Healing a Heart

by Amy Lillard

  “And?” Bryn prodded.

  “Hmmm?

  “Are you going to tell me what a sorry SOB he is for wanting to take my babies from me?”

  “Did he say why he wanted custody?”

  “Because I don’t have a job or any family. He said he could take care of them better here.”

  Rick looked out over the view from the Langstons’ back porch. Security lights shined from the outbuildings; the sounds of cows, horses, and insects filled the air; and Kota lay at her feet, his usual place these days. “And what do you think of that?”

  He was too slick to actually say the words, but his implication was clear. The ranch was a beautiful place. Who wouldn’t want their babies to grow up on such a magnificent and meaningful piece of property?

  The vision she had of Langston twins came to her mind. Two little boys with their daddy’s dark hair and green, green eyes. The picture was becoming clearer. They were wearing mini Wranglers and tiny cowboy boots. Little straw hats hid their fantasy faces from her view, but they captured her heart immediately.

  She ran a hand over her stomach. This ranch would be a great place to grow up. But how could she give up all that she had in Georgia and come to Texas?

  “I take it that’s out of the question?” Rick said.

  “How can you expect me to even think about the idea?”

  “Because you won’t marry him. You won’t move here. What choice does the man have if he wants to see his kids?”

  “He can—he can—” she sputtered. “I don’t know. But he’s not getting custody.”

  Rick studied her for a full minute. “Tell me, Bryn. What’s keeping you in Georgia?”

  Chapter Sixteen

  What was keeping her in Georgia? The question echoed in her mind all through the night and into the next morning.

  How could she explain? She lived in Georgia. It was her home.

  And even more than that, Jake had deceived her. He had said all the right things, made all the right moves. Convinced her to love him and then wham! How could she ever trust him again? How was she going to be able to work out an agreement with him knowing what he truly wanted from her?

  Then again, how could she not? They were in this together, like it or not. If he went through with filing for custody—and she had no reason to believe that he wouldn’t—then she would have to fight him in court or at the very least in a lawyer’s office until they worked out a plan that would suit them both. Did one even exist?

  No.

  What’s keeping you in Georgia?

  She wished she had the answer to that. Nothing and everything.

  And the truth of the matter . . . the only thing keeping them from being a family was her own stubbornness. Was it worth it?

  No.

  The thoughts and questions swirled around her head, looking for an answer she didn’t have. But maybe she did.

  The questions circled once more and landed on the same answer, the answer she hated above all else. The answer that made her more vulnerable to Jake than she had ever been.

  The only answer she had.

  She dragged herself out of bed, dressed, and skipped brushing her teeth until she knew Jake was outside and there was no chance of running into him there. Then she headed for the kitchen and the coffee she knew to be waiting there.

  She allowed herself only one cup a day and savored each sip. Today, she figured it wouldn’t be near as enjoyable. Not with everything hanging over her head.

  Rick was leaving, she was staying, and Jake wanted the twins for himself.

  How had things gotten in such a mess?

  “Then Jake came tearing out of the house wearing nothing but a towel. He ran across the pasture after Seth and chased him clear to the next county.” Grandma Esther wiped her eyes as Rick chuckled.

  “Tell another one, Grandma Esther.” Wesley bounced in her seat.

  Then they caught sight of her.

  Rick straightened. Grandma Esther cleared her throat.

  “Miss Bryn,” Wesley cried. She slid from her bench and flung herself at Bryn.

  “Good morning,” Bryn murmured, returning her embrace.

  “Grandma Esther was just telling family stories,” Rick said.

  Wesley returned to her seat, and Bryn moved to the coffeepot for her morning joe.

  She poured her cup and turned back to the trio at the table. “Where’s Jake?”

  “He’s out at the bunkhouse.”

  Bryn nodded. At least it was safe to brush her teeth.

  Chicken.

  She pushed that voice away. It was self-preservation, pure and simple.

  Rick stood. “Well, I guess I should be getting back to Austin.”

  “So soon?” Bryn muttered.

  “Don’t be mad, love.”

  Bryn glared at him. “Traitor.”

  Rick shot her his sweetest smile. “One day you’ll thank me.”

  • • •

  Bryn waited until the afternoon before she went to find Jake. Her palms were sweaty and her mouth dry as she knocked on his office door.

  “Come in.”

  Bryn took a hefty breath and opened the door.

  Jake looked up from the papers on his desk while she stood nearby, stupidly staring at him. “Do you need something?”

  “Yes.” She nodded. “I need to talk to you.”

  Jake put the papers he’d been shuffling on his desk and leaned back in the big leather chair. “Oh?”

  “That is the . . . is the . . .” She swallowed hard and looked up at the ceiling as if the words she needed were written there. “Why is this so hard?”

  He studied her intently. “Just say whatever it is, Bryn.”

  “Is that offer to get married still available?”

  He stopped and the moment seemed suspended in time. Then he let out a breath and pushed to his feet. “Yes. Yes, of course.” He came around the desk and took her cold hands into his. “Are you serious?”

