The Trials of the Honorable F. Darcy

by Sara Angelini

  Each evening she returned to the hotel, showered tiredly, ate listlessly and fell into bed, exhausted. But she could not sleep. She wondered where he was, what he was doing, and how well he was getting over her.

  She spent the Fourth of July alone in her hotel room, watching fireworks on the television.

  Darcy, on the other hand, was being overwhelmed by the social activities the Bingley’s were foisting upon him. He attended barbecues, dinner parties, movies, went to book readings, went house-hunting, anything they could do to keep him from being alone. Part of it was Bingley’s genuine belief that Darcy needed something to occupy his mind, to distract him from the pain he was having over Elizabeth. Part of it was Caroline’s desire to have Darcy in her company as much as possible. Part of it was Darcy’s hope that he would hear news, any little snippet, of Elizabeth from Jane. The result was a constant blur of faces and names he could not - and did not care to - remember. He watched the fireworks with Caroline from her apartment but took no pleasure in them; he wanted to share them only with her.

  Georgiana was keenly aware that Darcy had become depressed. He was avoiding her and spending too much time with Caroline. She didn’t like it.

  When Darcy came home one evening, he found Georgiana there playing piano. He smiled at her and sat with her, listening to her play.

  “Why don’t you get your guitar and play with me?” she asked. He picked up his guitar and they played for two hours. He had always loved playing with Georgiana; it was the one thing they had in common that they could both do well.

  “You need to play more,” she said as he fumbled over some notes. He nodded. She continued, “I have a group of friends, we’re playing in a coffee shop every Friday night. We need a guitarist.”

  He let the invitation hang in the air for a moment, then said, “I’ll give it a shot.” The time he would have to devote to practicing would give him an excuse not to see Caroline and would help him think about something - anything - other than Elizabeth.

  Georgiana smiled, satisfied. Rehearsals and practice would take up some of his time and let her keep an eye on him.

  ***

  With Elizabeth in San Diego, Lou found himself with a lot of spare time. Time that he found himself spending with Charlotte. They got along very well and if he wasn’t in San Diego visiting Elizabeth, he could usually be found with Charlotte. It was three weeks after Elizabeth had gone to San Diego when Lou found himself sitting on a bench outside the courthouse waiting for Charlotte.

  Darcy immediately recognized Lou when he exited the building. He watched for a moment as Lou tapped his Blackberry, wondering whether he should approach him. He hadn’t heard from Elizabeth since they last argued and although he knew she had gone to San Diego, he didn’t know the details of where she was. He had hoped for three weeks that she would call him but she hadn’t. Both Bingley and Jane were being uncharacteristically tight-lipped about the subject; he wondered if Elizabeth had asked them to keep information away from him. He had no idea what, if anything, Elizabeth had told Lou about them. But his need to ask about her overcame his desire for discretion.

  Lou looked up when a shadow fell over his text message. He was surprised to see Darcy; surprised and immediately on his guard.

  “Hello, Will,” Lou said coldly.

  He knows everything, Darcy thought. He wondered whether Lou would be friend or foe.

  “Where is she?” Darcy asked quietly.

  “Where you sent her, San Diego.”

  Foe. Darcy pressed his lips together and suppressed a little stab of anger.

  “Do you know where she is staying?” Darcy asked.

  “Yes.” Lou did not elaborate.

  “Will you tell me?”

  “No.” Lou stood, tucked his Blackberry into his jacket pocket and looked squarely at Darcy. “She doesn’t need any more of your mind games.”

  Darcy barked out a bitter laugh.

  “My mind games? I’ve been nothing but straight with her from the start. She’s the one playing games. ‘I love you but I don’t want to see you.’ ‘It feels right but it’s wrong.’ ‘I think I’ll move to San Diego,’” Darcy mimicked. His nostrils flared at the memory of their last meeting in his chambers. It still made him furious, still made him grind his teeth in anger.

  At that moment, Charlotte joined them.

  “Hello, Judge. Hi Lou. You two know each other?” she asked curiously.

