Make Believe

by Genevieve Smith

  “Do you care about him?” he asks.

  Oh God, that question, the one I have been dreading.

  “I don’t want to hurt you, Henry, more than I am. But yes, I care for him.”

  “Have you slept with him?”

  “Do you really want to know the answer to that, honestly? How’s that going to help you by knowing?”

  “You just answered it, Jess. Were you ever going to tell me or hide it away until it’s blasted on the front of my newspaper?” He sits up to put the light on and just watches me. The hurt is written all over his face.

  “I don’t know what to say to you, Henry. I’m sorry.”

  “How can you be so callous, Jess? Do you not feel anything for me at all?”

  “Of course I do, but not like I used to.”

  “Well that’s the difference between us, Jessica. I still love you very, very, much. My feelings for you haven’t changed; I don’t think they ever will. I can’t lay here in this bed with you without wanting to reach out and touch you. I crave for you, to be intimate with you again. I miss you so much.” He holds his head in his hands.

  “I’m going to go to the B&B down the road.”

  “Oh Henry, you don’t need to do that, please.”

  “Yes I do. How dare you start telling me how I should be feeling. You don’t give a shit about me or my feelings, you are only interested in your new life with your perfect man.” He throws back the duvet and clambers out of bed and heads over to the window where he starts to get dressed. I stand up and follow him, trying to convince him not to leave.

  “I do care very much, Henry. I’m so sorry I’ve hurt you,” I sob, trying to reassure him. He pushes me away and walks to the door.

  “Yeah, of course you do! That must be the reason you went off and fucked some other guy then. Thanks for that, Jess!” He shouts as he slams the bedroom door shut.

  I feel the uncontrollable whelm of my emotions exploding. I sink onto the bed and pull a pillow on top of my face and sob into it. I feel so guilty about hurting Henry and screwing everything up for Elliott. God, I have made such a mess of it all for everyone. The tears are irrepressible. I cry so much I force myself to sleep, not sure if it’s the jetlag or the on-going emotional crisis I’m stuck in.

  I wake with a sudden jump. I check the clock and it’s 6:00 a.m. God, I hate jetlag. I try and force my eyes shut again, but my body’s awake. I’m dreading today. One, because it’s going to be very odd, meeting my dad’s entire family and friends, people I didn’t know even existed. Two, what is Henry going to be like? And I fully deserved his rant last night. I have hurt him so badly. Oh God, and then there’s poor Elliott. I wonder what he’s up to or where the hell he is. I decide to text him not thinking about the harsh consequences of it.

  Hey Babe,

  I hope you are OK and the Hudson situation isn’t too out of hand. I’m worried. Text me when you have 5 mins please.

  Jess xxxxx

  I re-read it and then push the Send button. Within seconds my phone beeps.

  I open it instantly, anticipating it’s from him.

  Message undelivered. Fatal error.

  Huh? I try and send it again but the exact same thing happens.

  I decide to ring him.

  I scroll through my contacts and find his number and push the green button and wait. It doesn’t ring it just goes straight to his answer machine. What the hell? I try again several times, but constantly get the same response. Oh my God, I hope he’s ok.

  I decide to phone Mia to see if she’s heard anything, but she doesn’t answer. I then realise she’s probably out to dinner or something so I text her instead.

  Mia,

  Any news on Elliott? I’m worried.

  Xx

  It bleeps instantly.

  No, sorry.

  Someone said they saw him in a rush yesterday but that’s it.

  Xxxxx

  PS: How was ur night? x

  Terrible.

  He left…. I cried, etc.

  Usual shit. xxx

  I convince myself that at least if someone’s seen him then he must be OK. He’s obviously really shitty with me and doesn’t want to talk, but he’s safe. The realisation that he doesn’t want me hits me hard and the tears start to fall.

  I collect my stuff for the shower and head into the bathroom, hoping to wash my hurt away.

  “Jessica, breakfast’s ready, you need to come down,” Mum calls.

  I dry myself and throw on my dressing gown.

