Mortal Heart

by Robin LaFevers

  Sister Serafina turns and frowns at me over her shoulder. “What is it?”

  “Nothing,” I say, and force myself to step over the threshold.

  Sister Vereda’s chamber is dark and dim. The smells of a sickroom hang thick in the air: pungent herbs, a full chamber pot, old fevered sweat. It feels like every breath the seeress has ever drawn still sits here, trapped for all eternity. It is all I can do not to gag and run screaming from the room.

  I take slow, deep breaths through my mouth and allow my eyes to grow accustomed to gloom. Once they have, the first thing I see is a pale orange glow from the four charcoal braziers set around the room. As my vision adjusts further, I am able to make out the interior, a small, cramped place with no windows, only the one door, and not even a true fireplace.

  Sister Serafina sets down her tray, then takes the basin from my hands. “How is she?” she asks the lay sister who sits by the bed.

  “She is well enough, for now,” the lay sister replies. “But she is fretful when awake, and her breathing grows even more shallow and labored.”

  “Not for long,” Sister Serafina says with grim determination in her voice.

  When the lay sister has left, I trail behind Sister Serafina as she draws near the bed. Even though Vereda is old, her cheeks are as smooth and plump as a babe’s. I cannot help but wonder if this is because it has been years since she set foot outside this room and felt the sun or the wind against her face. She wears no wimple, but a small linen cap covers her hair with only white wisps escaping in a few places. Her body is a lump, obscured by layers of blankets to keep her warm. As I stare down at her, Sister Eonette’s comment that Sister Vereda’s illness hints at some sinister undercurrent comes back to me. “What is wrong with her?” I ask, keeping my voice low.

  Sister Serafina sets her little kettle on one of the charcoal braziers in the room. “I do not yet know.”

  “I thought we who were born of Mortain did not get sick?”

  Sister Serafina purses her lips and motions impatiently. “Bring me the dried coltsfoot, comfrey, and mallow root you have in the dish there.”

  I do as she asks and wonder why she will not answer me. Still silent, she takes the herbs and dumps them into the kettle and begins to stir. After a long moment, she finally speaks. “We do not get sick. Or not often, at least. And when we do, we heal quickly. Let us pray that Sister Vereda will heal quickly as well.”

  Since it is the prayer I have uttered with every breath I’ve taken since overhearing the abbess’s plans for me, it is easy enough to agree. “Good. Now remove her blankets and unlace her shift. We’re going to put this poultice on her chest and keep it there until the phlegm releases its hold on her lungs.”

  In this moment I realize I have no earthly idea what this sort of nursing entails. It sounds most vile. I am torn between laughter and tears. All my life, I have waited in breathless anticipation for my meeting with the seeress. It would be the culmination of seventeen years’ hard work—a triumphant call to serve Mortain. But instead, I am here to empty her chamber pot and wipe up her spittle.

  It is almost—almost—enough to make me wish the Dragonette were still alive. And even though she has been dead these seven years, my stomach clenches painfully at the thought.

  Chapter Four

  IT TAKES NEARLY THREE WEEKS, but just as winter solstice draws near, we are finally able to chase the illness from Sister Vereda’s aging body. She is still weak and frail, but she will live.

  I have never nursed anyone as vigorously or fervently as I did the old seeress. I slept on a cot next to hers; spooned rich broth through her thin, wrinkled lips; sponged her fevered brow with cool water mixed with herbs; and applied poultices to her shriveled chest with my own hands, desperate to chase the fever from her lungs.

  She was not an easy patient, for though I have helped Sister Serafina with new girls when they arrive, the seeress was far more restless and fussy. Not to mention the unpleasantness of her foul, stale little room. I vow, not a whisper of fresh air has entered that room since she was first sealed in it all those years ago.

  And so it was with great joy that I awoke two days ago to find her milky-white eyes open, her skin cool, and nothing but grumbling and complaints on her lips, for it takes no small amount of energy to gripe, and surely that is a good sign.

