Cutting Cords

by Mickie B. Ashling

  We’d had a honeymoon for the last nine months, and this situation I’d created through my own stupidity was a real wake-up call. The price of being treated like an adult was paying for my mistakes like a man. Trent wasn’t going to pat me on the rump and send me off to a corner for a time-out. In all fairness, I considered my punishment to be reasonable, but I sincerely hoped that being a slave 24/7 would be short-lived. I knew I’d brought this upon myself and totally deserved every minute of it, but I was rebelling inside. When Trent used the word “forbid” and told me in no uncertain terms to have nothing to do with Cole or his children, I wanted to tell him to fuck off. It was on the tip of my tongue, but I swallowed the words, certain it would put a kibosh to this union, however tentative it might be.

  I grabbed the tray of New York strips and turned on the broiler. Sprinkling the meat with a generous amount of Lawry’s steak blend, I waited for the oven to heat up properly so I could sear both sides and serve them medium rare, the way Trent liked. Instant mashed potatoes and some frozen peas and carrots would complete the meal. Glancing down at my cock cage, I wondered how long I’d be able to tolerate it. Patience wasn’t one of my virtues, and I had a terrible time obeying mindlessly, but I wanted this relationship to work, and if this was the price I had to pay, then so be it.

  My iPhone was within easy reach, and it would be simple to listen to my voice mail if I really wanted to. There would be several messages from Cole, no doubt, but suspending contact with my ex was the smarter choice. I had no desire to remain on Trent’s shit list, and one whiff of defiance would most likely push my master’s patience to the limit.

  I took out a soup pan and poured water, milk, and a pat of butter in the liquid concoction needed for the boxed potatoes. Never taking my eyes off the milk, because I knew it would overflow, I reflected on this morning’s incident. Why did I still care about Cole after everything he’d done?

  Sighing, I moved the pan off the range after the buzzer rang, and threw in the bag of potato mix, stirring it up with a fork. I kept telling myself that Cole and his issues were no longer my problem. One fuck would not make amends for the wounds he’d inflicted before our breakup. I needed to get past this sexual hiccup and all the feelings it had revived. I reached for my phone and began to edit Cole’s number. Instead of deleting it altogether, I switched ring tones and put it on silent mode. I also changed his name. If my former partner persisted in trying to get in touch, and Trent happened to look on caller ID, he’d see the name Freddie. Hopefully, it wouldn’t arouse any suspicions. Trent wasn’t the kind of person who’d stoop to monitoring my phone calls. He’d never done it in the past, and I was pretty confident he’d never do it in the future. My Dom was all about the honor system, and although I was completely dishonorable for doing this, I couldn’t help myself. I had to be available to Cole in case of an emergency. That was the reality, and if, God forbid, Trent ever found out, I prayed he’d understand that my compassion for Cole was as much a part of my personality as my desire to see our fledgling D/s union thrive and take root.

  After cleaning up the dinner mess, Trent asked me to join him in the living room. He was sitting in his favorite easy chair with a brandy snifter in one hand, looking quite pensive. I knelt at his feet and waited to hear what he was about to say.

  “Thank you for dinner, Sloan. It was good.”

  “You’re welcome, sir.”

  “I’d like to talk about what happened between you and Cole.”

  “Do we have to?”

  “I think it should be discussed to clear the air.”

  “What can I say? I let my emotions get away from me.”

  “Do you still love him?”

  “I’m not in love with him, but yeah, I feel something for the man.”

  “You’re obviously still attracted.”

  “I’m not sure if that’s true, sir. It almost felt like revenge. Hearing him beg and nailing him with hardly any prep was a little heady.”

  “He let you fuck him?”

  I nodded and saw sparks flare in Trent’s eyes. “You miss that part of sex, don’t you?”

  I shrugged and bowed my head.

  “Answer me.”

  “I won’t deny that I enjoy it, sir, but I’m okay with what we do.”