  Lou said nothing. He knew Elizabeth’s relationship with Darcy was a secret and if he was to help her recover from this sham romance, the less said the better.

  But Darcy nodded. “Through Miss Bennet,” Darcy said, not taking his eyes away from Lou.

  Lou looked at him in annoyance.

  Darcy turned his attention to Charlotte.

  “Speaking of Miss Bennet, where has your little friend been these last few weeks?” he asked, smiling genially at her. He was amazed at his own ability to mask his true feelings.

  “Didn’t you know? Lizzy was transferred to San Diego for a few months,” she said. She felt sure he had known that.

  “Ah, San Diego. Lovely town. I hope Milton has put her up at the L’Auberge Del Mar. It’s the best hotel there,” Darcy said.

  Charlotte laughed. “Lord, no! She’s at the Westin.”

  Darcy smiled in satisfaction and looked slyly at Lou, who became visibly angry.

  “Come on, Charlotte, we don’t want to take up any more of the Judge’s time,” Lou said, taking her by the elbow.

  “Oh, I’m in no hurry,” Darcy said pleasantly.

  “Well, we are,” Lou retorted with bare civility. He tugged Charlotte by the arm but she was reluctant to be rude to Darcy considering that he was her judge.

  “Would you like to join us for dinner?” she asked Darcy before Lou could protest.

  “Yes,” Darcy said without hesitation.

  Charlotte blinked in surprise; she had not expected him to accept. “Oh. Uh, ok, well, come on,” she said uncertainly. She glanced at Lou, who was glaring at her. She looked at him apologetically, regretting her invitation.

  The three walked in silence toward the Assembly Room. They quickly found an empty table and Charlotte excused herself to run to the restroom.

  “Very funny,” Lou growled at Darcy. Darcy lowered his voice and leaned across the table toward Lou.

  “You are her best friend. Don’t you want her to be happy?”

  “I suppose you think she’ll be happy with you?”

  “Why don’t you ask her?” Darcy bit out.

  “From what she’s told me, you’re only making her miserable.”

  “What exactly has she told you?” Darcy challenged.

  Lou hesitated. What had she told him? That she loved Darcy, that they were crazy about each other, that he’d said he loved her, and that ethical constraints prohibited their relationship. Upon reflection, she hadn’t really said anything bad about Darcy. She hadn’t said much at all about him. His confidence wavered. He looked at Darcy but said nothing.

  Darcy searched Lou’s face for some sign. What had Elizabeth told him? Had she confided to Lou that she didn’t love him? That she wanted to be rid of him? The thought disheartened him.

  Lou watched the emotions flicker across Darcy’s face. He saw resentment and then uncertainty and then, ultimately, sadness.

  Darcy looked down at his hands. “I won’t ruin your dinner,” he said quietly. He took a deep breath. “Tell her...” He paused. “Tell her that I miss her.” With that, Darcy rose and walked quickly from the bar. He’d found out where she was staying but what good was it if she didn’t want to see him? He resigned himself to not calling her.

  Lou sat in surprised silence. He had assumed that Darcy was toying with Elizabeth, that he had no real feelings for her. But this brief interaction was making him think twice. He saw the anger, frustration and sadness that Darcy was feeling. Darcy hadn’t acted like a skirt-chaser; he’d acted like someone who was hurt.

  Charlotte returned
from the restroom.

  “Where did the judge go?” she asked.

  “He remembered he had to be somewhere, said he was sorry,” Lou replied absently. He was already typing a message to Elizabeth on his Blackberry:

  ***

  Elizabeth called Lou later that night.

  “We need to talk?” she asked, amused. “Are you breaking up with me again? You can only use the gay excuse once, you know.”

  “Tell me what happened with Darcy,” he said without preamble.

  “What happened with Darcy? I told you. We had crazy sex for two weeks, then we broke up.”

  “What happened when you came back?”

  “He wanted to continue the relationship but I said no.”

  “He wasn’t jerking you around?”

