The Lost

by J. D. Robb

  Wasn’t this what any sane person would want? Why, then, had her heart suddenly become as heavy as a boulder inside her chest?

  Ross.

  By rights, this should all be his. His estate. His fortune. His legacy. Without Ross, Cullen would have died that night on the streets of Dublin. Without Ross to carry on the search, Cullen never would have found his lost love, and the daughter he’d never known. Without Ross, Aidan wouldn’t be here, sampling a life so foreign to her, it was beyond her wildest imagination.

  And now, instead of the reward Ross deserved for his years of love and loyalty, it could be all stripped away. If the DNA tests showed her to be Cullen’s granddaughter, Ross would forfeit any right to all of this.

  The man she’d come to love would lose everything that was rightfully his, all because of her.

  She stood so quickly, the tea sloshed over the rim of her cup, scalding her fingers. She took no notice as she hurried to the bedroom.

  She knew in her heart of hearts what she had to do. And she must move quickly, before Cullen awoke and the courier arrived with information that could alter all their lives forever.

  Ross looked up when Meath and Mayo barked. Seconds later a knock sounded on the cottage door. He silenced the dogs, then hurried over to find Bridget looking out of breath, her hair spilling out of its neat knot, her eyes wide and worried.

  “Good morning, Bridget. What’s wrong?”

  “Miss O’Mara said I was to give you this.” She handed him a folded note. “It must be important, for she said I was not to give it to you until after she was gone.”

  “Gone? Gone where?”

  The old woman shrugged. “She was calling for Sean to bring the car.”

  “Car?” He looked thoroughly confused. “Whatever for?”

  The old woman worried the edge of her apron, avoiding his eyes. “I believe she’s planning on leaving for the airport. I saw her suitcase packed.”

  “Leaving? Now what’s this all about?” With a scowl, he started past her.

  “Oh. When you see her, be sure to give her this.” Bridget reached into her pocket and withdrew a fat envelope. “The courier just delivered it as I was coming to find you.”

  He stared at the envelope, then slapped it against his open palm before striding away.

  The housekeeper watched him go.

  As soon as he was out of sight, the frazzled look in her eyes was replaced with a wide, satisfied smile.

  Pausing to scratch behind each hound’s ears, she said with a sigh, “You may as well come along, too, and watch the fireworks. However it all plays out, it should prove fascinating indeed, with Himself, as always, pulling all the strings.”

  Without bothering to knock on the parlor door, Ross tore it open and strode across the room to the bedroom. Aidan’s suitcase was closed and lying on the bed. She was standing by the window, watching for the car.

  He crossed the room to stand beside her, tossing her note on the cushion of the window seat. “What in the hell do you think you’re doing?”

  She closed her eyes, cursing his timing. Another few minutes and she could have avoided this scene. “Just what it said in my note, Ross. I’m leaving.”

  “I can read. You didn’t bother to tell me why.”

  “I realized that I’ve been living in a dream world these past few days. This isn’t my birthright, Ross. I don’t belong here.”

  “Isn’t that a decision you should be discussing with Cullen?”

  “He’s blinded by the loss of his beloved Moira. He wants so badly to believe, that he’s lost all reality.”

  “Oh, it’s reality you want?” He handed over the courier’s envelope. “Read this.”

  “So soon? I was hoping . . .” She stared at it with a look of dread. “You haven’t read it?”

  “It isn’t mine to read. It’s yours. Yours and Cullen’s. Go ahead, Aidan. Read it.”

  Instead of opening it, she shocked him to the core by tearing it into tiny bits.

  He hissed out a breath and tried to stop her. “Are you crazy?”

  She pulled away, shredding the last of the documents. “I think I was, for a couple of days.”

  “You’re not making any sense, Aidan.”

  She tossed the bits of paper into a wastebasket before turning to him. Though she longed to reach out and touch him, she dared not, for fear of losing what little courage she had left. “Listen to me, Ross. You and Cullen love each other. And why not? You’re his true son.”

  “And he’s more a father to me than my own ever was.”

  “Without you, Cullen would have never become what he is today.”

  Ross was shaking his head. “You’ve got it wrong. Without Cullen, I’d still be a street tough, probably living out my years in prison. Maybe I ought to tell you the kind of life I led before Cullen took me in.”

  “There’s no need. He told me.”

  “But you don’t . . .”

