Blake Byron: Paranormal Investigator

by Andrew Beymer

I also knew there was a good chance I was going to end up like the girl on the bed behind me. I’d gone into this job knowing it could be dangerous, but I never would’ve imagined that danger involved going up against creatures of the night, and despite all my training there was still a part of me experiencing a bit of gibbering terror at being confronted with a supernatural horror in the pasty flesh.

  It was unsettling even if the supernatural horror I was staring down did look more like a skinny pasty geek than an actual horror.

  "You're coming with me, and we’re going to have a nice long talk down at the station," I said.

  The guy’s head cocked to the side. If anything he looked almost sad. He shook his head.

  "No. If you're going to insist on bringing me in then…"

  He shrugged and the attack came. Faster than I could have imagined. One moment the guy was standing on the other side of the room and the next he was on me. We tumbled back onto the bed and my gun went clattering to the ground well out of range.

  Great. Just fucking great.

  The guy was strong. Freakishly strong. Way stronger than he had any business being with that skinny frame.

  "What the hell are you?" I gasped.

  “I would think that was obvious," the guy said.

  The asshole opened his mouth and hissed. Actually hissed like a fucking snake or something. Or maybe like a cheesy vampire out of an old ‘70s movie starring Christopher Lee.

  Not that the kids on campus had any idea who Christopher Lee was if they didn't watch those wizard movies. They had no respect for the classics.

  Not that I had much time to think about that since I was being confronted face-to-face with a monster from one of those classics. A monster that shouldn't exist.

  I was really going to have to get over thinking this guy couldn’t exist since he was obviously a fucking vampire and he was doing his best to kill me.

  As the guy hissed his fangs came down. Not the kind that were obviously plastic prosthetics from a costume or something. No, his teeth actually grew and became full on fangs.

  Yep. If there'd been any doubt before that the guy was a vampire there was none now. I was looking at a fucking vampire, and I didn't like what I was seeing. No, I didn't like it one bit.

  Oddly enough in that moment my only thought was for my wife and daughter. It was a thought I’d had often enough in the bad old days when I knew the shit was about to hit the fan and there was a good chance I might not make it out alive.

  I always thought of them, and how sad I was at the thought of maybe never seeing them again. That always filled me with a grim determination to make it through whatever the hell was threatening to kill me.

  That same grim determination filled me now.

  This guy might be freakishly strong, but it felt like he was still only at the top end of human strength. It's not like he had superhuman strength or anything. It wasn't like the movies where anyone sporting a pair of fangs could throw things around like a comic book hero.

  The vampire had the advantage, but I’d made sure to stay in really fucking good shape even after I became a campus cop.

  Partly because I saw what happened to the older guys after decades of donuts and no weights, partly because it was nice and intimidating when I found myself dealing with kids who thought “fuck the police” was a rallying cry rather than an annoying played out rap song, but mostly because the missus really liked it.

  I grabbed the guy by the throat. Gave it a good squeeze. I wasn't entirely sure if the guy needed to breathe since he was an undead creature of the night that shouldn't exist, but the vamp seemed to feel pain the same as anything else from the way his eyes bugged out.

  That was good to know. If the thing could feel pain then I could fight it.

  I squeezed tighter and the vamp’s hands, though it would be more appropriate to call them claws at this point, moved up to my hands and tried to pull them away.

  I kept my grip. With one hand at least. The other I slammed against the vamp’s head with all the strength I could muster.

  The guy went rolling and fell off the bed with a loud thunk. I stood and looked down at the corpse on the bed. I’d been brushing against her legs.

  I didn't feel any revulsion at being near a dead body. I’d seen enough dead bodies in a professional capacity that it didn't bother me, but I still felt bad about disturbing her.

  Though I had more pressing concerns as the vamp stood and hissed again.

  "You got in a lucky shot cop, but you're not going to get that lucky again. Do you have any idea who the fuck you're dealing with?"

  I shook my hand out and wiggled my fingers. It always hurt to hit someone, and hitting this guy had been like punching a concrete wall. A skinny little bitch of a concrete wall who thought he was a lot tougher than he actually was.

  Not a pleasant experience. I shook my head as I stared at the guy.

  "From what I can tell you're just a bloodsucking bitch with bad manners who killed a girl. That means I need to do something about you before you cause more trouble," I said.

  "Fuck you cop,” the guy hissed. He seemed to like hissing.

  I shrugged and grinned. "You're going to have to come up with better material than that if you want to hurt my feelings.”

  The guy hissed, of course, and pulled his claws out. Charged at me again. Only this time he didn't have the element of surprise working in his favor and I was able to step to the side.

  The guy had given up his speed the last time around which meant I knew just when to get out of the way. And like a coyote chasing a particularly fast bird the asshole took the bait and fell for it.

  For all his strength and bluster, I got the impression this guy hadn't been in many real fights. He was throwing himself around like the sort of guy who thought he could rely on strength and strength alone.

  If he thought he was going to win like that against me then he had another thing coming. I’d trained against way better than this guy, and I’d killed much better than this guy.

