Nine Ten Begin Again: A Grasshopper Lawns affair

by EJ Lamprey

  ‘So are you.’ His voice quivered on the cusp of laughter. ‘Thanks.’

  He was laughing at her? Her chin jerked up sharply.

  ‘Ditto. What about your car?’

  He shook his head. ‘I’ll collect it tomorrow, and my coat, when I return Angie’s stuff. I have to come through anyway.’

  Neither spoke again, although the journey to the Lawns lasted a good fifteen minutes. He paid the driver, got out the taxi and offered her his hand to climb out. At his touch she quivered again, and dropped his hand as soon as she was sure of her balance in the ridiculous heels. In silence they walked to her door and stopped for an awkward beat before he said, slightly hoarsely, ‘I have to walk Odette.’

  ‘Good night,’ she returned coolly and turned to unlock her door, but he didn’t walk away. She felt herself shaking again, fumbling to fit the key in the lock. Finally it turned, and she gratefully grasped the door knob to get inside, to escape.

  ‘Edge—’

  ‘It’s okay. Honestly. Forgotten.’

  ‘Edge, please look at me.’

  ‘I don’t want to,’ she said childishly, but reluctantly turned around. Against the dim late-night lights of the walkway his hair was still unruly, his face shadowed.

  ‘The gay thing—I’m not gay. I never have been. I want to come back after I’ve walked Odette. I want to explain.’

  ‘There’s nothing to explain, Donald. I completely understand. None of my business—’

  He was suddenly too close, and there was a fragment of time when he questioned; when her face tilted up to his in a response she couldn’t control. He opened the door behind her even as he was kissing her; they were inside, mouths locked as they stumbled backwards, and when her treacherous knees failed her they fell entwined onto her sofa. Her very blood was fizzing, as though it had been replaced with champagne, and the thud of her heartbeat was deafening, and this time it was she who pulled away.

  ‘That’s not,’ she was breathless, ‘a very clear explanation.’

  ‘I’ll try to make it clearer,’ he offered and his voice held triumph, and relief, and an echo of her own enormous surprise.

  ‘Go walk your dog, Donald.’ She tried to rescue the status quo one last time. ‘It’s the leather talking, you’ll regret this tomorrow.’

  He leaned back on the sofa and laughed breathlessly.

  ‘Edge! It’s not the leather.’ She could hear the smile in his voice as he added teasingly, ‘Take it off. Please. Just to be sure.’

  Her breath caught and his teeth gleamed briefly in the faint light from the doorway.

  ‘Yes, you’re partly right. You look like my teenage wish list in that outfit, and that hair, even that bizarre makeup which, I have to tell you, tastes extremely peculiar. But it’s you, not the outfit. Under my skin like a burr from when we first met and promptly quarrelled, and I never quarrel. I swore to myself I’d never risk our friendship. God, I was even prepared to lose you to another man to preserve it. Blame your Cleopatra look for breaking that oath, if you like. You did kiss me back. You take part of the blame, eh?’

  ‘You pushed me away.’ The humiliation had gone, and she was intensely watching the little she could see of his face. He groaned.

  ‘We were on a street in Edinburgh! It was push you away or take you right there and then.’

  ‘I wanted you to.’ Her voice shook at the intensity of the memory, despite her determination to lighten the moment, and his hands closed on her arms. He lifted her effortlessly across his lap and she reached for his head, pulling his mouth down to hers as the unfamiliar dizzying rush of passion swept through her again.

  . . .

  Debrief

  ‘So?’ William sat heavily on the conservatory sofa and propped his stick near to hand.

  ‘So?’ she echoed, not meeting his eyes but keeping her voice light. ‘It was interesting. And you were quite right, I needed the collar. It got quite scary.’

  He waved that away. ‘Tell me that later. I want to know about the tattoo.’

  She felt heat in her cheeks, but forced an expression of mild surprise. ‘I don’t have a tattoo. And no plans to get one. Is that something else they do at your leather clubs?’

