Calamity Town

by Ellery Queen

  “Yes, Your Honor,” said Pat, her eyes wide. ”Is anything wrong with that? I’m sure if I had known¯”

  The rest was lost in uproar.

  “Bailiff, clear the room!” screamed Judge Newbold.

  * * *

  “Now, then,” said Judge Newbold. ”Let’s have the rest of it, if you please!”¯so frigidly that Pat turned cafe au lait and tears appeared in the corners of her eyes.

  “W-we went out together, Bill and I, last Saturday night. Bill said we oughtn’t to be seen, maybe it wasn’t legal or something, so we drove over to Slocum to a hot spot Bill knows, and¯and we’ve been there every night since. I said Jim was guilty, and Bill said sure, he thought so, too¯”

  “Your Honor,” said Judge Martin in a terrible voice, “I move¯”

  “Oh, you do!” said Judge Newbold. ”Eli Martin, if your reputation weren’t . . . You there!” he roared at the jurist. ”Ketcham! Number 7! Get up!”

  Fat Billy Ketcham, the insurance broker, tried to obey, half hoisted himself, fell back again, and finally made it.

  He stood there in the rear row of the jury box, swaying a little, as if the box were a canoe.

  “William Ketcham,” snarled Judge Newbold, “have you spent every evening since last Saturday in the company of this young woman? Did you promise her to influence the rest of the jury¯Bailiff! Chief Dakin! I want that man!”

  Ketcham was trapped in the main aisle after knocking over two fellow jurors and scattering the people inside the rail like a fat torn charging a brood of chicks.

  When he was hauled up before Judge Newbold, he chattered: “I didn’t m-mean any harm, J-Judge¯I d-didn’t think I was doing wrong,

  Judge¯I s-swear to you¯everybody knows the s-sonofabitch is guilty¯”

  “Take this man in custody,” whispered Judge Newbold. ”Bailiff, station guards at the doors. There will be a five-minute recess. Jury, remain where you are. No one now present is to leave the courtroom!” And Judge Newbold groped for his chambers.

  * * *

  “That,” said Mr. Queen while they waited, “is what comes of not locking juries in. It’s also,” he added to Miss Patricia Wright, “what comes of scatterbrained brats meddling in grown-up people’s affairs!”

  “Oh, Patty, how could you?” wept Hermione. ”And that impossible Ketcham man, too! I warned you he’d make improper advances if you encouraged him. You remember, John, how he used to pester Patty for dates¯”

  “I also remember,” said John F. wildly, “where my old hairbrush is!”

  “Look,” said Pat in a low voice, “Jim was in a bad spot, wasn’t he? All right! So I worked on Fat Billy, and he drank a lot of Martinis, and I let him make a pass or two at me . . . Go ahead and 1-look at me as if I were a loose woman!” And Miss Wright began to cry. ”Just the same, I did something none of you has been able to do¯watch and see!”

  “It’s true,” said Ellery hastily, “that we had nothing to look forward to but a conviction.”

  “If only . . . ” began Nora, a great bright hope on her pale face. ”Oh, Patsy, you’re mad, but I love you!”

  “And is Cart’s face r-red,” blubbered Pat. ”Thinks he’s smart . . . ”

  “Yes,” pointed out Mr. Queen dryly. ”But look at Judge Martin’s.”

  Old Eli Martin came over to Pat, and he said: “Patricia, you’ve placed me in the most embarrassing position of my life. I don’t care about that, or the ethics of your conduct, so much as I do about the fact that you probably haven’t helped Jim’s chances, you’ve hurt them. No matter what Newbold says or does¯and he really hasn’t any choice¯everybody will know you did this deliberately, and it’s bound to bounce back on Jim Haight.”

  And Judge Martin stalked away.

  “I suppose,” said Lola, “you can’t scratch an ex-judge without stuffiness leaking out. Don’t you worry. Snuffles! You gave Jim a zero-hour reprieve. It’s better than he deserves, the dumb ox!”

  * * *

  “I wish to state in preamble,” said Judge Newbold coldly, “that in all my years on the Bench I have encountered no more flagrant, disgraceful example of civic irresponsibility.

