Cutting Cords

by Mickie B. Ashling

  “Maybe you should give it another go?”

  “With you?” I must have looked incredulous because he was defensive and responded almost immediately.

  “You’re a submissive, Sloan. You just don’t know it.”

  “You know nothing about me.”

  “I know who you’ve been with for the last five years. Your partner is an obvious Dominant. He barks and you jump.”

  “Fuck you, Trent.”

  “Admit it. He calls the shots. I’ve seen how you act around him. Hell, I’ve seen you with Max. You’re obviously attracted to dominant men.”

  “I’ve had enough of this conversation.” I stood abruptly and nodded at Max. “See you in the morning.” I turned and glared at Trent, who continued to stare at me with that frosty, all-knowing look. “You’re wrong.”

  Trent smiled slowly. “I don’t think so.”

  “Fuck you.”

  Chapter 15

  MAX KNOCKED and advanced into the room before I could utter one word. “Are you okay?” he asked, looking at me with concern.

  “Who does he think he is, anyway?” I snapped, wishing it was Trent so I could punch him in the mouth.

  “Trent Hamilton is a compelling Dom who’s set his eyes on you.”

  “Screw him!”

  “Come here, Sloan,” Max said, taking my hand and drawing me into his embrace. “Let it go, will you? I want you both to get along.”

  “Why?” I shoved his chest and stepped back. “Why should I put up with his assumptions when he knows nothing about me? Does everyone share his opinion? Do you?”

  “Relax.”

  “He just called me a fucking pussy, and I’m supposed to calm down?”

  “He did not call you that.”

  “He may as well have,” I said heatedly. “I am neither Cole’s doormat nor yours.”

  “No one said you were.”

  “He said I was submissive and attracted to dominant men. Isn’t that a doormat?”

  “Oh, for God’s sake. You’re way too sensitive about this topic.”

  “Didn’t he say that, Max?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you agree with him?”

  “In a way.”

  “What!”

  “Come here,” Max wrapped a strong arm around my shoulder and guided me out the door gently.

  “Where are you taking me?”

  “You need a drink, or you’ll never get to sleep. Besides, you still haven’t told me why you’re here without Cole.”

  “Stop changing the subject.”

  “We’ll talk about Trent later. What happened at home?”

  “We had a major fight.”

  “I guessed as much. About what?”

  He coaxed me into his bedroom and onto the loveseat. I watched in sullen silence as he poured brandy into the crystal snifters. “What did Cole do?” he asked again as he handed me a drink.

  I felt it burning a path down my throat. It was so strong it made my eyes water. “Jesus, what is this? Lighter fluid?”

  “You’re such a peasant, darling. It’s Rémy Martin XO.”

  “I’m supposed to be impressed? It’s vile.”

  “It will relax you.”

  “Believe me, it’s going to take more than this,” I said, although my limbs were already feeling heavier. Whatever this stuff was, it was doing the job.

  “So, tell me already,” Max persisted.

  “Cole and I got into another discussion about Noriko when he dropped an unexpected bomb on me. He thinks I’m going to leave him one of these days, so his plan is to have a huge family to sustain him when I walk out the door.”

  Max raised both eyebrows. “Seriously?”

  “Yup. He’s convinced I’m going to stray because I’m young and attractive and blah, blah, blah. Cole said I shouldn’t have to be saddled with his blind ass.”

  “And here I thought you were the only one with issues.”

  “I guess we’re both fucked up,” I said softly. “Max, he’s been listening to the gossip. Apparently, people have been talking behind my back and wondering how soon I’ll jump ship. Why can’t those bitches mind their own business?”

  “Didn’t you set him straight?”

  “I tried, but there’s no way I can change his mind. Once he gets an idea in his head, he doesn’t let it go―stubborn motherfucker.”

  “He’s always been rather obtuse.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Sloan, he’s opinionated and demanding.”

  “Max!”

