Take Her Man

by Grace Octavia

  I turned to walk to the shower, going over my busy day in my head, and the two-way started vibrating. “Keep walking,” I said to myself, recalling the time Tasha’s telephone spying on one boyfriend led to her unknowingly calling his mother and accusing the old lady of sleeping with her man. Clearly, they broke up.

  “I have no reason not to trust my baby, right Pookie Po?” I said, bending down to pet the dog. That’s when it happened…The damn two-way went off again. Even Pookie Po looked at the vibrating device that time. “Should I read Daddy’s message, Pookie? Do you think it’s important?” I asked, looking at the dog’s tiny face. Now, I know it sounds like I’m tripping, but I swear the dog shook his head “yes.” It was a sign! And I don’t ignore signs. I immediately picked up Julian’s two-way and read the message…

  Where are you, handsome?

  I’m waiting at the fountain in the park.

  I miss you.

  —Miata

  WTF? I dropped the pager, nearly hitting Pookie Po on his head. Who the hell was this “Miata” and what was she doing meeting my Julian by the damn fountain?

  Now, here’s the blackout in my story. I don’t really remember how I ended up dressed in a sweat suit, sitting beneath a tree by the fountain in the center of Washington Square Park with Tasha and Tamia, but I was there. I was there and my poor dog, my “reason” (per Tasha) for being in the park missing class, was looking up at me like I was crazy.

  “When you see them, just walk over with the dog and say hello,” Tamia explained, hiding behind a copy of the New York Times. “It’s a free park. There’s no law against walking your dog.”

  “But how do we even know they’re coming here? It could’ve been Central Park she was talking about,” Tasha said. She snatched the newspaper from Tamia.

  “We know because Troy said this is Julian’s favorite park.” Tamia tried to snatch the paper back, but it tore in half.

  “Okay, okay.” I spotted Julian sitting on the side of the fountain, talking to a girl. They were sharing an ice cream cone.

  Pookie suddenly barked (he never barks), jumped from my lap (he never jumps), and headed toward Julian.

  “Damn,” Tasha said. “Get the dog! Get the dog!”

  I stood up and followed behind Pookie.

  “What do I say?” I asked.

  “Say hello,” Tamia answered, pointing to Julian. I turned to find that Pookie had already made his way to his daddy’s arms. Julian was standing there holding him up, looking through the crowd like he was seeing things.

  “There you go, baby,” I said, reaching for him. “Oh, Julian,” I added, trying to sound surprised. I didn’t. “What are you doing here?”

  “I was wondering the same thing,” Julian replied. He was wearing a white cotton pullover and khakis—not the scrubs he usually wore at the hospital, where he said he would be.

  “Oh, I was just taking Pookie for a walk.” I took him from Julian and fought not to stare at the girl, who I already had decided was ugly.

  “But this is, like, over twenty blocks from your apartment.” Julian smiled.

  “Pookie needs the exercise, Julian,” I said, smiling back at him. “Who’s your friend?” I didn’t look in her direction.

  “I’m Miata. And you are…?” she asked, putting her hand out to shake mine. I pretended to try to maneuver Pookie around so I could shake her hand, but I couldn’t. I must’ve looked so clumsy.

  “The dog,” I said, looking at Pookie. “The dog.” Although I’d completely decided that Miata was kin to Pookie when I was looking at her from across the park, I had to admit that she didn’t look that bad in a “God bless the child,” “all of God’s children are beautiful” kind of way. Like if I was Mariah Carey, she could definitely be one of my backup singers. Nah, she wasn’t that bad looking. In fact, in another life, I might have called her attractive. She had dark brown skin, slender, exotic eyes, and a weave that was so perfectly brushed, I might have thought it was real if it wasn’t one inch above her ignorantly round, clearly over-exercised ass.

  “This is Troy, Miata,” Julian said. “Troy, this is Miata.” Well, I was introduced. What next? Do I get to smack the bitch now or later? I smiled and nodded my head. “Miata’s an intern at the hospital.”