  I arrive at the kitchen and it’s extremely busy. Both Charlie and Louise are there with their partners. For once I’m the only one without one. Oh my God, I’m turning into my mum! Louise flies at me with her arms wide open and hugs me. We discuss how weird it’s all going to be today.

  Charlie butts in the conversation.

  “Hey little sis, have you missed our mad world?” He laughs.

  “No, not really. I have enough madness in my own life without all Dad’s crap.” I smile.

  Louise interjects.

  “Quickly before Henry arrives, what’s he like?”

  “What’s who like?” I reply, knowing full well what she means.

  “Elliott Tate, of course. Is he as gorgeous as he looks?” She giggles.

  “Oh God, yes. Better, in fact.” The memory of our last night together and how amazing the sex was pops into my head.

  She comes over and hugs me again and whispers in my ear, “Don’t listen to what Mum has to say. I think you’re perfect for him and if it was me, I wouldn’t let him out my sight, or my bedroom for that fact.” She giggles.

  “Thanks Lou, it means a lot,” I whisper back, kissing her on the cheek.

  I can’t help but keep glancing at my phone…but nothing. Shit, he must be really pissed at me.

  Henry arrives ten minutes before the funeral cars. He’s lost all his angst and is working his professional mode. My mother drapes herself all over him - it’s embarrassing really! Maybe she should date him? I try and catch him on his own, before my mother notices.

  “Hey, Henry can we chat?”

  “What now, Jessica?”

  “Aha.”

  I point to the utility room and we head in there. I stand facing Henry but with my back to the door; I want to make sure my mother’s not going to interrupt us.

  “I just wanted to say I’m sorry for everything yesterday. It was all my fault. I reacted badly. I really didn’t mean to hurt you. I hope we can still be friends?”

  “I don’t want to be just friends, Jess. I want you back, even after what you’ve done. But I’m prepared to wait for you.”

  He smiles, as he grasps my hand he traces my fingers, as he puts it to his mouth and kisses it.

  “What we had was amazing. I’ve become complacent. I know that now and I want you back. I promise I’ll be different. You deserve better.”

  I see the hurt in his eyes along with the tears. This wasn’t what I had planned he’d do. What had happened to my predictable Henry?

  “Henry, I think I need to take time out to sort myself out and Elliott, and you, come to that. I’m screwing everything up for everyone more than you could possibly realise.”

  “I know that, I understand you need space, but I’ve got you something, just in case you forget me when you go back to the states.” He hands me a small box - it’s beautifully wrapped in white paper with silver ribbons hanging down the side.

  “Oh Henry, you didn’t need to do this.” Why is he being so reasonable? It’s so much easier to hate him when he’s nasty.

  “I know I didn’t…I wanted to. Please, Jessica, open it.”

  I play with the ribbon and then open it. I push the box up and glittering back at me is a heart shaped necklace with a diamond in it. It’s beautiful.

  “Henry, I don’t know what to say. I can’t accept this, it’s too much. But it’s beautiful.”

  “I want you to have it. No matter what happens we’ve had a great time together, and I wa
nt you to always remember that.” He lifts it out of the box and puts it around my neck. I hold my hair up to help him.

  “Hmm, there…beautiful. Just like you Jess-bear.”

  I kiss him gently on the cheek. “Thank you.”

  I feel so confused about everything more than ever now. Henry was a sure thing which I thought I had dealt with, but now I realise it was just the beginning with him.

  “The car’s here!” Charlie shouts.

  I grab my clutch bag. It matches the satin of my black dress in which I feel very Audrey Hepburn.

  Henry’s at my side and helps me into the car. It’s like nothing changed.

  The service is good - strange, but nice. Charlie makes an excellent speech. I knew he would, he’s very good at public speaking and didn’t linger on the fact that Dad had abandoned us which was a clever move. Henry is his normal supportive self, a professional at all times.

