This Can't be Life

by Shakara Cannon

  I lowered myself onto the grass because I knew I couldn’t hold myself up any longer.

  “Why would he blatantly do that shit in my face? I’m not fuckin’ stupid! Why would he do that?” I whispered aloud like a schizophrenic talkin’ to the voices inside my head.

  “Fuck this shit! Fuck him!” I got up and stormed back toward the door I had come out of, wipin' my face of any leftover tears. I was livid and I could not take this blatant disrespect. I haven’t seen this man in a month and waited outside for him for almost two hours and the first thing he does when we get inside is answer the phone and have a conversation with someone else I know he is fuckin’! Oh, hell naw! I walked back inside and right past his ass, heading for the front door. He was hangin’ up the phone by the time I made it through the door and out of the family room. I could hear his slippered feet floppin' against the floor not too far behind me.

  “Stace, what’s up? What’s wrong, baby?” he asked like he didn’t already fuckin’ know.

  “Fuck you, Tyron. Leave me the fuck alone! I’m leavin’ and please don’t call me any more. Let me be. This shit ain’t good for me.” I opened the front door and he pushed it closed from behind me.

  “What in the fuck did I do, yo?” he asked, feignin' ignorance. I turned around, eyes puffy, tears rollin' down my cheeks.

  “Leave me alone. You don’t respect me. You treat me like shit. You talk to me any kind of way. And then we get here and before you do anything, you get on the phone sweet talkin’ Lord knows who. Fuck that! Fuck you! I don’t need this shit. I don’t need you. You don’t give a fuck about me. You deliberately hurt my feelin’s, havin’ a conversation like that right in my face, Tyron. That shit hurts,” I reiterated breathlessly.

  “Damn, you love me, don’t you?” he asked, smilin'.

  “Fuck you! No, I don’t love you. I’d be a fool to be in love all by myself!”

  “You love me and I know it. Look, I’m sorry if that hurt your feelings. That was not my intention, okay? That will never be my intention to hurt you. That’s not what I’m about, and that call isn’t even what you think. Now please, quit trippin’. I haven’t seen you in a whole month. I got a present for you, too.”

  He dug in his pocket and pulled out one fat car key. A fuckin’ Range Rover key! I looked down at his hand then back up at his face, then down at his hand and back up at his face again, tryin’ to make sure he was really sayin’ what I thought he was sayin’. He walked over, put the key in my hand, and opened the door that he’d just prevented me from goin’ out of.

  “Red is your favorite color, right?” he asked, smilin’ that beautiful smile of his. I shook my head yes.

  “You ever saw a candy apple red Range?” I wanted to say hell naw and jump up and down, but I was in shock. So instead, I just shook my head no.

  “Exactly. This was specially made for you. I knew you would like it.” I jumped into his arms and held him tightly.

  “Damn, you love me, don’t you?” I asked playfully, repeatin' the words he spoke to me no more than a few minutes ago.

  “Yeah, I do,” he said, surprising the hell out of me. “Now go look inside. It’s paid for and it’s in your name.” He smiled and patted me on the butt as I walked toward the Range, noticing the missing Maybach for the first time since I’d walked outside.

  I walked up to the truck and clicked the button on the key to unlock the doors. I opened the passenger side door and looked inside at the beautiful wood panelin' and the black suede seats with red leather trim. I couldn’t believe it when I saw my initials, SF, scripted into the head rests of the two front seats. I looked behind me at Tryon who smiled and winked at me, then began typing on his iPhone.

  “You like it?” he yelled from the porch. I jumped out of the car and ran over to him like a big kid. I grabbed his face and planted kisses all over it.

  “Not outside, Stace. Let’s go in the house,” he laughed, grabbin' me by my waist and turnin' me around to go inside the house.

  “So I assume you aren’t mad at me anymore, right?” he asked.

  “I feel better, but don’t do that shit again.” I poked him in his chest tryin’ to be serious. Laughin’, he walked away from me and into his bedroom.

  “Let’s take a shower,” he said.