  ‘Ah well, I can see by the very nice colour you have turned that you know exactly what I mean. Did he not tell you the history? There was a time in his life when a very silly woman made a bit of a public display of his life, and suddenly everyone in the theatrical world, male and female, was insisting they’d slept with him. You know he’s a very private man, so you can imagine how he hated that. But there you go. He’s got a hidden tattoo and they were quite obviously guessing and couldn’t identify what it was. I’ll say this for oor Donald, it must be worth seeing. You’re looking very happy. I’m glad.’

  Vivian came through from the pub, smiling. ‘I’ve asked them to organize cappuccinos, too cold for drinks. Heavens, no need to ask if you enjoyed the leather club, you look translated.’ She gave Edge a sharp glance as she sank gracefully down into the chair opposite. ‘Was it that much fun?’

  ‘It was that much fun,’ Edge agreed demurely and looked across at the pub door as it opened yet again. This time it was indeed Donald, glass in hand, crossing the room swiftly to join them. He rested his hand briefly on her bare neck as he greeted the others, and Vivian’s eyes widened. She opened her mouth, shot a quick sideways look at William, who was beaming, and shut it again.

  ‘Did Edge tell you the club was invaded?’ he asked William. ‘You and your bloody collar and lead. You’re psychic. Or did you send them there?’

  ‘Hey!’ William protested, laughing. ‘She started to tell me. So there was a real problem?’

  ‘It could have been.’ Donald sobered. He drank, put his glass down, and sketched the incident in a few sentences. William looked concerned and Vivian was horrified.

  ‘You’re not going again, I hope?’ she asked and Edge glanced over at Donald.

  ‘It really isn’t what you think. I would have hated it without Donald, and it must get quite alarming later in the evening, but until they arrived it was fun. I was enjoying myself. You would have, too, although William would probably have found it bit tame. The new group added a whole new angle to it. They were practically naked, wearing crossover straps and buckles and chains—oh, and they had Jemima Bateman with them. Vivian, on a chain! And not like mine, which in a bizarre way was almost a fashion accessory. Hers was. . .’

  She paused, searching for words, and Donald put his hand warningly over hers.

  ‘It’s a convention that you don’t talk about what you’ve seen. What happens at the club, stays at the club. But since we all dislike Jemima very much indeed, and since Edge already let the cat out the bag, yes, Jemima was there.’

  ‘Skelped bitch mode?’ William asked knowledgeably and Donald nodded, slightly surprised. William smirked. ‘As a writer, I like to know the mot juste. As a man,’ he added hastily, ‘I find the idea repellent. But each to his or her own.’

  ‘My usual place has a really strict entry policy and they wouldn’t have made it past the foyer. As soon as they took off their coats the gatekeeper would have politely redirected them to a place more their style. I blame myself; when I saw this place didn’t have an inner security door I should have taken Edge to my usual. Mebbe they’ll get one, in which case we’d definately go again, though, it was a superb venue. Top music.’

  William wanted to know how they got away, and Donald said casually that ‘another club-member’ had helped shield her past the group. Edge was very aware of Vivian staring at her and not at all surprised when her friend got decisively to her feet.

  ‘I need to powder my nose. Edge, coming?’

  The big cloakroom off the foyer was empty, and Vivian immediately rounded on her. ‘What happened between you and Donald? And don’t you dare tell me nothing did.’

  ‘I wouldn’t dream of it. I never could fool you for a second.’

  ‘Huh. You fooled me for two months la
st time, but this is something else altogether. You look as though someone flicked an inner switch, and so does he. I’ve seen you in love before—twice—but this is different.’

  ‘It is different. Do you really need the loo? I’ll wait.’ There were boudoir chairs in front of a big mirror, and Edge turned one round and dropped onto it. ‘Actually, I’m dying to tell you. I would have been round to your place later anyway.’

  ‘Of course I don’t need the loo. I just had to know what was going on. Different how?’

  ‘I think,’ Edge groped for words, ‘I think I’m in delight. Does that make any sense?’

  Vivian patted her on the knee. ‘That describes how you look, exactly. Delighted. So your mother was right after all. Once for money, once for love, once for fun.’

  ‘I don’t think this will be a marriage, but yes, she was. I don’t even care if it doesn’t last, you know. I mean, I’ll care terribly if he loses interest or goes after someone else, but I’ve never felt like this before, and he says he hasn’t either, and I know that’s true. I just feel sparkly—which I may say is a neat trick considering he stayed until four this morning and I was too shattered to sleep after he left.’

