To Serve Is Divine

by Hargrave, R. E.

  Catherine turned in his arms, but she kept her eyes down. “Ca-cane.” Her stuttered reply had Jayden running to the bathroom to dry-heave.

  Later, after she had calmed down, Catherine escorted Holly to the door. While they walked, Jayden overheard Holly encouraging Catherine to call on her if she ever needed anything, including a listening ear.

  ~*~

  On Sunday, Jayden insisted Catherine use the day to rest. He didn’t want her worrying about anything but getting better, and he thought he had been quite reasonable in his explanation, “The sooner you are well again, the sooner I can feast on your creamy sweetness.”

  Jayden had come to the conclusion that the damage didn’t matter, Catherine was still the most beautiful woman he’d had the pleasure of calling his, and he refused to treat her any differently in light of the new information.

  Six o’clock rolling around was bittersweet. Catherine didn’t seem to be ready to go any more than Jayden was ready to let her go. They both felt cheated of the weekend release they’d come to take for granted in such a short time.

  Catherine took him by surprise while he was helping her into the car by whispering in his ear, “When Micah returns from dropping me off, please seek relief for both of you, Master.”

  He managed a nod, and then wondered at her observation and people skills.

  When Jayden went to bed that night, his cock was spent and he’d left Micah with a warm smile of satisfaction on his face, not concerned in the slightest with the heavy erection that still hung between his legs. Jayden assumed Micah would relieve himself, but gave him ‘permission’ all the same for after they parted ways.

  While his sexual appetite had been quelled, Jayden spent the night tossing, unable to place why he couldn’t get warm or comfortable.

  ~*~

  Monday morning found Jayden stomping through the building and up to his office. He grunted a hello at Samantha, and slammed his door leaving her in the outer office. His demeanor calmed a tad when he hit the speed dial for the florist, ordering Catherine’s usual roses but adding on a potted orchid this time. Feeling better, he scrolled through his contacts to find Landon Michael’s number, and hit send.

  Samantha pretty much kicked him out of the office soon after, stating she was tired of his childish attitude and for his own good he needed to leave before he offended a client.

  ~*~

  The moment the doorbell rang Monday evening, Jayden hurried to open it. Swinging the door open, he was met by an over-exaggerated grin beaming from a tanned face with twinkling blue eyes.

  “Landon, long time, no see. Thanks for coming, man,” Jayden welcomed his friend, and stepped to the side to let Landon pass.

  Once the door closed, the two men were in a tight embrace, the firm hug belying the depth of their friendship.

  “How could I not? You sounded rather urgent over the phone this morning, Jayden. What’s up? It’s been too long. Do we need to schedule a playdate?” Landon asked with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

  Jayden’s eyes followed the movement of Landon’s arm while his hand raked through his medium-length dark-blond waves, and he let out a wistful sigh.

  “Lots actually, but first, fill me in on you. You look tan, recent vacation?” He made small talk while leading Landon to what he considered his public playroom. Dark wood, sixty-inch flat screen mounted to the wall, pool table, wet bar, decorated with framed vintage porn – it was a gentleman bachelor’s dream room.

  Jayden fixed them both a drink, scotch — two fingers, neat — while Landon recanted his tale of taking Paige down to South Padre.

  Paige Halston had been Landon’s girlfriend for just a few months now, but she’d been his submissive for the last few years. Landon fessed up to dropping to his knee and proposing while they were on a sunset walk along the beach. He waxed poetic about how the final rays of the sun had caught the diamond and reflected off the tears of joy in Paige’s gray-blue eyes while she whispered her, “yes.”

  Jayden didn’t see how two people could be so gooey over each other. An intellectual conversation, a good fuck, those were things he understood. Not doe-eyed gazes and fluttering guts.

  “Stop bullshitting around. What’s on your mind?” Landon prodded once they’d exhausted all the usual filler topics, like the weather.

  “I have a new submissive.” Landon started to offer his congratulations, but Jayden kept going, “and I collared her a month ago, a week into our contract.”

  The only sound in the room was the clink of ice while Landon fixed himself a fresh drink, not neat.

  “You don’t collar subs, Jayden.”

  Jayden shook his head in agreement, and looked to Landon with dull, brown eyes, begging for help. Landon let out a heavy sigh, took a sip of his drink, got comfortable on the couch, and then gave Jayden the go ahead to continue talking.

  As much as Catherine had unloaded on him Friday evening, Jayden recounted all he knew to Landon; he explained how he was using the brush and bullet therapies and the journaling, and how Catherine was handling them. It was cleansing for Jayden to get it all off his chest. While he’d known that her history was affecting him, he hadn’t realized just how much until now.

  In the glossing over of Spencer’s actions, he admitted to his own personal reactions without realizing it: the lack of sleep and the feelings of ineptitude, her infection being a perfect example of his incompetence. The whole time Jayden talked Landon listened, cutting in when he needed to refill their drinks.

  “So, will you be her therapist, Landon? Will you take her on as a patient and help her get better?” Jayden asked, slumping down into the soft leather of the couch in exhaustion a couple of hours later.