  “Is this your way of paying me back for holding back?”

  “No, sir!”

  “Are you positive? Have you examined your motives?”

  “I’m very satisfied with our sex life.”

  “I’m sure you’d be happier if I let you top me occasionally.”

  “If it pleases you, sir.”

  “Spare me the bullshit.”

  “Master, I’ve begged you over and over. I don’t understand why you’re so reluctant. Do you think it’s beneath you?”

  Trent’s composure snapped, and he enunciated his scathing reply. “What I do or don’t think is none of your business! When I’m ready to share my thoughts, I will, but unfortunately, your recent actions have disturbed me greatly. I’m not sure we have a future together.”

  “Sir!”

  Trent stood abruptly and put his glass down on the table beside the chair. “I’m going to get ready for bed. You can sleep on the sofa tonight.”

  “Master?”

  “Grab a blanket out of the closet and get comfortable.”

  “What about the cage?”

  “Deal with it.”

  “I have to pee.”

  Trent shook his head and pulled the key out of his pocket. He unlatched me and waited while I went to the bathroom. It felt wonderful to be released, and I was tempted to beg for a reprieve, but then I saw the look in his eyes and changed my mind. He looked like an ice sculpture. A gorgeous one, but I would probably get frostbite if I touched him. Still, I opened my mouth and stuck my foot right into it.

  “How much longer will I be in this cage?”

  “You’ve just added another day, and if you dare to ask me once more, I’ll tack on another.”

  Chapter 10

  THE MATERNITY ward was surprisingly quiet this evening. The noises I’d associated with this floor were missing for some reason, a lull perhaps in the birthing sequence. Even the babies were silent. All I could hear was the dinging of the elevator as it stopped on our floor and the sliding doors whooshing open to let off passengers. I’d felt the raised symbols on my Braille watch at least ten times, sighing with frustration as the minutes ticked by and Sloan failed to appear. I’d tried calling him, but it kept going to voice mail. He wasn’t coming. As much as I dreaded the possibility, I knew he’d bailed. Why would he want to get sucked into the melodrama of my life when he didn’t have to?

  I knocked on the window, and a nurse came around and let me into the nursery so I could spend some time holding the boys. There was a rocking chair to simulate a home environment, and I found the few minutes I spent with each child to be a huge comfort. Kissing their soft cheeks and brushing my face against their silky hair reminded me that everything I’d done to arrive at this point had been worth it. If I had to repeat the entire year, I’d probably do the same thing, except I’d have been more honest with Sloan.

  I had hoped that our indiscretion at the funeral home might have changed Sloan’s opinion of me. Apparently not. His absence was his not-so-subtle way of telling me to forget about it, and my disappointment was beyond description. A household with a sighted partner as co-father had been my dream for the twins, and now that would have to change. Raising them as a single parent would be hard enough, but to endure a lifetime of loneliness was intolerable. It was not the best-case scenario, and I was on the verge of tears again. Maybe Sloan would surprise me and show up at the funeral tomorrow. It would give me one last opportunity to try and convince him to forgive me.

  Someone entered the room, and I knew instantly that it was Noriko. Her smell and body language had become quite familiar after nine months, and for the first time in just as long, I could appreciate what she’d actually done for me. In my arms wa
s a small miracle that would have never come to pass without her participation. Regardless of her motives, she’d made this happen. I decided to bury some of the hostility I’d felt after hearing her remarks yesterday. It was only natural for her to feel territorial. After all, the boys had resided in her body for almost nine months and were as much a part of her as her heart and lungs. I would never know this special bond, and I had to concede that the timing of our conversation had been all wrong.

  “Mrs. Fujiwara,” one of the nurses remarked, “you’re up and about?”

  “Hai, I feel much better today.”

  “Why don’t you sit in this chair, Noriko?” I stood, offering her the rocker.

  “Thank you, Cole.”