  She nodded, unable to speak around the lump in her throat. Please let this be the right thing to do. Please let this be the right thing to do.

  She bit her lip as he continued to stare at her. His gaze was so intense she felt stripped to the bone. Then he dropped her hands as if they were on fire. “If you’re sure, why do you seem so reluctant?”

  “You threatening to take them from me.”

  “I see.” He leaned back against his desk and crossed his arms. “So that’s how it’s going to be.”

  “How do you expect me to react? I’m just looking out for them.”

  “So am I.”

  “Georgia is all I’ve ever known.”

  “Texas is all I’ve ever known.”

  “You’re not the one moving.”

  “Touché.”

  “I just need time to get used to the idea.” She was scared, surely he could understand that.

  “Of moving to Texas or marrying me?”

  An uncomfortable laugh escaped her. “Both.”

  “No deal. Sorry. You’ll have to get used to it after the fact. We’re getting married as soon as possible.”

  Her heart gave a heavy thump in her chest. Or maybe it was excitement. She didn’t really know “I’m mad at you, you know.”

  He nodded. “I know. You can be mad at me all you want. Just as long as you marry me.”

  • • •

  There were entirely too many plans to make. Bryn was exhausted. Her back hurt, her feet were swollen, and she still hadn’t become accustomed to the idea of leaving everything she had in Georgia and moving to Texas to marry a man she barely knew.

  But you know him well enough.

  She knew that he could cook a steak good enough that it didn’t need steak sauce. That his eyes were the color of a deep forest after the rain. And he co
uld take her to bed and have her begging for mercy in nothing flat. Yet, was that enough to build a marriage on? Did they really have a choice?

  “Mama will be back from Houston in two days. After that, I’m sure she’ll take over all the planning. Fair warning,” Jake said.

  Bryn looked down at the checklist she’d made for the movers. They had hired somebody to pack all her stuff in the house and put it up for sale as is. Part of her wanted to keep it just in case. But another part of her said “in for a penny, in for a pound”; wasn’t that how the old saying went? Was that just an old version of “go big or go home”?

  “Are you ready to go shopping?”

  Bryn jerked her gaze up to meet Jake. “What?”

  “Shopping,” he said very slowly as if talking to someone who had trouble understanding English. “You need some clothes and a coat. Maybe some boots and definitely something to get married in.”

  She shook her head. She didn’t want anything special. Because if she bought a new beautiful dress and matching jewelry, had her hair fixed and all that other finery, it would seem too much like a real marriage. And that wasn’t the case. Not ever.

  “Okay, it’s like this: you can go shopping with me or you can go shopping with my mother.”

  “She can’t go shopping, not after coming back from the chemo treatment.”

  “Exactly. Now get your purse, and let’s go.”

  Bryn had expected to drive in to Cattle Creek and shop in the quaint little stores on Main Street. But once they climbed into Jake’s big pickup truck, they headed for the highway. “Where are we going?”

  “San Angelo. It’s an hour and a half drive, but it’ll be worth it in the long run. You’ll have so many more choices.”

  That was what she needed: choices. But the one thing she wished she had a choice on, she didn’t have a choice at all. Her life.

  She hated her morose attitude. It was so unlike her. And though she would love to blame it on pregnancy hormones, she suspected that it had more to do with the man sitting next to her than it did anything else. He told her he loved her and then he threatened to take the twins from her. Now he was going to marry her. It just didn’t make sense. Where was the real Jake? He had so many walls up around himself she didn’t know if she would ever find out. And what kind of marriage would that be?

  She laid her head against the window and watched the miles go by. Jake turned on the radio to a classic rock station. She’d been a little surprised. She had expected him to listen to nothing but country. But he sang along with almost every song, drumming his thumbs against the steering wheel. It was more than a little unexpected. And just went to prove there was more to her future husband than she realized. And more than he was letting her see. When would she ever get to see the real Jake?

  An hour and a half later, Jake pulled his truck into the parking lot at the mall. Bryn hadn’t realized how accustomed she’d become to ranch living until she got back into big-city traffic. Not that San Angelo could hold a candle to the traffic of Atlanta, but it was a sight more than Cattle Creek for sure.

  They walked through the big doors and Jake fished his wallet out of his back pocket. He pulled out a credit card and handed it to Bryn. “Do whatever you want. I’ll wait for you in the food court.”

  “Oh, no, you don’t, cowboy. You wanted to come shop, so you’re coming shopping.”

  There were only a couple of choices for maternity clothes at the Sunset Mall, and they hit every one of them.

  “Don’t forget a coat,” Jake told her. “And try on the jeans.”

  “I hate the jeans.” She took off the gigantic pair of maternity jeans and hung them on the hanger.

  So far they picked shirts, a couple of casual dresses, and a bunch of other clothes. Jake had been a great sport. She ducked into the changing room and he’d brought her clothes consistently. Surprisingly enough, he seemed to have an eye for such things. Or maybe he just paid attention to the clothes she already owned. Then again, maybe she just didn’t care. She had no qualms with anything he brought. Just whether or not it fit was the only issue she had. Except for the jeans.

