by M. J. Haag
It took several minutes to round up the selection of maps the fey had found during previous hunting trips. We had enough to roughly piece together the area between Whiteman and Parsons.
“The core of Kansas City was bombed, so don’t count on cutting over on thirty-five,” Mya said. “It’s better to stick to routes that don’t go near the really big cities.”
“Heading south on thirteen looks like the best bet,” I said. Using my finger, I traced the road south. “Looks like Clinton might be our first stop then.”
“We checked there and the outer homes had no food,” Drav said.
Mya shrugged. “Whiteman was raiding the outskirts of all the nearby towns before we got here. But they tended to leave the interiors alone. Look at Warrensburg. You guys are still finding stuff there.”
“Not so much food anymore. But yes, we will look at Clinton again,” he said.
“Okay,” I said. “After Clinton, we’ll cut over on eighteen to Butler. Hopefully, one of those places will have a clinic or something. Then forty-nine down to Nevada and down to Fort Scott.” I stared at the map and sighed. If we checked every town between Tolerance and Parsons, it would take a week to get there.
Mya seemed to read my mind.
“It might be better to save a few towns for the way back. You don’t want a full truck before you even get to Parsons.”
“Right.”
We talked for another hour, plotting the route and the possibilities. In the end, Mya and I decided I would play everything by ear regarding where and when to stop to look for supplies.
“Are you sure I’m the best person to put in charge?” I asked her.
“You’ll know what looks normal in town and what looks off. You can also read signs and know the most likely places to find the supplies needed. The fey will get you where you need to go. Trust them to keep you safe. They will. They know the infecteds’ tricks and can spot traps. They’re good at what they do.”
“What do you think we’re looking at for a timeline if we stop at the towns I mentioned?” I asked, studying the map.
“Three or four days to get to Parsons. Three to four days to get back.”
I exhaled heavily and rubbed my face. A week away from Lilly was a lot.
“Don’t think about what could or should be done. Commit and stick to what you decide. Stay in the moment and live it. That’s all any of us can do. Doubt, hesitation, guilt…it’s all just a distraction we can’t afford. Do you understand?”
Mya may have looked younger, but her wisdom made her feel years older than me.
The back door burst open, and Lilly came racing in.
“I have a friend,” she said, launching herself into my arms.
I caught her and hugged her tightly, unable to believe the joy I’d glimpsed on her face.
“You do?” I said. “Who is your friend?”
“His name is Timmy. Byllo is his new Daddy, and he said I can play with Timmy tomorrow.” She pulled back to look me in the eye. “Timmy plays with toys,” she said in sudden seriousness. “But they’re quiet ones, and Byllo says they are safe.”
A week away from her would feel like forever. But in my heart, I knew she’d be safer here than with me.
“I’m so excited you made a friend,” I said.
“You’ll get to meet him tonight. Miss Julie invited him over for dinner. A lot of people are coming. Can I go back over and play with Timmy until it’s time to eat?”
I looked at Julie who was still standing beside the door.
“I told her she needed to ask you.”
“It’s all right with me.”
She opened the door, and Lilly slid off my lap to run to the big man standing just outside.
“This is Shax,” Julie said. “He’ll walk her back to Byllo and Timmy so that I can start cooking.”
I nodded to the fey, vaguely recalling him from the morning journey to Tolerance. Again, the shifting reality of my life hit me. So much was happening so fast. And more would happen over the next several days. The stress I’d felt last night had melted into a numb state of “go with the flow.” Mya was right about my need to decide and commit. There wasn’t going to be time for anything else.
Chapter Seven
I slipped out the backdoor and took a deep breath of the cold night air. The stifling temperature of Julie’s kitchen had made me sweat. Something I’d been sure I’d never do again.
Spotting a snow-free chair on the patio, I took a seat, ready to let myself cool off and enjoy the fresh air. The sun hung low in the sky but still had an hour before it set.
“It’s too cold out here for you, Cassie,” a familiar voice said.
I turned my head toward the trees. It took a moment to see Kerr standing there so still.
“It was too hot in the kitchen. I needed to escape outside for a minute.”
He walked over to me and reached for my face. The gentle press of the back of his hand to my forehead surprised me.
“You are warm.”
I smiled slightly. It was something I would say to Lilly if she would have complained about not feeling well.
“It will pass. I’ve never seen so much food cooked at once. It makes the kitchen too hot.”
Kerr removed his hand then sat in the chair next to mine. He barely fit.
“Can I ask you questions, Cassie? Mya says it’s not okay to ask questions without permission.”
“You guys really listen to Mya, don’t you?”
“She’s human and knows your rules. She also keeps us safe. She is wise.”
“Yeah, she is. Yes, you may ask me questions.”
“Why do some couples not work out?”
I don’t know what I’d expected him to ask, but it wasn’t that.
“Well, I guess it’s because some people don’t take time to know each other first.”
“Your husband did not know you?”
“He knew the common things, like what I liked to eat and what I liked to do, but neither of us took time to find out what motivates each other. He was very motivated by money. Family and quality time together motivated me.”