  ‘William won’t be surprised at all, he suspected something would happen. I couldn’t think what he was talking about. When I asked he went all evasive, but he said I should ask you about a tattoo, and, if you blushed, I was to push you for details about the evening.’

  Edge got up abruptly. ‘William is absolutely fixated on that tattoo! I can’t tell you, Vivian. I trust you implicitly and always have, but it would be asking too much for you to keep it from him, and I don’t trust him anything like as much. He’s too fond of a good joke.’

  She went to the door and Vivian heaved herself up to follow, looking intensely curious.

  ‘I promise you I won’t tell William, but you don’t have to tell me. Is it too naughty for words?’

  Edge chuckled, and shook her head. As they entered the conservatory again William was shaking with gusts of laughter and Donald looked across at them both with a tiny shrug.

  ‘I told him about the tattoo. I didn’t think you could not tell Vivian, and he’d have badgered her until she had to.’

  ‘She didn’t tell me,’ Vivian said a little crossly as she sat next to William, ‘so you have to tell me now. I can’t be the only person who doesn’t know what you’re all talking about!’

  Donald looked resigned. ‘I don’t know how much you know of the story. Put it this way, the theatre world, pre-AIDS, was pretty slutty. I was good friends, had been for years, with an actor called Sebastian Gandry. We were flatmates for most of the seventies. He is gay, very camp, very funny and bitchy, but a good bloke and, it turned out, a very good friend. Anyway, I got caught up in a fairly horrific tragedy after an affair. A selfish bitch of an actress tried to cash in, so Seb instantly and publicly pretended he was my lover and challenged her to identify a tattoo on my inner thigh, which of course she couldn’t. I’d never so much as bought her a drink. He hadn’t meant to cause even more controversy but I was playing Rocky in the Rocky Horror Show at the time, of all roles, and the irony caught theatrical fancy. For a few pretty horrific months the damn tattoo, and ‘who’d had Mac’, was a game too many people were playing. Seb took them all on, ridiculed and mocked and cut them to pieces, and they finally backed off and went after easier notoriety.’

  ‘Good for Seb. But why was William laughing?’