  A gust of wind, sharp and salty from the surrounding sea, snatches at my cloak and sends a gray cloud swollen with rain scuttling across the sun. Even though it causes me to shiver, I lift my face and spread my arms wide, willing the brisk air to carry away all the vestiges of the sickroom.

  As far as I know, nothing more has been said of me replacing Sister Vereda, at least not that I have been able to overhear. But even if it has, there is more joyous news this morning: Sister Vereda’s visions have returned. Assuredly, they were small, unimportant ones, but they were visions nonetheless, and I cannot wait to report them to the abbess. Once I have confirmed that they are true.

  That is what brings me to the rookery.

  It is dark inside the small hut and reeks of crow droppings and faintly rancid meat. Sister Claude is settling a crow on its perch and crooning in a soothing, tuneless murmur. The old nun’s disheveled black habit covers her shapeless form like a set of poorly groomed feathers. Her head, encased in her black veil, is scrawny and birdlike, her nose as long and sharp as any beak. She cocks her head at me. “Haven’t seen you in a while. Wondered where you got to.”

  “I’ve been helping with poor Sister Vereda, but she is better now, so I should be resuming my regular duties.”

  She grunts. “Too bad no one told the abbess that. You just missed her.”

  That news stops me cold. “The abbess? What was she doing here?”

  She sniffs. “Said she was taking a turn in the garden and saw the crow come in, but I can’t fathom what she’d be doing in the garden on a day like this. Do you think she was checking up on me?”

  “I can’t imagine why she would be,” I assure her. But it is most odd. In all my years here, I do not remember her ever coming to the rookery for messages. It is not like I am the only novitiate who can fetch and carry for her. I distract Sister Claude from her worries by handing her the small packet of sugared almonds I pilfered from the kitchens. “Here, I brought you something. Let me stoke the fire, and then I will heat some wine to go with it.”

  The old nun’s face brightens and she clacks her teeth together in anticipation as she goes to take a seat. That is Sister Claude’s secret: she has developed an overfondness for wine. Although who could fault her when she is so often excluded from the excitement and festivities that take place in the convent proper?

  I tend the fire until it is burning brightly, then take one of the pokers from the hearth and wipe the ashes from it with my apron. “Who was the message from?” I ask as I thrust the poker into the fire. Pretending I am not overly interested in the answer, I pour wine into a heavy tankard.

  “’Tweren’t either of those friends of yours,” the old nun says around a mouthful of nuts, “so don’t be fretting.”

  I ignore the thin rebuke, grab the heated poker, and then thrust it into the tankard. There is a faint hiss as the hot metal warms the wine, and the scent of it fills the room.

  “’Twas Chancellor Crunard,” she says as I hand the wine to her. That is her other secret, that she will trade bits of information for creature comforts and kindness, things that I would give her anyway.

  “And we only received the one?”

  “Aye.”

  I bite back a sigh. It appears Sister Vereda was spouting nonsense this morning rather than true visions, for she had reported that there would be two messages. Hiding my disappointment, I turn my attention to the crow who is still pacing across the table, faintly agitated and fluffing out his feathers. Trying to decide how much more I can press her for answers—did she have time to read the message before the abbess arrived?—I reach for the thick heavy crock that holds the birds’ rewards and sn
ag a gobbet of meat to feed him.

  Just as he snatches it from my fingers, the door to the rookery flies open and crashes into the wall. For a moment I fear that the abbess has returned and has been listening at the door, but no, it is merely the wind howling into the room, causing the crows to raise their voices in caws of annoyance.

  “I’ll get it,” I tell Sister Claude. I hasten across the room to push the door shut when my eye is caught by a small, dark speck dizzily making its way through the gathering clouds. It takes me a moment to realize it is another crow.

  My spirits lift; the old seeress was correct after all. “I’ll be right back,” I call over my shoulder, then hurry outside.