  “William Ketcham!” He transfixed Juror Number 7, who looked as if he were about to faint, with a stern and glittering eye. ”Unfortunately, there is no statutory offense with which you can be charged, unless it can be shown that you have received property or value of some kind. For the time being, however, I order the Commissioner of Jurors to strike your name from the panel of jurors, and never so long as you are a resident of this State will you be permitted to exercise your privilege of serving on a jury.”

  William Ketcham’s expression said that he would gladly relinquish many more appreciated rights for the privilege of leaving the courtroom that very instant.

  “Mr. Bradford”¯Carter looked up, thin-lipped and black-angry¯”you are requested to investigate the conduct of Patricia Wright with a view toward determining whether she willfully and deliberately sought to influence Juror Number 7. If such intention can be established, I ask you to draw an indictment charging Patricia Wright with the appropriate charge¯”

  “Your Honor,” said Bradford in a low voice, “the only conceivable charge I can see would be corrupting a juror; and to establish corruption, it seems to me necessary to show consideration. And in this case it doesn’t seem as if there was any consideration¯”

  “She offered her body!” snapped Judge Newbold.

  “I did not!” gasped Pat. ”He asked for it, but I didn’t¯”

  “Yes, Your Honor,” said Bradford, blushing, “but it is a moot point whether that sort of thing constitutes legal consideration¯”

  “Let’s not get entangled, Mr. Bradford,” said Judge Newbold coldly. ”The woman is clearly guilty of embracery if she attempted to influence a juror improperly, whether she gave any consideration or not!”

  “Embracery? What’s that?” muttered Pat.

  But no one heard her except Mr. Queen, who was chuckling inside.

  “Also,” continued Judge Newbold, slamming a book down on a heap of papers, “I shall recommend that in future trials coming under the jurisdiction of this court, juries shall be locked in, to prevent a recurrence of this shameful incident.

  “Now.” He glared at Billy Ketcham and Pat, and then at the jury. ”The facts are clear. A juror has been influenced in a manner prejudicial to the rights of the defendant to a fair trial. This by the admission of both parties involved.

  “If I permitted this trial to continue, it could only bring an appeal to a superior court which must, on the record, order a new trial. Consequently, to save further and needless expense, I have no choice. I regret the inconvenience and waste of time caused the remaining members of the jury; I deplore the great expense of this trial already incurred by Wright County.

  “Much as I regret and deplore, however, the facts leave me no recourse but to declare People Against James Haight a mistrial. I do so declare, the jury is discharged with the apology and thanks of the Court, and the defendant is remanded to the custody of the Sheriff until the date for a new trial can be set.

  “Court is adjourned!”

  Chapter 27

  Easter Sunday: Nora’s Gift

  The invading press retreated, promising to return for the new trial; but Wrightsville remained, and Wrightsville chortled and raged and buzzed and gossiped until the very ears of the little Buddha clock on Pat’s dresser were ringing.

  William Ketcham, by a curious inversion, became the town hero. The “boys” stopped him on street corners to slap his back, he sold five insurance policies he had long since given up, and, as confidence returned, he related some “details” of his relationship with Miss Patricia Wright on the critical nights in question which, when they reached Pat’s ears by way of Carmel Pettigrew (who was phoning her “best friend” again), caused Miss Wright to go downtown to Mr. Ketcham’s insurance office in the Bluefield Block, grasp Mr. Ketcham firmly by the collar with the left hand, an
d, with the right, slap Mr. Ketcham’s right cheek five ringing times, leaving assorted marks in the damp white flesh.

  “Why five?” asked Mr. Queen, who had accompanied Miss Wright on the excursion and had stood by, admiring, while she cleansed her reputation.

  Miss Wright flushed. ”Never mind,” she said tartly. ”It was¯exact¯retribution. That lying, bragging¯!”

  “If you don’t watch out,” murmured Mr. Queen, “Carter Bradford will have another indictment to draw against you¯this one for assault and battery.”

  “I’m just waiting,” said Pat darkly. ”But he won’t. He knows better!”

  And apparently Cart did know better, for nothing more was heard from him about Pat’s part in the debacle.

  * * *

  Wrightsville prepared for the Easter holidays. The Bon Ton did a New York business in dresses and spring coats and shoes and underwear and bags, Sol Gowdy put on two “extras” to help in his Men’s Shop, and the Low Village emporia were actually crowded with mill and factory customers.

