Forever With You (Silver State Series)

by Renae Kelleigh

  When I look back at Kyle, he’s gazing down at me. I give him a slight nod, and he intertwines our fingers and leads me out the door, ignoring the questioning looks of the other people milling around the lobby.

  Kyle – 11:15 PM

  I approach my hotel room with some trepidation – I told Macary to get out, but will she have done as I asked? I hold my breath as I use the key I’d given Tawny earlier to open the door, then let it out as I push the door open to find an empty room. I don’t let go of Tawny’s hand until we’re safely inside with the door shut.

  As soon as the latch clicks, I turn her around to face me. “Are you hurt?” I ask her, my eyes traveling along all the bare skin I can see in search of cuts or bruises.

  “No, I’m not hurt,” she replies.

  I gather her in my arms again briefly out of relief, then pull back to kiss her forehead. “Please tell me that’s never happened before.”

  Her eyes widen. “No, never,” she assures me. “This was…definitely a first.”

  I nod, feeling only slightly better. As I curl one arm around her shoulders and pull her up against me, my mind speeds forward. What if she goes back to him? What if she forgives him for this, his first offense, and gives him the chance to do it again? And what if next time no one is there to stop him? I shudder at the thought, and Tawny lifts her face up to look at me, her eyebrows scrunched together. I take a deep breath, knowing I need her to take my next words to heart, to understand how deeply I mean them.

  “I know he was drunk – but you do realize that’s not an excuse, right? It’s not okay – it’s never okay – for him to touch you like that when you don’t want him to.”

  She presses her lips together as she nods. “I know, Kyle. And thank you…for being there. I’m afraid to think about what might’ve happened if you hadn’t been.”

  I stare at her, wishing I could say so many things but knowing I can’t – Leave him. He doesn’t deserve you. He isn’t good enough. Don’t let him hurt you again. Don’t given him a second chance. Tell me it’s over… Choose me instead.

  Finally she sighs and casts her eyes down at the floor. “I’m not going back to him, okay?” she mumbles. “So you don’t have to worry about that.”

  I squeeze my eyes shut and breathe out in silent praise of her decision. It isn’t everything I was hoping to hear from her, but for tonight it will have to do.

  Chapter 31 – Girls’ Day

  Thursday, March 23

  Kyle – 10:30 AM

  I’ve been awake for about an hour, but Tawny is still asleep next to me. She dozed off pretty quickly after she called her sister last night, clearly exhausted from the physical and emotional stresses of the preceding few hours.

  At first she kept to her own side of the bed, curled up in fetal position, an impenetrable ball. I wanted so badly to hold her, but I understood and respected her need for distance. That’s why I was pleasantly shocked when, in the middle of the night, I felt her nuzzling up to me. She’d laid her head against my chest and thrown her arm across my stomach, then hiked one leg up over mine. I could tell from her incoherent mutterings she was still asleep, so at first I’d been afraid to move, terrified of waking her. After some immeasurable amount of time, however, I’d relaxed and slowly moved my arm around behind her head to draw her up closer against me. She’d responded in kind, snuggling nearer. The faint fragrance of her perfume was intoxicating, as was the feel of her smooth bare legs against me; she’d fallen asleep in only my t-shirt and a pair of panties.

  As we lie here it’s like we’re back in my bed in Reno and the clock has been turned back six months. It makes me feel happier and more content than I have since that time, but I can’t help feeling equally plagued by a sadness for the way things devolved. I’m still not sure whether it was my fault for not making my feelings known, or whether we would’ve drifted apart regardless due to lack of interest on Tawny’s part.