  “I’m being frank, darling. It doesn’t mean I don’t like Cole or that he’s not good for you. But that’s what he is, and you’ve been marching to his tune since you met. There’s a lot of truth to Trent’s accusation.”

  “You think I’m a doormat?”

  “Will you quit it with the doormat analogy? Being a submissive male has nothing to do with lack of strength or backbone. For your information, Jason is an FBI profiler.”

  “No shit? It just sounds so weak―submissive―makes me cringe.”

  “That’s your perception, but it’s not real. A submissive takes pleasure in wanting to please his dominant partner without debasing himself. This has nothing to do with who’s macho and who’s weak. Get that shit out of your head.”

  “Why do you people have to put us in a slot, though? A category like top/bottom or Dom/submissive. Why can’t it be about two guys attracted to each other and making it work?”

  “Well, that’s exactly what a D/s relationship is. Two people making it work.”

  “You’re oversimplifying,” I said. “That’s not the way of your world, and you know it. You get off on the domination, inflicting pain, and seeing how far you can push before they break. It’s how you get high.”

  “It’s not a question of breaking anyone or anything. The last thing we want is a broken submissive. In fact, it’s the worst thing that can happen. It’s our responsibility to keep our men safe while pushing them to their personal limits. Finding their limit is what makes the pain worthwhile, if they’re into that. Withholding an orgasm until you feel like you’re at the edge of an abyss is simply a means to an end.”

  “And what is that ending?”

  “It’s finding a sublime place with one special person―your subspace.”

  “You’ve been talking about subspace for years, and I’ve never experienced it with you. All I can remember is the fucking pain.”

  “That’s because I thought that being a cutter meant you were into self-mutilation. I was mistaken, Sloan, and I’ll always regret it since I’m pretty sure you’ll never give me another chance to prove myself.”

  “Max,” I said, reaching for his hand. “I can’t risk losing your friendship over this. You’re too important to me to muck it up with sex.”

  “I hear you, darling. Let me ask you, though, and be honest. Are you attracted to Trent?”

  “He’s a jerk.”

  “Sloan….”

  “He’s hot; I’ll grant you that. But a jerk nonetheless.”

  “That jerk is going to be in the Brit photo shoot with us.”

  “I thought you wanted a redhead?”

  “He’s willing to dye his hair.”

  “Oh God.”

  “What’s the matter?”

  “Do you have any idea what he’ll look like in a kilt?”

  Max’s smile was as wicked as every dirty thought I had running through my brain. “I know exactly what he’ll look like, and it’s why I asked him to be my Scotsman.”

  I groaned and covered my face with both hands. “Please, don’t make me be a part of this shoot.”

  “Too late. I’ve already signed the contract and banked your advance.”

  “You didn’t even ask me!”

  “I’ve never asked you before.”

  “Max, I can’t. Not with him.”

  “You are attracted to him.”

  “Last time I checked I was still alive.”

  “May
be Cole knows something even you don’t know.”

  “What? You think I’m on the verge of jumping into a relationship with a man I hardly know simply because he’s hot and I’m unhappy? Give me a fucking break. I’ve been faithful for five long years. Why do you assume I’ll break the fast with Trent?”

  “Because you will,” Max said, nodding. “I hate that it’s happening, but I’m not going to do a thing to stop it. You need to figure out what you want out of life, Sloan. Cole’s theory that you’re too young to be saddled with so much responsibility isn’t as preposterous as you make it sound. He’s been the center of your existence for five years. When was the last time you did anything spontaneous or Sloan-driven?”

  “When we went horseback riding.”

  “Christ. Is that it? I admire your dedication, but it’ll get old unless you’ve had a chance to spread your wings. Only then can you be absolutely sure that being with Cole and settling down with a family are the right decisions.”

  “I love him, Max.”

  “Sloan, I’m not saying you don’t. We all know how much you care, but it’s important that you put yourself first for a change. Ever since we’ve met, it’s been about Cole.”

