Blake Byron: Paranormal Investigator

by Andrew Beymer

  “Yeah, they just took out one of the bad men,” I said.

  “Good. That’s what you do too,” she said.

  It wasn’t a question. It was a statement of fact. We’d always talked with her about my job like that. I took care of the bad guys. Even though I hadn’t really done more than chauffeur around a bunch of drunk college kids.

  Before tonight, that is.

  “Y’know that’s going to be an interesting change for you having a little girl with her condition,” Hooks said.

  I instinctively tightened my grip around Zoey. There were two of them and one of me, but I was still armed to the teeth and there’d been hundreds of vampires and one of me and look how that worked out for all the fanged bloodsuckers in the neighborhood.

  “He’s not talking about anything like that,” Anderson said. “We’ve got plenty of bad vamps we can hand over to the lab coats. No need to go after innocent children.”

  I relaxed. Just a little. They had just admitted there were vampires in custody they were running experiments on, after all.

  Not exactly the sort of thing to make me feel great when my worldview had just gone from doing anything I could to kill as many vampires as possible to doing anything I could to keep the world from killing one vampire in particular.

  It was a hell of a shift.

  “What we were thinking was maybe we could get you in touch with some resources. Help you out with the care and feeding of your new vampire,” Hooks said.

  “Yup. Maybe even get you in touch with some resources to help you out with your new nocturnal lifestyle. That sort of thing,” Anderson said.

  “We figure it’s the least we could do for someone who’s helped us out so much,” Hooks said.

  I laughed, but there was no amusement to the laugh. Their dark humor might’ve been funny any other time, but right now it was another reminder of just how much my world had changed.

  “You sure you don’t want to come work for us?” Anderson asked.

  This time my laugh was more genuine. All that had happened and these guys were still trying to recruit me?

  “You should at least think about it,” Hooks said. “You have any idea how many rookie agents we lose a year going against stuff a hell of a lot less scary than what you just took down?”

  “A lot,” Anderson continued the thought. Sometimes it felt like the two of them were one mind speaking together out of two mouths.

  Kinda creepy when you got down to it. Typical for your run-of-the-mill intel puke, though.

  Though maybe I shouldn’t be thinking of them as intel pukes anymore. Not after everything they’d done for me.

  Besides, there was some truth to what they said. If I was perfectly honest there was a part of me that had missed the game. Missed the adrenaline rush that came with it.

  I’d settled down because that’s what Rachel wanted. A nice quiet life in a sleepy community where she didn’t have to worry about something bad happening to me because the world was a big and scary place and I had a habit of wading right into the middle of some of those scary things.

  Only the world had went ahead and reached out to dash all those well laid plans. There were no guarantees in life. Maybe it was time I stopped hiding and got out there and used my skills to do some good.

  Besides. There was that rush. I didn’t think I could give it up now that I’d had another taste.

  “Y’know I think you guys are onto something there,” I finally said.

  “Excellent!” Hooks said, showing more emotion than I’d seen on the guy since we first met a couple of days ago. I almost felt bad about what I was about to say.

  “But I’m not going to do it working for Uncle Sam,” I said. “I’ve done that song and dance and I’m not in the mood to try it again.”

  “So what were you thinking?” Anderson asked, eyeing me through the rearview mirror.

  A distant scream pierced the car. We were stopped at the entrance to the parking lot and Anderson was waiting for a chance to pull out into the light morning traffic that made up rush hour around these here parts.

  I turned and looked at the parking lot. There was a massive column of smoke back there. Kinsey must’ve finally gotten a little too much sun for his comfort.

  I turned back to face the two government agents. Grinned.

  “I think it’s time I go into business for myself, gentlemen.”

  42

  Blake Byron: Paranormal Investigator

  Y’know you could’ve had a much nicer office if you took us up on our offer,” Hooks said.

  I stood in front of the door and looked it up and down. Cars moved by behind us and he could hear and feel the pulse of the city around me.

  Sure it wasn’t as big as New York or L.A., Indy didn’t even hold a candle to Chicago, but it was big enough that there was apparently a substantial enough supernatural population to hide what was going on with Zoey.

  That was all I really cared about. That and it was far enough away from the quiet college town where I’d so recently burned the dominant supernatural element to the ground and turned them to dust that I didn’t have to deal with the memories of the life I’d tried building with Rachel back then.

  I also didn’t have to worry about constantly looking over my shoulder and wondering if a vampire was going to come after me or Zoey. Sure I figured they could still track me down, but life was a little more anonymous in the city. Even a smaller city like Indy.

  “I think it looks just fine,” I said.

  The sign on the door said it all. It was a frosted glass window that looked like something straight out of a noir movie. The guy at the custom door place had sighed over the phone and I could hear his eyes rolling even though we were on opposite sides of the city.

  I got the impression that just about every PI who went into business went for that look, but I didn’t care. I liked it and fuck the guy at that glass place. He’d been quick enough to take my money, after all.

  “Blake Byron: Paranormal Investigator,” Anderson said. “You sure don’t believe in keeping things quiet, do you?”