  I gaze down at her in reverence; her skin is more bronzed than it was the last time I held her like this, and there’s a smattering of freckles across her cheekbones and the bridge of her nose that makes her even prettier. Her hair, splayed out across her pillow and my chest, catches red in the sunlight that streams in through the sliding doors leading out to the veranda. As I look at her I think back to last night, and my skin crawls in recollection of the disgusting scene I’d walked in on. I just can’t help thinking I was put there for a purpose. I’ve never been what you’d call religious, but if ever there was an event to make me re-assess the existence of a higher power, the thought of what could’ve happened if I hadn’t been running past at that exact moment in time is it. As I stare down at her sleeping form, the way her long eyelashes feather against her smooth cheeks, I think how different this moment could be for her if I hadn’t been there. She’d be waking up this morning violated, possibly hurt, and probably traumatized. How narrowly she escaped that fate – I can feel a painful burning in my chest just thinking about it. It also serves to refuel my anger toward the person who victimized her.

  Suddenly Tawny begins to stir. I lie still, hoping she won’t be alarmed or upset when she wakes up and realizes where she is. I watch as she slowly comes to life, stretching and yawning. When she finally cracks her eyes open, I’m the first thing she sees; to my everlasting relief, although she seems a little surprised to be pressed up against me, she doesn’t immediately pull away.

  When she lifts up on one elbow, she peers over me, then grins sheepishly. I’m unable to suppress my own grin once I realize it’s the first time I’ve seen her smile in recent memory, even though I’m not yet sure what she’s smiling about. “I’m sorry I hogged the bed,” she says. “You’re about out of space over there.”

  I chuckle. “No worries. I wouldn’t have let you push me off.”

  She looks back down at me, and her hair tumbles forward around her shoulders, framing her face in silky waves. Her smile fades, but not completely; her lips remain curved in the remnants of a grin. I know I should keep my head flat against the pillow, but watching her look at me in that way, with her eyes darting from my eyes to my mouth, I can tell I’m about to make a mistake. I move slowly, though my fingers itch to move faster, reaching one hand out to touch her cheek. She stills as she bites down on her bottom lip, seeming to hold her breath. And then I do something I know I shouldn’t – I lift up as I guide her face downward, and I kiss her.

  But she kisses me back.

  For the space of four or five seconds, all is right with the world. I want to open my mouth, but I resist the temptation, set on simply savoring this gift, such as it is. When Tawny breaks away, I’m disappointed, but I can’t say I’m surprised. I gaze searchingly into her eyes, but her expression isn’t giving anything away. She just looks at me for a moment – and then she shocks me by bending forward again and recapturing my lips. This time it feels different. She shifts, aligning the front of her body with the side of mine, her breath deepening to match my own ragged breathing. She falls back on the bed, pulling me with her to reverse our positions so I’m above her. This time I part my lips, and she lets me in. The soft moan that escapes her when I run the tip of my tongue over her plump lower lip makes me seize up with lust and desire and everything else in between, months and months of longing building to a crescendo that’s begging to reach its apex.

  Her hands sweep over my upper body, exploring every muscle, ridge and valley as she arches her back beneath me. I drop my hand to cover her hip, then slide it along her thigh, lifting her leg to wrap around my waist. I’m careful not to lie too close or press between her legs the way I really want to, knowing if I do it will be much more difficult for me to stop – because God help me, I want to keep going.

  I bow my head and run my nose along her neck, then around the back of her jawline to her ear, where I press my lips into her tender skin. When she shivers, my own body quivers in response. Tawny hitches her other leg up and around my waist, drawing me closer. I’m getting so turned on, keeping my t
houghts in order is becoming increasingly problematic. My body is on fire, but sirens are going off in my head, warning me not to surpass the point of no return. After all, there seems to be something inherently wrong about having sex with Tawny a mere twelve hours after her own boyfriend took advantage of her. Something tells me she may come to resent that choice.

  I’m not sure anyone could ever appreciate the sheer willpower that goes into pulling myself away from Tawny in this moment – especially if they could see the tortured look that registered in her eyes the moment she realizes what I’m doing. Her face twists into an adorable pout as I climb off of her and attempt to calm down my raging hormones. She opens her mouth like she’s about to start telling me off, but before she can speak I press a finger to her lips.