  The cars all look mirror images of themselves outside of Mum’s house. Henry climbs out of ours first and holds the door open for me. Lou and I dash inside so that we can help Mum set up everything. Charlie greets everyone whilst Henry makes small talk in the lounge. We all work well as a team. Charlie runs into the kitchen to alert us to the fact that Dad’s third wife has just arrived, and that Mum should remember her manners because the last time they had, had any contact was at the divorce. We all follow Charlie back into the lounge, acting like we were the perfect grieving family. I glance across at Henry, taking him in, he catches me and smiles. The poor chap is being ear battered by some old woman. I decide the only decent thing to do, is to go and rescue him from her. I walk over and introduced myself to her and join in their conversation. Henry looks so relieved by my interruption. I feel him gracefully place the small of his hand on my lower back. It makes me jump. He hasn’t touched me like that since before I’d left. The doorbell rings and Charlie disappears to open it. How many more people can we expect? The lounge is already full. Henry’s dominating the conversation in the room, but nobody seems to mind. He’s such a professional he has them all laughing. I haven’t seen him this relaxed in years.

  “Jessica!” I hear Charlie calling, and, by the time I turn around to see him, I see Elliott standing beside him and Elliott has seen Henry with his arm around me.

  The room goes silent as people realise who he is.

  I smile at him but he just looks at me in disgust. I quickly excuse myself from Henry and the woman and rush over to him.

  “Hey,” I say whilst grabbing his arm and pulling him out of the lounge.

  He follows politely but he is resentful. I can feel how pissed he is at me.

  I lead him up the stairs to my old bedroom. I know that this is the best place to talk as it’s the furthest away from the lounge.

  I shut the bedroom door and fling my arms around Elliott’s neck, but he just stands there in the middle of my room. I pull them back off him, still not quite believing that he is here, standing in my bedroom with me, looking so goddamn sexy, even after such a long flight.

  “Wow Elliott, you’re here…um, how come?” I asked, attempting to kiss his cheek.

  “What the hell are you playing at, Jess?” he scowls.

  “What do you mean?” I know very well what he was talking about, but denial is the best form of defence in this case.

  “Who the hell had his arm around your waist?” I roll my eyes.

  “It was just Henry.” I reply nonchalantly.

  “Henry, your ex? Why the fuck is he here?” his voice getting louder as he speaks.

  “Shh, my mum invited him. You’ve got nothing to worry about, Elliott.”

  “From the look on his face I have everything to worry about. I told you, Jessica, I don’t like to share. You told me that it was over between you. I fly thousands of miles to check that you’re not fucked up, after Hudson and I fight, and find you here with him? Are you fucking him?” he shouts.

  “No, Elliott, I’m not. You didn’t answer my texts or my calls. I’ve been really worried about you since the fight. Henry was just being supportive, that’s all. You could try and be like that, too.”

  “Why the hell do you think I’m here? I’ve screwed up everything for you. Hudson’s selling stories all over the place. He’s out for my blood, Jess, and you’re here playing happy fucking families.” He leans down and spots the necklace.

  Shit!

  “What’s that around your neck?” He holds it in his hands.

  “It was a welcome home present.”

  “From who?” he glares, already knowing the answer.

  “Henry,” I wince as say it.

  He grabs it hard and pulls it - it breaks away and falls into his hand.

  “Elliott, please. Don’t do this,” I beg whilst grabbing at his hand. He glances around the room and spots the bin. He pulls away and walks over to it and drops it in.

  The tears start falling down my cheeks. Not because of what he’s done, but how am I going to tell Henry.

  “You have a choice, Jessica. It’s him or me,”

  “How dare you make me choose, Elliott? It was nothing. For God’s sake, he just had his arm around me. If he wasn’t my ex, would you be creating such a big fuss about it? I bet you wouldn’t.”

  “I don’t want you to see him again. You need to make a choice, Jessica. This will be the last time you spend any time with him if you choose me.

  “You’re suffocating me, Elliott. I feel I can’t breathe,” the words shoot out.

  He scowls at me.

  “Sounds like you’ve made your choice already,” he snaps.

