Healing a Heart

by Amy Lillard

  “An appointment where?” She tilted her head back so she could look at his face. He sat in the chaise lounge while she rested against him, snuggled between his thighs. Kota lay at their feet, chin on his paws, though Bryn knew he watched her every move. The cattle dog had taken to following Bryn wherever she went. Bryn wasn’t sure if the dog was extremely clever or picking up on Jake’s stress, but the pooch knew Bryn might need her and stayed close just in case.

  “With an attorney.”

  She sighed. She’d known all along it was going to come to this. Two people who shared children couldn’t live in two different states without a legal agreement. It was just a sign of the times. But the news made her heart thump heavily in her chest. Everything had been so beautiful between them. Why did they have to have a legal agreement at all?

  But just because they came to a legal agreement didn’t mean everything was going to be ruined. In fact, it might be liberating to know where they stood with each other, what was coming in the future, and how they planned to work it out so the twins would spend adequate time in Texas as well as Georgia.

  She pushed herself up and turned so she could see his face. “Tell me everything’s going to be okay,” she said.

  “Everything’s going to be okay,” he parroted. He held his drink up so she could sip from the straw. Lemonade on a cool Texas night. Didn’t get much better than that. And it was getting cooler and cooler. Before long there might even be some snow.

  “When is it? The appointment?”

  “Next week. Thursday.”

  “Thursday,” she repeated. After that there was only a week until Thanksgiving and then two more months until the babies were expected. Twins were notorious for coming early. They could come any time after the first of December. She would need to go home right after Thanksgiving or risk the chance of not going home at all.

  Would that be so bad?

  No, she decided. It wouldn’t be bad at all. But . . . how long before she realized that she didn’t really belong in Texas? How long before she had outstayed her welcome?

  “Did you mean what you said? About staying through Thanksgiving?”

  She nodded. “Absolutely.” She studied his face, looking for any sign of deception or insincerity. She saw none.

  “You wouldn’t have to go home then . . . not if you didn’t want to. I mean, the babies will be coming soon, right? Maybe you should stay a bit longer. Through Christmas or maybe even the first of the year.”

  “Are you saying you want me to stay here through the first of the year?”

  “It was just an idea.”

  Staying in Texas would mean not having to set her foot down about who got first Christmas with the babies—assuming that they came beforehand. And she wouldn’t have to go home now. She wouldn’t have to worry about snow and travel time or whether she was too big to fit behind the wheel of her car. Staying through Christmas would take a lot of weight off her shoulders.

  “If that offer is still open . . . ,” she started.

  Jake swallowed hard. “You mean that?”

  She nodded.

  “That offer’s definitely still open.”

  She smiled as he swooped in and captured a kiss. The idea seemed to fill him with joy. And passion. His hands were everywhere at once, his lips seeking, searching, devouring. He seemed to not be able to get enough of her. And as far as she was concerned, that was all right too.

  • • •

  So, what’s this all about?” Jake looked from his mother to his grandmother, who shrugged. Dinner had been served, the dishes washed and put away, and Bryn was reading Wesley a bedtime story. His mother had asked if she could talk to him. He and Grandma Esther were sitting on the couch in his mother’s office. As usual his mother was braced behind her overlarge desk.

  “This isn’t easy for me to say.” She looked down at nothing, then back at him. “I’ve been lying to you.”

  He gave a quick nod, ignoring the pang of trepidation that sliced through him. “Okay. About what?”

  “I haven’t been going to any horse shows.”

  He wasn’t sure what to make of that. His mother was a horsewoman through and through, and if she hadn’t been going to any horse shows lately . . . “Then where have you been going?”

  “MD Anderson.” The name of the cancer hospital fell between them like a bag of dirty laundry. His heart stilled in his chest. But just because . . . that didn’t mean . . .

  “Why—” He cleared his throat. “Why have you been going there?” It was a stupid question, but the only one he could think to ask. MD Anderson had treated her six years ago when she had discovered she had breast cancer. But after three surgeries, countless rounds of chemo and radiation, and lots of prayers, Evelyn Langston was cancer-free. There was only one reason she would return to MD Anderson.

  “The cancer’s back.”

  “Oh, Evie.” Grandma Esther pushed to her feet and went around the desk to pull Evelyn into her arms.

  Jake felt as if he were made of stone. He could only sit there, his mother’s words echoing around in his head.

  The cancer’s back.

  How could the cancer be back?

  The cancer’s back.

  Why was the cancer back?

  The cancer’s back.

  Why? How?

  “What do we do now?” Grandma Esther asked.

  His mother stood and came around the desk, leaning against it as she stood in front of him. “Jake?”

  Finally, he raised his gaze to meet hers.

  “Are you okay?”

  He smiled and swallowed hard. “Yes,” he croaked. But the word was a lie. How could he be okay?

  “What are the doctors saying?” Grandma Esther asked.

  “Well, I’ve been going through treatments, and they seem hopeful. But it spread, so it’s going to be a tough battle.”

  If anybody was up for a tough battle, it was his mother. But he didn’t want her to have to fight. He didn’t want to have to worry about her. For so many years, for so many days, he’d worried about her. When did the worry stop?