  “All right, I’ll meet you there. I’m thirsty,” I replied, walkin to the kitchen. Once inside, I stalled for a few minutes then peeked out of the kitchen door, lookin around, tryin’ to make sure he wasn’t standing right there. I tiptoed through the bedroom to the bathroom and snuck a look inside to make sure he was really in the shower. Then I hurriedly walked back into the family room and picked up the phone to check the last call that came in on the caller ID. It read, “Charletta Banks.” I knew that was C. Banks’ wife’s name, Simone’s nemesis. But the question I had now was who he would be talkin' to like that from Banks’ house. I picked up the phone and called Simone.

  “Hey, girl. Do you know where Banks is right now?” I asked, bypassin' the formalities.

  “Yup, sure do,” she replied nonchalantly.

  “If he is there with you right now just say ‘yeah’ and I’ll call you later to tell you what’s up.”

  “No, he’s in New York,” she replied. “What’s up, Stace?” Simone asked soundin’ worried.

  “Nothing at all, sweetie. I’ll call you tomorrow.” I hung up the phone and dialed *67 and the number I memorized from the caller ID. I crossed my fingers and spoke after a woman answered the line.

  “Hello, this is Lloyd Patterson from American Express. Is Carlton Banks in, please?” I asked with a fake British accent.

  “Uhm, no. You actually just missed him. Can I help you with something or take a message?” she asked in a friendly voice.

  “No, it’s just a courtesy call to show our appreciation. Thanks. I will try again another day.” I hung up the phone, grabbed my new iPhone from its holster, and saved the number in my contacts as ‘The Whores?’ The question mark was because I still had yet to figure out who the whore was—Carlton Banks or that wife of his.

  Talise

  “Stacey, you need to tell Simone and see what she thinks at least. If Banks is messing with men, that’s something she will want to know.”

  “I know, Tali, but I don’t want to alarm her if I’m wrong. I wish I could find out what’s really goin’ on before I even say anything about it. She’s been callin’ me all mornin’.”

  “Well, hell, if you called me and said what you said to Monie about Malachi, Stace, I’d be calling you, too. Remember, we promised not to keep any secrets.” I handed him the cordless phone off of the kitchen counter.

  “Call her right now or I will, Stacey. You know that won’t go over well, either, because she’ll be pissed that you didn’t tell her yourself.” He took the phone from my hands and dialed Simone’s number, rolling his eyes at me as he waited for an answer. I pressed the speakerphone button and Stacey placed the tiny silver handset on the base that sat on the counter and mouthed thank you. I knew he didn’t want to talk to her alone.

  “What’s up, girl? I was just thinking about you. I saw some shoes I knew you would love, so I bought them for you. You owe me $300,” Simone laughed jokingly.

  “Well, I hope they in a size 10 men’s and don’t have no damned heels.” Stacey laughed, trying to ease his tension with a joke.

  “Hey, what up, baby? I’ve been trying to call you all morning. And you know what I want, punk,” she laughed.

  “Yeah, I know. That’s why I’m callin’ you now.” He took a deep breath. “Okay, this is what happened. I can’t say it’s one way or the other. Wait, where are you?” Stacey asked, deciding that he’d rather discuss this with her in person than over the phone, which I thought was a good idea.

  “I’m not far from Tali’s. Want me to come there?” she asked. I could tell she was a little nervous.

  “Yeah, come here. How soon can you get here?”

  “I’ll be there in less than 10 minutes. I just
left Saks on Wilshire. I’m about to come up Crescent right now.”

  “Okay, we’ll see you when you get here.” I pushed the speakerphone button on the base of the phone as Stacey walked over to the window. I could tell he was dreading telling Simone what he didn’t even know for sure himself, but he was doing the right thing.

  As the whistle blew on the teakettle, I heard the front door open and close. I knew it was Simone. Other than Stacey and now Malachi, she was the only one who had a key.

  “Where are you guys? And who’s fly ass Rover is that in your parking space? That shit is fierce in that color,” she yelled, walking down the hall and into the adjoining kitchen and den. She hugged Stacey and kissed me on the cheek.