  I shrugged. “After everything that happened to me a couple of months back I figure there’s no point in hiding.”

  “Well let’s see what you’ve put together with Uncle Sam’s money,” Hooks said.

  “Yeah daddy!” Zoey said. “I can’t wait to see your new place!”

  “Our new place honey,” I said, leaning down to scoop her up into a hug.

  She was more careful about hugging me these days. She’d learned that she had one heck of a death grip. We were both still adjusting to her having the kind of strength that was usually reserved for guys who starred in movies about robots sent from the future to kill people, but it’d surprised me just how quickly my little girl was coming to accept her new life changes.

  Even if I still raged inside that she had to make that adjustment in the first place. Fucking vampires. I still wanted to kill every last one of them.

  Except for Zoey, that is.

  Yeah, life had certainly gotten more complicated since I went on that rampage.

  I walked over to the door and gestured for Zoey to do the honors. This was her place as much as it was mine. Sure it was in the middle of the city and it was the exact opposite of the sort of place Rachel had wanted to raise our little girl, but there was the whole vampire thing to consider.

  Zoey was a special needs child now, even if her needs were far more specialized than anything any public school could ever hope to provide for her.

  That was one thing I wasn’t looking forward to. Anderson and Hooks had given me the hook up with a school that specialized in educating young vampires, but I wasn’t sure how I felt about having my daughter being educated by a bunch of lifelong bloodsuckers.

  Not to mention I wasn’t sure how those bloodsuckers would feel when they discovered that Zoey’s daddy was the infamous slayer of Lee’s Mills who’d taken out several hundred vampires in one night in a bid to save my daughter.


  Oh yeah. Turns out word traveled fast in the supernatural world. I was already getting something of a reputation amongst the unliving and the never-quite-living-in-the-first-place.

  I just hoped that reputation would serve to bring in business rather than bringing down the kind of attention I really didn’t want. I figured there was a fifty/fifty chance.

  That was the problem with getting a reputation as a badass. Most people looked at that reputation and stayed the fuck away from you. The problem was there was always some asshole looking to prove something by kicking your ass if they thought you were the biggest badass around.

  I sighed as I stepped through the door. Yeah, things had gotten way too complicated. I almost wished I could go back to the good old days when the worst I had to worry about was a bunch of crazy but inept vampires killing my wife and kidnapping my daughter as a sideshow to trying to take over the world.

  Life had been so much simpler then.

  Still. I had to put on a show. Hooks and Anderson were the reason I had these digs, after all, and I didn’t want to seem ungrateful.

  Even if, looking around, my surroundings weren’t exactly impressive.

  The place had been an administrative office for a small woodworking or metalworking shop once upon a time complete with several levels of apartments above the offices that might’ve been perks for the office drones once upon a time.

  Basically it was the sort of place that administered the growing industries in this city back when the Midwest actually had growing industries.

  These days there were a lot fewer factories and a lot more empty real estate sitting around waiting for someone to snap it up and repurpose it to some new use.

  Not that I was complaining. We had gotten the place for cheap, after all. Which was important considering Uncle Sam had been generous, but not too generous, and I still wasn’t sure this whole crazy business was going to work.

  “Nice digs,” Anderson said in a tone that clearly said he was trying very hard to be polite.

  Of course the fact that I could tell he was trying to be polite meant he wasn’t doing a very good job of hiding his opinion of the place.

  Okay, so the place didn’t look like much. So the walls looked like they hadn’t seen a fresh coat of paint since the ‘70s. I was going to have to have someone in to check those walls to make sure there wasn’t any lead in the paint, for that matter.

  This seemed like the kind of place that maybe hadn’t gotten a nice refresher since the bad old days when that sort of thing had still been legal.

  Not that I had to worry too much about Zoey trying to eat those paint chips. No, considering her recent change of fortune I figured I had to worry more about her trying to eat some of the neighborhood pets.

  One thing at a time though.

  I walked around a desk for a receptionist I hadn’t hired yet, no money after all, and sat down. Kicked my feet up. Ignored the dust that went flying up when I kicked my feet up.

  I’d been so preoccupied with getting the place, furnishings included, that I hadn’t bothered with much in the way of cleaning. Rachel would’ve had everything spotless long ago, but…

  Well. Rachel wasn’t in my life anymore. That was something I was going to have to get used to. Something I was going to have to move on from eventually, even if it was still a sucking wound in my chest without any outward physical evidence of that wound.

  “It might not look like much, but it’s mine,” I said.

  “You’re sure you won’t reconsider?” Anderson asked, reaching out and wiping some grime off the wall next to the door.

  The door was the only new thing in the whole place. I’d splurged a little on that.

  Well that and everything in Zoey’s room on the second floor. I hadn’t bothered cleaning or remodeling except for her room. That place got the red carpet treatment.

  Though with the color scheme she chose it would be more accurate to call it the pink carpet treatment.

