Cutting Cords

by Mickie B. Ashling

  “Don’t you believe me after everything that’s happened?”

  “I do,” Cole assured me. “It’s just shocking to me that such evil can exist.”

  “To think I was actually feeling sorry for the bitch last year. She didn’t deserve an ounce of pity.”

  “I tried to do the right thing by letting her go.”

  “She’s a homophobe on top of being criminally insane.”

  “I never got that impression.”

  “Dammit, Cole. It was all an act! She hates the idea of her sons being raised by a couple of queers.”

  “Really? How could I have misread her so badly?”

  “She’s a fine actress.”

  “I guess, or I’m dumber than I thought.”

  “Oh, puleeze.”

  “How did you stop the guy from killing you outright?”

  I burrowed under his arm and hid my face against his warmth. “I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

  “Whatever you did must have cost you, but it bought us time. I’ll never press you for details, Sloan, but if you ever want to get it off your chest, I’m here.”

  “Not now.”

  “I understand.”

  “How come I kept hearing a bullhorn, Cole?”

  “Japanese police use them a lot.”

  “So I wasn’t imagining it?”

  “No.”

  “How did you find the twins?”

  “It was the fire,” he said. “People were abandoning the teahouse like rats jumping ship. The woman in charge of the kids ran into the waiting arms of the police.”

  “Sweet sauce….”

  “Yeah, she didn’t even know they were on the lookout for the boys.”

  “Noriko’s people are a bunch of dumbasses and older than dirt.”

  “I can feel you vibrating with righteous anger.”

  “It’s my unrequited lust for revenge.”

  “You’ve won the battle, Sloan. We just need to find the prisoner.”

  “Before she finds us.”

  We left the hospital later that afternoon. I insisted despite Dr. Kimura’s repeated warnings. “Please, let me check your eye before you go.”

  “I know more eye specialists in New York than you can possibly imagine,” I said firmly, pointing to Cole, who was nodding in agreement. “Whatever is happening behind the gauze won’t change if I stay or leave. I’d much rather be on a plane than sitting around here waiting for Cole’s ex-wife to make a move.”

  “You’ll have to sign papers stating you’re leaving against my advice.”

  “No problem.”

  When we got the cover-your-ass stuff out of the way, we took a cab to the Hyatt. I saw a few cops in the lobby and one posted outside our suite. As soon as we walked through the doors, I headed straight for the twins. They were napping in borrowed cribs, and the two women Cole had hired as nannies were watching TV. They jumped up the minute we arrived and answered Cole’s questions in halting English. The babies had eaten without a problem, and all seemed right in their tiny world. I bent over and touched the silky black hair covering Keni’s beautifully shaped head.

  “I never thought I’d see you again,” I said gently. The little guy responded by sticking his thumb in his mouth and making cute sucking noises.

  Niki woke up when he heard my voice and rewarded me with a sweet smile as soon as I peered into his crib. I picked him up and held him tightly against my chest. “Do you have any idea how much your daddies love you?”

  He wiggled while I nuzzled the soft skin on his fat cheeks. I put him back in the crib and headed toward the other room. My suitcase had been unpacked and all my clothes put away. It occurred to me that I hadn’t even unpacked before leaving the hotel to tour the palace. We’d parked our bags in a double room when we first arrived, and now we were in a two-bedroom suite to accommodate all the people that were suddenly in the picture. What seemed like a lifetime ago was in reality only three days.

  I lay down on one side of the king-sized bed and closed my eyes with a soft groan. Cole was instantly by my side.

  “Are you in pain?”

  “I should probably take some pills and head it off at the pass.”

  “How about some food?”

  “You sound like a Jewish mother.”

  “Shut up,” Cole said, but I could tell he was smiling even with my eyes closed.

  “Get me something hot and full of carbs.”

  “On it,” he replied, picking up the phone. He asked for a big bowl of noodle soup and had them add some shrimp for the protein.

  “Thanks.”

  He sat by my side and picked up my hand. “Did you mean it when you told Niki his daddies love him?”

