Tainted (Oh Captain, My Captain #7)

by Lindsay Paige

  I’m sitting in the cab of the truck with the heat on full blast, and I begin to flip through my phone. I notice on my calendar that Christmas is coming. We have already discussed doing a dinner and presents a few days before because the team will be away for the holidays.

  I realize I haven’t seen my mother since she was picked up. We never did anything for any holiday. Mom had either been strung out or trying to make money. I don’t even remember a tree, or decorations, or getting a present. That’s how I knew Santa Claus wasn’t real. That fat, jolly bastard never dropped shit into any place I lived in. Not even when I was in a foster home.

  It isn’t a few moments later that Valo jumps into the cab.

  “Well, Finny, looks like you are moving up the ranks with all those points tonight?”

  “Does that mean I score extra points with you, too? I should be rewarded, don’t you think?” Valo grins at me.

  “Rewarded? I didn’t see you register a hat trick, Captain. However, I might be able to think of something,” I wink back.

  “As long as that thinking comes with some doing.”

  I laugh out loud this time. “Aren’t you a horny little hockey player? But we’ll see. If you haven’t noticed, I’m a working woman and a beauty school student. Hell, I wasn’t even this tired working at the club.”

  “I’m going to ignore that you included ‘little’ in there. You can get some rest over Christmas though. Unless you have plans?”

  “Well, I was thinking about that before you got here. I might see Mom, but I don’t know. However, have you thought about what you want for our dinner? I’m thinking ham and lots of veggies.”

  “That’s fine for dinner.” He’s quiet for a moment when he’s at the red light. “You’re going to see your mom?”

  “I’m thinking about it. I don’t visit her often when she’s in jail, but every once in a while. Mainly…well…it’s the only time I can see her sober and herself. It’s a rarity. Do you want to come along?” I quickly shake my head. Why would I even say that? “Never mind, that’s something you can’t do. I shouldn’t have asked. I know better than that.”

  Valo doesn’t say anything as he continues to drive. When he pulls into the assigned parking spot, he looks over at me. “If you really wanted me to,” he doesn’t finish his sentence, but I know he’s trying to be supportive.

  “No, Finny, it’s fine. I’m tired and my brain is fried. It’s late night ramblings. Let’s move to another, more fun topic: Christmas decorations. We need a tree, or do Finnish people not do trees? Do you have Santa over there?” I quickly fire off my questions, not thinking about my stupidity.

  “You don’t have to worry about my traditions, Jade. I’ve been here long enough that I’ve sort of embraced how it’s celebrated here. It’s still the holidays and festive any way you celebrate it.”

  “Well, I don’t have any traditions, so how about we wing it and make our own together? That sound okay?”

  “That sounds perfect.” He leans over and kisses me.

  ~

  I have been up since before the sun. This is our first Christmas together, even though it’s the twenty-first of December. I want everything to be perfect. I have the iPad next to me on the kitchen counter, helping me step-by-step with the ham and all the trimmings.

  We spent yesterday decorating the house. It’s weird to see a large tree in the corner of the living room, lights hanging on the staircase and in each doorway. I laughed at Valo’s determination to make sure everything was perfect. I didn’t care if everything was crooked because to me, it’s already perfect.

  I begin to plate the food and place it on the table. Valo insisted on Christmas plates and bowls. I shake my head at the funny looking snowman because we could have used paper plates, but Valo apparently likes the theme.

  Valo comes up, wraps his arms around me, and kisses the crook my neck. Is this how everyone is on Christmas? Or is it just my Valo?

  My Valo?

  Yes, he is mine and I wouldn’t want it any other way. My life has been a whirlwind and I love it. I like the classes in school. It’s been a lot of hands on and I can understand that better. I’m not the same person as before, and it’s because of him and I like it a lot.

  We eat more than we talk. In fact, I ate more than I should have, but I have on a pair yoga pants, so I’m set for overeating. When we finish, neither of us bothers with cleaning up. We grab our hot chocolate and go sit in front of the Christmas tree.