  Better in terms of skill. All the people I’d killed were pieces of shit who had it coming.

  Just like this asshole. I didn't have any problem doing him in if the guy was going to insist on trying to kill me.

  The vampire slammed into the bed and it actually broke under his weight. The girl’s body rolled to the side as the vamp hopped to his feet again, but I was already making for the exit.

  I needed more room. And a room where there were fewer corpses to accidentally defile, for that matter.

  It wasn't until after I got out that I thought to grab my gun. Shit.

  Guns might not do any good against the bloodsucker, but the bloodsucker could still grab that gun and use it against me. Stupid. I was going to have to think things through if I was going to make it out of this alive. Or not undead.

  I figured being ambulatory but at room temperature would probably be worse than being dead.

  Not that the vampire gave me much time to think. In a flash he was at the door staring with open disdain.

  "You're going to die here tonight cop," he said. "And they'll cover it up just like they would've covered up the girl’s death if you’d played nice."

  8

  Vampire Killer

  So there was the whole fight to the death with an undead monster thing that was about to go down, but I couldn’t help but stop and think about what the vamp just said.

  "What the hell are you talking about?" I asked.

  Covering it up? The fuck? I didn't like the sound of that. That caused a different sort of worry.

  Was the university doing something to cover this up? Did they know vampires roamed the streets? Were they aware of what was happening and letting bloodsuckers operate with impunity?

  Not on my fucking campus. There wasn't a chance in hell I was going to let this guy get away with it, and I was sure as hell going to get to the bottom of this now.

  I had to survive. I mean survival was always pretty high on my list. It’s
not like I woke up in the evening and got ready for work thinking “this is the night I’m going to die young!” Nobody does that.

  It’s just that there was something going on here that went beyond mere survival for yours truly. Beyond wanting to see my wife and daughter again.

  No, I had to survive to get to the bottom of whatever the hell was going on here. I had to figure this out and save other kids who might be taken by these bloodsuckers who thought they could do whatever the hell they wanted and have it covered up after the fact.

  "You're going to die human," the vampire said.

  I sized up my opponent. The thing didn't look all that terrifying now that I’d won the first round. The vamp looked like any other skinny punk college kid fresh out of high school that I’d had to deal with since I’d started this job.

  Sure he might be a little stronger than the other punk college kids, but I could deal with that. Training won out over strength most of the time, and this vampire motherfucker was about to learn that harsh lesson.

  "No, I think I'm going to survive this," I said. "And I'm going to take care of all you bastards when I do."

  That brought the vampire up short. He stared at me for a long moment. There was something in his eyes that I recognized all too well from other fights I’d been in.

  Uncertainty. The sudden thought that maybe he’d picked a fight that was beyond what he could handle. That maybe he’d lived a long undeath of fucking with people and getting away with it and this was the one time he’d fucked with the wrong person.

  It would also be the last time he fucked with the wrong person if I had anything to do with it.

  Then the vamp shook it off and I could see him deciding to go ahead and fight it out.

  I shrugged and shook my head. "Your mistake buddy.”

  The vampire rushed me, but this time I was waiting for it. This time I was expecting it. This vamp was singularly un-inventive when it came to his attacks, and I was counting on that.

  I didn't step aside. No, this time as the vamp approached I leaned down and rammed my shoulder, the one that was still in pain from ramming through the door thank you very much, right into the vampire's stomach.

  Which meant all that super speed momentum he was building up was translated into slamming into my shoulder. Yeah, training always won out over raw strength. Especially when you trained to use someone’s raw strength against them.

  The vamp let out a noise that sounded suspiciously like he’d had the wind knocked out of him.

  Okay then. That was one thing confirmed. These things did breathe. If they could breathe then I could take away that breath and make the vamp regret ever picking a fight with me.

  It might not kill him, I didn’t know enough about the rules for real world vampires and how they related to the rules I learned staying up late at night in the basement where my parents couldn’t find me watching Sammy Terry host horror features, but it could hurt him and I could use that.

  I’d become sort of an expert in hurting people over the years. Lots of on the job training opportunities.

  I used the vampire’s momentum to send him flying over my back and crashing down the hallway. Into the darkness of the other bedroom.

  I wasn't stupid enough to go in there after the thing. I thought about going for my gun, but figured I didn't have time. That fucker could move pretty fast.

  No sooner had the thought "I should go for my gun but probably don’t have enough time" crossed my mind than a shadow appeared and I knew the thing was going for another bum rush.

  Damn it. It looked like I wasn't going to get a moment of peace with this thing. Not until I took care of it for good.

  There was a part of me that still wanted to bring the vamp in for questioning. It would be one hell of a coup to bring in a live fucking vampire.

  Well, sort of live. Okay, maybe not really. An undead fucking vampire.

  I’d be able to prove my crazy story if I had the evidence right there, but something told me this fight wasn't going to end until one of us was dead.

  The vamp charged me again. I would have shook my head if I had the time. The thing didn’t know how to fight, and that more than anything gave me confidence.