  Mr. Ellery Queen shut himself up in his quarters on the top floor of the Wright house and, except for meals, remained incommunicado. Anyone looking in on him would have been puzzled. He was doing exactly nothing visible to the uninitiated eye. Unless it was to consume innumerable cigarettes. He just sat still in the chair by the window and gazed out at the spring sky, or patrolled the room with long strides, head bent, puffing like a locomotive.

  Oh, yes. If you looked hard, you could see a mass of notes on his desk¯a mess of a mass, for the papers were scattered like dead leaves in autumn. And indeed the wind of Ellery’s fury had scattered them so. They lay there discarded and a mockery.

  So there was nothing exciting in that direction.

  Nor anywhere else, except possibly in Nora’s.

  It was strange about Nora. She had stood up so gallantly under the stresses of the arrest and trial that everyone had begun taking her for granted. Even Hermione thought of nothing but Nora’s “condition” and the proper care of the mother, and there old Ludie was of infinitely more practical use. Old Ludie said a woman was a woman, and she was made to have babies, and the less fuss you made over Nora’s “condition,” the better off they’d both be¯Nora and the little one. Eat good plain food, with plenty of vegetables and milk and fruit, don’t go gallivantin’, go easy on the candy and do plenty of walking and mild exercise, and the good Lord would do the rest. Ludie had incessant quarrels about it with Hermione, and at least one memorable tiff with Dr. Willoughby.

  But the pathology of the nervous system was so much Sanskrit to Ludie; and while the others were better informed, only two persons close to Nora suspected what was going to happen, and at least one of them was helpless to avert the catastrophe. That was Mr. Queen, and he could only wait and watch. The other was Doc Willoughby, and the doctor did all he could¯which meant tonic and daily examinations and advice, all of which Nora ignored.

  Nora went to pieces of a sudden. On Easter Sunday, just after the family returned from church, Nora was heard laughing in her bedroom. Pat, who was fixing her hair in her own room down the hall and was nearest, got there first, alarmed by a queer quality in Nora’s laughter. She found her sister in a swollen heap on the floor, rocking, laughing her head off while her cheeks changed from red to purple to yellow-ivory. Her eyes were spumy and wild, like a sea storm.

  They all ran in then and, among them, managed to drag Nora onto the bed and loosen her clothes, while she laughed and laughed as if the tragedy of her life were the greatest joke in the world. Ellery telephoned Dr. Willoughby and set about with the assistance of Pat and Lola to arrest Nora’s hysteria. By the time the doctor arrived, they had managed to stop the laughter, but Nora was shaking and white and looked about her with frightened eyes.

  “I can’t¯understand¯it,” she gasped. ”I was¯all right. Then¯everything . . . Ooh, I hurt.’’’’

  Dr. Willoughby chased them all away. He was in Nora’s room for fifteen minutes. When he came out, he said harshly: “She’s got to be taken to the hospital. I’ll arrange it myself.”

  And Hermy clutched at John F., and the girls clung to each other, and nobody said anything while a big hand took hold of them and squeezed.

  The Wrightsville General Hospital was understaffed for the day, since it was Easter Sunday and a holiday. The ambulance did not arrive for three quarters of an hour, and for the first time within the memory of John F. Wright, Dr. Milo Willoughby was heard to swear¯a long, loud, imagistic curse, after which he clamped his jaws together and went back to Nora.

  “She’ll be all right, Hermy,” said John F.; but his face was gray. If Milo swore, it was bad!

  When the ambulance finally came, the doctor wasted no time in further anathema. He had Nora whisked out of the house and away, leaving his car at the Wright curb to accompany her in the ambulance.

  They glimpsed Nora’s face for an instant as the interns carried her downstairs on a stretcher. The skin lay in coils that jerked this way and that, as if they had a life of their own. The mouth was twisted into a knot, and the eyes were opalescent with agony.

  Mercifully, Hermione did not see that face; but Pat did, and she said to Ellery in flat horror: “She’s in horrible pain, and she’s scared to death, Ellery! Oh, Ellery, do you think¯?”

  “Let’s be getting over to the hospital,” said Ellery.

  He drove them.