  Edge felt the laugh bubble up again. ‘Vivian, there isn’t a tattoo. That’s the secret.’

  ~~~

  They walked back together in a slightly strained silence and stopped at her door. Donald cleared his throat.

  ‘I’ve never wanted to go to London less in my life. Come with me?’

  ‘No, I’m actually glad you’re going, I need time to regroup. This was a lovely shock, but still a shock.’ She smiled uncertainly at him. ‘Give us time to remember that we’re friends, first and foremost. We haven’t wrecked that, have we?’

  ‘Friends with benefits. That’s a phrase I never thought I’d say. Don’t regroup too much, I like you ungrouped. You’re sure about looking after Odette for me?’ He took out his key pouch and twisted off a key. ‘That’s for my apartment, save having to move all her stuff to yours. And keep the key. I want you to have it. I don’t think we’ve wrecked anything, but I’d been resisting the temptation for a long time in case we did. I thought you’d run like a hare and never forgive me.’ He smiled at her, his eyes creasing. ‘I never dreamed little Miss Prim would surprise me so completely.’

  ‘I was pretty surprised too, Donald.’

  He put his palm to her cheek and gently brushed her lips with his thumb. ‘Ken. It was incredibly hot. I don’t think I’d better come in, or I won’t be able to leave. I’m afraid to even kiss you goodbye. Did you know your lips are quivering?’

  She held her hand up, so he could see it shaking, and his breath caught. ‘You’ll have to unlock my door, if you would, then you can take my key. I’ve got a spare inside. Drive carefully, Donald. I’ll miss you. You’re driving back Saturday?’

  ‘I’ll leave early, be back by lunch.’ He put her key with his others and tucked the pouch back in his pocket. ‘Look after yourself until then. God, Edge, I don’t want to go.’

  ‘I know.’

  They stared at each other, ruefully smiling, and he turned abruptly on his heel and left. She went straight into the apartment rather than watch him walk away and sat in her favourite chair, still trembling. In an hour she’d fetch Odette from the run, walk her, make something to eat, get an early night, and then perhaps she’d feel more like herself again, not this stranger fizzing like a cartoon bomb in an apartment that had never seemed emptier. She stood up finally and switched on the kettle, turned on her CD player to break the silence, and found herself smiling wryly as Cher belted out advice. In his kiss? Got that in one, Cher.

  Her phone rang and she answered on speakerphone, still smiling. The caller was her niece Kirsty, who started to laugh as she heard the music.

  ‘I love that song. Are you dancing around the apartment?’

  ‘Pretty much. How are you, still madly busy?’

  ‘Well, that’s why I’m calling, I’m getting away early for once, and wondered if I could come round, since I couldn’t on Tuesday. Unless you’re busy, of course.’

  ‘No, although I do need an early night. But I’d love to see you, I don’t really want to be on my own.’

  ‘That’s not like you. And you sound a little different, is everything okay?’

  ‘Everything. . .’ Edge paused. Cher had been succeeded by Bonnie Tyler wanting a hero and she was unexpectedly piercingly reminded of the night Donald had saved her life. She picked the receiver up to override the speakerphone. ‘Everything is wonderful. When will you be here? I have to walk Odette but I can do it before you get here, or wait for you?’

  ‘Walk Odette? Is Donald okay?’

  ‘Donald’s wonderful too. But on his way to London.’

  ‘Wonderful? Seriously? You finally got together?’ Kirsty whooped down the phone. ‘Wow! I’ll be there in half an hour and we can walk her together. Great news!’

  Edge looked at the phone and replaced it carefully as her cat slipped in through the window. ‘Mortimer, were you surprised? Because I’m beginning to think I’m the only person who hadn’t a clue!’

  Kirsty is a little disapproving

  ‘Drew?’ Kirsty lifted down her coat from the hook behind the door. ‘I’m off to visit my aunt. Do you want a break or will you carry on studying?’

  She put her head round the study door and Drew looked up, his eyes weary in his usually merry face.

  ‘I’d love to come, but I’ve got at least three more hours here, and I want to get it done. Anyway, I’d as soon stay away from the Lawns while that foul woman is there. Jemima Bateman,’ he added as her eyebrows shot up. ‘The acting bursar. She’s the one who got my expenses investigated, which is
fair enough, that was her job back then, but I told you how they handled it—like the whole paralegal team was skimming. No apologies to those of us who weren’t, either. As far as she was concerned, we were just waiting our chance. If she ever does become an MSP, I’m switching parties.’

  ‘Wow.’ Kirsty bent to kiss the top of his head. ‘I never heard you say anything harsh about anyone before. I’ve not met her, but by the sound of it the Lawns won’t be enjoying her in Hamish’s place.’

  ‘Proper kiss.’ He pulled her down onto his knee. ’I can take a ten minute break. Fifteen, if you insist.’

  She wriggled free, giggling. ‘Later. I’ll be back in three hours, and until then you’ll have total peace and quiet to study. I’m dying to hear what my aunt has to say.’ She hesitated briefly, then shrugged. This time, Edge wasn’t being remotely secretive. ‘She and Donald have finally got together. She sounds slightly in shock about it, mind.’

  ‘Damn, that would be worth hearing. Except she’d probably go all coy if I was there. I shall cross-examine you when you get back. Love you,’ he added wistfully as she blew him a last kiss from the door.

  ‘Love you too. And if you come across a charge I can use against the Bateman horror while you’re studying your precedents, phone me and I’ll arrest her while I’m there.’

  ~~~

  By the time they’d walked the whippet and had second cups of tea, Edge was starting to look as weary as Drew, but Kirsty tactfully didn’t say so.

  ‘I must look like hell. The lack of sleep and all the excitement is starting to catch up with me.’ Edge apologetically smothered a yawn. ‘This sort of thing is much easier at your age.’

  ‘Better late than never,’ Kirsty pointed out mischievously. ‘I’m rather pleased to know you can even get this kind of a rush at your exceedingly advanced age, Grandma. I’m not entirely pleased he hauled you out on such a dodgy adventure but he does seem to have looked after you.’