Kerr studied me for a moment.
“Family still motivates you.”
“It does. But safety is a bigger motivator right now. I want Lilly and me to be able to sleep through the night again. And maybe even find a way to be happy. I think feeling safe is something that probably motivates everyone lately.”
Kerr looked away for a second.
“You don’t feel safe here?”
I realized he was looking at the distant wall. As I watched, light shot into the sky from a set of headlights. One by one, cars within the wall began to light up the sky and the occasional snowflake drifting down.
“That’s beautiful,” I said softly before meeting his intense gaze. “I feel safer here. But, I also feel more scared.”
He frowned slightly.
“It’s hard to explain. Life’s been bad for so long, feeling safe just reminds me that I still have a lot to lose. And I’m not sure I can deal with any additional loss. It feels like just one more thing will break me. I’m trying to hold it all together, but…”
I sighed and looked at the sky. With effort, I pulled back the emotions that were trying to drag me down into the ever-waiting pit of depression opened by those damn earthquakes.
“Are you ever afraid when you go outside the wall?” I asked.
“No. There is nothing out there for me to fear. The infected are slow and stupid. The hellhounds are dangerous alone, but I am never alone. However, I fear returning to Tolerance.”
I pulled my attention from the sky to look at him.
“Why?”
“Out there, it is easy to forget I have no reason to return here.”
I wasn’t sure what to say. The desire to find a woman of their own was a common theme among the fey. I wasn’t that woman, though. Never again. Not for a human or a fey.
“I hope you find someone, Kerr.” I moved to stan
d, but he stopped me with another question.
“What was he like? Your husband.”
“Lee?” At his nod, I contemplated the man I’d married versus the man who told me he wanted a divorce.
“He was handsome and sweet in the beginning. He brought me things, small gifts to show me he appreciated me. But the gifts didn’t really mean anything. They were just displays of his affection for things rather than for me. I didn’t know that then.
“We were good together at first. We went places and had fun. It wasn’t until after we had Lilly that things started to change. He only wanted to go on vacations and do things that didn’t include Lilly. I was fine with short getaways but started to feel like I was being made to choose between the two of them. He was never content to stay home and spent time together as a family. It was weird.
“I could see he loved Lilly but not enough to be content with a simple life. He wanted me to go back to work fulltime even though, financially, we were okay with me being a stay-at-home mom. We argued a lot about that before I ended up giving in.
“At some point, I started realizing that things were really broken. I didn’t realize how broken until I got pregnant with Caden. It was unplanned. I thought Lee would be excited when I told him, but he was completely the opposite.
“Only a few weeks after that, he told me he wanted a divorce.”
I thought of Lee. Of how he’d been with Lilly and how he’d been as a person.
“He loved having fun. He was always planning the next adventure. He took Lilly to ballgames and shows. For four, she’d seen and done a lot before the earthquakes.”
I stopped talking and looked at Kerr.
“He loves his kids. And he used to love me. But he wasn’t ready to give up his freedom so he could raise a family.”
“I don’t understand divorce,” Kerr said, sounding almost angry. “I understand the word and what the meaning is, but the concept doesn’t make sense. If a male finds a woman who is willing to love him, why would he ever want to leave?”
I smiled at Kerr.
“I wish more men thought like you.”
His gaze pinned me, and the moment of silence grew too serious. I quickly stood.
“I better get back inside. I’ll see you at dinner, yes?”
“I will be there.”
Mya grinned at me from her position near the stove when I went back inside.
“What were you and Kerr talking about?” she asked.
“Divorce. He said he didn’t understand the concept of it. Why a man would leave a woman who loves him. The fey really have no clue, do they?”
“They understand humans well enough,” she said. “They just don’t understand why we do the stupid things we do.”
“Truer words were never spoken,” Julie said. “Relationships tend to really boggle them. Just wait until they start asking to see your pussy.”
My mouth dropped open.
“Mom!” Mya gave her mother a censuring look, and Julie laughed hard.
“They won’t really ask that. Will they?” I asked.
“Oh, they will,” Julie said.
“I hope not,” Mya said. “I’ve told them repeatedly they can’t use that word.” She looked up at her mom, a mischievous grin on her face. “You know what Eden told me? Ghua learned the word vagina. It’s his new favorite word.”
Julie chuckled. “Won’t be long before they all start using it.”
“You’re making me even more nervous about this trip,” I said.
Mya waved her hand.
“You don’t have to worry about them. They’ll ask questions and make you turn three shades of red and probably make you want to hide in the corner, but that’s the worst of it. They’re very sweet and loyal, and they care.”
I hung up my jacket and hoped she was right.
Just a few minutes before dark, the first of the guests showed up. Eden opened the door after a brief knock and held up a box of wine.
“Check out what Ghua found on his last run into Warrensburg. He wasn’t sure what it was but knew human children like juice.” She pointed toward the dark purple liquid shown on the box.
“They do,” he said from behind her. “I did not know there was adult juice, too.”