  She placed a finger to his lips to still his words. The warmth of his skin beneath her fingertip caused a tiny thrill to race along her spine. “I know that because of Cullen, you’ve become a better man. And because of you, so has he. You became his reason for living, for growing as a person. That’s what family does for family. Whether I’m related or not, I can never love Cullen the way you do. I can never impact Cullen’s life the way you have.”

  “And for that you’d just leave?”

  “That isn’t why.” She shook her head. “Why should I have a claim on his estate? Does it make sense to hand all this over to me because of a mistake that was made two generations ago? Don’t you see? You have to let me go.”

  “There’s something else going on here.” Ross bit off each word for emphasis. “What you’re planning is selfish and cruel, and now that I know you so well, I know that’s not something you’re capable of being. You’re kind and thoughtful and generous, but never cruel.”

  She looked away, wondering how to make him understand. “It would be even more selfish to claim what isn’t mine. I can’t be what Cullen wants me to be. I can’t stay here. I can’t claim any of this, when it’s rightfully yours. If I leave, everything between you and Cullen will remain as it was.”

  For the longest moment he merely stared at her, as the truth of her words dawned. She was turning her back on all of this because of him.

  Ross felt a surge of such blinding love blooming in his heart, it had him by the throat until he could barely catch his breath.

  She loved him. She was doing all of this because she loved him. Completely. Unselfishly.

  Hadn’t he truly believed that such love was impossible in this world?

  He fought to speak over the rock that had formed in his throat, threatening to choke him. “Aidan, all of this is Cullen’s. To do with as he pleases.”

  “But he’s left it to you. The son he always wanted.” She felt tears sting her eyes and blinked furiously to keep from weeping. “And now I’ve come along and messed up everything. This is all a big mistake.”

  “A mistake?” His eyes were hot and fierce. “Was the love we shared last night a mistake? What about the feelings we have for each other? Are you saying that’s a mistake, too?”

  When she didn’t answer he clenched his hands at his sides. He wanted to shake her until she came to her senses.

  He wanted to hold her. Just hold her. But not yet. Not just yet. They needed to get all of this out in the open and put behind them.

  “All of this . . .” She swept her hand. “Ireland. This lovely estate. That fairy-tale town filled with good, hard-working people . . . It’s all a lovely dream, but for me, it’s just that. A dream. Now it’s time for the truth.”

  “Yes. The truth.” He fought to keep his tone even. “Think you can handle it?”

  When she said nothing he went on. “I want you to stay, Aidan. Not for Cullen, but for me.”

  “I can’t stay. I told you, I’m . . .”

  “I know. Determined to do the noble thing and step a
side so that all this can be mine.” He fought down the wild swirl of emotions threatening to swamp him. He would have sworn he could hear music playing. An orchestra, the sound growing, swelling in his heart. A heart that had been battered by anger and mistrust, and locked tightly against any hint of trust or tenderness for all of his adult life. “The truth is, you love me. You’re ready to step aside because you want what’s best for me.”

  Aidan refused to look at him.

  “I need to hear the words, Aidan. Say you love me.”

  She looked down at her hands and prayed her voice wouldn’t tremble. “Maybe I do. But . . .”

  “You do love me.” He was finally able to smile. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

  She still refused to look at him. “But I have to go.”

  “You have to stay.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I love you, too, little fool.”

  Love. The mere word had all the air leaving her lungs. She could hardly breathe. “But Cullen’s estate . . .”

  “Is in Cullen’s hands. Tell me, does it matter whether or not one of us inherits? Would you be willing to marry me even if I’m penniless?”

  “Marry? I thought . . .” She swallowed and tried again. “I was told that Ross Delaney isn’t the marrying kind.”

  “I wasn’t. Until now.”

  “And now? What happened to change your mind?”

  “You. And that damnably noble heart of yours. I haven’t any defense against it.”

  Oh, the way her poor heart leapt in her chest. “But what about Cullen?”

  “He has to find his own woman.”

  That had them both chuckling, breaking the terrible tension building between them.

  Finally, with the warmth of laughter, he could take her in his arms. Touch her. Hold her.

  He pressed his mouth to her temple and growled. “Aidan, I want it all with you. Love. Marriage. Forever-after. I won’t settle for less. Starting right now. Today. This minute.”

  As his words washed over her, and the reality of what he’d said began to sink in, tears filled her eyes and she was mortified to feel them running down her cheeks. “Oh, Ross. You love me. Truly love me.”

  “I do. Yes.”

  “And I love you. Truly love you.”

