Howl

by Annalise Grey

  “I’m so sorry.” I scrambled to think of something more significant and helpful than my last comment. “I guess it could have been a lot worse. Falling from a roof, that’s pretty serious.”

  “He’s lucky to be alive. He landed not more than two feet from the concrete sidewalk – this time. But it’s not just the fall; he can’t keep a job or a girlfriend or really, any friends other than me. The worst part is I don’t know how to help him. Well, besides drive him to the hospital every time he injures himself.”

  “I’m assuming that you’ve talked to him?” I asked

  “Oh yeah, I’ve tried reasoning with him, getting angry, begging, and nothing gets through to him. It’s like he can’t see that there is something wrong.”

  Jaime leaned his head against the wall and sighed. His profile was heartbreakingly handsome. His hair looked almost dark under the unnatural hospital lights. A straight nose lead to lips that looked incredibly soft and inviting. My eyes lingered so long on Jaime’s mouth that as he turned his face my direction, I startled. My face grew incredibly hot as I shifted away from him. I was losing my grip on reality for certain. I couldn’t let this man, this human, next to me get under my skin. I couldn’t. No, I wouldn’t.

  My determination faded ever so slightly as I inhaled the earthy scent of Jaime’s skin. Past the heavy scent of soap lay the remnants of wildwood, no doubt from his hours spent outside. He smelled of fresh air and pine needles, maple sap and soil after a heavy rain. An image of him running through the forest beneath a heavily pregnant moon flashed through my mind. And he was so close….

  “Sophie,” the way he said my name, gentle and low, set my body aflame. “I’m sorry to unload on you. I barely know you and here I’m pouring out my heart.”

  “I don’t mind.” I shrugged.

  “Thanks for letting me get this out. It’s been stressful, you know?” Jaime ran a hand through his hair and stood up. “I probably ought to get back to him now. I just came down for a snack.” He actually sounded sorry to leave.

  “Alright.” I nodded. “Try to keep your friend out of trouble.”

  “Yeah, well, that’s easier said than done. Not really sure how I can babysit him and still keep my own work and sleep schedule.” He paused and shoved his hand into both jeans pockets. Looking ever more like a ruggedly perfect model he laughed and asked “You don’t want a job babysitting a grown man with insomnia, do you?” His tone made it clear that he was only half-kidding.

  “Tempting, but no.” I shook my head and grinned.

  “Maybe I’ll see you around sometime.” My heart leapt into my chest as Jaime smiled one last time before walking away. Why was he having this impact on me? Breathe Sophie…. I had to get myself together before rejoining my family.

  *

  Lorelei and the babies weren’t released from the hospital until three days later. Nina had become jaundiced and they needed to keep her under observation. Our house was turned upside down in preparation for their coming home.

  Mom, Will, and Gavin secretly painted the babies’ room in cheerful blues and yellows with a Winnie the Pooh ceiling border. They decorated the room accordingly with matching picture frames and a throw rug. Mom even washed and organized the babies’ clothes in the dresser.

  Thomas had bought a portable crib filled with plenty of wooden toys. Wooden toys were an absolute necessity for our kind for anything else would be ripped to shreds within seconds. Even in our earliest infancy, werewolves are incredibly strong. Fluffy stuffed animals and cheap plastic would yield easily to our hands and later, our teeth.

  Granddad had carved two baby rattles out of unfinished maple and a wooden mobile with different forest creatures to hang above the babies’ new crib. Tristan, who was even more skilled at woodworking, had spent weeks carving the babies’ crib out of black cherry. On one side was an intricately whittled image of two little wolf pups rolling in grass. Beautiful, serene, and carefree the pups frolicked. Two of my quilted baby blankets hung decoratively on the crib.

  Everything should have been perfect. Except that the excitement of the births couldn’t overtake my thoughts of Jaime. His face kept trespassing into my mind throughout the day.

  I can be sensible, right? I was able to forget Jaime once before, so I just need time. Or so I told myself.

  “Sophie? Earth to Sophie?” Tristan snapped his fingers at me.

  “What?” I realized that I had been drying the same plate for a while.

  “I asked if you would get more dishes off the table for me to wash.”

  “Oh! Sure thing.” I put my very dry plate in the cupboard and brought Tristan another stack of cups, plates, and silverware from the dining room table.

  “What’s with you tonight? You’ve been kind of lost in space all day.” Leave it to Tristan to notice my distraction.

  “Just thinking, that’s all.” I shrugged as he handed me a casserole dish to dry.

  “About what?”

  “I don’t know. Just stuff.” Lame Sophie, really lame. I thought.

  “Oh-kay.” Tristan wasn’t buying it.

  I stole a quick glance around the kitchen and dining room before speaking in a hushed tone. “Look, I need you to promise that this conversation isn’t going anywhere. Just between you and me, got it?”

  “Of course.” Tristan’s face grew dark. “Is it bad?”

  “It’s more of a what if scenario that I’ve been thinking of.” I lowered my voice further and took a step closer to my twin. “Say I found a human that I was maybe, ever so slightly, possibly interested in – what are the chances that Gavin would find out and if he did, what consequences might there be?”