  “Great,” I said. Then there was complete silence. I rubbed Pookie’s back, trying to figure out when Julian was going to introduce me. Me. Hello, it’s me. Troy, your girlfriend. Your future wife…Mrs. Julian James. That’s what you said when we took that picture on New Year’s…say it now…say it now!

  But still there was just silence.

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” Julian said just as I was about to burst into tears. “This is Troy. Troy’s in law school here at NYU.”

  “Okay,” Miata said.

  I looked past her and saw Tasha standing on the other side of the fountain. She had her hands on her hips and she was saying something to me. I couldn’t hear her, but by the look on her face, it was bad. “Stand your ground” was about all I could make out, trying to read her lips. “Stand your ground.”

  “I’m Julian’s girlfriend,” I blurted out before giving my mind enough time to catch up with my mouth.

  Miata looked stunned. She nearly dropped the ice cream cone. And while Pookie looked happy his parents finally had tied the knot, Julian looked like I’d just told him his mother died. I knew I was breaking some awful dating rule by declaring the magnitude of our relationship without Julian’s approval, but I was losing my cool. I could only imagine the nerdy convo they shared about the latest in syringe technology and cell growth. Who did this heifer think she was, anyway? I’m Troy Helene Smith. She can’t just come in and take my man. In the eleven months we’d been together, we’d built up a history: movies, dinners, trips, family outings. We were in love.

  “Oh, this is her?” Miata turned to look at Julian. He nodded and she looked back at me. “The woman he loves?” I wanted to believe that she was saying it in a sweet, “let’s celebrate your black love” kind of way, but in reality her voice was an Erica Kane–like mix of snot and smug.

  “Well,” Julian managed, stuttering. “Well, this is Troy.”

  Miata shifted her hips and grinned slyly. I put the dog down and poked out my chest. I had never had a fight in my life, but if she was looking for one, she’d found it. Plus, my girls were just a few feet away.

  “Well, Julian,” she said, licking her ice cream cone, “I’ll just leave you with this person. You know where to find me…when you’re ready to stop playing Barbie and Ken.”

  “Excuse me?” I asked.

  “Something I said you didn’t understand?” she asked coolly. She clearly was trying to make me lose my cool and embarrass myself, because Julian had this dumb look on his face like he had no clue she was insulting me. “I swear, NYU must do something about its open-admissions policy.”

  This woman was the devil. I had nothing to say to that. No defense. At that moment, I wasn’t even sure what I could say to that. I just really wanted to hit her. But then I’d look like the bad, irrational, crazy girl, and that was what she wanted.

  I looked back toward Tasha. She was shaking her head. “Say anything,” I made out from her lips.

  “Well, I think it’s a good school,” I said. What? That’s all I could think of to say?

  “Okay,” Miata said. “Whatever.” She tossed the ice cream in the garbage and looked back at Julian. “Call me,” she said.

  Before I could put the dog down and jump on her, she turned and walked away, looking as calm and collected as she had when I’d first laid eyes on her.

  I wanted to throw something at her: a rock, some scissors, darts, some of Pookie’s shit. But I was standing there stunned, flabbergasted, aghast. Hell, I thought women like that only existed on television. I needed backup quick.

  Julian didn’t speak to me the entire walk back to my place. We stopped at a little grocery store to pick up some dog food, but that was the extent of our conversation. I was beginning
to feel like I’d made a huge mistake, walking up on him in the park like that. I mean, I didn’t know if they were dating or what. All I had on him was a shared ice cream cone. Miata had made it clear that she knew he had a girlfriend. She didn’t look even a little bit surprised when I said I was his girlfriend. Maybe I was wrong; maybe I was being childish and risked losing him altogether.

  I slipped my key in the door when we got back to my place and just as I was about to apologize for my little stunt, Julian grabbed my arm.

  “Don’t go in,” he said, pulling my arm away from the door. “I have to talk about this first.”

  “Okay,” I answered, certain he was about to break up with me.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.” Julian looked into my eyes and I could tell he was sincere. For the first time since we’d left the park, I looked at his face and noticed that his eyes were red. “I would never hurt you and I’m just mad you had to find out about her like this.”

