Finding Forever

by Linda Oaks

  Before the waiter had appeared, I’d completed forgotten myself, staring at Devon with my mind filled with lustful thoughts. It’d seemed as if we’d been incased in our own perfect little bubble — just the two of us. I smiled shyly at him, averting my gaze from his to stare out the large paned window by our table and across the lake while I tried to catch my breath. That sexy grin of his made me realize that Devon knew me all too well. Even though we were in public, my body tingled with awareness.

  The heated look in Devon’s eyes left no question as to where his mind had suddenly wandered. If we were alone, his hands would be sliding all over my body and mine all over his. Fidgeting, I picked up my fork, trying to distract myself from my dirty thoughts, and took a bite of the halibut, unintentionally moaning out loud. It melted on my tongue. “Good?” Devon asked, and I nodded, swallowing.

  “It’s amazing,” I replied. It was far better than good. “Why haven’t I heard of this place before?”

  Devon deftly sliced through his steak, smiling. He lifted his eyes from his plate staring across the table at me. “Magnolia’s opened three years ago. I found it by chance. It must be the local’s secret. Food’s fucking fantastic.”

  Three years ago, I’d been living in the city trying to forget my small town roots and the man sitting across from me who’d left my heart shattered. I’d accomplished neither during my time away, secretly pinning for the place and the man I’d left behind. Reaching for the wine, I took a sip while studying Devon. The thought of only spending the next few days with him instead of forever threatened to sour my mood. “So, how’s Jagger?” I asked, trying to distract my wayward thoughts.

  “Typical Jagger,” he replied, grinning. “Tiny tornado. He gives his mom fits, and I catch hell for all of his mischief.”

  At the mention of Blair, my spine stiffened. Silently, I berated myself. I couldn’t behave this way every time he mentioned her name. She would always be a part of his life. I had to accept it and move past the resentment. “I enjoyed spending time with him.”

  He laid down his fork and regarded me intently. It was as if he could see straight through me. “He likes you too, Kara,” he said reassuringly, his hand sliding across the table to cover mine. My pulse fluttered like crazy, especially when his thumb stroked the tender skin along my wrist. Warm honey flowed through my veins. Beneath the table, I squeezed my legs together and took a deep breath. Geez, when had I turned into such a horn dog? Oh that’s right, just whenever I was around this man.

  “What has Jake been saying about the baby?” I asked, trying to act reasonably normal even though his touch made me want to crawl across the table and climb into his lap. He shook his head, releasing my hand, and reached for his fork. Maybe now, I’d be able to concentrate. He rolled his eyes, and the action caused me to giggle.

  “He’s a basket case,” he said, grinning. “Today, Addie called him while at the shop. She sneezed over the phone, and he wanted to take her to see a doctor.” Devon laughed. “I told him if he kept that up, he was going to drive not only himself bat shit crazy, but Addie as well. He needed to think of the baby.”

  “I believe little Astrithr will be fine, not bat shit crazy,” I replied with a smile, imaging Jake running around the shop pulling his hair while on his cell with Addie. The man had it bad, but he had a right to be concerned — especially since Addie had spotted at the beginning of the pregnancy. Those two were Jake’s everything. When you loved someone as much as Jake loved Addie, it was impossible not to worry, especially when the main cause of his concern was packing around their own tiny little miracle.

  “Astrithr,” Devon repeated, appearing confused. He arched his dark brows at me as if waiting for an explanation. The way he’d pronounced the baby’s name caused my smile to widen. He’d completely mutilated the pronunciation.

  “As-tri-thr,” I replied, repeating the name slowly, emphasizing the syllables. He said it again, but still couldn’t nail it. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” I told him, giving up.

  There would have to be a nickname for baby Astrithr before she made her grand appearance into the world. I’d think of something. I had time; I was still somewhat hopeful I could sway Addie on the name. I liked Noelle, but Astrithr was better. “I’ve decided it’s the perfect name for Addie and Jake’s little goddess.”