  “I’m positive,” I said. “I’ve done my time for Uncle Sam. Maybe you guys can call me in to consult for you from time to time. For the appropriate rate. I’m not going back into the service though.”

  On the other side of the room Zoey had opened the top of a wide aquarium that housed a couple of white mice. I held my breath, and Anderson and Hooks turned to watch with a mixture of fascination and worry as well.

  She plucked one out, its arms wriggling this way and that, and stared down at it stroking the top of its head with an odd smile on her face.

  I sighed. I’d hoped she’d be willing to take something less than human. It’d been one of the suggestions from Anderson and Hooks, and it looked like it was a dead end.

  Damn it.

  “Right, so back to business,” I said. “You guys can come calling whenever you want, but I’m not working for you.”

  Anderson shrugged. “Your loss. We have some of the best equipment money can buy up at our place in Castleton.”

  “Yeah, and a fat lot of good that did you when you were trying to take down that vampire mafia or whatever the fuck it was you guys were doing in my town before you ran into me.”

  “This area is a hotbed of supernatural activity,” Hooks said with a shrug. “It’s why we’re out here.”

  “Any idea why that is?” I asked.

  Now it was Anderson’s turn to shrug. “The crossroads of America means there are a lot of strange things that go bump in the night crossing those roads. We were hoping you might help with that.”

  “What kind of help?” I asked.

  “The usual. Your occasional hiker wandering off the beaten path and getting beaten to death.”

  “There’s a reason you don’t hear any firsthand things about Bigfoot sightings,” Hooks said. “And it doesn’t have anything to do with Bigfoot being particularly hard to find.”

  “Though that’s really more of a Pacific Northwest kind of problem,” Anderson said.

  “Right. Overcast skies, cold ocean, a volcano that could blow at any moment and kill everybody, hipsters, and random Bigfoot attacks. Nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there,” Hooks said.

  “Or you get someone who shows up with all their blood drained,” Anderson said.

  “I’ll bet you can figure that one out in one guess,” Hooks said.

  “And let’s not even get started on the ones who are ripped to pieces before we even get there,” Anderson said.

  “I’d like to meet that monster’s tailor, if you catch my drift,” Hooks said. “Still, better ripped to shreds than having your soul ripped out of you which is totally something that happens from time to time.”

  “Or having some spirit from beyond the veil turning your hair white and rendering you catatonic,” Anderson said.

  “Or revealing a view of the gibbering terrors that exist just out of sight beyond normal reality,” Hooks said.

  I held a hand up to stop them and shook my head. The barest hint of a smile played across my face.

  “I’m not sure if you guys are bullshitting me or if you’re trying to scare me into coming to work for you, but either way it’s not going to work.”

  Though that bit about liking to meet someone’s tailor was particularly shiver Were the. Not that I was going to shiver in front of these two and reveal my childhood terror of werewolves, but still. The thought that those things might actually be real after all those times as a kid when my mom reassured me they were make-believe…

  What the hell. I went ahead and shivered. I didn’t care if they noticed. I figured I’d more than fulfilled my bad ass quotient in front of these guys.

  “Just trying to give you an idea of what you’re up against,” Hooks said.

  “Things are heating up around here Byron,” Anderson continued. “They’re heating up and we don’t know why. I don’t like not knowing why.”

  “Well if I find anything you can rest assured the two of you…”

  A loud high pitched squeaking from the other side
of the room drew my attention away from the two government agents trying to pull a pretty bad version of bad cop/bad cop on me.

  What I saw on the other side of the room should’ve been terrifying, but instead it brought a smile to my face. Zoey had bit into the mouse, staining its white fur red, and she was sucking away at it happily as though she’d been given a tasty sucker. Or maybe a living wriggling juice box.

  Fruit punch with an annoying couch staining red color. Only that was no fruit punch.

  Well then. Maybe there was something to what Anderson and Hooks had told me. Maybe there was hope I could keep her from giving in to some of the nastier instincts that were going to start showing up now that she’d been transformed into a bloodsucking creature of the night.

  I could hope. Hope was all I had now. Hope and this brand new business.

  Blake Byron. Paranormal Investigator. Yeah. That sounded good.

  “Right. So if you gentlemen don’t mind…” I started, but I was interrupted by my door slamming open.

  I winced. That was a slam that came with some superhuman strength. Which meant there was a good chance the precious expensive glass I’d special ordered might’ve just been damaged. I didn’t hear any cracks, but I’d have to inspect it later to be sure.

  A loud slam like that from something with superhuman strength also meant there was a chance whatever possessed that superhuman strength was something that wasn’t happy with me and so they’d looked me up in the phone book.

  Turns out supernatural creatures were big fans of the phonebook. Not because technology went on the fritz around them or anything ridiculously silly like that, but because most supernatural creatures walking the earth these days were old enough that the phone book was still a neat new idea to most of them rather than something that went straight into the recycling.

  “Can I help you?” I asked.

  “I don’t know,” a sultry voice said. Even Hooks and Anderson leaned forward. “No one has been able to help me yet. You’re my last hope.”