  Panic rises in me and I start back tracking. I don’t want him to leave.

  “It’s you, Elliott, of course it’s you. I thought you knew that?” I beg.

  He smirks.

  “Good choice, but as long as you realise what you’re giving up, Jess? If he touches you again I will break him. You are mine and I will not allow another fucking man to touch you. Especially now.”

  I nod, agreeing with him like an errant child. I don’t see how it is possible to challenge him.

  He leans down and kisses my forehead.

  “Good girl, that’s better. I’m glad we’ve cleared that up.” He smiles.

  This is a side of Elliott I haven’t seen, a jealous possessive one. I vaguely remember one of our first conversations where he said he didn’t like to share. But not once did it cross my mind he was talking about me.

  He pulls me in close and folds his arms around my waist. Looking down, he places his lips on mine and kisses me hard. I can tell he’s missed me. It’s like he’s trying to prove what I’ll be missing. I kiss him back, realising how much I need him. I’ve made the right decision in choosing him. I run my fingers over his back feeling ever delicate muscle. God, I want him. He feels the intensity in my kiss and starts rubbing his fingers up my arms toward my breasts.

  “Jess, I need you now,” he purrs.

  I feel the warmth of his length growing against my leg.

  I look up at him. “In my old room, with everyone downstairs?” I question.

  He smirks. “Exactly, that’s why it’s the perfect place.”

  “But…”

  “Shh, Jess.” His lips are on mine again. He runs his fingers down my back and lingers across my bottom. He pulls at my dress and it starts to rise.

  I feel so guilty doing this when Henry is only a few meters away. But the desire for his body to be part of mine takes over and I start unbuttoning his trousers.

  He leans back.

  “Good girl,” he mouths as his lips start to trace down my neck towards my chest.

  I can’t contain my hunger for him, I start pulling his trousers and pants down and freeing him. He stands there in all his glory.

  Oh my God, what a heavenly site. I can’t believe I’m doing this now. It’s so unlike me.

  I drop to my knees and place him in my mouth. He groans driving me further and sucking him deeper. I start thrusting my mouth up and down, up and
down, enjoying him so much.

  “Oh my God, Jess, you’re so good at this,” he gushes. I move quicker and he groans louder.

  He starts pulling at my arms pulling me off the floor.

  “You need to stop. I don’t want to cum yet, Jess. I want you.” He places his lips on mine and his hands start trace over my panties. He pulls them down and I shake them off. My need for him is so desperate. He pushes me up against the wall and picks me up. I wrap my legs around him, feeling him at my opening.

  “Shit, do you have condom, Jess?”

  “No, not here.”

  “Fuck I don’t think I have any either.”

  He puts me down and rummages in his wallet.

  “Shit, no.” I see him physically deflate.

  “I’m on the pill,” I smile.

  “Really?” he says so salaciously.

  “Aha, I have to be for my periods.” I smile.

  “I’m clean, Jess, if you’re OK with that? I’m ready to go bareback riding.” He smiles.

  With that I throw myself at him, wrapping my legs around him again, freeing my sex to him. He places his length underneath and sinks slowly into me.

  “You’re so fucking wet, Jess,” he gushes.

  “Only for you, Elliott.”

  His thrust hard into me, making me moan.

  I so need this. I so need him.

  “Oh my god, Jess, no one makes me feel this good.” He thrusts into me again, I feel my climax climbing. It takes all my strength to stop myself shouting out his name.

  When I’m just about to reach my ultimate pleasure, there’s a knock at the door.

  “Shit!” I shout.

  Elliott slows down but keeps moving.

  “Yes,” I reply through gritted teeth.

  “You OK, Jess? Can I come in?”

  “NO, I’ll be down in five minutes, Henry. I need five minutes.”

  Elliott glares at me but doesn’t stop thrusting.

  “Jess, are you sure you’re OK?”

  Elliott smirks and takes his rhythm faster, pounding into me harder, claiming my body.

  I try and slow my breathing.

  “I’m fine!......Five minutes, for God’s sake.”