  “No.” The word echoed off the walls and Jayden felt a wave of despair crash over him.

  “Now, hear me out, Jayden. No interrupting ‘til I’m done.” He waited for Jayden’s affirming nod and then continued, “From what you’ve described her going through and how jumpy she sometimes is with you, my hunch is that she doesn’t trust easy — men in particular. Not only has she entrusted you with her body, Jayden, she’s entrusted you with her mind. I understand it’s draining on you to hear all the gory details of her past, but think of how you’ve painted her to me: relaxed and rested afterward.”

  Jayden pondered the words, breathing easier.

  “As Doms, we know that the care of our submissives is a full-time thing whether we are contracted full-time or not. Peace of mind in their submission to us cannot be gained any other way. She is responding to your methods and letting her demons out. To have me step in and start over with her could be detrimental to the progress she’s made.”

  “But how do I protect my own sanity, Landon?”

  “I’ll listen anytime you need me to, as long as you clear it through Catherine first. You know I won’t take this conversation beyond this room, but if I’m going to be helping you process her past then she deserves to know that you’re sharing details with me.” He paused to toss back the remnants of his glass which were nothing more than melted ice by that point. “I need to get going for now, it’s late. Don’t be such a stranger and give me a call if you guys ever fancy a playdate. No rush though, let her move at her own pace.”

  Landon was halfway across the room when he turned back to Jayden. “I do have a suggestion for you, Jayden. Ask yourself why you really care so much,” he threw out the words with a wink, and walked out the door.

  Jayden had spent the week doing just that: trying to figure out why this woman – one of three people he had access to for no-questions-asked-sex whenever he wanted it – was getting so far under his skin.

  The answer would continue to elude him in the coming months.

  ~*~

  Catherine spent the week following her diagnosis miserable, and took it out on her elliptical from what she reported to Jayden when he’d call to check on her. She became even more upset when he called off their Wednesday night session claiming he didn’t want to ‘tempt fate’ and
prolong her recovery. In a final act of desperation, she’d even agreed to take him up on his offer to move in. His laughter over the phone hadn’t been mocking, more adoring while he began negotiations with her by telling her it was a done deal – once she had undergone a full recovery and still wanted to do it.

  His pet had almost earned herself a thorough lashing when he dropped that one on her, and she all but threw a temper tantrum over the phone. However, Jayden had found her illness-induced whining somehow endearing, much to his chagrin.

  They resumed scening once Holly gave them the okay three weeks later at Catherine’s follow-up exam.

  Some weekends were a little bit of everything, and some were focused on a theme: orgasm denial, orgasm overload, oral, anal, and sensory deprivation.

  That had been a fun one.

  Over the course of the weekend, Jayden had run her through multiple scenes, each one taking away all of Catherine’s senses but one. That one sense changed in each scene. It was also the first time he got multiple squirting orgasms out of her, and confirmed his suspicions. If she was denied orgasm for long periods – as she had been the prior week – her tension was always released with wet force.

  Adding intense, localized sensations on top of thorough impact play served to keep Catherine coming hard.

  He talked her through the powerful releases each time they overtook her, telling her “What a good girl you are, coming so beautifully for your Master.”

  Catherine, who was so weak from orgasmic bliss that she could no longer hold her head up, had been unshackled by Jayden and carried to the bathroom where he’d already drawn a hot bath laced with essential oils. The peppermint would help with any stiffness in her muscles while the rosemary would boost the peppermint’s properties in addition to helping to normalize her blood circulation after being tied up and flogged.

  Due to the intensity of that morning’s scene, Jayden wasn’t surprised that Catherine had dropped into what was known in the BDSM lifestyle as a state of subspace, and he climbed into the tub with her for her safety. When she drifted off to sleep against his chest, he felt content. In a moment of odd realization, he found he rather liked it.

  He dried her tired body, and rubbed it with arnica cream while she continued to sleep, and then he laid her atop the large playroom bed. That was the deepest subdrop he’d witnessed from her, so he didn’t feel comfortable leaving Catherine to wake on her own in possible confusion or worse from a nightmare. In that state, he knew she would be uncoordinated and disorientated until the chemicals in her system leveled out again.

  The weekend had been so intense already that he was expecting her to crack. In fact, Jayden was counting on it.

  He felt they had stalled out with her therapy; she wasn’t talking as much, and if she cried any more it was rare. Of course, he hoped that meant she was recovering, but he needed to be sure. Jayden wasn’t going to start pressing Catherine’s limits until he was convinced doing so wouldn’t corrupt her mental state any further.

  Thanks to Catherine’s journaling, Jayden knew some of her thoughts. When it was too hard to say the words, she could write them and still feel the same therapeutic vindication in allowing Jayden to read them.

  In return, Jayden had been honest with Catherine right after Landon had turned him down. She had stayed quiet, listening while he explained his own concerns and physical reactions to her sessions, and how he had shared everything with Landon under their doctor / patient relationship. With her blessing, Jayden had continued to seek counseling with Landon whenever the need arose. So he’d called Landon to discuss options on how to proceed with her.