  I continued to hold one of the twins while Noriko nursed. “I’ve ordered bracelets so I can tell the boys apart,” I remarked.

  “That’s a good idea,” she said softly. “Kenny is still a little heavier, but I’m sure Nicky will catch up quickly. Then it will be difficult to tell them apart.”

  “Who do I have?”

  “Nicky,” she said.

  “How can you tell them apart?”

  “Right now, by their weight. Your bracelets will help me too.”

  “I hope they can see.”

  “The doctors have examined them and say they are both healthy,” Noriko said. “I am certain they will be fine, Cole. We have done everything necessary to make sure of that.”

  “I know, but I can’t help worrying.”

  “It’s only natural, but I wish you would try and relax. They will be fine. May I have the other baby?”

  We switched bundles, and Kenny did feel a little heavier. “What’s it like to nurse?”

  “It hurts for a minute, but as soon as the milk begins to flow, it gets better. It’s a special feeling to be able to provide for them like this.”

  “The pain you’re talking about is nature’s way of healing your uterus,” a nurse interjected. “Contractions help to reduce it back to a normal size.”

  “Thank goodness, because I feel like a pillow right now.”

  “You’ll be as good as new in no time. Maybe we’ll see you back here in a couple of years,” she teased.

  “No way,” I replied a little too quickly. I didn’t want them giving Noriko any ideas. “I can’t handle more than two.”

  “That’s what they all say,” the nurse said, chuckling, “and then they come back for seconds.”

  “Not this time. Are you ready to go, Noriko? I can walk you back to your room.”

  “That would be nice.”

  She hooked her arm under mine, and we strolled down the hallway at a leisurely pace with Freddie trotting along beside us. When we got to her room and she’d settled back into bed, she asked me if I would mind if she attended Dad’s funeral tomorrow.

  “Are you up to it?”

  “Yes, and even if I weren’t, it’s important that I pay my final respects.”

  “Dad would be the first to understand if you couldn’t make it.”

  “I can and I want to.”

  “I’ll have the limo swing by here on our way to the funeral home. We can all go together.”

  “Thank you, Cole.”

  “Listen, about yesterday.”

  “I don’t think we should discuss the future right now.”

  “That’s what I wanted to say. I apologize for being so inconsiderate.”

  “We have twelve months before any decisions have to be made. Why don’t we enjoy the moment?”

  “Christ, you sound like Sloan.”

  “Are you ever going to get over him, Cole?”

  “What does it matter?”

  “I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: Japanese people can actually separate sex and family. One has nothing to do with the other. Your orientation shouldn’t affect your bond to me and the children. I have no problem keeping them separate if you choose to resume relations with him.”

  I shook my head. “I know, but it’s a concept we Westerners are not familiar with. Sloan would be enraged if I proposed such a thing.”

  “It is his problem, then, not yours. Surely, you can find another man who would be willing to accommodate your needs.”

  “And you would be fine sharing your husband with a man? Just for shits and giggles, Noriko, what would you do for your own sexual gratification?”

  “I have learned to deal with my own needs due to our circumstances.”

  “Are you having an affair?”

  “No, Cole, I’m not. However, let’s get one thing clear. It’s not an affair if one is only there for sex.”

  “Is this your geisha persona speaking now?”

  “Do we need to have a discussion on geishas again? We are not prostitutes.”

  “Yes, yes… go on.”

  “In Japan, it is not uncommon for a man to seek sexual services outside his home. And if a male is the preferred choice, it means no disrespect to the wife. Sex is viewed in terms of pleasure, not morality.”

  “People have been killed for much less here in America.”

  “Your own grandfather had a geisha, Cole.”

  “How can I forget? This is how we met you in the first place.”

  “Precisely. There’s no need to be hampered by guilt when I’m giving you a pass.”