  I was starting to get back into the groove. This was actually kind of fun, in a fucked up sort of way. All my old training, stuff that had been rusty since it had been so long since I had to call on it, was starting to come back. The cobwebs were being dusted away.

  It turned out getting in the middle of a life or death fight was like riding a bicycle. That or I was close enough to my special forces days that there wasn't much to forget.

  Good thing this was happening now and not ten years from now, is all I’m saying.

  This time I reached out with a right hook that slammed the vamp against the wall. I followed up with my left foot buried in the vamp’s stomach, then I reached forward and moved my foot around behind the vamp’s feet and swept them out from under him in a classic judo move.

  The vamp slammed against the floor and lay there gasping like a fish on a boat that was considering whether or not it had really been such a good idea to bite that nice shiny thing that had looked so tasty moments ago.

  I stepped over the vamp and grinned. “Had enough yet? Or do you want to keep going?"

  To be perfectly honest I was a little disappointed at the vampire's performance. From what I saw in the movies I’d always imagined them being more of a challenge.

  But no. This experience was nothing like what I’d imagined. It was like going up against some punk college kid who didn't know how to fight. Sure he might be strong, but he didn't have any experience.

  I wondered if other supernatural monsters of the night existed and if they were all huge pussies like this guy.

  At least I was thinking those smug thoughts right up to the moment the vampire's foot shot up and connected with my balls. My eyes rolled into the back of my head and I let out a loud groan.

  “Son of a…"

  I toppled to the side like a massive tree going over in a forest. The only thing missing to complete the image was a burly bearded lumberjack shouting "timber!"

  I slammed against the wall and pain shot through me. It was as though that kick had opened a door to the pain dimension and it was all coming out between my legs.

  I groaned and tried to catch my breath. I was in a race. I needed to see through the pain before that thing recovered from having the wind knocked out of it.

  Only I looked up as a shadow fell across me and realized I wasn't going to win that race. Shit.

  I thought back to my training and cleared my mind. Tried to rise above the pain. The body was a mechanical construct. Pain was the body's way of telling you it was in trouble, but the sign of a true fighter was ignoring that pain. Was making all the mechanical bits of the body continue to work even when pain was screaming that maybe the body should sit down and have a breather.

  Goodness knows I’d had plenty of practice over the years. I’d been involved in plenty of fights worse than this. It’d just been long enough that it was difficult to deal with a sucker kick right to the nuts.

  Not that a sucker kick to the nuts was ever pleasant. Unless you were into that sort of thing. Which I wasn’t.

  Something picked me up by my neck. Slammed me against the wall. I grunted, but that was nothing compared to the pain between my legs.

  I gritted my teeth as I looked down at the punk kid. That's how I was thinking of the idiot now. This wasn't a vampire. This wasn't a terrifying undead creature of the night.

  No, this was just some bloodsucking college boy who didn't know he'd gotten in over his head. He was smiling up at me now, triumphant, and he had no idea that he'd already lost the fight.

  “Don't worry," he said. "I'll make this as painful as possible."

  "Same to you," I said.

  Sure it wasn't the best line, but it was the best I could come up with on short notice. The vampire cocked his head to the side in momentary confusi
on, and that momentary confusion was all I needed.

  I brought my knee up between the vampire’s legs with all the strength I could muster. My knee slammed home and I felt something crack. The vampire looked down and went crosseyed, then his mouth opened in a howl.

  His grip on my throat loosened and he stumbled back, dropping me to the ground. It was nice to be back on the ground, but I had no intention of sitting around and smelling the daisies. No, I delivered a kick right to the vampire’s stomach.

  The vampire crashed through the railing that looked like it was a sneeze away from breaking apart. And thankfully it was in just as bad a shape as I’d thought. It splintered and shattered around the vampire as he went flying through to the first floor, screaming the entire time.

  There was a sickening thud and a wet noise that sounded suspiciously like old paper being ripped apart, and then silence.

  I figured silence was a good thing. Here’s hoping that meant the thing was dead. Really dead and not undead. Expired.

  At the very least I hoped it was injured to the point it wasn't going to cause me immediate trouble.

  I forced myself to stand. I peered over the edge. The vampire was down there, and I also found all the blood that had been missing from the girl. It had splattered out of the vampire and went everywhere.

  Good thing I wasn’t on the same level as the fucker when I killed him. No amount of peroxide would get all that blood out of my uniform.

  Gravity had finished the job for me. One of the pieces of railing stuck up through the vamp’s heart. Blood spurted up from the wound a couple of times then stopped.

  "Whoops," I said. "So much for taking prisoners."

  As I stared down at the vampire its body started retracting in on itself. I blinked as I realized the body was rapidly decomposing in front of me, including the blood that had splattered everywhere. The vamp turned into a pulpy mass and then to dust and a couple of fragments of bones that had a vaguely human shape.

  Even the blood on the walls looked old. Like the stains had been there for decades or maybe longer even though it had just been in that girl no more than a few hours ago.