The Queen's Own FBI Trilogy: Brain Twister; The Impossibles; Supermind

by Mark Phillips

  "We've got work to do,” Boyd contributed.

  Malone said nothing. He stared bleakly at the hood ornament on the car.

  "I have made my wishes known,” the Queen said.

  Lady Barbara said: “But—"

  Boyd, however, knew when to give in. “Yes, Your Majesty,” he said.

  She smiled graciously at him, and answered Lady Barbara only by a slight lift of her regal eyebrow.

  Malone had been thinking about something else. When he was sure he had a firm grip on himself he turned. “Your Majesty, tell me something,” he said. “You can read my mind, right?"

  "Well, of course, Sir Kenneth,” Her Majesty said. “I thought I'd proved that to you. And, as for what you're about to ask—"

  "No,” Malone said. “Please. Let me ask the questions before you answer them. It's less confusing that way. I'll cheerfully admit that it shouldn't be-but it is. Please?"

  "Certainly, Sir Kenneth, if you wish,” the Queen said. She folded her hands in her lap and waited quietly.

  "Okay,” Malone said. “Now, if you can read my mind, then you must know that I don't really believe that you are Queen Elizabeth of England. The First, I mean."

  "Mr. Malone,” Barbara Wilson said suddenly. “I—"

  "It's all right, child,” the Queen said. “He doesn't disturb me. And I do wish you'd call him Sir Kenneth. That's his title, you know."

  "Now that's what I mean,” Malone said. “Why do you want us to act as if we believe you, when you know we don't?"

  "Because that's the way people do act,” the Queen said calmly. “Very few people really believe that their so-called superiors are superior. Almost none of them do, in fact."

  "Now wait a minute,” Boyd began.

  "No, no, it's quite true,” the Queen said, “and, unpleasant as it may be, we must learn to face the truth. That's the path of sanity.” Lady Barbara made a strangled noise but Her Majesty continued, unruffled. “Nearly everybody suffers from the silly delusion that he's possibly equal to, but very probably superior to, everybody else-my goodness, where would we be if that were true?"

  Malone felt that a comment was called for, and he made one. “Who knows?” he said.

  "All the things people do toward their superiors,” the Queen said, “are done for social reasons. For instance, Sir Kenneth: you don't realize fully how you feel about Mr. Burris."

  "He's a hell of a fine guy,” Malone said. “I work for him. He's a good Director of the FBI."

  "Of course,” the Queen said. “But you believe you could do the job just as well, or perhaps a little better."

  "I do not,” Malone said angrily.

  Her Majesty reserved a dignified silence.

  After a while Malone said: “And what if I do?"

  "Why, nothing,” Her Majesty said. “You don't think Mr. Burris is any smarter or better than you are-but you treat him as if you did. All I am insisting on is the same treatment."

  "But if we don't believe—” Boyd began.

  "Bless you,” Her Majesty said, “I can't help the way you think, but, as Queen, I do have some control over the way you act."

  Malone thought it over. “You have a point there,” he said at last.

  Barbara said: “But—"

  "Yes, Sir Kenneth,” the Queen said, “I do.” She seemed to be ignoring Lady Barbara. Perhaps, Malone thought, she was still angry over the nap affair. “It's not that,” the Queen said.

  "Not what?” Boyd said, thoroughly confused.

  "Not the naps,” the Queen said.

  "What naps?” Boyd said. Malone said: “I was thinking—"

  "Good,” Boyd said. “Keep it up. I'm driving. Everything's going to hell around me, but I'm driving."

  A red light appeared ahead. Boyd jammed on the brakes with somewhat more than the necessary force, and Malone was thrown forward with a grunt. Behind him there were two ladylike squeals.

  Malone struggled upright. “Barbara?” he called. “Are you all right—” Then he remembered the Queen.

  "It's all right,” Her Majesty said. “I can understand your concern for Lady Barbara.” She smiled at Malone as he turned.

  Malone gaped at her. Of course she knew what he thought about Barbara; she'd been reading his mind. And, apparently, she was on his side. That was good, even though it made him slightly nervous to think about.

  "Now,” the Queen said suddenly, “what about tonight?"

  "Tonight?"

