How to Be Your Dog's Best Friend

by Monks of New Skete

  It is a well-known phenomenon that some professionals who work constantly in the face of death (human or animal) can develop an unconscious callousness and insensitivity to death itself and possibly to those closest to the dead and dying. This is a common way of coping with the constant onslaught of tragedy by veterinarians and others dedicated to protecting life. To care is to embrace one's own vulnerability along with a lasting sensitivity to the needs of others that comes with experience and reflection.

  Most pet deaths are quick and painless, and the pet owner does not really have time to absorb what has happened. Shocked by this quickness, they are sometimes guilt-ridden, angry, depressed. They may be suspicious of the veterinary profession or may blame the breeder for producing a poor dog, or the trainer for failing to modify behavior that eventually leads to death. For instance, the dog of one former client ran out in front of a car after taking a training course. The client told the trainer, "If you had taught my dog to come when called, he wouldn't have been hit by that car. You killed him." These are emotional reactions that must be treated with understanding and compassion.

  Other owners swear never to have a pet again. Since we live in a society that teaches its members to become emotionally involved with their pets to an intense and quite natural degree, reactions of disbelief, anger, and depression are common. In reality, we know that we usually outlive our pets — unless we are very old ourselves. Those are the facts of life. Dogs simply do not live as long as humans. Yet we still must work through the feelings of loss.

  Perhaps the saddest deaths are those of puppies, and next, the death of old companion animals who have lived with their masters for many years. All of us perceive puppies as fragile, mischievous, innocent, and delightful, yet even when we try to take proper care to protect a pup, accidents and disease will take their toll. Owners sometimes blame themselves needlessly for the poor supervision, improper nutrition, or other causes they perceive as the reason for their pup's death. If death results from internal causes or shortly after purchasing the pup, they may blame the breeder for selling a "defective" puppy — even if the breeder had no way of controlling or even knowing about the condition in advance. Though it is fortunately possible to start with a new puppy, the biggest tragedy is the short-circuiting of the young life and the unresolved question of the pet's potential. As with a child who dies prematurely, the owner will always wonder, "What kind of dog would my pup have been?"

  When an older dog dies, it might be assumed that the owner can handle the death with equanimity. This is not always so. If euthanasia is involved, the decision can be very difficult. It might be a course of action the owner never expected to have to take. He or she might have expected the pet's natural demise. However, it is important for the owner to understand that true compassion may require such a decision. We were once asked by a television director whether we ever had to euthanize a dog. When we explained that we had, he asked, "What's the difference between putting a dog down and a human being?" The answer lies in the nature of each. Even in the most extreme circumstances of suffering, disability, or disease, a human being can still grow, can still exercise reason and become "more human." With a dog the situation is different. Not being a rational creature, the dog has no capacity to understand his suffering. He simply suffers. When such suffering prevents him from living "as a dog," from moving and doing the things dogs do, the most humane and compassionate thing to do is to put the dog to sleep. It is never right to keep such a dog alive simply for our own emotional needs. Understanding this, however, does not make the decision any easier. It is difficult enough when the animal dies of natural causes — the emptiness and gap in a household can be devastating. The monks at New Skete started their breeding program with their desire to purchase another pup after their original German shepherd, Kyr, was gone. The house was too empty without a dog.

  Getting Another Dog

  When a pet dies, the immediate reaction of many owners is to run out and get another. We have had people arrive at our breeding kennels in tears, on the rebound from the pound or veterinarian's office. They explain that they just lost their dog and want one "just like him." We have found that it is usually wiser for these owners to wait before getting another pet. The sad owner projects onto the new dog all of the qualities and talents of the deceased pet, forgetting that each animal is an individual. Occasionally, a new dog develops behavioral problems and does not work out in the new situation. The owner may have unrealistic expectations of the dog or may constantly compare it with the former pet, and the resulting owner-dog relationship is off to a bad start.

  Although it is good to plan to get another dog at some point, we've found it better to wait awhile before actually bringing one into the household. In the interim, memories of the old pet start to fade and longing for a new one increases. Children, especially, begin to agitate for a new pet. The owners may have an opportunity to talk about the old pet with a veterinarian or some other sympathetic parties. The veterinarian may be able to explain fully the medical causes of the pet's death, and give advice on what to avoid with a new one. Meanwhile, the scent of the old animal fades, which makes it easier on the new dog, since he could wonder why he smells, but does not see, the other dog.

  The Decision to Euthanize

  The decision to euthanize must be the owner's, but almost always there are others working on an advisory level who may be involved. These people — veterinarians, trainers, specialists, animal-shelter personnel, and friends — must be especially sensitive to what the owner faces before and after euthanasia. One cardinal rule is that the owner must make the decision, not the advisers. The advisers' role is one of honesty — to explain alternatives.