  “I don’t want to lose him because I’m too scared to be a father or deal with some bitch I know nothing about.”

  “What if you knew everything about her? Would that make it easier?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Precisely. This situation is more than just deciding if Noriko is the right person to surrogate. It’s about the rest of your life. You’re twenty-eight years old with hardly any experience. It’s time to be a little selfish and think about the things that make you happy. Do you even know what they are? Cole isn’t going anywhere. I can almost guarantee that he’ll be right there waiting for you if and when you decide to go back to him. If Trent will get you through the crisis and help you come to an informed decision, then I’ll step back and let it happen.”

  “I’m not into his brand of loving.”

  “Trent’s nothing like me, darling. I do believe the man has your number.”

  “Whatever,” I said, standing and effectively putting an end to the discussion. I picked up my cognac and got ready to walk out the door. “Is that fucking detective ever going to get in touch with me?”

  “As soon as he has something to say.”

  “Shit!”

  “Good night, darling.”

  “Night, Max.”

  Chapter 16

  I FINISHED the cognac in my room, but I was more wired than ever. I had no clue what I was going to do next. My thoughts kept going back to Max’s statement that I had to explore other options before I could decide if I wanted to stay home for the rest of my life. A sudden vision of Trent in a kilt, with his hair dyed a deep auburn, flashed in my brain, and I was appalled to feel my cock lifting. Why now and why him of all people? I’d been surrounded by gorgeous men for the last five years and never been the least bit tempted. Now, all I could think of was Trent’s bare ass underneath a red and black plaid…. Jeez.

  I slid off the bed and squeezed my cock into submission. I was not going to whack off to the porn show in my brain. The kitchen and leftovers sounded like a better plan, so I went downstairs, doing my best not to make a racket. There was a small container of ravioli that I threw in the microwave. I was almost finished when my phone chimed, announcing an incoming e-mail. I reached for it, sure that it would be Cole, but it was from Adachitokyo. I opened it, excited to finally hear from the man who was draining my bank account. On the subject line he wrote GEISHA. What the hell was that all about?

  TO: SLOANDRISCOLL

  From: Adachitokyo

  My sources have confirmed Noriko Evans is third generation geisha. Grandmother Reiko and mother Hana top earners in Kyoto Gion-Kobu. Hiro Fujiwara on record as Reiko’s patron from 1941-1946. Is this all you need?

  No, this was not all I fucking need! Who the hell was Hiro? And how could a geisha possibly be a virgin? Weren’t they whores in colorful outfits? What the fuck! Ken bought a prostitute to be the mother of his grandchildren? Had he lost his mind?

  To: Adachitokyo

  From: Sloandriscoll

  More details on Noriko please. She claims to be virgin. Is she a full-fledged geisha? Please investigate further. Who is Hiro Fujiwara?

  I hit send and pushed away the container of food. I’d lost my appetite big time. Now I was even more convinced that Noriko was nothing but a gold digger and would destroy Cole’s life. Emotional blackmail was her game, and I’d be damned if I’d let it happen. I stood abruptly and knocked over the chair accidentally. It clattered on the tile floor, and I bent to pick it up just as Trent walked in.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing.”

  “You look pissed.”

  “Ya think?”

  “What happened?”

  “None of your business,” I yelled.

  “Hey, take it easy.”

  I stopped fuming long enough to notice that Trent was wearing lounging pants which hung far too low on his hips. Bloody fucking great! His lightly furred chest was chiseled in all the right places, and I couldn’t help but notice the love trail starting above his navel and disappearing underneath the waistband of his pants. My hard-on returned in full force.

  “Leave me alone, will you?”

  “Don’t get all weirded out.”

  “I’m not!”

  “You’ve been in a bad mood since dinner. What’s your deal?”

  “Didn’t I tell you to mind your own business?”

  “Sorry. I was trying to help.”