  “Try this.” He dropped a dress over the top of the door, hanging it on her side.

  “No.” She shook her head even though he wasn’t around. She couldn’t try on that dress. It was beautiful. Pale blue chiffon with tulle over the top, it had an empire waist and looked to fall just below the knees.

  “It’s a something blue.”

  “I can’t get married in that. It doesn’t have any sleeves.” It was perhaps the dumbest excuse she’d ever used.

  “That’s why you need to buy a coat.”

  “You can’t wear a coat over a dress like that.”

  “I had a feeling you were going to say that. Try this.” Once again he deposited something over the top of the door. This time it was a beautiful pashmina of the palest pink, embroidered with blue flowers that perfectly matched the blue of the dress.

  “The saleslady said you could wear that around your shoulders. That would keep you warm enough if you were inside. And it’s perfectly acceptable to wear sleeveless things in the wintertime. That’s what she said anyway.”

  He had asked the saleslady? Just another piece of Jake she never knew about, never thought was there. At least he let her see this side of him. But what about the real Jake? The thought of it haunted her.

  “And I found these.” He held a pair of brown cowboy boots over the top of the door. They were beautiful. Caramel tan distressed leather with cream-colored roses stitched all across the shaft. They definitely didn’t look like they belonged in a mid-price department store.

  “Where did you get these?”

  “Don’t worry about that. Just try them on.”

  “I already have cowboy boots.”

  “Now you have two pair. Try them on.”

  He bought her cowboy boots?

  Even as reluctant as she was, she donned the outfit. It was the most unorthodox wedding attire she’d ever seen. And somehow she loved it. The dress should’ve made her look like she was wearing a tent, but it didn’t. And the cowboy boots should have been ridiculous paired with such a feminine dress, but they worked. The pashmina was silky-soft against her shoulders and somehow the pastel colors complemented her dark hair and eyes.

  “Come out and let me see.”

  She stared at herself in the mirror and shook her head. “If I wear this to get married in, it’s bad luck for you to see.”

  “Just come out. We’ve already had more than our share of bad luck.”

  She opened the door and hesitantly stepped from the dressing room. She wanted to tell him how ridiculous she felt, how unlike her the outfit was, how she couldn’t wear it to get married, and a dozen other reasons why she needed to take it off immediately. But none of them would come. Maybe because all of them were lies.

  “I think that’ll do just fine, don’t you?”

  She had never been able to deny him anything. And she couldn’t deny that satisfied sparkle in those green eyes. He was so competitive, such a perfectionist. He put so much effort and time into every aspect of his life. Of course he would be proud that he picked out the ensemble even with the salesperson’s help.

  And that light in his eyes had nothing to do with the love he confessed. She didn’t trust those words. They were just words. And as much as she wanted to believe them, he backed them up the next day with a request for custody.

  She pushed those thoughts away. They were moving past that to a marriage. But how was this marriage ever going to be successful with so much hanging over them? She didn’t know, but she had to give it a try.

  • • •

  Bryn was appalled at the amount of money Jake spent at the department store. She had tried to pay, but he refused, telling her it was his treat. Even so, after the one store she was tired and just about ready
to go home. Carrying around fifty pounds of extra weight wasn’t the easiest thing to do. Especially not when it all stuck out in the front. It didn’t help that Esther and Evelyn had her planning a wedding every spare moment of the day. Still, she couldn’t deny this to either woman.

  Esther Langston adored Jake and would do anything for him. She wasn’t so young anymore, and who knew how many of her other grandchildren she would see married. And Evelyn . . . Bryn worried about Evelyn every day. She tried to put on a brave front, smiling though her eyes remained tired and lined. Bryn tried to talk to her about it on several occasions, but Evelyn just waved away her concern. But Bryn had seen that look on so many faces at the hospital and even though they belonged to children, the look was the same. As heartbreaking as it was, she had seen that same look on Emery’s face. It was the look of fighting a losing battle.

  “One more stop,” Jake said.

  “One more.”

  They headed back down the mall the way they came in, and Jake stopped at a jewelry store.

  She shook her head. “Oh, no. We’re not buying jewelry.”

  “We need rings to get married with.”

  “We could buy something in town. We just need wedding bands.”

  “There’s not a store that has this selection of fine jewelry in Cattle Creek. We might could find a couple of pieces at Donna’s Gifts, but nothing like you will find here. Now stop fussing.”

  But she couldn’t let it go that easily. “Gold bands. I draw the line at gold bands.”

  A twentysomething salesperson hustled over when she saw them pause at the display counter. “May I help you with something today?”

  Jake flashed the young woman a charming smile.

  Bryn could almost see the woman melt right there on the floor. “Yes. Thank you. My fiancée and I would like to look at some wedding rings.”

  The young woman’s gaze dropped to Bryn’s expanded middle. Her eyes widened just a bit before she caught herself and smiled. “Of course. Right here in this showcase.

  “This is a lovely set right here.” She pulled a flashy wedding set with one big diamond and lots of little diamonds, some baguettes and others round, out of the case.