  “No, not at all. At least, not really. I mean, I guess if you consider that he promised he wouldn’t try to continue it when we got back and then he did, maybe he jerked me around a little bit. And then there was telling my boss but that was so that I could be reassigned to the other judge. So, no, he wasn’t jerking me around. Why?”

  Lou took a deep breath. “I saw him today. He asked about you.”

  Elizabeth went silent. She felt her heart start to pound and felt as if all her breath were being squeezed out of her chest.

  “You saw him?” she asked quietly.

  “Yes, I went to the courthouse to meet Charlotte and I saw him. He told me to tell you that he misses you. Lizzy, why are you doing this?” he asked her.

  Elizabeth swallowed. It was a question she had been asking herself for several weeks but she had no good answer.

  “I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “I think I’m scared.”

  Chapter 19

  The announcement of Jane’s engagement to Bingley gave Elizabeth the perfect excuse to return to Meryton. She sorely wanted to talk to Jane, to confide in her and to learn anything she could from her of Darcy. She wavered back and forth and on impulse purchased a ticket Friday afternoon to return in time for dinner Friday night. By the time she had packed, it was too late to call Jane. It didn’t matter; Jane would be pleased to see her and even if she wasn’t there, it would feel good to sleep in her own bed again. The cursed, too-big-without-him, cold, empty bed.

  She surprised Jane when she came in the door with her overnight bag.

  “Hi, Janey!” she exclaimed, grinning widely. They hugged briefly and Elizabeth bounded up the stairs to her room. Jane followed.

  “Elizabeth, you should have called, I have plans,” Jane began apologetically. Elizabeth noticed that Jane was wearing a green satin dress that draped gracefully across her shoulders and chest. Elizabeth smiled.

  “I’m sorry, of course Bingley is taking you out. I should have realized.”

  “Well, not exactly, he’s coming here. With a few friends. For a dinner party. An engagement party,” Jane said hesitantly.

  “An engagement party?” Elizabeth repeated. “You didn’t tell me?”

  Jane blushed and her shoulders slumped.

  Elizabeth was hurt. “You didn’t want me to come?” she asked.

  “No, that’s not it! I couldn’t. Darcy’s going to be here, I didn’t want you to have to see him. This party is mostly for me to meet Charley’s friends; I figured we’d have another one with my friends and you could come to that one.”

  Elizabeth did not respond; she was hurt by the exclusion and touched by Jane’s consideration at the same time.

  “I’m so sorry, Elizabeth. Of course you can come and I want you there. But Darcy will be there. I leave it completely to you. You are welcome to come down or you can stay upstairs or you can leave. Whatever you do, I won’t be offended.”

  “Jane, don’t be silly, I can sit across from Will for three hours. I would feel terrible to miss this because of him. It might even look like I was avoiding him,” she grinned with an impishness that she didn’t feel. She was not ready to see Darcy, did not yet know her feelings, other than regret and longing. And yet, could it be salvaged?

  Her conflicted emotions caused a mighty struggle when deciding what to wear. She wanted to wear something stunning, to be beautiful for him, but that would only invite disaster. On the other hand, what was to stop them from being together now that she was in San Diego? But then, did she want to engage in some sort of long-distance affair, even assuming that it would be palatable to him? And after her rejection of him, would he even want her? Lord, how he made her mind spin!

  She freshened up and settled on the classic little black dress and pumps; demure but still modern, with nothing to distract from the lovely bride-to-be. She brushed and finger-curled her hair and freshened her lipstick. She took a deep breath and made her way downstairs.

  She saw him instantly across the living room, his back to her. He was not in a suit but a sport jacket and slacks. It reminded her of how he looked at Pemberley when he was taking her on the tour; refined elegance. Not to mention that the coat hung superbly on his shoulders. She felt every shred of emotion that she had managed to bury over the last few weeks worm its way to the surface in icy prickles.

  She was therefore shocked and dejected to see a tall, slender brunette in a lovely saffron dress snake her hand into the crook of his elbow.

