The breeze upstairs is refreshing. Nothing like the warm Santa Ana winds we get back home.

  I sit on my bed and check my emails quick along with the texts. My mind wanders to the information Matt has given us. I decide to make a quick phone call to Matt’s mom. I press dial while I sit on the center of my bed.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi Aunt Patty. It’s Jenna.”

  “Oh hi dear. How are you?” she asks. I can hear the concern in her voice.

  “Well, I’ve seen better days.” I say, trying to keep my emotions at bay. The phone stays silent for a few seconds before I ask, “Patty. What happened to mo... Um, what happened to Ally?”

  I hear her take a deep breath before she begins. “Jenna, dear, I really can’t say much. The person who called me only told me that she was gone. I wish I could tell you more my love, but they kept it sweet and short.” My fingers were resting on my lips, holding in my silent sobs. “I have the number of the person handling things if you would like it.”

  “Um, no, that’s ok. I think Brennan will get it later. Thank you Aunt Patty.”

  “You’re most welcome dear. How’s my Matty?” she asks. I smile when I hear the love in her voice for her only son.

  “He’s good. He was surprised when he saw the kitchen in the house.” I say then describe how big the kitchen is and everything that’s in it. “You should come up here to visit once we get settled. He can show you around Seattle. We have plenty of room for you and Uncle Bob.”

  “That sounds wonderful sweetheart. I’ll talk to Bob and Matty. Maybe we can make it up there for Christmas.”

  “Oh, Aunt Patty, that would be wonderful if you could.” We’ve spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with the Harper’s since dad left.

  “Good. Well Jenna dear, I have to pull the roast out of the oven now before it burns.” Matt gets his culinary talent from his mother.

  “Okay. I’ll make sure Matty calls you tonight okay?” She agrees then we say our goodbyes.

  Patty Harper has been the closest thing to a mother than I can imagine. She took Brennan and me under her wing along with Will’s parents. When I started my period, Brennan went into a panic. She came over, took me to the store and bought me the necessary items. She took me shopping when I went to my senior Prom. Brennan had refused to let me go, but it was Patty that convinced him that it was something that girls did. Of course, I think he was more upset because my date was Gabe. But I wanted to have a good time with no strings attached. Ironically, we had a blast. He was the perfect date. We laughed, we danced, and we ended the night in my favorite spot, walking along the shoreline hand in hand.

  Gabe was the perfect gentleman, he stayed by my side the entire evening. He would guide me with his hand gently resting on the small on my back like you see in movies. His touch on my bare skin sent a shiver up my spine. His hand never left mine for one moment, unless it was to use the restroom. Not one attempt to take my virginity that night. The most he did was kiss my cheek at the end of the night.

  “Penny for your thoughts?” his voice startles me. His tall frame is leaning against the door. His arms are crossed as if he’s using them to keep his distance from me.

  “Just thinking about prom. And Aunt Patty.” I look up into his deep honey eyes and smile.

  “Ahh. Prom. That was one heck of a night. I couldn’t have been more of a perfect date even if I tried. He is so proud of himself.

  “One of the things I love about you.” My eyes widen as I heard my own words. He hides his smile, looks down to gather his thoughts.

  “Dinner’s ready.” he pushes himself off the doorframe, turns and walks away from me. Did I upset him? Is he still mad at me for putting a distance between us? I would hate myself if I knew he wouldn’t speak to me anymore.

  I stand up, walk over to my mirror and look at myself.. “You probably messed up the best thing that happened to you. You know that right?” I ask myself. I cleanse my lungs with a deep breath and make my way downstairs.

  Hurt

  After eating the best shrimp scampi Matt’s ever made, we decide that a dip in the pool was exactly what we needed. Of course, Gabe made it aware that he had to “take a call” from some chick he had met on th
e way up to Washington. I guess if that’s what he wants then so be it. I felt the anger begin to rise within me but I did my best to push it down. Just goes to show how much I really do mean to him. Dropping my head, I turn to make my way up the stairs to get my bathing suit. I made every attempt not to show any kind of emotions towards his phone call in front of him, but deep inside I feel as if I’m being torn into two. I really don’t feel like swimming anymore anyways, but I don’t want Gabe to know that I’m bothered by his lack of attention. I know that I have to put on a smile. At least for a little bit before Brennan and I sit down and seriously discuss the real issue at hand.

  I walk over to the drawer that holds all of my bathing suits. Moving the garments from side to side, I look for the right one. Smiling when I hold the little two piece black bikini in my hands, this will get his attention.

  After dressing, I make my way downstairs with a towel wrapped around my body. Stepping through door, I unwrap the towel and lay it on the nearest chair and walk over to the outdoor fridge to get a drink.

  “Um, Jenna? You can’t wear that.” Drew states. I glance in his direction and notice his eyes are bulged out checking out my body. He finally makes his way to my eyes and I giggle and wink.

  “Drewbie are you checking me out?” I ask. He doesn’t move. “Well guess what. Too bad, I’m wearing it anyways.” I mention as I close the door and open the bottle of water. He laughs and shakes his head, obviously figuring out what I’m doing.

  Gabe walks around the corner hollering over to Matt. “Matty, my man, wanna go hit...” He suddenly has a loss for words and stops in his path like he just walked into a brick wall watching me as I slowly make my way in the water. I know he is watching me, but I decide to ignore him, slow my pace into the water even more and watch Drew’s face as he observes Gabe. His eyes follow mine and they begin to narrow with anger when he sees Drew still blushing at my choice of bathing suits.