  There was no private pavilion at the Wrightsville General, but Doc Willoughby had a corner of the Women’s Surgical Ward screened off and Nora put to bed there. The family were not admitted to the ward; they had to sit in the main waiting room off the lobby. The waiting room was gay with Easter posies and sad with the odor of disinfectant. It sickened Hermy, so they made her comfortable on a mission-wood settee, where she lay with tightly closed eyes. John F. just pottered about, touching a flower now and then, and saying once how nice it felt to have the spring here again. The girls sat near their mother. Mr. Queen sat near the girls. And there was nothing but the sound of John F.’s shoes whispering on the worn flowered rug.

  And then Dr. Willoughby came hurrying into the waiting room, and everything changed¯Hermy opened her eyes, John F. stopped exploring, the girls and Ellery jumped up.

  “Haven’t much time,” panted the doctor. ”Listen to me. Nora has a delicate constitution. She’s always been a nervy girl. Strain, aggravation, worry, what she’s gone through¯the poisoning attempts, New Year’s Eve, the trial¯she’s very weak, very badly run-down . . . ”

  “What are you trying to say, Milo?” demanded John F., clutching his friend’s arm.

  “John, Nora’s condition is serious. No point in keeping it from you and Hermy. She’s a sick girl.” Dr. Willoughby turned as if to hurry away.

  “Milo¯wait!” cried Hermy. ”How about the . . . baby?”

  “She’s going to have it, Hermy. We’ve got to operate.”

  “But¯it’s only six months!”

  “Yes,” said Dr. Willoughby stiffly. ”You’d better all wait here. I’ve got to get ready.”

  “Milo,” said John F., “if there’s anything¯money¯I mean, get anybody¯the best¯”

  “We’re in luck, John. Henry Gropper is in Slocum visiting his parents over Easter, classmate of mine, best gynecologist in the East. He’s on his way over now.”

  “Milo¯” wailed Hermy.

  But Dr. Willoughby was gone.

  * * *

  And now the waiting began all over again, in the silent room with the sun beating in and the Easter posies approaching their deaths fragrantly.

  John F. sat down beside his wife and took her hand. They sat that way, their eyes fixed on the clock over the waiting-room door. Seconds came and went and became minutes. Lola turned the pages of a Cosmopolitan with a torn cover. She put it down, took it up again.

  “Pat,” said Ellery, “over here.”

  John F. looked at him, Hermy looked at him, Lola looked at him. Then Hermy and John F. turned back to the cloc
k, and Lola to the magazine.

  “Where?” Pat’s voice was shimmering with tears.

  “By the window. Away from the family.”

  Pat trudged over to the farthest bank of windows with him. She sat down on the window seat and looked out.

  He took her hand. ”Talk.”

  Her eyes filled. ”Oh, Ellery¯”

  “I know,” he said gently. ”But you just talk to me. Anything. It’s better than choking on the words inside, isn’t it? And you can’t talk to them, because they’re choking, too.” He gave her a cigarette and held a match up; but she just fingered the cigarette, not seeing it or him. He snuffed the flame between two fingers and then stared at the fingers.

  “Talk . . . ” said Pat bitterly. ”Well, why not? I’m so confused. Nora lying there¯her baby coming prematurely¯Jim in jail a few squares away¯Pop and Mother sitting here like two old people . . . old, Ellery. They are old.”

  “Yes, Patty,” murmured Ellery.

  “And we were so happy before,” Pat choked. ”It’s all like a foul dream. It can’t be us. We werq¯everything in this town! Now look at us. Dirtied up. Old. They spit on us.”

  “Yes, Patty,” said Ellery again.

  “When I think of how it happened . . . How did it happen? Oh, I’ll never face another holiday with any gladness!”

  “Holiday?”

  “Don’t you realize? Every last awful thing that’s happened¯happened on a holiday! Here’s Easter Sunday¯and Nora’s on the operating table. When was Jim arrested? On St. Valentine’s Day! When did Rosemary die, and Nora get so badly poisoned? On New Year’s Eve! And Nora was sick¯poisoned¯on Christmas Day, and before that on Thanksgiving Day . . . ”

  Mr. Queen was looking at Pat as if she had pointed out that two plus two adds up to five. ”No. On that point I’m convinced. It’s been bothering me for weeks. But it’s coincidence. Can’t be anything else. No, Patty . . . ”