  “Here girl, these are so fly and they didn’t have my size. I’ll hook you up next time, Stace,” Simone said, handing me the Saks bag and ruffling Stacey’s hair as she walked past him into the kitchen.

  “Damn, this must be some shit, huh? You out the house with your hair all over the place like that? I like it, though. I tried to tell you it looks good like that.”

  “That’s Stace’s Range, girl. A present from Mr. Hanger Man,” I volunteered as she did her ritual of opening the refrigerator just to see what was inside.

  “Who’s Mr. Hanger Man?” Simone asked, looking back and forth from Stacey to me and then back to the inside of the fridge.

  “That’s my new nickname for Tyron. Get it? Hanger Man? Hangers go in the closet along with all his dirty little secrets,” I laughed as Simone cracked up. Stacey couldn’t help but crack a smile as he rolled his eyes and crossed his arms defiantly across his chest.

  “Okay, now, since we are on the subject of Tryon Marks and QP Records, which happens to be Banks’ and Tyron’s label, let’s get on with what I need to know about that call from you last night,” Simone said with her hand on her hip and the fridge still open.

  “Want some tea?” Stacey asked in a small voice that made me want to laugh out loud, but I thought better of it because he was so damned serious.

  “Damn, this must be serious. We’re drinking tea?” she closed the refrigerator.

  “What happened, Stacey?” She instinctively put her right hand up to her neck as tears welled up in her eyes. I walked over to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the sofa in the den. Stacey followed close behind.

  “Simone, don’t trip, girl. Let me tell you what happened before you overreact,” Stacey spoke in a calm voice.

  When Stacey had finished telling Simone his theory, I held my breath and waited for Simone to respond.

  “Okay, so you’re telling me that you think Banks could be gay and fucking Tyron, but you aren’t sure?” Simone smiled and began a gradual laughter that escalated to tears sliding down her face.

  “Carlton Banks is not, and I mean, not gay! You saw him, Stacey! You’ve been around him. You know your gaydar never fails. Come on! The bitch is fucking your man. Had me all worked up over this shit,” Simone said, laughing and wiping tears from her face.

  “Simone, you said that Banks was in New York, right? Well, when I called his house, she said that I had just missed him. Now how can you explain that?” Stacey asked.

  “Stace, Banks was at my house no more than 10 minutes after I got off the phone with you. He surprised me by coming back early,” Simone said gently to Stacey.

  “But I thought his wife didn’t live here. She answered the phone.”

  “She and his kids come out here from time to time, but she stays at their house in Malibu mostly, which happens to be very close to Tyron. Hmmm, I’m sorry, Stacey. Not only does the man you love have a girlfriend, but he’s in the closet and messing with another woman and Lord knows who else.” Stacey looked at Simone like she had lost her mind.

  “Whatever, heffa! You think I like the fact that he’s fuckin’ someone else? Hell, I’m dealin’ with him having a fuckin’ girlfriend and now this shit?” Stacey got up from the couch, walked to the front door and without even a goodbye to Simone or myself, and left the house, closing the door behind him.

  “I hope he’s able to keep it together this time,” Simone said, shaking her head from side to side.

  “Yeah, me, too. We have to keep a close eye on him, Monie. If anything remotely similar to last time happens, I just don’t think he’ll make it. Stacey will flip out,” I said, plopping my head down on the back of the couch.

  “I’ll pray for Tyron,” Simone said solemnly.

  “Hell, I’ll pray for them both.”

  Stacey

  “Tyron, someone is followin’ me. They’ve been tailin' me since I came up Las Virgenes Canyon. What should I do?” I didn’t want to panic, but I was scared shitless. I never even told Tyron about being stalked, and now I was bein’ followed!

  “Who do you think it is?” he asked.

  “I don’t know. They’re in a black Expedition. I don’t know what to do!”

  “Well, first of all, you need to turn around. Don’t come to my house with nobody following you.” He spoke matter-of-factly.

