Books made it possible to hold on, reading old stories, mythology, listening to Native American chants. My mind took me to places where darkness held me even when I wished for it to set me free. I stared into the night sky and wished for someone to hear me. For me not to walk alone, but to have someone walk silently with me and keep the blade out of my hand. I wanted someone to help save me from me, to love me like I couldn’t. To soothe me when all I saw was self-destruction.
I didn’t want to die. I wanted to live—I just didn’t know how to. Sands in that hourglass drifted by.
The meds had helped, and I’d started again, anew.
“Do you know?”
“I’d rather you told me, for I believe you’ve encountered Lady Hel before, right?”
“I am not omnipresent, but I felt your pain right here and championed for you. My hammer hallowed you, helped you.”
“I felt so empty, you know. My day consisted of wearing a mask and hiding the pain that I wore like a badge.”
“And that is why you started parkour?”
“Initially, yes. I needed the adrenaline to feel alive.”
“And now?”
“I do it as a reminder and because it’s fun.” I smiled at that.
He filled the goblets with the honey mead, and then downed it all—I truly mean all of it. It disappeared before we could even begin another conversation. He drained his stein and then the rest of the pitcher and ordered another.
“So, why do you fight giants?”
“Everything has its purpose and I am the protector, although my father might not understand that completely. My job is to protect us from chaos.”
“But why were you protecting me?”
“You mean trying to protect you? Simple. I could see the courage under the layers of apprehension. There are many gods to seek refuge from, but those who call out to me do so because they embrace those things that I consider so important, too—honor, courage, and the willingness to help those who need it.”
I leaned forward, as I really wanted to hear his answer. “Where is Loki?”
“Seems like you women in Midgard truly have crushes on Loki for some reason.”
“It’s that whole bad boy persona. He isn’t evil, per se. I think he just needs a hug.” I hiccupped. I didn’t drink often and the honey mead was going directly to my head, like tequila on an empty stomach.
“You know, Loki and I travel a lot together and he does a lot of things that cause problems, but he also tries to get us out of those problems, too—we wouldn’t have most of our trinkets without Loki’s help, and those gifts make it so that we can continue to fight the giants.”
“Freyja tells me that we are moving toward the season of dragons. What does she mean by that?”
“In creation, things must be balanced. For sickness, a cure was put in place. But the opposite of good is not evil. The dragons fill that spot.”
“Are they good? Amoral?”
“They can be either. They live in the mosh pit of creation.”
I wasn’t sure what he meant by that. Everything had free will, but did that mean these dragons were sentient beings, too?
“Come, I will give you a tour,” he stretched out his hand and again I felt that tingle.
I don’t know how he did it but when we exited the tavern, a red chariot waited, and instead of horses, two goats were to draw it.
“This is different,” I said and stepped into the chariot. It, too, was beautified with lovely gold knotwork.
We moved down the road and beauty surrounded us. “We will not leave the city proper, of course, as I know not what is outside those walls waiting for me to smash.”
“You love to smash stuff.”
“Who doesn’t? You know how cathartic it is to destroy something with a hammer that shoots lightning and especially when I can already make the ground vibrate. It rocks.”
“I am not sure I am going to adjust to you speaking such modern-day English.”
“I would speak Old Norse but the general population wouldn’t understand me.” He must have seen apprehension flicker, for he smiled. “I’ve been listening, though. I can’t always be there, but I’ve been listening to you.”
“So, you know all of those details?”
“Just because you couldn’t see me there didn’t mean I wasn’t. Come, let me show you my world. And to answer your questions: yes, I know your heart’s secrets, and your heart is safe with me.”
He nodded and pulled upon the reins, and his two goats proceeded forward.
“Yes, Thor, you are a good friend.”
“I hope, if the time should come, we will find our way to become more.”
My heart clenched with that. “I didn’t know you had a thing for emotionally unavailable women who are haunted by their past failures.”
He threw his head back and laughed. “And I didn’t know you liked gods with an affinity for holding incredibly hard tools and smashing things.”
I chuckled. “And a sense of humor.”
Chapter 26
Sif
“Are you ready to go back?” Thor asked me after the tour ended. I’d asked him to show me the tree where Odin had sacrificed himself, but he said that was outside of Asgard.
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to stay longer. My spirit is tired.”
He took me back to Freyja’s hall, where she’d made up a room for me.
I wanted to explore on my own, as well. As I walked around Asgard, I wondered who’d care if I never returned to Midgard. There was nothing to say that I needed to be there. It was easier to be surrounded by this utopia than by the hell beginning in Midgard. There were enough people below who could solve this problem.
Instead, I’d focus on the tediousness of petting Freyja’s cats and boar. Shirking responsibility had never felt so good, until my curiosity made me move.