  The poor creature struggles mightily against the wind, which seems to be playing with it much like a cat plays with a mouse. A gust flings the crow higher into the sky, only to have an invisible hand bat him back down so that it is all he can do to stay in the air. For a few seconds he can do nothing but hover, trapped by the force of the wind, before it releases him and he shoots forward.

  I raise my arm and the crow lunges for it, grabbing hold with sharp eager claws. Quickly, I bring my other hand up around the bird and begin murmuring soothing noises as I smooth his feathers. I stare at the bulging packet on his right leg. I must make a decision, and quickly.

  If Sister Claude knows there is a message, she will watch me closely to be certain I do not read it. And once I leave the rookery, I will not have access to the materials I need to reseal the message and hide evidence of my snooping. In different circumstances, I might have kept the message for a few hours until I found an opportunity to read it, but with the storm coming in, the timing of the crow’s arrival will be well known and my trickery easily caught.

  But what if it is from Ismae? Or Sybella? Although I have all but given up hope of ever hearing from them.

  Cradling the crow close, I remove the message from his leg. A surge of triumph rises in my chest when I recognize Ismae’s handwriting. Thus decided, I slip the message into one of the pouches of my apron, then slip the crow into one of the bigger pouches. Once I sneak him in, it will be easy enough to hide him among the other birds.

  I hurry back to the rookery, an excuse at the ready. But when I let myself in I see that Sister Claude’s head now rests gently on her chest, the tankard empty and loose in her hand.

  I murmur a prayer of gratitude, then move to the table and pull the exhausted, bedraggled crow from my apron. Before he can even think about opening his beak to squawk or complain, I slip one of the gobbets of meat in to silence him. I give him two more as bribery, and when he has thoroughly calmed himself, I place him on an empty perch, where he begins grooming his feathers.

  I glance at Sister Claude to assure myself she is still napping, then slip my thin-bladed knife from its sheath and pry the wax seal from the parchment. I move over to the light of the fire so I may read the message.

  Dearest Reverend Mother,

  Much has happened in the last few days, and none of it good. Count d’Albret conspired to come upon the duchess alone and attempted to force himself on her. His attempt only failed because—warned by Sybella—I arrived before he could carry out his ill intent. Alas, there was no marque upon d’Albret’s vile person, otherwise I would have gutted him like a fish.

  The duchess is fine, if a bit shaken, and is adamant in her refusal to consider d’Albret’s offer of marriage, no matter the consequences, and she has issued an edict to this effect. Duval, Captain Dunois, and Chancellor Crunard support her fully in this. Indeed, of all her councilors, I fear those are the only ones she can trust.

  We all breathed easier when d’Albret and his retinue left the city but alas, our relief was short-lived. Last night, in front of the entire court during a mummers’ play, an attempt was made on the duchess’s life. The masked hellequin in the play leaped up onto the great table and pulled a knife. Luckily, Mortain guided my hand with His own, and my aim was quick and certain—I was able to bring the assassin down before he could strike.

  Reverend Mother, I fear he may have been a true hellequin, for there was something unnatural about him—some absence of soul that leads me to believe he was not human. Or at least, not fully so.

  Ismae’s words send a deep chill through me, for while most think hellequin no more than tales told to keep children from straying too far from home, we at the convent know that they are real, and that they too belong to Mortain, although they serve a different purpose than His handmaidens do. They are the tortured souls of the damned who have pledged themselves to serve Mortain in order to earn their redemption.

  In the Privy Council meeting immediately after the attempt, Chancellor Crunard revealed my true identity to the others. There is much anger and confusion among the members of the court right now, along with much finger-pointing. Accusations are flying. I pray daily for Sister Vereda to See a way out of this mess. Or, at the very least, to See who is behind it so I may take action upon him.

  Yours in Mortain,

  Ismae Rienne

  When I have finished reading, I hug the parchment to my chest and breathe deeply. Ismae is fine. She is better than fine—she has proven her worth and made the convent proud by saving our young duchess’s life. And she has been in contact with Sybella.