  "Yes, of course,” the Queen said. She smiled, and put up a hand to pat at her white hair under the Elizabethan skullcap. “I think I should like to go to the Palace,” she said. “After all, isn't that where a Queen should be?"

  Boyd said, in a kind of explosion: “London? England?"

  "Oh, dear me.... “the Queen began, and Barbara said:

  "I'm afraid that I simply can't allow anything like that. Overseas—"

  "I didn't mean overseas, dear,” Her Majesty said. “Sir Kenneth, please explain to these people."

  The Palace, Malone knew, was more properly known as the Golden Palace. It was right in Las Vegas-convenient to all sources of money.

  As a matter of fact, it was one of the biggest gambling houses along the Las Vegas strip, a veritable chaos of wheels, cards, dice, chips and other such devices. Malone explained all this to the others, wondering meanwhile why Miss Thompson wanted to go there.

  "Not Miss Thompson, please, Sir Kenneth,” Her Majesty said.

  "Not Miss Thompson what?” Boyd said. “What's going on anyhow?"

  "She's reading my mind,” Malone said.

  "Well, then,” Boyd snapped, “tell her to keep it to herself.” The car started up again with a roar and Malone and the others were thrown around again, this time toward the back. There was a chorus of groans and squeals, and they were on their way once more.

  "To reply to your question, Sir Kenneth,” the Queen said.

  Lady Barbara said, with some composure: “What question-Your Majesty?"

  The Queen nodded regally at her. “Sir Kenneth was wondering why I wished to go to the Golden Palace,” she said. “And my reply is this: it is none of your business why I want to go there. After all, is my word law, or isn't it?"

  There didn't seem to be a good enough answer to that, Malone thought sadly. He kept quiet and was relieved to note that the others did the same. However, after a second he thought of something else.

  "Your Majesty,” he began carefully, “we've got to go to Yucca Flats tomorrow. Remember?"

  "Certainly,” the Queen said. “My memory is quite good, thank you. But that is tomorrow morning. We have the rest of the night left. It's only a little after nine, you know."

  "Heavens,” Barbara said. “Is it that late?"

  "It's even later,” Boyd said sourly. “It's much later than you think."

  "And it's getting later all the time,” Malone added. “Pretty soon the sun will go out and all life on earth will end. Won't that be nice and peaceful?"

  "I'm looking forward to it,” Boyd said.

  "I'm not,” Barbara said. “But I've got to get some sleep tonight, if I'm going to be any good at all tomorrow."

  You're pretty good right now, Malone thought, but he didn't say a word. He felt the Queen's eye on him but didn't turn around. After all, she was on his side-wasn't she?

  At any rate, she didn't say anything.

  "Perhaps it would be best,” Barbara said, “if you and I-Your Majesty-just went home and rested up. Some other time, then, when there's nothing vital to do, we could—"

  "No,” the Queen said. “We couldn't. Really, Lady Barbara, how often will I have to remind you of the duties you owe your sovereign-not the least of which is obedience, as dear old Ben used to say."

  "Ben?” Malone said, and immediately wished he hadn't.

  "Johnson, dear boy,” the Queen said. “Really a remarkable man-and such a good friend to poor Will. Why, did you ever hear the story of how he actually paid Will's rent in London once upon a time? That w
as while Will and that Anne of his were having one of their arguments, of course. I didn't tell you that story, did I?"

  "No,” Malone said truthfully, but his voice was full of foreboding. “If I might remind Your Majesty of the subject,” he added tentatively, “I should like to say—"

  "Remind me of the subject!” the Queen said, obviously delighted. “What a lovely pun! And how much better because purely unconscious! My, my, Sir Kenneth, I never suspected you of a pointed sense of humor-could you be a descendant of Sir Richard Greene, I wonder?"

  "I doubt it,” Malone said. “My ancestors were all poor but Irish.” He paused. “Or, if you prefer, Irish, but poor.” Another pause, and then he added: “If that means anything at all. Which I doubt."

  "In any case,” the Queen said, her eyes twinkling, “you were about to enter a new objection to our little visit to the Palace, were you not?"