  “I’m kind of glad Gus isn’t here. I know that’s mean, but I like just us doing this alone since it’s our first Christmas together.” I smile at him.

  “Me too. It’s good to get away from him every now and then anyway. I’m sure he’s glad he isn’t here, too.”

  “So, I gave Honeybun her gift first. I think she could smell the catnip from the package, but I have something for you.” My voice sounds almost shy. My gift is silly, but I know he’ll like it.

  “I have a gift for you, too. Want to open them at the same time or do you want to open yours first?”

  “No, I want you to open yours first.” I didn’t wrap it, but I did put everything in a shirt box. I hand it to him.

  He opens it and grins. He first pulls out the handmade coupon book. I put everything in there from sex acts to cooking dinner. He begins to pull out the several different lingerie sets I added to the box.

  “This,” he holds up the booklet, “is awesome and will be used frequently. But this,” he hold up a pair of G-string panties and has a smile on his face. “I hope is for you to wear for me because it might be a little small for me.”

  “Please, if you ever model any of these pieces, I will film you and send it to THN.” I crack myself up at the joke. “But no, these are for me to wear. Whichever one you want me to wear, I will, and then you give me a coupon and I’ll do what’s on there. It sounds a little silly, but I didn’t have any extra money to buy you something nice. Plus, you have everything under the sun, so…” I stop talking because I don’t know how to say I can’t afford anything expensive for him.

  “It’s perfect, Jade. Thank you.” He pulls me closer to kiss me. “I think you’ll go as crazy over this as Honeybun went over her catnip.” He hands me a small box.

  “I know I’m always bitching at you about being a Debbie Downer, but do you know this is my first gift? It’s my first Christmas gift ever, and you’ve given me so much already.”

  “Your first Christmas gift? I hope it’s a good one then.” He looks at me as if he’s unsure.

  “I’m sure it is.” When I pull off the small lid, I’m taken aback. My mouth drops as I see the Love Spa name on the top of the certificate with an obscene amount of money on it. “You…you got me a certificate for my nails?”

  “Yeah, I didn’t want you to give it up because you love it so much, so now you’re covered for a while and I get to support your habit.”

  “Valo, this is beyond sweet. I mean it. I think this is the greatest gift anyone could have given me. Thank you.”

  “Welcome. But don’t say it’s the greatest gift, it’ll add pressure to make next year’s even better,” he jokes.

  “Next year?” I still and feel the color drain from my face. “You think we’ll be together then?” Does he think like that a lot? Does he think of me in his future?

  “Oh, well,” he stammers over his words. “I meant, if we are. I can’t predict what’ll happen, but,” he stops and stares deeply at me. “I hope so.”

  What do I say to that?

  He thinks about us. He wants me in his life for a long time. He’s sitting here in front of our Christmas decorations, declaring how he feels about me.

  Do I tell him the truth?

  I should.

  “Okay, without being all girly and shit, but,” I lower my voice, “I hope so, too.”

  Valo grins and captures my lips with his.

  Tonight, Valo gives me something I’ve never had before.

  Hope.

  ~r />
  A female officer pats me down before I am shuffled through a metal detector. Another officer hands me my wristlet and keys. I’ve been in enough jails to know not to bring a purse. Minimal is the best way to go.

  I wait in line with the other family members and small kids until they lead us down a long hallway. The jail is different than the others I’ve visited. Mom is in a minimum-security jail this time. Therefore, I don’t have to sit with a glass wall between us, talking on a phone or through a small screen hole. I sit at a small table waiting for the inmates to come in.

  After a several minutes, Mom comes in with a crowd of other lady inmates and heads over to me. Her black hair is hanging limply around her shoulders. Her blue-green eyes are bright and there’s a little color in her face. The main thing is that she’s sober.

  “I’m surprised you came.”

  I give her a small smile. “I didn’t think I was going to, but I’m here.”