It was like stepping into the country after living all of my life in the city. I darted into the trees that lined her field and bathed in their pureness. Their green was brighter than any I’d ever seen, rich and bodied. I continued deeper into the forest, until I came to where a wall should have existed, for on one side it was there, and on the other, no work had been begun. I stepped across, and after only a few steps, I found a babbling brook, and therein I heard a strange noise.
“Are you the one from Midgard?” a squeaky voice called out.
“Hello?” I asked, and looked around to see there in the water a salmon bobbed its head up and down.
“Don’t be afraid. Down here,” the fish said.
I looked and knew who it was, although I’d never had a conversation with him: Loki.
“Loki?”
“Oh, so I am known in Midgard after all. I was thinking you might not wish to speak with me.”
“I’ve asked about you.”
“Why?”
“I think you might understand.”
“Oh, I understand things more than you know.” He transformed from the shiny fish to a human shape and size, dressed in modern-day jeans and T-shirt, his dark brown hair falling around his handsome face.
“What troubles you?”
“These people expect me to be something I am not, as if I can do something good. I’m only human and my abilities are limited. It’s about your daughter, Hel.” A small smile crossed his lovely face at the mention of her name. I could tell that he was still a proud father, even if Odin wanted him to abandon his children completely.
“Is that why you’ve been asking about me?”
“Yes, she is after the key to something or another that I mistakenly stole.”
“Did you not mean to steal the key, or did you steal the wrong key?”
“No, I am not a thief, but it called to me.”
His ears seemed to perk up at that information. “It called to you. And what was this key for?”
“From what I’ve been told, it’s to assist with freeing the Midgard Serpent.”
His shoulders slumped. “Hel alwa
ys cared about her family, as we all do.”
“But what does that have to do with me?”
“The key is no regular key, but hallowed by Odin’s spear, but it is twofold. If the key connected with you, it is because it was your other half. You are the key embodied.”
“What does that mean?”
“Two halves make a whole, and that is why the key called out to you. Odin had to sacrifice himself to himself to be made whole. Dear, there is no such thing as a completely good person, only one that must walk a line between. You may regard Hel as doing evil, but in her mind, her intentions are good. What would you do to save those you care for?”
“Do you think she is hurting?”
“She’s served time with him, just like we all have—the gods have taken the light of what my family was to be and snuffed it out.”
“Then why do you stay?”
“I am aware of the prophecies regarding me, and that I will, one day, be shut away. Somewhere along the line, I keep hoping that they will see me, too, for what I am and not what they’ve conjured up in their minds. I’ve helped the gods on more than one occasion in dealing with my own people—the giants—in hope of winning them over. Yet, when things go badly, I am easily considered the mischievous one.”
“Is that how you deal, through mischief?”
“They would not care if I disappeared. In their minds, my disappearance would make Asgard a better place. I am just their scapegoat.”
“Thor would miss you.”
“He behaves like we are kin and somewhere along the line, I agree with you.” His smile didn’t reach his rich green eyes, and the pain that flickered across them surely resembled my own.
I reached for his hand, took it in mine, and patted it. “If something should befall you, I would miss you.”
He threw back his head and laughed. “You know me not, dear, and I have only shared a sob story, but I seem to have won your heart. If you want answers, here in Asgard you need only ask and they will show you what you are missing in Midgard, too. You need only drink from the well.”
“Whoa, no one said anything about winning my heart, but you have given me much to consider.”
“Seriously though, how far would you go to save your family and friends? She is not considering anyone else: they are all collateral damage. Instead, she only sees the suffering of her siblings, her father, her people all under the thumb of gods who laugh at our pain. She’s been judged for her appearance, dethroned on a whim.”
“You love her?”
“I don’t think I knew what love was until I held her in my arms. She wrapped her tiny hand around my finger and cooed, and to me she was perfect.”
“What changed?”
He walked back into the water. “She still is perfect, and she always will be because she’s my daughter.”
With a snap of his fingers, he morphed back into a salmon and disappeared into the water’s depths.
Chapter 27
Sif
I returned to Freyja’s hall and poured myself a large goblet of water—well water—and waited for it to reveal to me that which I needed to see.
The scene took shape in the goblet, and just like watching television, I saw images of river banks overflowing, cars immersed in deep water, buildings washed away by water’s raging force, and people stranded on rooftops.
The flooded city was a disaster zone.
I’d been a fool, a coward.
I’d have to fuse me and the key back together. The glass orb still sat where Freyja had left it, on the table top.
I swiped it and headed back into the woods. This time, nothing happened. The orb didn’t grow warm, it didn’t cause my hands to overflow with magic, and it didn’t give me that unction.
Hel and I weren’t any different. I contemplated the devastation and thought of those I loved who were experiencing all of this.
I’d been chasing happiness so long that I didn’t even know what I was missing. I’d raced to every self-help magazine and book with a theory of doom and gloom, but despite my mistakes, there was something I needed to do.