  “But I wanted you to know,” she said. “It’s been hard to keep it to myself.”

  Jake shook his head. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

  “At first, I didn’t want you to worry until I knew something. After that, I just couldn’t find a good time. It’s not exactly fun news to hand out.” She gave him an encouraging smile, then leaned in and grabbed his hands in her own. She squeezed them and gazed into his eyes, much like she had when he was little. “It’s going to be okay, Jake.” But he wished he had her faith.

  • • •

  The bathroom door creaked open, and Bryn sat up in bed. “Jake? Is that you?” Unlike all the nights before, Jake had gone to his room mumbling something about a headache and brushing his lips across her cheek before disappearing out of sight. She could tell something was wrong. Yet it wasn’t her business. She might be staying here through the first of the year, but she was an extended houseguest. The baby mama. And not truly a member of the Langston family.

  He shut the door quietly behind him and padded to the bed on bare feet. He climbed in beside her, not saying a word as he scooped her into his arms and pulled her close.

  “Jake?” she whispered. “Say something. You’re scaring me.” Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong.

  He shook his head, burying his nose in the crook of her neck. Tears wet her skin and the bodice of her nightgown.

  She lost track of how long they lay that way, him cradled in her arms. He had one hand splayed across her belly as if seeking out the new life that nestled there. Then he pushed himself up and kissed her. Tears still wet his cheeks as he deepened their kiss.

  Bryn braced her hands on his shoulders and held him away from her. As fantastic as it was to have his lips on her
s, she had to hear what was wrong first. “Will you tell me?”

  For a moment he didn’t breathe. Then he exhaled heavily and rolled onto his back, pulling her half on top of him as he did so. His arms were around her, her head tucked under his chin.

  “It’s Mama,” he said. “The cancer is back.”

  Bryn pushed herself up so she could look into those marvelous green eyes. “Oh, Jake. I’m sorry.”

  He nodded, swallowed hard. “She’s been going to treatment. Not to the horse shows. That’s why she hasn’t been around much.”

  “And that’s good, right?”

  He gave a small shrug.

  “But she has to fight.”

  Memories flooded her, one on top of the other. All those countless nights in the hospital with Emery. All the pain, all the suffering. Emery had suffered. She had suffered. Cancer was a terrible enemy. It was an evil thief that robbed people of their lives, took parents from children and children from parents. It was a horrible, horrible thing. And it had to be fought at all costs.

  “She’s a fighter,” Bryn said, scooping up all the pain and memories and storing them away. Right now she had to be strong, for Jake. Emery was gone, but Evelyn could still win this battle. “She beat it before, right?”

  Jake nodded.

  “Then she’ll beat it again.” Bryn said the words with more confidence than she felt. But she had to. They couldn’t let cancer get the upper hand. They couldn’t even say those words aloud. The only way to fight was to fight with all their hearts. And she knew that was what Evelyn would do.

  “Come here.” Jake pulled her up, closer to him. “I need you.” The words were strangled, nearly choked as they worked their way out of him.

  “You have me.”

  He kissed her then, rolling her onto her back and running his hands over every inch of her he could reach. He loved her slow and gentle, fast and intense, then like he could never get enough. He entered her slow, showing her without words how much he cherished her, how much it meant for the two of them to be together. Then the passion took over and the need for mindless whirling desire. Again and again and again. Over and over until the friction was so much she felt as if she might explode from it all. And then she did. Into a million sparkling pieces. She felt like she would never be whole again. But it was okay, because in that moment she was the happiest she had ever been in her life.

  Jake stilled above her. His teeth clenched, his expression strained as if trying to hold back. Trying to prolong that pleasure just a little more. Then it broke. He groaned and collapsed on top of her. Then he rolled them to one side. His nose was buried in the hair just behind her ear as he planted little kisses all on her neck. “I love you,” he murmured. “I love you. I love you. I love you.” And those three special words pounded out a tempo that matched the breathless speed of her heart.

  • • •

  This feels strange,” Bryn said as Jake opened the truck and helped her to the sidewalk.

  “Why?”

  Bryn looked up at the building before them. Harley Green, attorney at law. The office was down at the end of Main Street next to the library and kitty-corner from the empty lot on Tenth. The building looked worn, as if the bricks had been used to make something else before brought here and set up as a law office. An American flag flapped in the breeze out front. Bryn pulled her jacket a little tighter around her, suddenly chilled. “Most times when people need an attorney they’re at odds with each other. Yet here we are coming together, riding in the same truck.” She shook her head. “It just seems strange.”

  He held the door open for her and waited for her to step inside. “I’m trying to circumvent all that,” Jake said. “We get everything settled now and we don’t have to worry about all these details later.”

  It was a good plan, most likely an unnecessary plan. And maybe that was what felt so strange about it. Bryn hadn’t planned anything in the last couple of years. When Emery got sick, their time was spent between doctors’ appointments and doing everything in her power to help her remember what it meant to live. After Emery died, Bryn had drifted, not planning much at all, not even dinner. Yes, that had to be what it was.