  “You look all fancy.” She eyes my jeans, sweater, and coat. All courtesy of Valo’s credit card.

  “Yeah, I guess,” I pass off her observation.

  “What’d you do? Find a pimp? Are you working for Rick now?”

  I roll my eyes and shake my head. “No, I didn’t find a fucking pimp. I found a job.”

  “A job?” She looks like I told her dinosaurs are roaming outside.

  “Yes. I have a real job and I’m enrolled in school.”

  “School? What the fuck happened to you?” Her eyes are even wider now.

  “Sorry, I didn’t want to join the family business.” I wave my hand around the room. “I found a real man who cares about me and is helping me with my future.”

  Now, Mom’s mouth drops. “A man? You found a man? One of those older fuckers from the strip joint?”

  “No. He’s a nice guy and that’s all you need to know,” I bark at her and one of the officers cuts me a mean look. I instantly lower my voice. “Let it go, Mom.”

  She leans in closer to me. “Does he know you’re nothing but a fucking stripper from Greenwood?”

  “It’s none of your business, but yes, he does know and he doesn’t care.”

  She laughs. “You have to be so damn stupid. Of course he cares about that. He’s using you. He’s making you his little pet.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  “You’re his pet project. He’s one of those fucking do-gooders. He’ll dress you up and educate you, and then he’ll send you the fuck away until a new piece of ass comes along. I bet he’s older than you. I bet he’s nice to everyone. I know those fucking types. Give it time and you’ll find your ass back at Greenwood with your fucking tail between your legs.”

  My heart is pounding. Is that what he’s doing? I remember Valo telling me he has helped others out before, but he never went into their stories. Was it other girls? What happened to them?

  “He’s not like that.” My voice betrays me.

  “Jade, wake the fuck up. You’re trash. Just like me. We’re always going to be trash. It’s our DNA. The only thing you’re good for is lying on your back or stripping on a stage. This isn’t fucking Pretty Woman. Richard Gere isn’t coming in his limo to save the day. That’s fucking bullshit.” She sits back and stares me down with a coldness in her eyes.

  “You’re wrong,” I try to use a firmer tone, but again, it doesn’t work.

  “Am I? Right now you’re running every conversation you’ve ever had with that prick, trying to grasp the reality you think is there. It’s not. You’re not going be anything. You’re going to be just like me.”

  My stomach drops and my heart stops.

  Fuck.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Valo

  “Jade, we’re back!” I call out, closing the door behind me.

  “I’m dying of thirst. Do you want something?” Gus asks, heading to the kitchen.

  “Yeah.” I head to my bedroom to drop off my suitcase, but I don’t find Jade. Honeybun jumps off my bed, walks over, and rubs against my leg.

  “Ah, Valo,” I hear Gus say. “Jade left you a note.”

  A note? I leave my bag by my bedroom door and return to the kitchen. Gus holds up an envelope with my name on it. Why would she put a simple note in an envelope? I take it and open it. My eyes skim the message and I frown.

  Valo,

  I can’t be here anymore.

  Jade

  She’s gone.

  I drop the note, quickly walk to my room, and yank open the drawers on my dresser. Hers are empty. I go to my closet and see that she left those clothes. Son of a bitch. Why would she leave? Where in the hell would she go?

  “She left?”

  “Yeah,” I answer Gus without turning around. What would change for her to want to leave?

  “Maybe it’s for the best.”

  When I turn around to snap at him, he’s already gone. I’m filled with way too many questions and way too much pain. I can’t believe she’d leave while I was gone. Something had to have happened to make her. Things were good. Or at least, I thought they were. I sit on my bed, pull my phone from my pocket, and call her.

  It rings twice before going to voicemail. Damn it. Honeybun jumps into the bed and pushes at my hand for me to pet her. Reluctantly, I do. I wonder where she’s staying, if she decided to drop everything here and go back to Greenwood, or if she’s kept parts of her life here and only left me behind. I just talked to her yesterday, things seemed fine. She didn’t seem any different. She visited her mom, said that went well, and that was it.