  I’d had enough of this discussion. It was pointless if she was inferring that I should try and get Sloan on board this incongruous three-way. He would not only tell me to go fuck myself, he’d probably hit me in the mouth. “Get some rest, Noriko. We don’t need to solve our problems in one day.”

  “At least you are willing to talk.”

  I nodded.

  “I will see you tomorrow, yes?”

  “Yes.”

  THE NEXT morning, Noriko and I stood by my father’s casket with my mother, sisters, and their husbands, bidding Dad a final farewell. The small chapel overflowed with people, and even though I couldn’t see, I felt the crowd. I kept turning left and right, hoping that Sloan would tap me on the shoulder and announce his presence. Finally, I broke down and asked Mom, “Have you seen Sloan?”

  “He’s in the back row with his boyfriend.”

  “Boyfriend?”

  “A good-looking redhead in a three-piece suit.”

  I felt dizzy suddenly, and a chill ran up my spine. I should have just shut up, but I had to know. “How do you know he’s the boyfriend?”

  “They were holding hands, and I overheard Sloan introducing him to his dad. Now be quiet and concentrate. The eulogies are about to begin.”

  “What did he say to Joe?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “How did Sloan introduce the guy? Did he call him his partner or boyfriend?”

  “Cole, why are you torturing yourself?”

  “Answer me!”

  “If you must know,” Mom sighed, “he introduced him as his lover.”

  “Fuck.”

  “Cole,” she hissed. “Get a hold of yourself. This is neither the time nor the place to have an emotional crisis.”

  “This is the perfect time,” I replied as the tears streamed down my face. “Everyone will think I’m crying for Dad.”

  Chapter 11

  I HAD a terrible time watching Cole as they laid Ken to rest. He looked like he wanted to jump in the hole with his dad and bury himself alive. The cemetery was packed with friends and family, but Cole stood off to the side, completely isolated from any support, which included his wife. Somehow, Noriko had managed to leave her hospital bed to bid farewell to her father-in-law. It had been over nine months since I’d last laid eyes on her, and she hadn’t changed much. She was still beautiful despite the extra pounds she’d put on due to her pregnancy. Our eyes met briefly, and she quickly looked away, but not before I had a chance to catch the quick flare of anger that darkened her cheeks upon seeing me in the crowd. I was almost willing to risk Trent’s scathing remarks by walking up to Cole and pissing her off even further, but knowing I’d have to
endure another twenty-four hours in a chastity device was a huge deterrent.

  It had been sixteen hours and counting since the metal cage was locked in place. Trent had removed it once last night when I had to pee, and early this morning, when I woke up with my usual wood. The feeling of cold metal pressing against my tender skin almost sent me through the roof, and I whimpered loud enough to rouse Trent out of a sound sleep. He quickly unlocked me, before I could scream out my safe word, and kissed my cock in apology, lingering for a few minutes and petting it like it was a live animal. It only made me harder, and I would have given my left nut to come, but his frosty voice ordering me to control myself was a sharp reminder that I had still to earn my redemption. Trent in full out Dom mode was terrifying but so fucking sexy. I wanted to take myself in hand and yank until my eyes rolled back in my head. Fortunately, I was able to muster the willpower to push back the immediate need.

  After my shower and my usual morning meditation, I was shoved back into the cage with another kiss and a promise of release if I behaved for the next twelve hours. That was the only thing keeping me sane. Slavery was a bitch, and my small taste of it had convinced me that there was no fucking way I’d accept this state of mind long-term. To think there were couples in the lifestyle who lived like this 24/7 was mind-boggling.

  “I’m surprised he let you come,” Max whispered in my ear, moving closer. He and Tin had shown up to offer Cole some support and had gravitated over to our side.

  “What are you talking about?” I hissed. “Who can come with this fakakta thing guarding my dick?”

  Max snorted into his hand. “He didn’t?”

  “Yes, he did,” I answered, stealing a glance at Trent who was jawing with my dad about some Fortune 500 company. “My Master is a fucking sadist.”