  “Before you say anything,” I pant, “please know that I did not want to stop just now – I just don’t want you to regret anything later…in light of everything else that’s happened.” She closes her mouth, seemingly pacified, at least for the moment. I’m not sure whether it’s a good idea to utter the next words on the tip of my tongue, but since I’m feeling especially reckless, I go ahead and say them anyway. Lowering my lips close to her neck I whisper, “But if it was up to me, I’d hope we could pick up where we left off…later.”

  When I pull back, Tawny’s eyes are clouded with something I can’t name. I swallow, hoping I haven’t just upset her; my breath comes out in a whoosh when she raises one corner of her mouth in a quasi-smile. Suddenly she twists to look at the clock on the nightstand; the smile slips from her face as her eyes widen. “Oh no, is it really almost eleven?” She bolts upright.

  “Afraid so,” I reply. “Don’t feel the need to rush out of here on my account though.” Despite what just happened between us, hidden in my words is a plea for her to stay – there’s too much I don’t know about what will happen if she leaves. For one thing, I imagine she’s been sharing a room with that son of a bitch she called a boyfriend. The thought makes me want to insist upon shadowing her today to ensure he doesn’t try anything.

  “I have to go,” she murmurs as she scoots off the bed; the shirt she’s wearing rides up, revealing her entire leg and the edge of her lace panties. I sit up, too, but keep the comforter over my lap to conceal the rather fierce case of morning wood I’m currently sporting – although it may be a moot point, considering she was just under here with me and may very well have felt it.

  I watch helplessly as she steps back into her jean skirt and lifts the t-shirt she’s wearing to fasten it around her slim hips. Meanwhile, I will my body to cooperate by redistributing the blood flow to other, less obvious organs. As soon as I’m able I stand up, letting the covers fall away. Tawny glances up at me; I try not to feel so pleased as her eyes sweep up and down my body, obviously checking me out.

  “Where will you go?” I ask her nervously, forcing my thoughts back to the situation at hand.

  “Back to my room,” she says. “Jesus, Vivian is probably freaking out.”

  “Who’s Vivian?”

  “She’s my friend, the one I’m staying with. God, and my phone is dead, too. I’m such a terrible person – she was probably worried sick when I didn’t come in last night.”

  I’m relieved beyond belief to hear she hadn’t been staying with Aiden, but I can also tell she’s stressing herself out, probably more than is necessary. I walk over and grip her shoulders, forcing her to look at me. “Relax,” I tell her. “It’s not like you didn’t have a lot going on last night. I’m sure she’ll understand once you explain it to her.”

  She blows out a breath. “Ugh, that’s not gonna be easy. She’s one of Aiden’s best friends,” she replies with a grimace.

  I lift my eyebrows. “Remember what we talked about last night,” I tell her, trying but probably failing to keep my voice light. “No excuses. Don’t let her try to defend him.”

  She nods. “I know. Listen, Kyle, thanks again for everything. You’re my knight in shining armor.” She stretches up on her toes and kisses my cheek, then turns to walk out the door. “I’ll call you, okay?” she calls over her shoulder. “And I’ll get your shirt back to you.”

  All I can do is nod. I remain rooted to the spot, wanting to go after her but paralyzed with indecision about what’s best. Somewhere deep down, I know if I want her to come back to me I need to refrain from smothering her. I know she doesn’t want me to be her bodyguard.

  “Tawny?” I say, just as she throws open the door. She pauses and looks back, clearly impatient to keep moving. “Be careful,” I tell her lamely.

  She flashes me a quick smile in response. “I will be.” Then she walks out the door.

  Tawny – 11:00 AM

  Oh God, what was that? Sleeping next to Kyle again after all these months must have tweaked out my brain and caused something to short circuit. It had felt so good, and honestly so right – but he was right to stop it, too. Now is not the time – I haven’t even told Aiden yet that we’re no longer together, although I would hope that much should be obvious at this point. Plus, something about escaping my sex-crazed boyfriend, only to have sex with somebody else, admittedly doesn’t quite add up – even if it does seem somewhat rational in my own mind. After all, sex with Kyle is a known quantity – an amazingly wonderful known quantity that my body has been aching for ever since I decided to call it quits with him back in September. My heart starts racing as I think of what Kyle said about picking back up…“later.” How much later? I wonder. Pick what back up? I don’t think I could bear it if he just wanted to go back to the “friends with benefits” arrangement we had last fall.

