When It Hits You (The It Series Book 1)

by Nicki Elson

  He joined them, and they began their journey through Fart Forest and Poopy Swamp, as Gabby had renamed them. Part way through, Lyssa’s phone buzzed with a text. It was Keith. She stared for a few seconds at the name: Hot Stuff. He hadn’t called or texted since the breakup, so she hadn’t thought to change it.

  Happy turkey day. U at sisters?

  Yep. U?

  At Ps. Was nice to c u last weekend

  Lyssa paused a moment before responding. This was…unexpected. But she didn’t want him to sense her hesitation, so she shook it off and typed:

  Ditto. How did date go?

  “Auntie Lyssa…” Gabby growled.

  “Sorry.” Sarah had wandered off at some point, so Lyssa threw her phone into her lap—screen up—and took her turn, glancing immediately down at the phone once she’d finished.

  Er not good. U left & it was 20?s. High paranoia

  Sorry

  Is ok. Not really into her.

  Lyssa tapped her thumb against the side of her phone, staring at it, unsure of how to respond. Unsure of how she even felt.

  “Auntie! That’s rude!” Gabby shouted.

  Half in a daze, still caught in her quandary, she looked at the little girl but said nothing.

  “It’s your turn again,” Benjamin explained.

  “Give me a sec,” Lyssa said, smiling as the perfect response came to her.

  Gabby just told me I’m rude ha. I should go

  OK

  Gobble gobble

  ;p

  She smiled. He’d thought of her on a national holiday. And the date had gone badly—because of her. She wasn’t sure what, if any, implications this had for her and Keith’s future. She wouldn’t analyze it right now. Instead, she’d simply enjoy the delightful tingles the mild flirtation had given her. Assuming it had been flirtation.

  As she lay on the couch that night, her hand traveled under the elastic waistband of her pajama bottoms. She was thinking of Keith. In the privacy of her mind, it was perfectly safe to imagine a reunion. His wide mouth reacquainting itself with every inch of her.

  Knowing she’d be relegated to the family room sofa during her stay at her sister’s, Lyssa hadn’t bothered to bring any variation of Vibrizzio. Now, experienced though her fingers were, she regretted that decision. She wanted more power, ached for it as she tried to mimic the device’s quick pulse.

  She froze when a loud crack sounded from the kitchen. Though she soon assessed it as a false alarm, she slid her hand up and out of her pants. Between worrying about someone walking in on her and the lack of electronic pleasure, there’d be no getting off tonight. After several fitful changes in position, sleep finally overtook her.

  The sound of the vacuum cleaner coming down the hall woke her the next morning. “Up and at ’em,” Jessica chirped above the loud hum as she emerged into the family room with the machine.

  Lyssa was dismayed to find she’d awoken as aroused as she’d been the night before. Actually—more so. Her girly bits tingled against the throw pillow she found wedged between her legs. A retreating dream indicated she’d been grinding against it. If she’d been endowed with male equipment, she was sure she wouldn’t have been able to stand right then, at least not without a great deal of embarrassment.

  “Get those out of my way, please,” Jess said, indicating Lyssa’s socks and more throw pillows on the floor.

  Lyssa jumped up and scooped the mess onto the sofa, then stepped to her sister to blow dragon breath into her face before heading to the bathroom. Standing next to the vacuum, she felt its vibrations in the bare soles of her feet. A jolt of pleasure tickled up her inner thighs all the way to her sweet spot. Trying not to show her panic, she forewent the offensive breath blowing and rushed to the bathroom, where she slammed the door and thrust her hand into her pants.

  She was coated in slippery wetness, thick enough for her to wonder if she’d already climaxed in her sleep. My God, how long has Jess been vacuuming? Regardless of what her unconscious body had done, her conscious one screamed for attention. Closing her eyes and bracing herself on the counter with her free hand, she slid three fingers into her slick canal, desperately pumping her hips forward and back as she tightened and released her muscles. All the while, the vacuum’s buzz swirled around her. She imagined its massive sucking action pulling at her, burying its throbbing hose deep inside her…

  Biting her lips together to stop from crying out, she completed what she hadn’t been able to accomplish the night before. After the trembling ceased, she slowly opened her eyes to watch herself staring back through the mirror, flushed from the glorious spasms. The longer she looked, the lower her jaw fell and the wider her eyes opened, aghast at her loss of control. Apparently, electronic vibrations had become her personal crack.