  Devon chuckled, straightening in seat. His eyes danced merrily. “What does Jake have to say about that?”

  Instead of answering, I shrugged my shoulders taking a sip of my wine as he ate. “He’s thrilled,” I lied, and suspected that Devon saw straight through the whopper of a lie I’d just told him.

  “Sure he is,” he replied, winking at me.

  His hand slid across the table, so I lifted mine from my lap and laid it in his. Devon’s expression hinted at a tenderness, which seemed out of place when compared to the rugged planes of his face. Warm fingers curled around mine as he continued to watch me. He had that look about him that could only be described as dangerous and sexy. If I didn’t know Devon, I wouldn’t want to come across him in a dark alley.

  Looks could definitely be deceiving though. Devon was as gentle as he was strong. He appeared as if he wanted to say something, but seconds stretched into minutes as we sat there silently staring at one another. What was up with him tonight?

  “We need to talk about you leaving Friday,” he finally said, growing quiet.

  His words instantly filled me with unease. My stomach churned, rebelling against the halibut I’d just eaten. My appetite vanished. This was it; he was sending me on my way. Never once had Devon made any promises or asked me to stay. Now, it was obvious he wasn’t going to either. I’d always been delusional whenever it came to him. Sometimes, I’d even found myself wondering if we were star-crossed lovers, but that seemed so lame. Really, I’d read one too many regency romances in my time.

  “Kara,” he said, clearing his throat and drawing my attention. Suddenly, he seemed nervous, which made me even more uneasy. Devon was always confident and sure of himself. He smiled reassuringly as if sensing my discomfort. Then his phone vibrated against the table. The buzz startled me. I laughed out loud.

  “Damn,” he muttered and smiled apologetically releasing my hand. His eyes remained locked on mine as he raised the cell to his ear. “Yeah,” I heard him snap. His body visibly tensed. He pushed back his chair, abruptly standing; his jaw was tight. “We have to leave now.”

  I grabbed my clutch, standing. Something was wrong, but he’d already turned to leave dismissing me without a second thought. Gazing down at the remains of our dinner, it seemed like such a waste. The beginning of a beautiful night ended drastically by a call. Who had it been?

  Even with a limp, his long legs ate up the distance across the restaurant. He was paying the bill and I hurried, finally catching him at the exit. Was he just going to leave me? What the hell? He held the door, seeming to finally remember me… and his manners. Impatiently, he glared at me. “Move, Kara,” he ordered, and I quickly walked past him, bristling with rage as I silently wondered what bug had crawled up his ass.

  When he started to walk past, I grabbed his arm. My fingers curled around his bicep. He had some explaining to do. Devon shook off my hand, ignoring me, and motioned for the valet. When he noticed Devon, he hurried toward us requesting the car’s ticket, but he should have saved his breath. Devon thrust the ticket at him before he could even finish his sentence. He began to pace. A foreboding chill slithered down my spine. Whatever was going on… it was bad.

  “Hurry,” he ordered, the hard edge to his voice sent the valet scrambling to obey his command. This wasn’t like him. Devon had his moments, but he was never mean or rude to someone who didn’t deserve it — that poor valet guy.

  There was only one time before when I’d seen Devon behave the way he was acting now, and that was the day I’d visited him at the hospital after his accident.

  “What is going on, Devon?” I asked — well more like
demanded. His bipolar behavior pissed me off. He could be as hot as hell warming me from the inside out with nothing more than a smile, and then the next minute as cold as ice freezing my heart and shattering my soul with his icy glare. His mood swings were tiresome, and I was having trouble keeping up.

  The Mustang jerked abruptly stopping near the curb. The valet hurriedly climbed out. Devon brushed past me and opened my door, not bothering to wait for me to climb inside. He met the valet exchanging keys for a tip. The valet smiled with thanks. At least he’d made someone happy tonight. I slid into my seat silently fuming. What a disaster this evening had turned out to be. Devon was the biggest ass on the planet!