  Her mom.

  She hadn’t seen her since she’s been here, now she has and she’s gone. That has to be why. I stand and head out to my truck. Jade can’t be too hard to find. First, I drive to the school. How am I supposed to know if she’s here or not? She wouldn’t have driven because she doesn’t have a vehicle. I don’t have a car to look for. I don’t know enough details about her classes to know where exactly she may be.

  I should have logged into her account on my iPad and looked. I park in a space facing one of the main buildings, scanning the people walking around, searching for the one with long, black, curly hair. My heart stops when I spot someone, but she’s too tall to be Jade. A glance at my watch shows that her last class should be over. If Jade’s here, she would be on her way to the bus stop.

  Quickly, I get out of my truck and start walking toward it. There’s only about five people waiting, none of them Jade. I turn in circles, looking for her. I hope there’s not more than one bus stop here because if there is, I’m screwed if she doesn’t use this one. Just as I’m about to give up, I see her. She’s briskly walking out of a building and in the opposite direction as me.

  I jog until I’m closer to her before speaking. “Jade.”

  She freezes before slowly turning around to face me, her purple contacts hiding her eyes. Jade crosses her arms over her chest, but doesn’t say anything.

  “What did she say?” I ask.

  “What did who say?”

  “Your mom. She said something to make you leave, right? What did she say?”

  “Nothing,” she snaps, which clearly means she did. “Maybe I just realized I didn’t want to be your bitch anymore.”

  “That’s what she told you? That you’re my ‘bitch’? C’mon, Jade. You know better. Don’t let her ruin this.” She has to know her mom is a liar.

  “Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about. While you were off playing your little ice game, I got tired of being your maid. You’re close to thirty years old; you should learn to clean up your own shit. And don’t worry about school. I’ll pay you back for what you’ve spent so far. I can figure out a way for the rest. That’s if I even stay.” She spins on her heels to walk away.

  “Jade,” I grab her arm because she’s not getting away this easily. “This is ridiculous. Just come home and talk to me.”

  “I’m not going to do that. That’s your home with your friend, your cat, and all your pretty, shiny things. I’m
taking my ass back to my side of town.”

  “Fine, we’ll go somewhere else. We need to talk, Jade. You can’t just leave like this.” I won’t let her.

  “I’m an adult, Finny.” My heart swells that she’s calling me Finny. It gives me hope. However, the rest of what she has to say doesn’t give me any. “I can do whatever the hell I want. I’m not going anywhere with you because there’s nothing to talk about. I’m going this way,” she points behind her, toward my truck coincidentally enough, “and you’re going to go that way,” she points toward where I just came from. “And that’s it. I will mail you the money I owe you.”

  I watch her for a second. “Do you really believe her and what she said? Do you honestly believe it wasn’t real and that we weren’t happy? You want to give it all up because you’re happier than she ever will be and she doesn’t want you to be?”

  Jade’s lips part slightly in shock, but her lips form a firm line as her face hardens. “I’m a stripper you thought you could save. This isn’t the land of hopes and dreams, Finny. This is the real world and you can’t save everyone. You might have been able to save your other projects, but I know the truth about the world. It’s a shitty place and I’m never going to be what you want me to be. I’m Jade Patterson, stripper from Greenwood with a whore mother who’s in jail more than she’s out. My fate is going to be the same fucking path no matter what you think. I’m not a good person. I’ve told you this a million times. Why can’t you get it through your thick skull?”

  “Other projects? What are you talking about?” She’s confusing me, which probably means this is something her mother told her. “How are you not a good person? Good people don’t pay others back. Good people don’t meet the parents. Good people don’t put up a fight when I hand out my credit card.” How can she not see this? I take a deep breath and continue with a different tactic, “Jade, you’re amazing and I don’t want you to do this to yourself or to us. If your fate is the same as your mom’s, then it’s because that’s what you want it to be. Not because you can’t change it.”