  Chapter 12

  “THIS IS INCREDIBLE,” Trish gushed as her eyes roved over the towering, ivory expanse of the Field Museum’s central court. It had been transformed from its daytime, open-to-the-public appearance. Flickering tea lights on small round cocktail tables now surrounded the giant, stretched-skin elephants and Sue, the infamous Tyrannosaurus. Evergreen wreaths and flowing red ribbons adorned each of the looming pillars. On a raised stage to the right of the dino, a string quartet sent classical notes floating down upon the mingling guests. “Thanks for asking me to be your date—remind me to never encourage you to date a real man again.”

  Christmas was less than two weeks away, and Lyssa hadn’t received so much as an emoticon from Keith since Thanksgiving. After berating herself for letting his text awaken thoughts of engaging in real-life romance, she reaffirmed her commitment to electronic men. Though after the vacuum cleaner incident, she’d added some addiction-warding rules, like no masturbating on Sunday and a minimum of forty-eight hours between sessions…except for special occasions. She’d also added a clause that forbid fantasizing about anyone she knew in real life—such a thing only encouraged futile, foolish hope.

  With the rules in place, she was sure she could make her boycott of real men work. Trish would certainly be more fun than any man Lyssa could’ve invited to the annual Sauramon Industries Christmas party. Sauramon was one of Fox & Keaton’s biggest clients. Every year, the company extended an invitation to twenty F&K employees, hand-picked by Henry Beecher. This year, Beecher gave Lyssa an invite as a reward for working so hard for DH. Hayden and his date, Sabine, were somewhere in the chattering crowd, too.

  The girls grabbed glasses of spiced gewürztraminer from a passing tray and wandered into the Nature Walk. While they observed the preserved and posed collection of animals, Trish announced that her boyfriend Kurt had asked her to move in with him instead of re-signing her lease when it expired in a couple of months.

  “That’s so exciting!” Lyssa beamed at her.

  “I guess, but…I don’t know.”

  “Not ready to take that step?”

  “We haven’t even been dating a full two years yet.”

  “But you’ve already told me you know you two will end up together. If he’s willing to commit…”

  “Commit to letting me share living expenses for a while.”

  “Do you want more than that?”

  Trish shrugged.

  “If he asked you to marry him right now, would you say yes?”

  “Right now? No.”

  “But someday?”

  “Yeah, someday.” Trish stopped in front of a snow-filled forest with dead deer in various positions of lifelike activity. “This place used to freak me out when I was a kid. Like the animals were still alive and trapped in these cases, frozen in position by an evil spell.”

  “I always thought of it like a perfect zoo. All the animals pose like you want them to instead of randomly running off or turning away right when you snap a picture.” After a few silent moments of admiring the idealistic, stationary setting, Lyssa asked, “What are you going to tell him?”

  “I’ve got two months to think about that. Can we get out of here? I’m gettin
g the heebie-jeebies.”

  They moved on to the Hall of Gems, and Lyssa let the subject drop. While she stared into the face of the Sun God Opal, she noticed a catlike movement in her peripheral vision. Glancing over, she was surprised to see Roni Wexman. The investment manager was svelte and stunning in a crimson sheath dress.

  “Hi,” Lyssa said, catching Roni’s attention. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

  Though Wexman nodded a greeting, the intangible veil clouding her expression hinted at zero recognition.

  “I’m Lyssa Bates from Fox and Keaton. I visited your offices in October with Hayden King for the Delicious Hawaii account.”

  “Of course. I’m so sorry. Terrible with faces.”

  “It’s okay. I don’t usually wear an up-do and dangly crystal earrings to business meetings, so I’m sure I’d be hard to recognize.” That was not to mention her black, cap-sleeved dress with a flared skirt ending just above her knees. “Do you manage money for Sauramon?”