  Malone admitted as much. “I really think that—"

  Her eyes grew suddenly cold. “If I hear any more objections, Sir Kenneth, I shall not only rescind your knighthood and-when I regain my rightful kingdom-deny you your dukedom, but I shall refuse to cooperate any further in the business of Project Isle."

  Malone turned cold. His face, he knew without glancing in the mirror, was white and pale. He thought of what Burris would do to him if he didn't follow through on his assigned job.

  Even if he wasn't as good as Burris thought he was, he really liked being an FBI agent. He didn't want to be fired.

  And Burris had said: “Give her anything she wants."

  He gulped and tried to make his face look normal. “All right,” he said. “Fine. We'll go to the Palace."

  He tried to ignore the pall of apprehension that fell over the car.

  CHAPTER 6

  The management of the Golden Palace had been in business for many long, dreary, profitable years, and each member of the staff thought he or she had seen just about everything there was to be seen. And those that were new felt an obligation to look as if they'd seen everything.

  Therefore, when the entourage of Queen Elizabeth I strolled into the main salon, not a single eye was batted. Not a single gasp was heard.

  Nevertheless, the staff kept a discreet eye on the crew. Drunks, rich men or Arabian millionaires were all familiar. But a group out of the Sixteenth Century was something else again.

  Malone almost strutted, conscious of the sidelong glances the group was drawing. But it was obvious that Sir Thomas was the major attraction. Even if you could accept the idea of people in strange costumes, the sight of a living, breathing absolute duplicate of King Henry VIII was a little too much to take. It has been reported that two ladies named Jane, and one named Catherine, came down with sudden headaches and left the salon within five minutes of the group's arrival.

  Malone felt he knew, however, why he wasn't drawing his full share of attention. He felt a little out of place.

  The costume was one thing, and, to tell the truth, he was beginning to enjoy it. Even with the weight of the stuff, it was going to be a wrench to go back to single-breasted suits and plain white shirts. But he did feel that he should have been carrying a sword.

  Instead, he had a .44 Magnum Colt snuggled beneath his left armpit.

  Somehow, a .44 Magnum Colt didn't seem as romantic as a sword. Malone pictured himself saying: “Take that, varlet.” Was varlet what you called them, he wondered. Maybe it was valet.

  "Take that, valet,” he muttered. No, that sounded even worse. Oh, well, he could look it up later.

  The truth was that he had been born in the wrong century. He could imagine himself at the Mermaid Tavern, hob-nobbing with Shakespeare and all the rest of them. He wondered if Richard Greene would be there. Then he wondered who Richard Greene was.

  Behind Sir Kenneth, Sir Thomas Boyd strode, looking majestic, as if he were about to fling purses of gold to the citizenry. As a matter of fact, Malone thought, he was. They all were.

  Purses of good old United States of America gold.

  Behind Sir Thomas came Queen Elizabeth and her Lady-in-Waiting, Lady Barbara Wilson. They made a beautiful foursome.

  "The roulette table,” Her Majesty said with dignity. “Precede me."

  They pushed their way through the crowd. Most of the customers were either excited enough, drunk enough, or both to see nothing in the least incongruous about a Royal Family of the Tudors invading the Golden Palace. Very few of them, as a matter of fact, seemed to notice the group.

  They were roulette players. They noticed nothing but the table and the wheel. Malone wondered what they were thinking about, decided to ask Queen Elizabeth, and then decided against it. He felt it would make him nervous to know.

  Her Majesty took a handful of chips.

  The handful was worth, Malone knew, exactly five thousand dollars. That, he'd thought, ought to last them an evening, even in the Golden Palace. In the center of the strip, inside the city limits of Las Vegas itself, the five thousand would have lasted much longer-but Her Majesty wanted the Palace, and the Palace it was.

  Malone began to smile. Since he couldn't avoid the evening, he was determined to enjoy it. It was sort of fun, in its way, indulging a sweet harmless old lady. And there was nothing they could do until the next morning, anyhow.

  His indulgent smile faded very suddenly.

  Her Majesty plunked the entire handful of chips-five thousand dollars! Malone thought dazedly-onto the table. “Five thousand,” she said in clear, cool measured tones, “on number one."