  “Elizabeth!” called one of the guests. At the sound of her name, Darcy turned. Jane had discreetly warned him when he arrived that Elizabeth had unexpectedly arrived; he had steeled himself to see her. That did not stop the surge of jealousy he felt when he saw who had called her name... Richard. Richard Fitzwilliam. His own cousin. Bastard.

  Elizabeth turned to see Richard walking toward her with a warm smile on his face.

  “It’s so good to see you again! It’s been far too long!” he said jovially and took her hand and kissed her cheek. She smiled with genuine pleasure at seeing him again.

  “I’m afraid I’m the unlucky thirteenth guest,” she said to him.

  “No worries, my date ditched me; you can be ‘Sharon’ tonight,” he grinned, tucking her hand in his elbow. “Unless you have a date?” he asked with mock suspicion. She shook her head and allowed him to lead her to the drinks table.

  As friendly and warm as Jane and Bingley were, they were too caught up in their own happiness to make proper introductions. Elizabeth had no idea who half the guests were and never learned. But she was only interested in two; Darcy and the elegant brunette who insisted on draping herself on his arm, the same one from the coffee shop. Where had she seen her before?

  Elizabeth did not say hello to Darcy and was seated a safe distance down the table from him. Although they were on opposite sides, she could see him when she glanced down the table. Richard was warm and attentive and casually draped his arm over her chair as they talked. She didn’t feel that Richard had any particular affection for her; he just liked to be physical. He was a little boisterous, though, and took great delight in informing everyone that Elizabeth was a fantastic karaoke performer.

  “You should have seen her sing ‘Hot Stuff’!” Richard was laughingly telling a gentleman across from him. Elizabeth was enjoying Richard’s attentions but little and glanced down at Darcy. It was clear he had heard Richard; his cheeks were flushed when he looked at her. When she caught his eye, he looked away and took a drink of wine. He kept his eyes down on his plate for the rest of the night but he ate very little. She watched the elegant brunette touch his arm briefly and he shook his head slightly.

  Dinner progressed and the guests made toasts to the newly engaged couple. Darcy’s date stood to make her own toast.

  “To Charles and Jane. I don’t know how two people could be more alike in their temperaments, generosity, and kindness. They are the type of people one wants to detest,” she said, to laughter. “But of course, you cannot help but love them. I wish you many years of happiness and I think I speak for everyone here when I say we would all be fortunate to have one tenth of the love you have for each other.” She raised her glass. “Love long.”

  “Tha
nk you, Caroline,” Bingley said, raising his glass to her.

  Caroline of the elegant saffron dress sat down and ruined the effect of her speech by looking somewhat smug with herself. Unhappily, only Elizabeth noted this.

  For the next hour, Elizabeth endured Richard’s attentions while watching Darcy from the corner of her eye. She wanted nothing more than to be alone with Darcy, to throw herself into his arms and to say she was sorry, that she loved him still. Unfortunately, each having dates meant there was very little opportunity to do so.

  Feeling overwhelmed by Richard, Darcy’s studious ignorance of her, and the wine, she excused herself and stepped outside for some fresh air. Moments later Darcy was behind her.

  “Was your performance for him?” he asked bitterly, recalling Richard’s karaoke story. The thought that she had done that dance for Richard, that maybe she had slept with him, was suffusing him with jealousy.

  “Who’s your date?” she countered boldly, turning to face him.

  “She’s an old friend. I already have the pleasure of knowing your date,” he bit out. When she did not rise to the bait, he continued “Richard Fitzwilliam is my cousin. I believe I have an uncle in San Diego if you’d like to give him a call too.”

  He knew he was being hard on her but he had always had an irrational jealousy of Richard’s easy manners; Richard had always been able to meet women effortlessly, could charm business associates, and was very successful in his own profession. He was the sun to Darcy’s moon and Darcy felt Richard’s advantage keenly when Elizabeth was with him.

  “You’re having no problem recovering from my absence,” she snapped.

  “You told me not to wait for you!”

  “Congratulations on your ability to move on! I see now that your professions of love were indeed sincere.” Her chest was heaving from the exertion of restraining her own anger and jealousy.