  “Yes. After several months of courting, we finally got the account.” Roni’s eyes drifted away from Lyssa and flicked over the collection of guests beyond her. “It was very nice to see you again. Enjoy the party.”

  As Lyssa watched Roni slink away, she considered that Hayden would be even more surprised than she was by the appearance of the Aphrodite from Atlanta, especially with Sabine on his arm. Lyssa and Trish returned to the main hall and discovered that the string quartet had been replaced by a DJ. The lighting had dimmed to a sultry level, bathing the massive court in geometric patterns cast by green and red lanterns.

  Lyssa spotted Hayden and Sabine near the dance floor and brought Trish over to make introductions, silently praying that her friend wouldn’t make any reference to Delicious Hayden. She didn’t. When both Trish and Sabine became absorbed by mutual admiration of each other’s dresses, Lyssa trapped Hayden’s gaze, widening her eyes in hopes of conveying that he better be careful.

  He missed the delicacy of the situation. “What’s wrong with you, Bates?”

  Letting out a nervous laugh, she said, “Nothing more than the usual.”

  A few moments later, Sabine bent to examine the velvet bow at Trish’s hip. Lyssa used the opportunity to shoot him more obvious daggers over his date’s backless dress. He narrowed his eyes, his brow furrowing. When Sabine straightened, he said to her, “Do you mind if I take a spin on the dance floor with my partner? I think she needs a little help loosening up.”

  “Fine with me,” Sabine said. “But don’t tire him out—I have plans for him in a dark corner of the museum later.” She waggled her eyebrows and winked before giving him a peck on the lips.

  On the dance floor, Lyssa followed Hayden’s lead to the soothing baritone of Bing Crosby…or was it Dean Martin? She was never sure.

  “What’s up?” he asked.

  “Roni’s here,” she murmured into his ear, leaning in close as they swayed. As usual, he smelled amazing.

  “And…?”

  “And…you knew?”

  “Of course I did. She texted me last week.”

  “Yet you still brought Sabine?”

  “I’d already asked her.”

  “So Roni’s cool?”

  “The woman is the epitome of discreet.” He guided Lyssa through a half-spin. “And she knows good things come to those who wait. She’ll get her reward come midnight.” He held her lightly against his chest with her back to him before spinning her to face him again. As she came around, his beguiling blue eyes swept over her. “You look very pretty in a dress, by the way. You should wear them more often.”

  “So I can attract philanderers like you?”

  “I believe the appropriate response is ‘thank you,’ but who are you calling a philanderer? I’ve never told either woman I’m not seeing anyone else.”

  Lyssa frowned as they swayed. Up close, with his sure arms around her, his body effortlessly maneuvering hers, he was practically intoxicating. Roni and Sabine were lucky women, even if they did have to share him.

  “Not all of us can be as perfect as Andre Agassi,” he added.

  “He’s hardly perfect.”

  “No?” His raised eyebrow indicated more than passing curiosity.

  “Sometimes he runs out of batteries.”

  Hayden laughed and spun her again. “So the crazy eyes you were making back there—that was to warn me about the possibility of worlds colliding?”

  “Yep.”

  “Even though you don’t approve? Shouldn’t you want me to get caught?”

  “Nah—I don’t want my partner getting impaled in the middle of a big project.” She winked and he smiled, pulling her against him and holding her there as he lightly rocked to the rhythm.

  “I like having you around, Bates.” His mouth was close enough that she felt his warm breath tickle her ear. “I wish you’d reconsider coming with all of us to Jackson Hole over New Year’s. We’ve got an extra room.”

  By “all of us” he meant three couples. Lyssa wasn’t interested in being the seventh wheel. “I told you, I don’t ski.”

  “I could teach you.”

  A one-on-one ski weekend would be a different story. But that wasn’t—and never would be—the case. She needed to stay grounded in reality. “I’ll be at my parents’ until the twenty-seventh, and after the travel schedule you and I have been keeping up, I just want to stay home for as long as I can after I get back. Plus, I’m sure my dwindling bank account will thank me for declining.”