  If euthanasia is indicated and chosen from these alternatives, it is the veterinarian's or specialist's role to expedite matters as quickly and humanely as possible. Although simple good-byes are needed and wanted by some, not all owners want to say good-bye to their pets. This is especially true if the dog is being euthanized for behavioral reasons, particularly if aggression is a factor. Advisers should not force an emotional good-bye scene. Those acting in an advisory or helping capacity should make the death as painless as possible. If the injection method is used, it is good to explain this tactfully to the owners and emphasize the lack of pain or suffering, the idea that the pet simply falls asleep. This helps the owner to know the truth and to get through the subsequent emotions.

  Obviously, euthanasia is not easy for anyone, including the veterinarian or animal worker who has to perform it. Some veterinarians will not euthanize pets simply because the owners request it, especially if the owner says that the dog has behavioral problems but the owner has not sought out training. They may refer the owner to a competent trainer. Veterinarians are dedicated to preserving animal life, not destroying it. So, if you have not worked with a particular veterinarian before, and your first contact is to request that your dog be put to sleep, you may get a flat no.

  We encourage pet owners to be realistic about euthanasia. It can be a difficult decision, but time heals the wound and life moves on. It is important to focus on your responsibility to your dog as a friend, to be open to making a decision for him that he cannot make for himself and to be grateful for the time you spent together. Be clear: the humane decision you make as an owner of a pet who is suffering or has serious behavioral problems, while difficult, is entirely different than the staggering legacy of irresponsibility represented by the cavalier extermination of millions of potentially sound companion animals by owners who simply have grown bored with them, who have no time to care for them. In our country, millions of unwanted cats and dogs fall into this category. These throngs of unwanted animals, with no possibilities of homes or owners, represent an abominable waste of life. They are a shocking indication of our lack of reverence for life.

  The idea of pet burial is an individual question. For those interested, there are pet cemeteries and the simple rituals of burial. Whether your pet dies at home or not, most
veterinary hospitals maintain crematoria where the remains can be decently disposed of. For most people, photographs in an album or a framed portrait help deal with the loss in a healthy way. There are many who prefer to keep the memory of their pet alive in their own minds, privately and discreetly. Others, especially children, benefit from sharing their memories and sense of loss by talking with their family and contributing to a scrapbook of memories with drawings, photos, poems, and essays.

  A Parting Word

  47

  Dogs and the New Consciousness

  What is mankind without animals? If animals were to vanish from the face of the earth, mankind would perish in the solitude of his spirit. Whatever happens to animals, happens also to mankind. All things are interwoven; whatever touches the earth, touches mankind also.

  — ANONYMOUS, 1855

  Look, I am doing something new, now it emerges; can you not see it? Yes, I am making a road in the desert and rivers in the wastelands. The wild animals will honor me, the jackals and the ostriches, for bestowing water in the desert and rivers in the wastelands for my people.

  — ISAIAH 43:19, 20

  Throughout this book we have stressed that a dog is a social being genetically geared to respond in submissive as well as dominant ways to human beings and other dogs. We have emphasized that as his caretaker, you should conceive of yourself as your dog's guide and alpha figure, including him in your activities as much as possible. Once you grasp the importance of these ideas, you should be able to enjoy building a healthy relationship with your pet.

  However, there is much more to be gained through your relationship with your dog, if you but open yourself to the possibilities. Your dog can provide you with a unique access to the natural world, helping you to expand your capacity for aesthetic appreciation, warmth, and enjoyment, thus rooting you in deeper realities. In a world grown increasingly artificial and plastic, we are dangerously out of touch with the natural environment that sustains us, and the effect of this detachment has been to create a wasteland of spiritual aridity and alienation. Most people do not suspect that their relationship with their dog can provide a connection to a deeper, more integrated view of the universe.

  Our experience teaches us that relating to a dog can be profoundly spiritual. In this book we have avoided religion and religious jargon, and we generally avoid mixing religion with dog training. Nevertheless, many of the ideas we hold about dogs have a philosophical and spiritual basis that can be a catalyst for personal change and transformation. Over the many years working with dogs, we have been struck repeatedly by how dogs mirror us back to ourselves in unmistakable ways. Because dogs are guileless and utterly themselves, they lack the capacity to deceive. If we take seriously the words they speak to us about ourselves, we stand face-to-face with our own truth. When we pay attention to these words inscribed on their bodies, in their expressions,

  Saint Francis tames the wolf of Gubbio. Francis knew the secret of sensitive body language. Through his own deep awareness and appreciation of things, he unified the world of animals and human beings in himself.

  in the way they approach and interact with us, they can stimulate a new level of consciousness.

  For example, consider how a dog's eyes speak. They reflect a broad range of inner emotions that affect the quality of our relationship, if we care enough to listen. Joy, fear, curiosity, boredom, and mischief are each reflected through the subtlest shifts in the dog's eyes. It is crucial not to miss these cues. Just as the New Testament teaches that "the eye is the lamp of the soul" in human beings, so to a certain extent can the same be said of the dog.