  I take the stairs up to the fifth floor, wanting to avoid the mainstream traffic on the elevators. I’m apprehensive about bumping into Aiden, who’s probably been looking everywhere for me. When I walk into room 526, Vivian bounds off the bed and rushes toward me. “Oh sweet Jesus, thank God you’re okay!”

  She leads me by my elbow into the room and parks me at the foot of her bed. “Tell me what happened,” she demanded. “Brady’s been texting me – he says Aiden is inconsolable, he’s basically catatonic. Did you guys break up or something?”

  I take a deep breath. My instinct is to avoid this conversation at all cost, but I know I can’t – I can tell Viv has been legitimately concerned, as I expected she would be. “Just...sit down. I’ll explain everything.”

  Vivian moves like a robot as she lowers herself onto the mattress. I twirl my hair up into a ponytail and secure it with the elastic around my wrist, stalling for time while she looks at me. Before I can begin, she opens her mouth again. “Wait – where’d you get that shirt?” she asks me. “Is it Aiden’s?”

  “No,” I reply simply. I sigh as I sit down beside her and begin telling her the story of everything that’s happened since eight o’clock last night. Just as Kyle urged, I make no excuses for Aiden. He gave up all future rights to saving face the moment he pushed me to do something I wasn’t ready for.

  Vivian’s face transforms from shock to horror as I tell her, in so many words, what happened with Aiden. It’s clear her allegiance has shifted – when I came in she was ready to throttle me for stranding my boyfriend, but now she’s ready to go on the war path against him.

  After I’ve talked her down from her state of bloodlust, her eyes seem to refocus. I know the next part of the conversation will be even harder – because I have no idea how I’m going to tell her about Kyle. I already know how it would sound if I told her I ran directly to another guy’s room and ended up sleeping next to him – even if sleeping really was all we did. (Well, and make out a little bit – Christ, I really am a man-eating tramp.)

  “Thankfully someone was running past when we were under the bridge,” I begin. “It was a friend I know from school, actually. I was able to get away and come back up here – I knew Aiden wasn’t in any condition to talk about what happened at that point, and honestly, I wasn’t either. I fell asleep in my other friend’s room, because I was just so exhausted – this
shirt is just a loaner. I’m really so sorry I didn’t come back last night or call.” I exhale a pent-up breath, hoping she won’t ask me any more questions.

  I look at Viv beseechingly, but it’s clear from the look on her face she’s already forgiven me. I can tell she wants to ask more questions, but she seems to sense I’m already drained from rehashing the painful details.

  “So obviously you broke up with him,” she says. “God, after the other night with that girl at the club, and now this – holy hell, I never thought I’d see the day Aiden would turn into such a fuckweasel.”

  Now that I can’t help laughing at. I clap my hand over my mouth to suppress the giggle, but Vivian smiles encouragingly, if a bit sadistically, at me. “I have to call Brady,” she says as she hops off the bed. “He knew something was up, but Aiden hasn’t breathed a word to him about what happened. Not that he would…goddamn coward.”

  She picks up the phone, but then pauses with the receiver halfway to hear ear. “What’s wrong?” I ask.

  She drops the phone back in its cradle and spins around to look at me. “Screw calling. I’m going over there.”

  My shoulders sag. “What? Really?”

  She’s already cramming her feet in a pair of tennis shoes and tugging on the laces. “Why not? It’s our last day here, and I intend on making it a good one. Nothing will help me feel better than giving that jackass a piece of my mind. You can come if you want.”

  She looks at me expectantly, but I shake my head. “Have at it. I don’t want to see him.”

  She jerks her head in a nod. “Smart girl. Back in a flash.”

  12:00 PM

  Vivian was practically breathing fire when she got back to our room thirty minutes after leaving. She reported that Aiden was appropriately contrite, but that he was in denial over what this means for our relationship. Just what I was afraid of.