  The last notes of the song stretched out, overlapping with the peppier beat of a new one. Lyssa let her arms slide off of him and turned to leave the dance floor, but Hayden’s fingers laced with hers, holding her back. “Not yet. They’re playing our song.”

  She paused, recognizing the tune she and Hayden had goofed off to in Texas, only this time it was Hall and Oates themselves. “Oh no, I’m not doing the swim or the lawnmower in this dress!”

  “You don’t have to. Come on, dance with me.” He moved his hands to her waist to keep her there, then lifted an arm to motion for Sabine and Trish to join them. The other women came and they danced as a foursome, but it was always Lyssa Hayden lip-synched to at the chorus.

  It was Christmas Eve. The cookies were baked, and Jessica and the kids had set a plate out for Santa. Now she and Sam were coaxing their three children plus Sam’s nine-year-old son, Jason, to bed while Penny put together an egg casserole for the morning’s brunch. Lyssa’s dad sat in his favorite chair watching TV, and Doug and Karin waited for Lyssa in the enclosed gazebo off the patio. Lyssa just had to make a quick pit stop in her designated guest room to grab something.

  At the bottom of her bag, in a zipped compartment right behind a small, gift-wrapped package from Hayden, she found what she was looking for. Shoving it into her coat pocket, she headed to the back of the house and slipped out through the sliding glass door. As she entered the gazebo, she found Doug adjusting the space heater while Karin sat on the bench that circled the interior perimeter. This was Lyssa’s favorite part of the week—her powwows with her big brother.

  “Please tell me you’re doing an every-other-year thing for Thanksgiving and will be with me at Jess’s next year,” Lyssa whined when Karin handed her a cold beer.

  “We are,” Karin said. “But, um, we’re doing that for Christmas, too, which means…”

  “No! You can’t leave me alone with them for that long.”

  “Sorry, little one,” Doug said.

  “Aww, Lyss,” his wife consoled. “They’re not that bad.”

  Lyssa looked at her sister-in-law and shook her head. “You didn’t spend almost three hours at the back of the Jessmobile today—remind me to make the entire drive down by myself next year. And I’m sure Doug must’ve filled you in on my conversation with Mumsy during high tea at the Drake.”

  Karin laughed.

  “Uh huh, see? This is what drives me to seek out the good stuff.” Lyssa pulled a baggie out of her pocket and let it unroll, rev
ealing the marijuana Carla had procured for her.

  Doug laughed. “No way—you were serious?”

  “Of course I was. The Jack Daniels left me too hungover last year, so I figured pot was a more practical route.” Pulling out rolling papers and laying them on the bench, she said, “Now let’s see if I remember how to do this.” Licking her fingertips, she went to work and made a not-half-bad joint. When she held it out to Doug, the quick exchange of furtive glances between her brother and his wife vanquished her proud grin.

  “Sorry again, Sis. I can’t partake.”

  “What? Why?”

  “You’re sworn to maximum secrecy,” Karin said.

  “What? Why?” Lyssa repeated, her voice smaller.

  Karin inhaled and locked eyes with Doug. Then he shifted his gaze to his sister and said, “We can’t mess around with that stuff because we’re trying to have a baby.”

  Lyssa’s mouth opened a little wider, and she felt her face freeze, caught in conflicting emotions. She was excited for her brother and his wife and didn’t want to say or do anything that would dampen the moment, but this news totally sucked. She’d expected to have at least two or three more years before those two started down the path to parenthood. If all the equipment was working right, this could very well be their last gazebo night ever—and no one would get stoned with her to commemorate the occasion.

  Her flicking irises settled on her brother’s face. He watched her cautiously, but she saw in the twitch of his lips that a smile paced restlessly beneath his surface, just waiting for a positive sign from her. What else could she do? She burst into a grin and got up to kiss and hug them both.

  “But really, don’t say anything to anyone—we don’t want to jinx it,” Karin said as they all settled back into their seats.