  Close on the heels of that sweet relief comes a spurt of bitter heartbreak. I should be there with Ismae, protecting our duchess, doing our god’s work, not trapped on this island. I close my eyes and let the feeling pass through me. I have proof of the seeress’s returning skills; surely that will put a stop to this idea of the abbess’s.

  I return to the table and remove the black sealing wax from the small cubbyhole where I keep it hidden. Holding it near the candle, I wait for it to melt, place two thin drops on the exact spot where Ismae’s seal was, then press the original seal into that. When it cools, it looks whole and unbroken, with no hint of anyone having tampered with it.

  I slip the resealed message into my pocket, then cross over to Sister Claude. I gently remove the empty tankard from her hand and tuck the blankets closely around her old, thin body. It is time to give the abbess the good news about Sister Vereda.

  As I make my way to the abbess’s chambers, a flutter of excitement rises in my chest and it is all I can do not to give a little twirl in the corridor, but I contain myself. Surely a handmaiden of Death should not feel so giddy with delight.

  When I reach the abbess’s office, the door is closed. At my knock, she calls out, “Who is it?” and some part of my mind cannot help but notice this is not her customary response.

  “It is Annith, Reverend Mother. Another crow arrived just after you left and I have come to bring you the message.”

  “Very well, come in.”

  When I open the door and enter the chamber, the abbess is just taking a seat. I dip a small curtsy, then approach her desk, the sound of my footsteps nearly silent against the crackle and snap of the fire in the hearth, a fire that does little to warm the chill in the room.

  When I reach the desk, I smile—a smile I fill with every ounce of affection I have ever felt for her over the years, no matter that her recent decision threatens to undermine that. “Sister Serafina said I should let you know that Sister Vereda had two small visions this morning. They were true ones, not simply ramblings. And I bring proof.”

  Her eyebrows shoot up in what she no doubt intends as surprise, but it seems to me that there is also a faint gleam of alarm in her eyes. “Indeed? And what were these visions?”

  I hold out the note. “That we would receive two messages from the mainland today, and that it would be raining before noon. The first drops began to fall just as I came inside.”

  The abbess’s face relaxes and she quirks her mouth. “The cook can predict the rain simply from the way her knees creak.”

  “But she cannot predict the number of messages we receive,” I point out gently.

  She nods her head in a reluctant gesture of agreement. Unnerved by the less-than-joy
ous reception of this news, I fold my hands before me. “Is that not a good thing, Reverend Mother? That in these most troubled times, our wise and experienced seeress is finally regaining her Sight? I would think that would be something worth rejoicing over tonight as we begin to celebrate midwinter’s arrival.”

  “But of course, Annith. I am most delighted to hear this. I only wish that we had more than a report on the weather and a courier’s tally as proof of her returning abilities, but it is a good sign, nevertheless.” She takes up her quill from its stand and nods at me. “I imagine if you hurry, you will be able to help the others decorate the refectory. And Annith?”

  “Yes, Reverend Mother?”

  Her voice softens, filling with warmth. “That was well done of you, helping Sister Serafina nurse Vereda. It made both of their lives much easier, and I know it brought the old seeress much comfort.”

  “It did?” I thought she hardly noticed whose hand was tending her.

  “It did. And it proves once again how invaluable you are to the convent—how perfect your obedience and dedication.”

  Words crowd up my throat—I did not do it out of dedication, I want to tell her, but because I wanted the seeress to get better so I would not have to take her place.

  But I cannot say it. I cannot confess to the abbess that I overheard that conversation. My need to keep such transgressions secret drowns out the need to deny her words. “I am glad I was able to be of service,” I say, “for now that she is well again, perhaps she will See an assignment for me.”

  The abbess smiles fondly. “Perhaps she will.”

  I hold her gaze, trying to discern if she truly means that or if she simply thinks it is what I wish to hear.

  In the end, I leave her chamber none the wiser.