  “What do you mean don’t come there? What am I supposed to do? I’m already on PCH,” I whined.

  “I don’t know, Stace, but you can’t bring that shit over here. Turn around and go back home or pull into the police station and see what happens. Sorry, Stace,” he said, not soundin’ sorry at all. He didn’t give a shit about what happened to me. He just wanted to protect his own ass. I hung up in his face and threw the phone onto the passenger seat as I pulled into the gas station.

  When I first noticed the truck, I didn’t think anything of it. But after I got gas and the damned truck was still a car behind me, I knew somethin’ was up. I made unnecessary turns and u-turns as if I was lost, and still I was bein’ tailed by the Expedition. I pulled up to the pump and stayed in my car, tryin’ to think of what to do. I was so confused and pissed off that I wasn’t scared any more. I was mad. I was mad at whoever was followin’ me and I was beyond angry at Tyron for not givin’ a damn about me. It was obvious that he only cared about protectin' himself.

  I pulled out of the gas station and headed back the way I came. I definitely wasn’t goin’ to lead this sicko to my house, but I drove in that direction anyway. I couldn’t see the truck following me anymore and hoped that it was gone, but I kept a close eye on the cars behind me, just in case.

  It had been 20 minutes since I started north up the Canyon approaching the 101. I was positive I was no longer bein’ followed, but that didn’t make me feel better. I pulled into yet another gas station — the second Chevron in less than 45 minutes — and rested my head on the red initials stitched into my seat’s head rest as I dialed Simone’s cell.

  “I was followed on my way to Tyron’s house, and when I called and told him, he told me not to come over there.” I spat out after she answered.

  “Fuck Tyron! What do you mean you were being followed, Stacey? Who was following you? Where are you?” she asked.

  “I don’t know, Simone. I don’t know. I’m at the gas station on Las Virgenes off the 101. I don’t know what to do, Monie.” I can’t believe Tyron didn’t try to help me, I thought, but I knew better than to speak that aloud.

  “Hold on, Stace.” Simone clicked over and I knew just what she was doin’.

  “Stacey, you don’t have any idea who was following you?” Talise asked skeptically when Simone clicked back over. Simone must have filled her in quite quickly.

  “You know what’s been goin’ on, Tali, Simone. It’s most likely the same sicko that sent me that shit,” I huffed in resignation.

  “You have to do something about this immediately, Stacey. This shit is escalating,” Simone insisted.

  “She’s right, Stacey. What in the hell will he do next?” Talise asked rhetorically.

  “Whoever it is is just tryin’ to scare me.”

  “Don’t say shit else, Stacey. Meet us at your house. We’re going to do something about this today or at least get the wheels turning.”

  “Right,
Simone. We have to stop this, Stacey. You can’t ignore it any longer, babe. It’s real,” Talise stated, tryin’ to convince me of somethin’ she knew I wouldn’t be down for.

  We pulled into the North Hollywood Police Station on Burbank Blvd, right off of the 170 freeway, with Simone behind the wheel of my truck and Talise in the back seat. We’d met at my house and they convinced me that I needed to file a report. We got all the evidence I’d collected so far: the FedEx box full of unspeakable things and the notes he’d left. We walked into the police station and Simone did all the talkin’. We sat down with a detective and told him the story from beginning to end, deliberately not mentionin' anything about Tryon Marks.

  Talise

  I opened the gate to Malachi’s house with the remote he gave me and went inside the house for the first time with my very own key.

  “Malachi?” I yelled as I sat my purse and keys down on the kitchen counter. I always loved staying in his house. Whenever I’m here, I feel calm and serene, especially looking out at the beautiful view of the valley. It had been two whole days since I’d seen Malachi, and I was happy to finally get to spend some time with him.

  “Hey, baby.” Malachi walked up to me, put his arms around my waist, and lifted me off the ground. I was in heaven until his lips touched my mouth. I smelled liquor…along with Listerine and toothpaste, but I know I smelled liquor. My body froze in his arms.