  “I don’t need your kind of help,” I spat out. In retrospect, I’m amazed he stood there and didn’t hit me in the jaw. I couldn’t have been more obnoxious.

  “Knock on my bedroom door if you want to talk.”

  “Don’t hold your breath, buddy.”

  “We’re not all bad guys, you know?”

  “Who’s ‘we’?”

  “Dominants.”

  “Oh, please… let’s not start that shit again.”

  “Just saying, Sloan. Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it.” He turned those sapphire eyes on me and damn if my cock didn’t react. My body was responding on a visceral level while my brain kept fighting this attraction that had come out of left field.

  “I have tried it, Trent. With Max.”

  “And he’s the first one to admit he did it wrong,” Trent said, moving toward me very slowly like a lion approaching a trembling gazelle. “Don’t you think it would be worth another try? Second time’s the charm.”

  “What part of ‘partner’ don’t you get? I’m in a relationship and have absolutely no interest in you or your second chance.”

  “Why am I getting so many mixed signals?”

  “What are you talking about?” I said, backing into the refrigerator. I was trapped. When he was close enough, he reached for my face and held it between his hands. I didn’t realize how large they were until they spanned my entire head. It felt like I was caught in a vice. “Your mouth is saying no, but this,” he whispered, rubbing his groin against mine in slow, torturous moves, “is saying yes.”

  “Stop it,” I said shakily. It was impossible to hide the erection that was about to stick out of my pants. He licked my mouth, tracing my lips with his tongue very, very slowly. I couldn’t stop the whimper that escaped my throat. “Please.”

  “I do love that word,” he said huskily. “Say it again, Sloan.”

  Pushing him away, I scampered over to the other side of the room, like the aforementioned gazelle. He was going to have to run to catch me. “Stay away, Trent. My body might be reacting, but that’s a physical thing I can’t control. My mind, on the other hand, knows better.”

  “Go on, Sloan. Run and pretend you don’t feel the attraction. You’ll be back, and then maybe you’ll see that I was right all along.”

  “I’m so out of here,” I mumbled, leaving him standing th
ere with his boner tenting his pants and his dimple mocking me.

  I knocked on Max’s bedroom door and walked in to find the room in complete darkness.

  “What is it?” I heard him rumbling from somewhere to the right.

  “I need to talk to you.”

  “Get in bed.”

  “What? I don’t want to get in bed with you.”

  “I’m not getting up, so if you want to talk to me, lie down.”

  I felt my way over to the empty side of the bed, toed off my sneakers, and slid in under the comforter. “This is beyond strange, Max.”

  “Shut up and tell me what’s wrong. I need my six hours.”

  “I can’t do the Brit shoot.”

  “Yes, you can, and you will.”

  “I just had another run-in with Trent.”

  “So? Deal with it.”

  “It wasn’t that kind of run-in.”

  “Oh?”

  “Nothing happened.”

  “But you wish it had, and you’re freaking out and wanting Uncle Max to fix it. I’m too old to give hand jobs.”

  I kicked him in the thigh.

  “Ouch!”

  “I don’t need your hand job, thank you very much. I have my own hand, and it works just fine.”

  “Like I said,” Max huffed and put his arm over his eyes. “Deal with it.”

  “You’re as comforting as a cold compress.”

  “Damn it, Sloan.” Max sat up and shoved a couple of pillows up against the headboard. “I’m up and listening. Tell me what the fuck is wrong with you.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Well, I do. You’re horny and Trent’s driving you nuts.”

  “Yeah,” I whispered. “How am I going to resist?”

  Max began to laugh. He was laughing so hard he started to wheeze, and tears were streaming down his cheeks.

  “What is so bloody hilarious?”

  Max grabbed me around my neck and hugged me tight. “You have no idea how attractive you are, Sloan. You’ve developed into a very sexy man and everyone wants to fuck you.”

  “Shut up.”