  He gathered her closer, needing to feel her heartbeat inside his own chest, keeping time to his. “Thank heaven. At last we can speak the truth. Now, here’s my truth, Aidan. The first time I saw you, I felt something so strong, so powerful, I didn’t know how to handle it. I knew only that I had to be near you. To see you, to touch you. To have you. I don’t even know when lust turned into love. I love you so much I can’t sleep or eat or string together a coherent sentence. Now, finally, I understand what Cullen went through. If you left me, I’d have to spend the rest of my life searching for you. Don’t you see? We have to be together. I couldn’t bear to lose you.”

  Aidan wondered that her poor heart didn’t simply burst with happiness. She took in a long, shaky breath. “I’m not sorry I tore up the DNA results. But what does that do to Cullen’s search for family?”

  “I’m not sure. That will be entirely between you and Cullen.”

  “And his estate?”

  “It’s his to keep or give away. It’s not my concern, or yours.”

  “But do you think . . . ?

  “Shh. Don’t think.” He brushed his mouth over hers to still any further questions. Against her mouth he muttered, “For now, just let me hold you, my love.”

  Love. Oh, she’d never heard a sweeter, more beautiful word. It filled her up until she was exploding with joy as she gave herself up to his kiss.

  Cullen and Bridget stood in the parlor, peering around the open door, listening to every word. When the young couple embraced, they turned to each other with matching smiles of delight.

  Bridget shook her head and whispered, “I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen and heard it myself. I was truly afraid she wouldn’t be talked out of leaving. But you were right again.”

  “Nothing like being young and wildly in love.” Cullen patted a hand to his heart. “I’ve never forgotten the feeling.”

  He crept silently from the parlor, trailed by the housekeeper, and together they descended the stairs to his library.

  Meath and Mayo looked up from the rug in front of the fireplace.

  Cullen walked to his desk and stared long and hard at the envelope delivered by the courier. It was identical to the one given to Aidan.

  Bridget clasped her hands together. “Finally, you have scientific proof of whether or not the lass is your kin.”

  He nodded, but still he didn’t make a move to open the envelope.

  Bridget twisted her hands together, her brow knitted in confusion.

  After another long pause, Cullen snatched up the envelope and crossed to the fireplace, where he tossed it into the flames.

  Bridget sucked in a breath. “Oh, no! What have you done?”

  He merely smiled. “I don’t need scientific evidence to tell me what my heart already knows. I chose wisely, don’t you agree? I knew the lass was unselfish, seeing the way she sacrificed everything to care for her mother. I knew she had a wise, compassionate heart when she agreed to the DNA test for my sake. And when you ‘accidentally’ told her that Ross would be disinherited in her favor, she reacted just as I’d predicted.”

  Bridget flushed with pride. “I was quite an actress in my youth.”

  “And you haven’t lost your touch, old girl.”

  She arched a brow. “But you said yourself you would need the test results for the Courts.”

  He shook his head. “I can do whatever I please with my fortune. I have no need of a court of law. My heart knows the truth. And now I have even more than I’d hoped for. The son I always wanted, desperately in love with the one I know to be my own.” His eyes twinkled with humor. “Oh, I chose wisely. She’s the only one good enough for Ross. The only one he’d have trusted enough with that fragile, damaged heart of his. And Ross is the only one who deserves a lass with such goodness, such decency. Each of them deserved to find the best possible soul mate.”

  The old woman wiped a tear from her eye. “They do make a perfect couple.”

  He chuckled. “That they do. And together they’ll give me such a beautiful family to carry on this legacy. I’d say my estate, my town, and my world will be in very good hands when I leave it.”

  As he followed the housekeeper from the room, the envelope and its precious documents turned dazzling white, sending out a spray of glittering sparks that had the hounds backing away.

  Cullen turned. Instead of burning to ash, the paper’s edges curled up into the shape of a perfect heart. For long moments it gleamed red hot, as though alive and pulsing, before it shot straight up the chimney.

  The old man smiled. A magician, was he? Maybe. Maybe not. But one thing was certain. He was a man who’d spent a lifetime seeking perfect love. And wasn’t it grand that now, after all this time, it was right here in this very place?

  He couldn’t wait to see this old lodge filled to the rafters with love and laughter. And babies. Oh now, there was a fine plan indeed.

  The thought had him laughing like a loon and rubbing his hands in anticipation of everything that the fine, bright future was about to bring to all of them.