  This is not fantasy or New Age babble, but entirely consistent with scientific studies and the best examples of classic spirituality. Saint Francis of Assisi, for one, exemplifies this profound respect for the created world around us, particularly animals, and he has been a perennial source of inspiration to all, most especially to those who wish to intensify their communion with nature. Though his love for animals has often been romanticized to the point of sentimentality, beneath the legend we find a human being who was conscious of the mystery of the interconnectedness of everything and who expressed this in his attitude of reverence and wonder. Both people and animals responded to him in dramatic ways.

  Perhaps Francis himself did not fully understand his skill with animals in any rigorous, scientific sense, but he was aware of his kinship with them. He did not leave us any "technique" to help us relate to animals more easily, but he obviously had the knack of communicating friendliness to animals through his own body language, something that we can easily recognize from our own scientific experience. He understood intuitively how to approach an animal so that the creature perceives the intruder as a friend rather than a threat. Francis's taming of the wild wolf of Gubbio resembles the way the prophet Daniel naturally communicated with the lions in their den, through the sensitive use of body language. These episodes point to a certain spiritual wholeness and integration as the keystones to relating optimally with animals, breaking down the traditional opposition between human and nonhuman creatures. By their focused inner attitude, these two saints unified the world of animals and human beings.

  Francis saw the elements of nature, the cosmos, and all living creatures as his brothers and sisters. For this, if for no other reason, he is a model for dog owners and animal lovers, for the ecologist, for the naturalist, and for everyone who wishes to develop this kinship with life and respect for nature.

  Although Francis was a Western Christian, his evocative personality and affinity with everything in creation is in perfect harmony with the theology of the Christian East, which does not arbitrarily divide the world of animal and human but strives to see the meaning and unity of creation. The annual Christian feast of the Transfiguration, central

  Through the mystery of transfiguration (depicted here in the style of an ancient icon), all nature and humanity rises to a new level of awareness and harmony.

  in the liturgical tradition of the Eastern churches, clearly portrays this idea. When Jesus climbed to the top of Mount Tabor with three disciples, he was transfigured in a bright light there before their eyes. In fact, the whole mountain became beautiful and radiant with that light. Christian thinkers in the East have interpreted this as a kind of call to all creation, sentient and nonsentient alike, to rise to a new level of being. For us this means radically changing our thinking and behavior to meet the possibilities opened by this new reality in our individual lives and circumstances.

  A Christian thinker of more modern times who stressed respect and compassion for animals is Father Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, the French Jesuit and paleontologist. Teilhard felt that "the mystical vibration is inseparable from the scientific vibration," something often underscored by many later physicists. He proposed that the entire universe is moving toward a cosmic unification and transformation, which he called the Omega point. Though his writings are not specifically concerned with dogs, they are of interest to the dog owner because they stress devotion and respect for the whole of creation.

  As long as we arrogantly insist on separating the world of animals and the world of human beings, we will never be able to arrive at this heightened quality of consciousness that evokes from us genuine love, stewardship, and compassion. As this relates to our dogs, both dog and human being are the losers in such a scenario. But when we succeed in unifying the world of animals and human beings in ourselves through understanding, empathy, and training, then both have the chance to participate in a life that is more abundant and fulfilling.

  This is a theme that appears again and again in monastic history. We have mentioned Saint Francis, but there are many others who developed an affinity with animals. Saint Antony and other spiritual fathers and mothers are said to have tamed lions and wolves. In Russia, Saint Sergius, Saint Seraphim, and others were on very friendly terms with the bears of the forest. Their monastic biographers interpreted this phenomenon as an illustration of the human task to help
restore the order that existed in Paradise, the ideal natural order where human and beast, and indeed everything in creation, somehow live in harmony.

  If we look to the book of Isaiah, we see the idea that human beings and animals can live together in peace is an age-old theme: "The wolf shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid, and the calf and the lion and the fatling together, and a little child shall lead them. . . . They shall not hurt or destroy in all my holy mountain; for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the LORD as the waters cover the sea" (Isaiah 11:6, 7). Modern ideas of conservation, ecology, and animal training that emphasize careful stewardship and intelligent sensitivity wisely follow up this theme. As historian Kenneth Clark perceptively observed, "What is needed is not simply animal sanctuaries and extensive zoos, but a total change in our attitude. We must recognize that the faculty of speech which has given us power over those fellow creatures we once recognized as brothers must carry with it a proper measure of responsibility. We can never recapture the Golden Age, but we can regain that feeling of the unity of all creation. This is a faith we all may share."*

  If our relationship with our dog is to blossom to its fullest, our own sensitivity and awareness must be intensified. We can do so through our reading and by listening and seeing into the dog's own world. Only then will training, practice, praise, and play be most effective and rewarding.

  These modest essays in training presuppose that we love our dogs, but they also demand a great deal of thought and reflection from us. If our relationship with our dogs is to blossom to its fullest, we must cultivate our sensitivity and awareness. Often what prevents us from realizing the true potential in a relationship with a dog is our own lack of imagination of what can be. Good relationships demand creativity and patience, along with a self-discipline that is eager to draw the best out of the dog and ourselves. This is when training transcends the mundane to become spiritual and inspiring.