And I knew what that was.
It took me a little bit to make my way by foot through Asgard and back to Heimdall’s gate.
“Are you leaving now, Sif?” Heimdell asked.
“I think my time here is over for now,” I said.
“And you’ve decided to return by yourself?”
“Thor still needs to speak with the All-Father and must weed his own garden before he can concern himself with mine.”
“You’ve grown up during your time here, although it has only been a couple of earth days.”
“I’ve only been here a few hours.” I’d forgotten about the time difference for sure.
“You know that which you must do?”
I nodded my head, and he initiated the opening of the gate. “Oh, and Heimdell…”
“Yes, Sif?”
“Thanks for your help. I might need it again one day.”
“Probably sooner than you expect.”
“If you can keep an ear open for my cry, that might help.”
He leaned closer and whispered, “It will be our secret. You need not worry. For the gods are always listening. It takes courage to change, Sif.”
I tried to find my misplaced strength. If Lady Hel and I were the same, what would be the best way to get her to see reason? This could be either a great idea or a huge mistake. I shoved the orb deeper into my pocket.
We were all on this earth to perfect a moment in time, and this was to be my chance to effect change and make a difference. I’d experienced the heaven of my faith, and had to push down what might happen. My knees knocked. Each step across the bridge became heavier, more difficult to take.
For so many years, I’d yearned for nothing else than to die. I’d ignored the sun on my face, the beauty of spring flowers, the peace that a cup of coffee could give me first thing in the morning. But I’d signed up for this. I might not have an automatic weapon, but this was my war.
And there could be no turning back to what a future could become.
“Gods, don’t fail me now,” I said. As I raced back across the Bifrost Bridge, as if accepting my fate, my oneness, I felt my fingertips again begin to warm. “Please send me to where Lady Hel is.”
My blood pumped. “Time to meet destiny.”
Chapter 28
Thor, Asgard
Thor paced in the throne room, and waited for Odin to return after his latest political balancing act in the infinity circle, where he had been speaking with the other gods about what was happening in Midgard. They wouldn’t take nicely to Lady Hel’s shenanigans, and the peace between the pantheons was fragile at best.
Odin needed to finally come to terms with his being back in Asgard with no invitation. Yet, instead of meeting his proud and often cruel father, he encountered one who was more tired than disgruntled.
“Have you come to inform me of what has transpired?” Odin asked.
“No, I have come to tell you that my exile is over,” Thor declared.
Odin waved his hand. “There is much on my mind besides your exile, and your having returned has not lessened the problems between the pantheons. The faithful are praying for help, and although we’ve sent Valkyries, and others have also responded with help, this is immense. A cataclysmic disaster in Midgard that has caused an immeasurable amount of death, with more to come from disease.”
“What happened?” Thor asked.
“Rain was used to wash away the insects that sought to destroy the city of Richmond, but a little too much was given. Against my better advice, Zeus decided that a good cleansing would make it all better.”
“Ugh, he does get those supreme ideas for sure. I often think he misses hearing lightning on Mount Olympus.”
“Be that as it may, none of us considered the limitations of their modern plumbing, rivers, levees, dams, and sewer systems. With all of the water falling, there was no place for it to run t
o. Now, people wait on their roofs waving white flags. The longer we take to respond, the more of a problem the pantheons will have with regard to believers.”
“What is the damage?”
“The rain we’d wanted simply turned into a god-sized storm. It formed off the Virginian coast and stayed there, devastating everything within three hundred miles. We must put a stop to this.” Odin’s voice relayed his frustration. There was no gain in death for him without war.
“What are you suggesting?” Thor asked.
“Find Loki and take him with you to Midgard. Maybe he can talk some sense into his daughter to calm down this situation.”
“And what should I do with Sif?”
“Nothing, for she has already left.”
“What?”
“Heimdell operated the bridge earlier for a trip back to Midgard. Did you not know that she had decided to return without you?”
Thor shook his head. She’d wanted to be strong. This might be a good start. He pushed up from his seat. “It appears I am needed in Midgard. If you all will excuse me.” He sprinted back to the gate. He wouldn’t let her go through this alone. She’d need all the help she could get.
Even if it came late.
Chapter 29
Sif
The portal opened, and I found myself on top of the tallest building in Richmond. “Thanks, Heimdall,” I said and stood and stared, for although all around the waters rose, everything was dry and normal in this patch.
High above the city, I could see the damage for miles, for the streets in all directions ran with rising water, while people in their makeshift boats and rafts tried to navigate the perilous floods.
Hel had never shared her plans with me, and no matter how much I cherished Freyja, the pantheon wasn’t one that required one faith over the other. Since I was the catalyst for this entire debacle, and to be honest, if Hel could see my heart, she’d realize that her plan was not without fault.
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