  Landon’s opinion had been that all signs indicated Catherine was healing well on the outer layers, and it was time to go deeper. To get deep in her head would require overloading her during waking hours thereby forcing Catherine’s subconscious to work it out in her dreams, or they could try hypnotherapy, which Landon wasn’t quite sure how well that worked. Landon then followed up his diagnosis by suggesting the scene-intensive weekend.

  Not personally knowing any hypnotherapists, and doubting that Catherine was ready to share her secrets with someone else yet, Jayden opted to force the dreams. At least that way he could be right there catching her when she started to fall.

  ~oOo~

  With Catherine’s Permission

  Catherine agreed with Sir Landon’s take on the situation in that she wasn’t sure she could open up to a total stranger. Master had her implicit trust, and yet she still found it difficult with him at times. In a compromise, Catherine had given him permission to continue discussing her situation with Sir Landon so long as it was helping Master.

  For Catherine it had been a simple matter of how could she deny Master the right to ask for help? He was helping her to expel her dark terrors and it was reasonable that he could only absorb so much before he needed to spill or burst from the misery of it all.

  There was also that deviant element to her psyche that made her willing to oblige.

  In explaining who Sir Landon was to Catherine, Master had also shared that he was a longtime play partner to whom Master submitted every once in a while, though they dual-dominated more often than not with Sir Landon’s submissive.

  She trembled when imagining what it might be like to experience the attention of two caring Doms at the same time. Being such a good friend of Master’s, Catherine was certain that Sir Landon had to be of a similar constitution as Master, and she looked forward to the opportunity to meet him – as a submissive, not a patient.

  There were no doubts in Catherine’s mind that Landon would be nothing like Spencer’s friends had been.

  It was with thoughts such as those – brutal reminders being brought to the forefront – that the nightmares started and the journaling began in earnest.

  i've just woken covered in sweat with tears drying on my cheeks. The clock tells me it's three A.M., but it could be three in the afternoon for all i'd care right now. i don't want to remember what i was dreaming, yet i can't escape it, which is why i'm writing at this moment, though i can barely keep my hand from shaking.

  i want to phone Him, my Master, and i know He would not begrudge me the early hour, but i can't bring myself to do so. He worries too much over me as it is. i'm sure this will earn me a strict talking to – maybe more – once He reads this, and i welcome the sting of His paddle for i know with Him the moment the last spank has been delivered i will be forgiven. Once Master has issued punishment that's it, W/we start fresh and past actions are no longer held against me – unless of course i do not learn from previous indiscretions.

  i'm rambling to remind myself . . .

  Where Spencer was always on the hunt for a reason to hit me, Master is not.

  He is good, and He is fair.

  Master would never truss me up and walk away for hours on end.

  He has never left me no choice but to urinate on myself, nor has He ever found joy in eating in front of me while i sit by, hungry.

  Where Master ensures i am clean, warm, and cared for after a scene, Spencer would sometimes allow me a cold shower, and if he were feeling generous a towel to dry off with before crawling into my dog bed on the floor.

  i cannot thank Master enough for the kindnesses He continues to show me.

  At times reflection can be one's own worst enemy, other times a welcome companion. The tremors have stopped. i've sipped a glass of water as i've written and though He is not here with me physically, Master's collar about my neck has reminded me that i am wanted.

  i am cherished.

  i am His.

  ~~~Chapter 13~~~

  Date Night with Master Jayden – and Micah?

  Catherine tried to resist, honestly, she did. The arrangement she had with Master couldn’t have been more perfect. She’d never been happier, and that was the crux of her situation. While she’d attempted to squelch the feelings, like determined weeds, they were pushing their way through. Catherine knew she was falling for her Master. />
  Erin was falling for Jayden.

  In the few months that had passed since the worst of the nightmares began – brought on with purposeful intention by Master so that she could be purged of them once and for all – he had surprised her with frequent drop-ins. Jayden had explained his behavior to her by claiming that all he was doing was checking in on her, ensuring that all was well and in working order. It was inevitable that he would then invite her to whichever meal was appropriate for the time of day – as Erin and Jayden, of course.

  Erin still showed him the utmost respect during these outings, often fingering the pearls at her neck for comfort. Jayden was her Master first and foremost in her mind, therefore these dates were a little unnerving for her. However, with each successive date Jayden was becoming a close contender to Master while she got to know him better.

  Jayden encouraged her to ask questions while they dined, and in turn, he also asked her questions about her childhood. He never pressed Erin with questions beyond the time-frame of her beginnings with Andrew. When she realized how many stories about her Da, Woody O’Chancey, she was sharing with him, she knew he was no longer just her Master.

  Erin hadn’t forgotten Jayden’s declaration from the beginning. He didn’t have personal relationships; physical ones within the lifestyle were all he needed. Master reminded her of this every time he came home with his secretary’s juices dried on him for her to clean off. At least once a week she was silently put in her place. She was one of many — nothing special to him.