  “Who is she, Julian?”

  “I did meet her at the hospital, like I said.” Julian took a deep breath and put his hands in his pockets. “I only wanted to be friends at first but she wanted more. She made a pass at me and…I guess I just went for it.”

  “But why? What do you see in that girl?” I asked. Other than the fact that she was going to be a doctor, which, if they got together would make their union the eighth of its kind in the James family—something I always knew Julian wanted—she just didn’t seem like his type.

  “I don’t know. She’s just different—not what I’m used to.” He paused. “But it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t mean anything to me. I just hope you can forgive me.” Julian took Pookie Po from my arms, put him on the ground, and pulled me close to him. “You forgive me, baby?”

  “Yes,” I said. I closed my eyes and vowed never to bring up the incident again.

  “Earth to Troy…Earth to Troy,” Tasha said. I opened my eyes to find both her and Tamia looking at me intently.

  “No,” I answered, remembering that night at my apartment. “No, he doesn’t love her. He loves me.”

  “Exactly. That’s just what I wanted to know,” Tasha announced.

  “And?” Tamia asked.

  “And…my point is this: Troy loves Julian, Julian loves Troy, and Julian doesn’t love Miata.” Tasha counted off each of the points on her hand.

  “So why is he in there with Miata?” Tamia jumped in again.

  “Exactly, and what’s Troy going to do about it?” Tasha said, whipping her head around to look at me.

  “What’s Troy going to do about it?” I asked, referring to myself in the third person—Tasha’s rationale does that to you sometimes.

  “I’ll tell you what you’re going to do…. Oh, I’ll tell you what you’re going to do,” Tasha said, sitting back in the center of the backseat. She sounded like the Wicked Witch of the West putting together a plot to kill Dorothy. “You’re going to take her man.”

  “Now I know you’re crazy.” Tamia tried to turn the ignition again. “We’re leaving. Where’s your car, Troy?”

  “No, listen,” Tasha said, stopping Tamia from turning the ignition. “Troy gave us all of the facts. This is real love. While Julian is confused right now by that hoe, what they share is real love. I don’t know about you, but I believe her. I believe her and I’m going to support her.”

  “No, you want Troy to be desperate and chase some man around. That’s childish. I say, and I do believe I’m the only sane one in this damn car right now,” Tamia said, looking at me, “I say, if Julian loves Troy he’ll come back to her on his own. She’ll have him if she waits.”

  “See, that’s what I’m talking about, Tamia. Why do we always have to wait? I don’t know about you ladies, but I’m tired of waiting to exhale. I’m ready to beat down that hoe! She clearly has some kind of voodoo spell over poor Julian.” We all laughed. “All I’m saying is, anything worth having is worth fighting for, Tamia. Like how I fought for my husband,” Tasha said, waving her wedding ring in the front seat.

  “You didn’t have to fight for shit with Lionel. He loves you so much he’d drink your bathwater,” Tamia said. She had a point. Lionel loved two things: basketball and Tasha. He showered her with all of the love any woman could desire—the one thing I know in my heart she was in search of when she jumped in that car and left L.A. all those years ago. Due to her insecurities, Tasha was used by old boyfriends, but Lionel adored her. And he wasn’t a bad catch either. He was Haitian and Peruvian and had the kind of impeccable dark chocolate skin that you had to look at twice to be sure the man wasn’t wearing some kind of makeup. He was well over seven feet tall, with a hunky build and had the cutest dimples I’d ever seen on a grown man. He was more than easy to look at. While I was sure a baby was nowhere in the near future for him and Tasha, between the two of them, when it did happen, the baby would be born with the kind of unearthly cuteness that would make all of the other babies born on that day refuse any nursery photos.

  “Yeah, how do you think I made that happen? Lionel loves me, but Lionel has a dick. We had some drama along the way, just like everyone else. I’m not stupid. Now, listen to me, ‘smart girls.’ When you meet a man, you plan your outfit, what to eat so you don’t look stupid at the table, when he can kiss you, when you will accept another date, and when you will invite him to your bed. You plan everything,” Tasha said.