  Without a word he climbed in, closed the door, and started the car. I heard the sharp click of his seatbelt. I sat there staring stonily ahead, gripping my hands in my lap so I wouldn’t be tempted to wrap them around his thick neck. Dammit, what a jerk! I huffed, watching as the scenery speed past.

  When we reached the sign announcing the town of Crawley, I realized pissed was too mild of a word to describe the way that I felt. I was livid. I looked over at Devon. His jaw was clenched tight. He stared straight ahead seemingly lost in thought. There had to be a reason he was being such a dick, and I deserved an explanation. “What in the hell is your problem?” I asked, noting the sharp bite to my tone. He deserved it and far worse for his rotten behavior.

  He briefly glanced over at me then turned his attention back to the road. The air between us crackled with hostility. “You’ve behaved like a major asshole tonight,” I informed him smartly. “Just tell me what is going on?”

  “Get off my case, Kara,” he muttered and rubbed the back of his neck. He slowed for the light, which switched from yellow to red. At this time of night, the streets of Crawley were deserted. Devon gunned the engine, stomping the gas and causing me to press back against my seat. He blew through the red light as if it didn’t exist.

  My heart raced. He was driving like a maniac. “Where are we going?” I demanded, as he maneuvered the Mustang along a back street breaking the speed limit. We had to be doing at least sixty-five on the narrow little street. It wasn’t safe. “Slow down, Devon.”

  The Mustang lurched sideways as we barreled out of the backstreet and onto the main road. The only thing on this side of town besides the laundromat and a couple of fast food joints was the hospital. “Is Clyde sick?” I asked when he cut into the hospital parking lot.

  “No,” he barked and climbed out of the car. I decided to let his shitty behavior go and sat perfectly still unsure as to if I should follow after him or call Addie and ask her to have Jake swing by and pick me up. It was too late at night for her to be out on the road and pregnant. Devon stood with his back to me beside of the car. He must have made a call because I heard him ask someone for a room number. Was Blair sick? I wondered briefly. What was going on?

  The view of Devon’s backside was distracting. The gray slacks hugged his ass to perfection, but instead of wanting to lovingly caress those taunt muscles — I wanted to kick them. Devon needed an attitude adjustment. A good, swift kick in the ass would serve him well for treating me the way that he did. He turned and leaned down in to the car as if finally remembering me and laid the keys in the driver’s seat.

  “So you can get home,” he informed me, his tone soft. “About tonight,” he began, his expression appeared regretful. My anger disappeared, and I held up my hand and he fell quiet. Whatever it was, I could tell he was upset.

  He drew in a deep breath and exhaled appearing antsy. “I—I have to go,” he explained, though I sensed he wanted to say more. “It’s not Blair who is sick, it’s Jagger. Take the car; I’ll pick it up later.”

  Jagger! Before I had the chance to question him, he was striding across the parking lot leaving me behind. His limp more pronounced with his brisk pace. He’d forgotten his cane. It lay in the backseat, left behind like me. I didn’t think that it would ever be possible to figure Devon McGraw out. He may not realize it, but he didn’t have to pack the weight of the world around on his broad shoulders. Would it have been so difficult to tell me instead of trying to keep everything to himself? The sense of hopelessness had returned; those tiny seeds of doubt sprouting back up and taking root in my heart.

  He’d shut me out once again; he had dropped his bombshell and then had given me an easy way out. This time though, he wasn’t pushing me away. Four years ago, I’d left this same hospital in tears. It wasn’t ending this way again tonight. I grabbed his cane from the backseat feeling determined. Devon was it for me; and whether he wanted me there or not… I was staying. He could huff and puff all he wanted to. My mind was made up. My will was as strong as steel. I loved Jagger. I also loved his stubborn asshole of a father.