  I opened my eye and stared. “How can you even ask that?”

  Cole ducked his head. A blush was creeping up his neck, and I wondered why. “It’s just that you said you didn’t want them to call you Dad.”

  “Oh, right….” Fuck, well, screw that. They were as much mine as they were his. I might not have donated my sperm, but I had just saved their lives, and that should count for something. “I’ve changed my mind. They can call me whatever they want.”

  “Even Daddy?”

  “Yes, now leave me alone for a few minutes.”

  Cole bent down and kissed me softly on the mouth. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  Christ. This whole thing was getting weirder by the minute. It felt like we’d never broken up. I wanted him to crawl in bed and hold me again. Despite the painkillers, or maybe because of the narcotic effect, I kept having flashbacks. Being snuggled against Cole was an effective way of keeping my freak-out away, but it was a dangerous form of pain management. I didn’t want to encourage Cole before I could analyze my own feelings, which were all over the fucking place.

  The first order of business would be to check my e-mails. There had been several from Trent, as I recalled, and I had to read them. Touching base with him would be a good reality check, a reminder that I was in a relationship with someone else. Before I could act on it, room service was knocking at the door. They rolled in a perfectly appointed dinner cart, complete with white linen tablecloth and napkins. They even had a pink rose in a bud vase. These people were hung up on appearances, but for once I could appreciate the extra steps they’d taken to make me feel special. The soup was tasty, filling, and left me in a wonderful carbohydrate coma, which was probably what Cole intended. I crawled back into bed and fell asleep instantly.

  Chapter 21

  THE PROBLEM with good intentions is they don’t last very long, especially in the middle of the night when sharing a bed with an ex-lover. Cole’s half-naked body was spooned against mine. He was wearing pajama bottoms, but no top, and his bare chest felt warm and inviting against my back. I was surprised I could stand being touched after the hell I’d endured. The thing was, that whole scene with Godzilla had never felt like real sex—only a nightmare.

  Cole’s hard length bumping against my flimsy boxers was no illusion. He was asleep and his body was only reacting to our closeness; still, I thought it best to get up. I could finally check those e-mails from Trent, and if that didn’t work to put a kibosh on my traitorous dick, a nice cold shower should do it.

  I tiptoed out of the room with my new phone, which I’d tossed on the nightstand before dinner. Cole might have been blind, but he had the hearing of a bat, and I didn’t want to deal with his loving concern while trying to avoid his morning wood. I sat on the toilet lid and clicked on my e-mails. There were six.

  don’t tell me you’re still pissed. why aren’t you in touch!

  It dawned on me that I hadn’t responded to his last e-mail, which he’d sent before we left for Kyoto. That was almost five days ago. No wonder he was salty.

  this is ridiculous sloan. u’re behaving like a child and I won’t put up with it.

  Yeah, right. If he only knew that I’d been wearing my big-boy pants for the last few days—and doing a damn fi
ne job, I might add—he’d feel like an absolute jerk.

  where the fuck r u? I called Max, and he doesn’t have a clue.

  Ah, now the shit was starting to hit the fan. Trent was beginning to realize something might actually be wrong and I wasn’t just having a tantrum.

  pls tell me what’s happening with u? I love u… babe… don’t keep me in the dark.

  Oh God. I bent over and rested my head on my knees. Trent. Why aren’t you by my side like you’re supposed to be? Everything hurt; all my wounds were throbbing at once, virulent reminders of my narrow escape. I almost died, and Trent had no clue. Wasn’t it my fault for not telling him from the beginning? I know I could have, and perhaps others would argue that I should have, but I’d given Cole my word. Didn’t that count for anything? What happened to loyalty and promises? Trent had made several on the yacht, and they’d been shoved aside in favor of Uncle Sam. Did his patriotic agenda supersede my personal friendship? Weren’t they equally important in terms of commitment? I raised my head and continued to read through one blurry eye.

  they’ve given me 24 hours emergency leave to check on u. this better be good Sloan….

  Finally:

  no one knows where the fuck u r!! isn’t it a coincidence that cole has disappeared as well. Seriously babe? WTF!!