  Jake hadn’t mentioned his confession of the night before. But she hadn’t wanted to bring it up herself. He had been hurting last night, worried about his mother and her fight against an unfair killer. But still . . .

  Bryn basked in the knowledge. She took that moment and tied it up with a yellow bow and put it in a box for special keeping. Jake loved her. She was staying through Christmas. And maybe beyond. Life was good.

  The law offices of Harley Green were exactly what she suspected from a Cattle Creek attorney. The building itself looked as if at one time it had been a café or maybe even a variety store. Two large plate glass windows flanked the glass doors like one would see at a restaurant. There was a large front office with a cheap laminate desk and stained, olive green carpet. Framed pictures of waterfalls and creeks dotted the pine-paneled walls. A bell over the door signaled their entrance.

  The woman behind the desk had to be a hundred and fifty if she was a day. But bright, sparkling eyes squinted at them from all the wrinkles.

  “Jake,” she greeted. “So good to see you. I’ll let Harley know you’re here.” She used the phone to alert him, then looked back to Jake. “So how’s your mama?”

  Jake took his hat off and twirled it in his hands. Was he nervous? “She’s fine, Miss Emma. Thank you for asking.”

  The phone buzzed. She looked down at it, then back up to Jake. “Harley says go on in. You tell her I asked about her, okay?”

  Jake gave a small nod. “I will.” With a hand at the small of her back, he guided Bryn toward the cheap wooden door in front of them. He gave a small knock, then opened it for Bryn to proceed inside.

  The interior office was more of the same as the outside reception area. Cheap pine paneling, plastic plants, and framed pictures of various outdoor scenes. It might not be modern or up-to-date, but it was clean. And that said something.

  “Jake Langston.” The man stood and reached out a hand to shake.

  Jake took it in his own. “Harley.”

  “Good to see you.” He turned his gaze to Bryn. “And you must be Bryn.”

  She shook his hand as well. “Nice to meet you.”

  Harley returned to his seat and shuffled through the papers on his desk. “Okay, then. Let’s get down to business, shall we?” He shuffled a few more papers and pulled the file from the top drawer. Suddenly the good-old-boy demeanor became all business. “Jake, I looked into a few things like you asked me. And I drew up something I think will be satisfactory. We can make changes as necessary.” He turned to Bryn. “I’ve got everyone a copy here so we can follow along.”

  Wait. Jake had contacted him before?

  “I’m not sure I understand.”

  “Well, that’s why we’re going over it,” Harley said. His words were neither condescending nor sarcastic. But Bryn had the feeling she was way out of her league.

  She pressed a hand to her side against the cramp that was starting there. She tried to take in a good breath. The bigger the babies got, the harder it was for her to breathe at times. And in times like this . . . well, anxiety was not her friend.

  “Are you okay?” Jake’s concerned voice brought her attention around to him. Those green eyes searched her face for signs of distress. They seemed so loving and caring, so why did she feel out of sorts all of the sudden?

  “I’m fine, just a little cramped.”

  “A cramp?”

  “I’m fine, Jake.” But she pushed herself up to sit a little straighter in the seat. She needed all the air she could get for this one.

  Harley handed them the documents. It had to be fifteen pages long. What did they have to discuss that would require fifteen pages, single spaced?

  “As yo
u can see, the main parts that we’re here to talk about today are visitation and custody.”

  Custody? The word seared through her like a knife through butter.

  She stopped. She was overreacting. It was just a word. One people used when they shared children.

  She lowered her gaze to the paper in her hands. Scanning it and trying to decipher the legalese.

  And primary custody will remain with Jake Langston.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Her blood ran cold in her veins. Her hands trembled. She swallowed hard and looked to Jake. He seemed to be reading as if it were nothing more important than the sports section of the Sunday paper.

  She looked back to the document she held. Maybe she read it wrong. Yes! That was what she did. She read it wrong. She skipped a line. She needed to get glasses. She . . .

  “You want custody?” The words were spoken so softly that she wasn’t even sure she’d said them out loud.

  She cut her gaze over to Jake. He was looking at Harley as if somehow the attorney could explain better than he could.

  “Look at me,” she said. Still her voice was deathly quiet. It seemed to come from a place inside her that she never knew existed.

  “Bryn, just hear me out.”

  “I can’t hear you out. You’ve never even talked to me about this.”

  “I’m just trying to look out for the babies.”

  “You’re trying to look out for yourself.” She wanted to jump to her feet in indignation, but she was a little too round for that these days. She managed to hoist herself up out of the broken spring chair and turned on him. “You never once even hinted that you wanted custody. Then I come here, and you throw that bomb on me? What kind of game are you playing, Jake?”

  He remained seated, which was just fine with her. She might not be superior in many ways, but with him sitting down, she had height on him.

  “You said so yourself,” he said. “You don’t have a job. You don’t have any family. How are you going to take care of two babies all by yourself?”

  “I’ll hire a nanny.”

  “Aside from the money that would cost, don’t you think it would be better if the kids were taken care of by their family?”