“And, now you know,” Eden said, grinning.
Julie took the box and poured us all a glass of wine. I took a tentative sip and exhaled slowly. Another forever ago item I thought I’d never taste again.
Eden caught my content expression and winked at me.
“Moving to Tolerance has its perks.”
“Yes,” Ghua said. “You get to live with me.”
Eden leaned back against him and turned her head for a kiss.
The pair had barely settled into their chairs when another knock sounded at the door. Several young women came in and were introduced to me as the survivors of the RV that Mya’s group had found on their way to Whiteman. I recalled the group and the story of the fey finding them in the nick of time. Thirteen more survivors to bolster Whiteman’s human numbers. Although, not all of them had decided to stay at Whiteman when the fey moved to Tolerance.
“I’m Hannah,” the blonde said with a smile. “And this is Emily.”
“Nice to finally meet you,” I said. “I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Mary and James, and they told me a lot about your time outside the fence.”
Emily shuddered and looked down. A very normal reaction for anyone thinking of life outside the protection of Whiteman or Tolerance.
“How are they?” Hannah asked. “Are Connor and Caleb staying out of trouble?”
“They must be because I haven’t seen them.”
Before long, the room was full of people, including Nancy, a wheelchair bound woman with a level of tenacity and courage I envied greatly. Her daughter, Brenna, and son, Zachy, didn’t say much as they sat back and watched the others interact.
I couldn’t believe how many survivors had already moved to Tolerance. I hadn’t really paid attention at the time the fey had left. I’d only been relieved that the intimidating creatures were gone. However, as a few of the fey came in, I was starting to understand my mistake. No one here feared the fey. The women laughed and talked openly, getting along with each and every dark-skinned man.
The final group to join the dinner party included my daughter and two other children. A woman, not much older than me, held a little girl, no more than two, in her arms. Seeing a child younger than Lilly gave me a cautious boost of hope of finding Caden alive.
Lilly hung back with a little boy and another large, dark-skinned fey. Before I could call Lilly’s name, the woman approached me.
“You must be Cassie,” she said with a welcoming smile. “I’m Jessie, and this is my daughter Savannah. We’re so glad you’re here. Another playmate is just what we needed to keep these two busy.”
She turned and looked back at the fey and boy.
“I’m Timmy,” the boy said realizing he had our attention. “This is my new dad, Byllo. He’s strong and fast.”
Byllo placed a gentle hand on the boy’s head.
“It’s nice to meet you,” I said, looking at him, then Jessie. “I’m relieved that Lilly has someone her age.”
Jessie nodded in understanding.
“We’ll help keep her distracted,” she said quietly.
Before anymore could be said, Julie called for everyone’s attention.
“Let’s eat!”
* * * *
Julie and I worked side-by-side in the kitchen, cleaning up the remains of dinner while Lilly checked out the toys in the bedroom. The last guest had left not long ago, and it felt good to be in a less crowded space.
“What did you think of your first dinner here?” she asked, handing me the next pot to dry.
“It was interesting.” I hesitated to say what was really on my mind then decided life was too short and went for it. “I thought you said hooking up wasn’t required.”
She chuckled.
�
�It’s not, but it seems to happen eventually. The fey are very interested in women.”
“Yeah, I know that. But it seems like it’s a little bit pushed.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, take Hannah for example. Shax seems very interested in her. He kept trying to talk her into going for a walk with him when she obviously didn’t want to. And, Mya was encouraging Hannah to change her mind even after Hannah’s repeated and polite declines.”
I put the pot aside and took the next one from Julie.
“Mya wants the fey to be happy,” Julie said. “My daughter sees them all as brothers. Of course, she’s going to try to set them up. Just like she tries to set up Ryan. Nothing seems to stick, though. She knows that whatever happens will happen on its own, without her meddling, but she can’t seem to help herself. She doesn’t mean any harm by it.”
I dried the next few dishes in contemplative silence. Mya might not mean harm by it, but her gentle prods had made me uncomfortable. How long until she set her sights on me? I recalled her grin when I’d come in from talking to Kerr and knew it wouldn’t be too long.
“Have any of the fey ever gotten angry for being told no?” I asked.
“No. And let me tell you, they’ve been told no plenty. Some not so nicely. Honestly, they are happy just to have a girl talking to them. It’s kind of sad, really. I understand why Mya tries so hard. I’m not going to lie. I have hopes that they will all find their happiness, too.”
Given what the fey did for us humans, I could understand why she felt that way. I just didn’t want to be the other half of any pairing.
“I think Kerr’s interested in me.”
“I think you’re right. Is that a bad thing?” She glanced at me, and I knew she was trying to gauge my reaction.
“For him, yes. I’m not looking for a man to complicate my life again. I just want to feel safe and not used for a while.”
“That makes sense. Tell Kerr that when you run into him next. It’s kinder to be upfront with what you’re feeling rather than let him get his hopes up. The fey understand they aren’t every girl’s dream, and they respect that, even in rejection.”