  I shook my head at his arbitrary assumption that I had jumped into Cole’s bed the minute he turned his back. The absurdity of the situation hit my funny bone, and I began to laugh. I laughed until the tears ran down my cheeks. Was it Trent’s own guilt putting thoughts in his head, or did he know something I didn’t? His uncanny sixth sense must have picked up signals between Cole and me long before we were even aware they still existed. Because there was some definite chemistry going on here. I would have failed a lie detector test if Trent had asked me for proof positive that cheating hadn’t crossed my mind. Even in my darkest hour, when I thought death was close, I’d mentally reached for Cole and not Trent. How fucked up was that? He was like some phantom limb that continued to hang around long after the amputation.

  Suddenly I was so angry I wanted to lash out at something, anything. I grabbed the first object at hand, which happened to be my phone, and hurled it against the vanity mirror. Cole hadn’t thought to buy a protective casing, so neither the mirror nor the phone survived. Shards of glass tinkled down onto the marble countertop and the floor. The anger and frustration I’d felt a second ago quickly turned to shame when I saw the results of my temper tantrum.

  I sank down to my knees and curled up into a fetal position. Cole walked in after a few minutes, awakened by my hysterical laughter and the subsequent crash.

  “Sloan, where are you?”

  “On the floor near the toilet.”

  “Is it safe to come to you?”

  I reached for his hand and guided him toward me so he’d sidestep the glassy mess. He hauled me onto his lap, and his arms were around me in a second. He held me while I fell to pieces. Again.

  “It’s okay,” he said, shushing me in a low voice. “I think you left the hospital too soon; you’re shaky and cold as ice. Don’t be so hard on yourself, Sloan. You were tortured and almost died in a fire. It’s amazing you can function at all.”

  “Maybe so, but that’s not why I’m upset.”

  “What triggered this outburst?”

  “Trent’s angry because I’ve fallen off the grid, and he thinks that you and I are off somewhere exotic having wild monkey sex.”

  “He what?”

  “I’ve just finished reading a bunch of hateful e-mails accusing me of cheating.”

  “That bastard!”

  “It is what it is.”

  “Except it’s not!” Cole said angrily. “It’s the furthest thing from the truth.”

  I pushed him back and cradled his face. He looked angry but also a little guilty. I knew him well enough to know that much. “Is it, Cole?”

  Ignoring the question, Cole slid behind his inscrutable mask and pulled me up. “Come back to bed, and I’ll get you some pain pills. You need to sleep and stop thinking of this nonsense.”

  I didn’t object, and I steered him away from the wreckage littering the floor. “You’ll have to call housekeeping and tell them to clean up my mess.”

  “I’ll do it as soon as you swallow your pills.”

  He handed me two of the heavy-duty painkillers and hung around until my eyelids started drooping. I could hear the twins crying in the background and the quiet tittering of the Japanese nannies attempting to calm them down. The atmosphere in the suite was very domestic, and for a fleeting moment, I imagined this was my life. Being partnered with a man who walked out the door at eight in the morning and came home at five was far preferable to wandering the world chasing an international conflict.

  Children and routine hadn’t been high on my list of priorities a few years ago, but so much had changed since Cole had first broached the subject of starting a family. With Noriko completely out of the picture, there was nothing to stand in our way. I no longer felt threatened by the idea of children; in fact, the opposite was true. The boys represented something far greater than myself or Cole. They were the future—the one sure thing that kept us on track with life. There was no room for egos and self-absorption in this dynamic. It would be a different sort of life than the one I’d been living the last three years, but who was to say it wouldn’t be exactly what I needed? The mental scales were tipping heavily on the side of stability rather than the excitement Trent offered.

  Did that mean I was willing to walk away from Trent and hop right back where Cole and I had left off? What if Trent were to tell me he’d made a mistake and life as we knew it would go back to normal? Would it be enough now that I’d had a taste of so much more? Sleep dragged me under, and I gladly escaped all the questions weighing me down.