  Tamia and I couldn’t help but nod our heads along with her. She sounded like she was giving the “get-a-man gospel.”

  “So why not plan a way to get and keep your man? That’s our damn problem. We get a man and stop damn planning. Stop getting our nails done, complimenting him, dressing nice, talking about interesting things. Pretty soon, we stop planning interesting things to do in the bedroom. You know what happens then?” Tasha pushed her head back into the front seat. “Your man ends up at some damn half-fancy black restaurant with a bitch named after a fucking cheap car. And why?”

  “Why?” Tamia asked.

  “Because the other woman had a plan,” Tasha said. “See, you two don’t experience dealing with chicks like Miata, but I do. I know those girls like the back of my hand. She’s a hustler. She’s a smart hustler who’s hustled your doctor away from you.”

  “That’s crazy,” Tamia said. “The girl is going to be a doctor herself. She’ll have her own money. Why would she need to marry a doctor?”

  “Girl, what’s better than one doctor? Two! Please, from the moment I laid eyes on that girl I knew she was a ghetto girl on the come up. She’s smart. She’s smart and she had a plan…a plan to take Troy’s man. Trust me. I know all this time she’s been in that hospital, she’s been dragging her thang around Julian, looking all sweet and smart, going over medical stuff out loud like a damn dictionary. Black men love that stuff. Especially the ones who know what in the hell she’s talking about. She’s probably being everything Troy isn’t.”

  “What are you saying about me?”

  “I’m not saying you’re dumb, sweetie;” she said with a smile, “but come on. Julian is your man. He knows the fun you; he doesn’t see you in the classroom playing super lawyer. He doesn’t really get to see on a daily basis how smart you are. Miata knows that and she’s probably been trolling her ass around the hospital, giving him advice about you and making you seem like the most vain, superficial person in her world. She’s been telling Julian her stories about getting out of the ghetto, making herself look like the best thing since sliced bread to your man. I know it. Trust me.”

  “Well, what am I supposed to do about it?” I asked.

  “No, Troy. This is so unhealthy,” Tamia interrupted.

  “Listen to her and you’ll be alone, with her.” Tasha put her hand up in front of Tamia’s mouth and Tamia pushed her away.

  “What do you want me to do?” I asked again. To be honest, I thought both of them were right. But I wasn’t ready to give up my man just yet. Like Millie Jackson said in that old song, “Ain’t no
woman in her right mind gonna sit back and let another woman come in and take her man—if he’s really worth having.” Julian was worth having.

  “Listen very closely, because I can’t repeat these words and you must do them in this exact order,” Tasha said in her usual theatrical fashion.

  “Why can’t you say it again? Is that from The Book of Hoes or something?” Tamia giggled.

  “Tamia!” I said, annoyed but equally amused. Tasha was pretty much a card-carrying member of the Former Hoe Club of America. She wasn’t one of those nasty crackhead skeezer hoes or anything. She just had skills and wasn’t afraid to bite and be bitten. It obviously had paid off. She was wearing a six-carat Harry Winston.

  “First and foremost, I have to repeat one thing: In order to get him back, you have to be sure he really loves you and not her. Before you begin the plan, you need to really think about that, Troy. Like tonight, I want you to go over the entire situation in your head. You must be sure that he loves you and be sure that he’s worth it. If you answer no to either one of those questions, there’s no need to try to break her spell over him. All you need to do if you even suspect that he loves her over you is move on with your life. Okay?” I nodded my head at Tasha’s request. “Okay,” she went on, “once you’re sure his heart is with you, you start the ‘Take Her Man Plan.’”

  “Where does she come up with this stuff?” Tamia laughed.

  Tasha growled at Tamia again and then she went right into the plan to help me get Julian back from Miata. She explained that from that point on, I had to think of Julian as “Miata’s man” because that was how Miata stole him from me in the first place. She was the new, fresh thing in Julian’s life. She was the greener grass when I was the old nagging hay. Now the tables had to be turned. I was now single and I actually had the green-grass allure. I just had to use it to my advantage. Making him “her man” essentially made me the new, fresh thing in his life.