  I grabbed the keys from the seat, locked his door, and climbed out of the car carrying his cane. By that time, Devon had already managed to disappear through the double doors of the hospital’s main entrance. With my heart in my throat, I hurried across the parking lot with the sounds of my heels clicking against the asphalt and echoing in my ears. I hoped Jagger was all right. I glanced up at the starry sky above and whispered a prayer for him. He had to be okay. There was no other option.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  WHEN I WALKED INTO THE hospital, I scanned the lobby searching for admissions. My feet moved quickly toward the woman who sat behind a panel of tempered glass talking on the phone. She looked up, her brown eyes briefly flickering over my face, and then continued on with her conversation focusing on whatever lay on the desk in front of her. It was all I could do not to stomp my foot in frustration. Anxious, I glanced over my shoulder staring at the vacant faces of people who’d obviously been waiting too long. “Miss,” I heard someone say, and my gaze met the lady’s behind the glass. She’d finally hung up the phone.

  “Yes, what room is Jagger McGraw in?” I asked, my words rushed with urgency.

  The woman pushed her long dark hair over her shoulder and smiled politely. “I’m sorry, but we are not allowed to disclose that information. It is hospital policy. ”

  What? Screw hospital policy! “But I’m family,” I explained, and she glanced back down at the desk then picked up the phone.

  “Is Jagger McGraw still there?” she asked whoever was on the other end of the line. “Yes, all right. Thank you.” I heard her reply.

  Her eyes landed back on me. “Miss, he has family in the waiting room on the sixth floor.”

  “Thank you,” I said, and turned walking quickly for the elevator. There was no way I could make it up six flights of stairs in these killer heels. I gouged the elevator button and waited impatiently as the floor numbers flashed above my head. After what seemed like an eternity, the elevator door finally slid open. Of course, now I had to wait for all of the people exiting. Did no one ever get in a hurry around here? I pushed the button for the sixth floor, impatiently waiting for the door to close. As it was finally sliding shut, I heard a male voice call out, “Hold the elevator.”

  Well shit! I contemplated ignoring him, but instead, hit the button causing the door to slide back open.

  He stepped inside towering over me. He was as tall as Devon with sandy blonde hair and hazel eyes and was wearing a set of scrubs. There was a stethoscope around his neck and a name badge attached to the front of his shirt. It read Dr. Lucas. There was a name I hadn’t heard in a while… Lucas. “Thanks,” he said, drawing my attention. He had a friendly smile and reached in front of me pushing the button for his floor.

  “Six,” I replied, noting his curious expression and breathed a huge sigh of relief when the door finally slid shut. The elevator started to move.

  “You have someone in surgery?” he asked, and I glanced over at him meeting his eyes. My expression must have given away my confusion. “Sixth floor is surgical procedures and recovery,” he stated, and my heart sank. What had happened to Jagger? “I’m sure they are going to be fine.” He said as I stared blankly at him.

&n
bsp; “Thanks,” I muttered, averting my eyes and feeling sick to my stomach. I shoved my clutch under my arm and gripped the cane tighter. This had to the longest elevator ride in the history of man. When the elevator finally came to a stop on the sixth floor, I glanced over at the stranger and briefly smiled before stepping out.

  I looked at the sign on the wall. “Nurse’s station to the right,” a voice said from behind me.

  “Thanks,” I replied, briefly glancing his way once more before hurrying around the corner. Immediately, I spotted the nurse’s station. Men and women in scrubs were busily moving behind the massive desk that covered the entire length of one wall. Phones were ringing, and with someone making an announcement over the intercom, I could barely concentrate. My eyes landed on a lady with blonde hair and pink scrubs. She looked up noticing me and smiled.

  “Can I help you?” she asked, her tone pleasant.

  “I’m looking for the family of Jagger McGraw. Can you tell me how Jagger is doing?” She rolled her chair a few feet away and glanced at something on the desk in front of her, and then she looked over her shoulder at the clock on the wall.

  “He should be in recovery right about now. There’s a waiting area straight up the hall and to the left. Would you like me to call recovery?” she asked, her expression kind. Her green eyes studied me.

  “No, that’s okay. Why is he in recovery? I’m family,” I told her before she could tell me all about hospital policy. I understood procedure, but I was worried sick.

  “Appendectomy.” She informed me. Brandon had his appendix removed in sixth grade. It had been painful.