by M. J. Haag
“Then stop looking down your nose at me and try to see things from my point of view.”
“Like what?”
“My four-year-old daughter has no one but me. I’m a human mother who can become infected by working on a hellhound victim. If I were an actual doctor who took an oath, I could see where you’d expect me to jump in. But, I’m not. I’m a nursing student. As in, I didn’t even finish school. I have no real idea what I’m doing half the time, but even with my limited knowledge, seeing the shape the patient was in, he should have been dead. I was being asked to risk myself, the only barrier of safety my daughter has, for what I considered a lost cause. When you have a child depending on you, you might find yourself being less brash, too.”
“So it had nothing to do with him being fey?” she asked.
I glanced at Drav, who was silently taking in our conversation, and hoped he wouldn’t be offended by what I had to say next.
“The fey intimidate the hell out of me,” I said. “But that fear had nothing to do with my reluctance to treat Ghua. By human standards and with the supplies we had, I was being asked to risk myself for a lost cause.”
She sighed and uncrossed her arms.
“Fair enough.”
“Will you let Mrs. Cassie Feld look at you now, Mya?” Drav asked.
“She just admitted she doesn’t know much,” Mya said. “I really doubt there’s anything she can do.”
“You might be right,” I said when Drav opened his mouth to say more. “But why don’t we start with you telling me what’s troubling you.”
“Her headaches are back,” Drav said.
Mya rolled her eyes and walked further into the kitchen. While she spoke, she grabbed two mugs out of the cupboard and started making cocoa.
“Drav comes from a world under the surface. It’s beautiful and dangerous on so many levels. One level is the crystals they have there. They don’t just give light. They’re a source of power. Magic, if you’re able to suspend your disbelief that far.
“While I was down there, I got sick because of the crystals. It started with headaches, and after a few days, it almost killed me. I think it was some kind of magical poisoning or something. Now, anytime my head hurts, Drav thinks I’m dying. I tried to explain about migraines, but he thinks it’s not that.”
“Why do you think it’s not a migraine?” I asked him.
“Her marks are getting bigger,” he said.
“Marks?”
Mya pulled the neckline of her shirt aside to show me a grey patch of skin on her shoulder.
“Part of the sickness,” she said.
The grey patch of skin freaked me out but not as much as the lighter crescent shape in the middle of the patch.
“Is that a bite scar?” I asked. “From an infected? How are you still alive? Are you becoming a fey?”
“It is a bite. As for the fey part?” She shrugged.
Thoughts collided in my head. She was immune. Did that mean there might be a vaccine? A way to stop the spread?
“I wish I was a doctor,” I said. “Or someone who knew even a smidge about blood and immunizations.”
“I’m glad you aren’t. I don’t want to be turned into a lab experiment.”
“You might change your mind the first time you see an infected child. It isn’t pretty.”
Mya paused what she was doing and looked up at me.
“Your fears made you hesitate. Mine do, too. We’re human.”
She went back to stirring the cocoa and handed me a mug.
“The chocolate helps with the headaches,” she said. “Every time the fey go out for supplies, they look for more chocolate for me. That’s why I think these are just headaches. In the caves, nothing really helped.”
“And the marks? Are they getting bigger?” I sipped the cocoa and wanted to groan. It’d been so long since I had anything sweet and chocolatey.
“I don’t think so,” she said at the same time Drav said, “They are.”
“Okay,” I said, trying for diplomacy. “Let’s mark them. Then, in a few days, you’ll have a definitive answer on whether or not they’re changing. How many do you have?”
“Just two. One on my shoulder and one on my foot.”
I kept my expression carefully blank as I looked at Drav.
“Would you mind leaving the house for a bit? It’s normal for a doctor to speak with the patient alone for at least a portion of the visit.”
He grunted, gave Mya a kiss on the temple, then left.
“What do you want to mark them with?” she asked. “I have pens and permanent markers.”
I set my cup aside and met her gaze.
“First, let’s find out how many marks you really have.”
She paused her search to look at me.
“What do you mean?”
“When you reached into the cupboard, your shirt lifted a little. You have a very small grey mark near your hip, too.”
Mya slammed her cup on the counter and yanked up her top to look. The mark was there. Smaller than my pinky nail and easily mistaken for a birthmark if not for the grey tone.
“Shit,” she breathed.
She turned around and threw up in the sink.
Chapter Six
Mya and I sat in the living room. I waited patiently, wanting to get back to my daughter but worried about leaving Mya. Shock still painted her features.
“Feeling better?” I asked.
Her unfocused gaze shifted from the big picture window to me.
“I thought it was just headaches,” she said.
The three new marks on her body argued otherwise.
“Drav’s going to flip out. He already doesn’t let me out of his sight for long.” She sighed and rubbed her head.
“I’m sorry. I wish I had something to offer. Some nugget of wisdom. But, this is so far out of the scope of things I understand.”
Who knew what kinds of lasting effects being exposed to Drav’s world would have on her? The marks were an obvious sign that she was still changing. But into what? One of them? What would that mean exactly? I wished I had the answers to reassure her. I gave her what I could.