  The croupier blinked only slightly. He bowed. “Yes, Your Majesty,” he said.

  Malone was briefly thankful, in the midst of his black horror, that he had called the management and told them that the Queen's plays were backed by the United States Government. Her Majesty was going to get unlimited credit-and a good deal of awed and somewhat puzzled respect.

  Malone watched the spin begin with mixed feelings. There was five thousand dollars riding on the little ball. But, after all, Her Majesty was a telepath. Did that mean anything?

  He hadn't decided by the time the wheel stopped, and by then he didn't have to decide.

  "Thirty-four,” the croupier said tonelessly. “Red, Even and High."

  He raked in the chips with a nonchalant air.

  Malone felt as if he had swallowed his stomach. Boyd and Lady Barbara, standing nearby, had absolutely no expressions on their faces. Malone needed no telepath to tell him what they were thinking.

  They were exactly the same as he was. They were incapable of thought.

  But Her Majesty never batted an eyelash. “Come, Sir Kenneth,” she said. “Let's go on to the poker tables."

  She swept out. Her entourage followed her, shambling a little, and blank-eyed. Malone was still thinking about the five thousand dollars. Oh, well, Burris had said to give the lady anything she wanted. But my God! he thought. Did she have to play for royal stakes?

  "I am, after all, a Queen,” she whispered back to him.

  Malone thought about the National Debt. He wondered if a million more or less would make any real difference. There would be questions asked in committees about it. He tried to imagine himself explaining the evening to a group of Congressmen. “Well, you see, gentlemen, there was this roulette wheel—"

  He gave it up.

  Then he wondered how much hotter the water was going to get, and he stopped thinking altogether in self-defense.

  In the next room, there were scattered tables. At one, a poker game was in full swing. Only five were playing; one, by his white-tie-and-tails uniform, was easily recognizable as a house dealer. The other four were all men, one of them in full cowboy regalia. The Tudors descended upon them with great suddenness, and the house dealer looked up and almost lost his cigarette.

  "We haven't any money, Your Majesty,” Malone whispered.

  She smiled up at him sweetly, and then drew him aside. “If you were a telepath,” she said, “how would you play poker?"

  Malone thought about
that for a minute, and then turned to look for Boyd. But Sir Thomas didn't even have to be given instructions. “Another five hundred?” he said.

  Her Majesty sniffed audibly. “Another five thousand,” she said regally.

  Boyd looked Malonewards. Malone looked defeated.

  Boyd turned with a small sigh and headed for the cashier's booth. Three minutes later, he was back with a fat fistful of chips.

  "Five grand?” Malone whispered to him.

  "Ten,” Boyd said. “I know when to back a winner."

  Her Majesty went over to the table. The dealer had regained control, but looked up at them with a puzzled stare.

  "You know,” the Queen said, with an obvious attempt to put the man at his ease, “I've always wanted to visit a gambling hall."

  "Sure, lady,” the dealer said. “Naturally."

  "May I sit down?"

  The dealer looked at the group. “How about your friends?” he said cautiously.

  The queen shook her head. “They would rather watch, I'm sure."

  For once Malone blessed the woman's telepathic talent. He, Boyd and Barbara Wilson formed a kind of Guard of Honor around the chair which Her Majesty occupied. Boyd handed over the new pile of chips, and was favored with a royal smile.

  "This is a poker game, ma'am,” the dealer said to her quietly.

  "I know, I know,” Her Majesty said with a trace of testiness. “Roll ‘em."

  The dealer stared at her popeyed. Next to her, the gentleman in the cowboy outfit turned. “Ma'am, are you from around these parts?” he said.

  "Oh, no,” the Queen said. “I'm from England."

  "England?” The cowboy looked puzzled. “You don't seem to have any accent, ma'am,” he said at last.

  "Certainly not,” the Queen said. “I've lost that; I've been over here a great many years."

  Malone hoped fervently that Her Majesty wouldn't mention just how many years. He didn't think he could stand it, and he was almost grateful for the cowboy's nasal twang.

  "Oil?” he said.

  "Oh, no,” Her Majesty said. “The Government is providing this money."

  "The Government?"

  "Certainly,” Her Majesty said. “The FBI, you know."