  When I woke up, it was a little after midnight. My body’s clock was messed up from the long hours I’d spent indoors and the chemically induced rest, and it didn’t know if it should be awake or not. I gave up trying to figure it out and slid out of bed as quietly as possible so as not to disturb Cole.

  The bathroom had been restored to its former pristine self. The mirror above one sink had a jagged line running through it, but all the tiny pieces of glass that had once been part of my iPhone had been swept away. The people from Apple would think I was some sort of lunatic for needing another one on the heels of Cole’s recent purchase, but I had to be able to communicate with Trent, and it couldn’t wait until we got back to New York. Maybe the hotel had an Internet bar or business center where I could at least access my e-mails. I had to assure Trent that I wasn’t in Bora Bora with a harem of young men or, more to the point, having steamy sex with Cole.

  I decided to take a shower, but first, I needed to call room service. The last meal I’d consumed was the bowl of ramen noodles Cole had ordered earlier, and it hadn’t stuck. I was craving a burger and fries and hoped to hell this hotel could provide both. There was a phone in the bathroom, and I was happy to hear the kitchen was open and I’d get my wish in about twenty minutes. It would give me enough time to clean up.

  First order of business was to get rid of this eye patch. It would get sopping wet anyway and needed to be replaced. Bracing for the worst, I peeled off the adhesive tape and removed the soft gauze covering my eye. It was ghastly. A lurid bull’s-eye of puce and magenta with my puffed out eyeball in the center. Fortunately, the eyelid was shut, because if the inside looked anything like the outside, I didn’t want to see it. Max would never forgive Cole for putting me in this situation if, in fact, the damage was permanent. I shrugged fatalistically and continued to strip. There were four diagonal slashes across my chest, hellish souvenirs of Kyoto I’d carry forever. Trent would scoff at the sloppy job. His knife play never left a single scar.

  My gut clenched when I thought of Trent and the methods he’d used to calm me down in the past. I doubted I’d ever let anyone cut me again unless I was stoned out of my mind or drun
k.

  The massaging jets of water were relaxing and helped to loosen the knots of tension around my neck and shoulders. The drugs were keeping the pain under control, but they couldn’t stop me from worrying about Noriko’s whereabouts. She was still out there. Flashbacks of my harrowing experience continued to haunt me, unexpected and disturbing. Her maniacal laugh, Godzilla’s revolting smell, the panic and hopeless feelings of despair when death had come so close. Would the hideous memories ever go away or could I expect them to be imbedded in my brain forever? A change of scenery would go a long way to help the cause and thoughts of New York and Trent filled me with optimism. After seeing what I’d endured, I was sure he’d think twice about leaving home. Thoughts of Cole and what might have been would have to be shelved until Trent and I hashed out our differences. It would be completely unfair to either man to pick one over the other without leveling the playing field. They had to be in the same city, for one thing, and we had to be out of this crisis mode, for another.

  Cole was still asleep when I walked out of the bathroom in one of the fluffy white terry bathrobes provided by the hotel. Freddie lifted his head when I passed the bed, and I gave him a hand signal to go back to what he was doing. There was no need for him to sit by my feet while I had dinner when he could be off to doggy dreamland instead. The poor pooch deserved his rest. He looked as bad as me except he was cuter somehow.

  The living area of the suite was nice and neat; the children’s paraphernalia had been put away and stored in the second bedroom. Risking a peek, I saw them tucked away in the hotel cribs while the nannies lay blissfully asleep on the twin beds.

  There was a soft tap on the door, and I pulled it open to see the guy from room service pushing the same rolling cart draped in starched white linen that skimmed the floor as it rolled across the room. I signed the bill and handed him a few coins I’d spotted on our bedroom bureau. He bowed deeply all the way out of the room, never turning his back to me, which would have been a sign of disrespect, according to Cole.

  Silver domes covered each plate, and I licked my lips in anticipation as I lifted them off to reveal a mouthwatering cheeseburger and perfectly golden fries sprinkled with salt and pepper. I popped one in my mouth and savored the artery-clogging delight; it was so damned good.