“Other than the headaches, you appear to be in good health,” I said, trying to keep things positive. “The fever you told me about hasn’t returned. Those are both good signs.”
“You’re right.” She took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders. “There’s no reason to worry Drav unless the fever returns or I lose my appetite again. Puking in the sink notwithstanding.”
“You were understandably upset,” I agreed, standing as she did.
“I could use some fresh air. Let me walk you back to my mom’s.”
“Are you sure you’re up for it?”
“Yeah. Whatever these headaches are, I’m not going to let them stop me from living the life I have, for however long I have it.”
“Given the world we live in now, that’s all any of us can do.”
Neither of us said more as we bundled and went outside. The overcast sky and the brisk wind felt oddly welcoming.
A shadow detached itself from a nearby pine and jogged our way.
“She is sick, Mrs. Cassie Feld?” Drav asked as he reached us.
“Yeah, sick of your babying. Cut it out.”
Drav ignored her protest and continued to look at me for confirmation.
“Please, just call me Cassie. And I don’t know why Mya is getting headaches. I’m sorry. I wish I did. But if chocolate is helping them, keeping her stocked up is probably the best way you can help her feel better. When I go out in a few days, I’ll be sure to grab anything I see that I think might be helpful.”
“Thank you, Cassie.”
With the amount of relief in those three words, he sounded like I’d just told him she’d live. I looked away, guilt eating at me. It was plain to see that Drav cared for Mya very much. I wondered if Lee had ever felt that depth of affection for me. Given the way he’d quickly moved on, I doubted it.
When we reached Julie’s house, Mya let herself in after a brief knock. The aroma of freshly baked cookies made my stomach growl, a reminder that I hadn’t eaten anything yet, and it was almost midday.
“You’re timing is perfect. Lilly and I just pulled the last batch from the oven,” Julie said.
Lilly smiled at me from her spot at the table. A plate mounded with cookies waited in front of her. My mouth watered as she lifted one up to me.
“Want one, Mommy? They taste good.” She took a large bite as if to prove her words.
“I would love one,” I said. I kicked off my shoes and walked further into the room.
It wasn’t until I was at the table that I noticed Kerr standing in the opening between the living room and the kitchen. He held a cookie in one hand and took a bite while watching me.
“Here, Mommy.” Lilly shoved a cookie my way. “Julie made milk, too. It’s so yummy.”
I smiled at Lilly’s enthusiasm and took a bite of my cookie. The cocoa at Mya’s house had been amazing. However, the warm sugary confection caressing my tongue was absolute bliss. I closed my eyes and chewed slowly. Never. That’s when I thought I would taste a cookie or anything else sweet and useless again.
Julie chuckled and pressed a cold glass of milk into my hand.
“Sit down. Enjoy yourself.”
Mya and Drav joined us at the table. Mya reached for a cookie of her own.
“If you find chocolate chips when you’re out there, please, please bring them back. Oh, the things Mom will bake.” She groaned then bit into her cookie.
“I swear that I’ll bring back anything chocolatey,” I said as I continued eating.
“Out where?” Lilly asked.
I swallowed hard and set my cookie aside. There was no use putting off telling her the truth.
“I’m going to go back to our old house and look for Caden and Daddy. You get to stay with Julie while I’m gone.”
Lilly’s gaze flicked to Julie before pinning me.
“I don’t want you to go.”
“I know, honey.” I slid from my chair and picked her up to hug her close. “This is like all those times I had to leave to take care of someone. Julie will be here to watch you until I get back. You know what we should do? We should make a list of all the things you’d like me to find for you. Mya already said anything chocolate. What about you? What do you want me to bring back for you?”
She shook her head and lay it against my shoulder.
“A list sounds like a good idea,” Julie said while placing a pencil and a piece of paper on the table.
Mya picked up the pencil and wrote chocolate at the top.
“Any nonperishable food items are always good. If you find eggs and butter, bring them back for us to test. Sometimes they’re good. Sometimes they aren’t,” Julie said. She picked up Lilly’s jacket.
“Come on, Lilly. We promised to share the cookies once they were done. Let’s go for a walk while your mom and Mya make their list. When we get back, we can make lunch.”
Lilly rubbed her face against me then wiggled to get down. I watched her get ready then leave with Julie.
“She’ll be fine,” Mya said. “Mom will keep her busy. And there are other kids here that she’ll get to play with. What else needs to go on the list?”
“Baby items,” I said, thinking of my son and Angel, the expectant mother. “Diapers, wipes, formula, bottles…all of it. And any kind of medical supplies.”
“That’s a lot for one set of eyes to look for,” Mya said. She looked at Drav. “I should go with.”
“No.”
“I can’t get infected. You’re just being stubborn now.”
“Not every person is infected,” he said. “Some are just eaten.”
The cookie settled like lead in my stomach. It’d been weeks since I’d arrived at Whiteman. I knew the stories and heard reports from those who went on supply runs. I also knew what it had been like in those first twenty-four hours after the hellhounds emerged. Chaos. Death and the spread of the infection everywhere. And I was going back into it. I shivered.
A hand wrapped around my arm, and I was guided toward the chair I’d vacated.
“Sorry,” Mya said as Kerr moved away from me. “With all these guys watching out for you, you’ll be fine.”
I managed a weak smile and a nod.
“I still think someone should go with you,” Mya said. “If not me, what about one of the other girls?”
“No. We will not risk any females,” Drav said.
Seriously? What was it with men discounting me as someone important? Was I really so expendable?
Mya’s gaze met mine, and she winced before shaking her head at Drav.
“Do you know how that just sounded to Cassie? She’s female, and she’s going.”
Drav grunted.
“She is taken.”
“You mean because she’s married, you’re not putting her under house arrest? That’s crap.”
Mya scowled at Drav and crossed her arms. He sighed and looked at Kerr. I glanced at Kerr, too. He hadn’t moved far after guiding me to my chair. His close scrutiny made my stomach go hot and cold.
“So because I’m married, the fey don’t care what happens to me?” I asked.
Something flashed in Kerr’s expression.
“We care,” he said.
“Drav didn’t mean it the way it sounded,” Mya assured me. “The fey just know that the rules are different with married women.”
“They are off limits,” Drav said.
I snorted. “It’d be nice if all humans understood the concept of fidelity.”
Drav frowned. “What human does not understand this? I will speak with him. Married women are off limits.” He looked at Mya when he said that last bit, and she nodded.
I smiled slightly, understanding what he meant.
“There’s no guy hitting on me. I’m just being bitter because my husband was in the process of moving on when everything happened. That’s why he and my son weren’t with us.” I looked down at the table. “Lee wanted his new girlfriend to meet the kids. Lilly wasn’t feeling well, so I kept her home. I wish I would have put my foot down and kept Caden home as well.”
“Men can be such dicks,” she said.
“Human males become a penis? How?” Drav asked.
I blinked at his insensitive mockery of the situation.
“No. Not literally,” Mya said. “Calling someone a dick can also mean that they’re being mean and unreasonable.” She looked at me. “When they hear a word, they understand the literal meaning. Slang’s different. It never translates well.”
“Why would your husband move away from you? Don’t all married people live together like Mom and Dad?” Kerr asked.
“They’re supposed to. Sometimes, marriages just don’t work out and couples get divorced,” Mya said. She gave me an apologetic glance.
“It’s okay. His leaving doesn’t hurt as much as it used to. So much has happened since then. It was well over a year ago that he told me he was done. I just want my son back.”
She frowned. “Isn’t your son eight months old?”
“Yeah.”
“What a dick.”
“I don’t understand,” Drav said.
“She was pregnant when he told her he wanted a divorce.”
Drav nodded slowly.
“Now, I understand. We will find him. You can have the divorce and remove your ring. It is a good plan.”
I twisted the ring on my finger as his words hit a chord.
“I’m not sure how easy it will be to get a divorce now. Know any lawyers?” I asked Mya with a wry smile I didn’t feel.
“I don’t. But we’ll worry about that after you find him and your son. For now, let’s get this list put together.”
I nodded and tried to focus on the items she mentioned, but my mind wandered.
What would I do if I found Lee and Caden? There were several options quietly waiting in the b
ack of my mind. The most likely option was that I’d find nothing but empty houses. The idea of them being long dead shredded me on the inside. But I’d promised myself, if that were the case, I’d remove the ring and move on, focusing on keeping Lilly safe. Yet, there was another option that lurked in the dark, desperate recesses of my mind. To my shame, it was that I’d find both of them, and Lee would see the error he made, beg for my forgiveness, and want to take me back as if I were the one who’d walked away. I hated myself for even allowing that option to dwell in my mind. However, how could I not? The only way for Caden to be alive was for Lee to be alive. To hope for one meant I had to hope for both.
“What about animals?” she asked, pulling my attention back to the conversation.
“What do you mean?”
“Any chance there were chicken farms around where you were going? Eden said they had chickens in the bunker, so I think there might be some out there still. If we could find them, that would help a lot. We’d have eggs and fresh meat.”
“I honestly don’t know.”
“We’ll check the farms we pass,” Drav said.
“That’s a long list already. Unless you’re talking a semi, which I can’t drive, you might want a second truck with cages if you’re serious about animals,” I said.
“She’s right.” Mya gave Drav a pointed look. “Someone else should go with Cassie.”
“Why? We know how to drive,” Drav said.
“Yes, but you’re more useful outside of the vehicle. Not inside of it.”
“If we find animals, we will find another truck. Running two vehicles draws more attention and is unnecessary without reason.”
The idea of being out there on my own with over fifty fey unsettled me. I would have no understanding person to lean on when things got hard. And I knew they would. Being on my own sucked. The last several weeks proved that.
Rather than dwelling on the things I couldn’t control, I focused on the things that I could.
“Whiteman needs the basics to keep people healthy and warm. Food in any form, hygiene products, and medical supplies for common, non-threatening injuries. Bedding and clothes are good, for now. Wood for the stoves in the tents, but that’s not something we need to bring from far away.
“So pretty much everything we would find within what’s left of the towns between here and Parsons. You wouldn’t happen to have a map, would you?”