  Tristan’s voice hardened. “Seriously?!” A look of fear and anger was born in Tristan’s eyes.

  “Nothing has happened!” I backpedaled.

  “You better make sure nothing happens! No human is to ever touch you.”

  “You're a little hypocritical, don't you think?” I jabbed.

  “Don't even go there.” He turned his whole body toward me. “Alina was a fling and you know that.”

  “What about Maria? And Tess?” Bringing out the ghosts of his human conquests struck a nerve.

  “They weren't anything serious. I just hooked up with them a time or two. And that's just between us, remember?” His words came out in a ragged whisper as his eyes darted behind me, no doubt scanning for bystanders who might hear us.

  “But you broke the Code of Procreation.”

  “You can't make that argument because it's not the same thing.”

  “It's the exact same! The Code says we are not to breed or having any kind of sexual relation with humans.”

  Tristan glared at me, his mouth in a thin line of irritation. “No duh. I grew up hearing the same rules you did, remember?”

  “It's still binding, even if you are male.” I chastised him. “So you get to have your fun on the sly by I can't even entertain the thought of human?”

  That’s different and you know it. Thomas’ words burned in my memory as I considered how he breaks the Code every night he goes home to his very human wife. Anger at the unfairness of it bubbled in my belly.

  “So I screwed some human girls in high school. It's not like they were ever going to have puppies.” Tristan glowered at having to defend himself. “But you are female. In case you've forgotten, you'll have wolfkind children one day.”

  “Yeah, thanks for that information.” I rolled my eyes in irritation. Who did he think he was - Mom? Every werewolf knows the females pass the wolf gene.

  “I'm just saying there are very real consequences for you, beyond risking the anger of your Alpha by breaking the Code. You belong to your pack until you are mated. With wolfkind, not a human.”

  I seethed. “I'm not a piece of property!”

  Tristan's eyes softened slightly. He sighed. “I know. I'm sorry Sophie. It's antiquated and anti-feminist I guess, but that's the way it is. It's not like in the days before the Blood Wars. Our secrecy
is more important than ever. So just forget whatever crazy idea you have about this human.”

  “Fine.” I shook my head in disgust. “Whatever.”

  Though Tristan’s jaw muscles relaxed a little, he went back to washing the dishes with a little more energy than necessary. He wouldn't say a word about our argument to anyone, I was sure of it. I had kept his trysts secret for him and he would keep my seditious thoughts secret for me. But that didn't mean he condoned following through with them.

  I held in a bitter swell as Tristan and I finished the dishes in silence.

  *

  Before I knew it, the Farmer’s Market opened and I was back to work. I was basically left alone by my register until the occasional customer would need to be rung up. Once in a while I would lift heavy boxes for the stock boys or help make flower arrangements. For the most part, my interactions with others were kept to a minimum. Most people would probably find my job boring but in a way, it was perfect. I’m not a loner, just quiet. Added to that, I worked with humans. What would I have to talk about?

  The only downside was, all the time I spent not interacting with people, I was a slave to my imagination. Silent movies played over and over. Images of a world in which I could make my own choice of mate, werewolf or human.

  Silently I whiled away my hours, playing make-believe in my head and bringing home a small but important paycheck.

  Then the afternoon came when I caught his heady scent above the fragrant bouquet of flowers and vegetables. I instantly spun around to see where he was. Jaime couldn’t actually be here, could he? I smelled him on the air. I couldn’t have imagined it. Could I? His scent wasn’t one I’d likely forget and certainly not one I’d confuse with another.

  No, he has to be here. I turned around again.

  No Jaime.

  Where was he? I took in each face in the market; customers examining flowers and squeezing watermelons, stock boys carrying crates of veggies, my manager talking to an elderly lady. Excitement tinged with fear bubbled in my belly. Why, oh why was he here? It was getting harder and harder to not think about him and this was so not going to help. Maybe just one last conversation and I could be content. Maybe?

  “Hey Sophie.”

  I could have sworn my heart stopped for at least two beats. Turn around, turn around, turn around!

  Jaime’s eyes shone the most amazing azure. He could have been an angel.

  “Hi, Jaime.” I tried to sound casual but it was excruciatingly difficult. “How is your friend’s arm?”

  “He’s healing.” Why does he have to smile that way?! “I think I was finally able to convince him to get some help.”

  “Good. Sounds like he needs it.”

  “Yeah, well, I think this was a wake-up call. No pun intended. Anyway, he's checked himself in a clinic outside of Pittsburg.”

  “You're a good friend, you know that?”

  “Trying to be.” Jaime shoved his hands in his jeans pockets and shifted his weight. I caught the sound of his heart beating violently. Shock overtook my senses for a moment. He couldn’t possibly be nervous talking to me. It was incomprehensible.

  Neither of us spoke for at least a full minute. I fidgeted while Jaime simply smiled awkwardly, which only served to cause an intense round of blushing on my part.

  “So,” Jaime finally broke the silence. “I didn't know you work here.”

  “Since it opened. I work most days of the week.”

  “That's strange; I'm not sure how I missed you before.” Jaime pulled a battered piece of paper from his pocket. “I do a lot of grocery shopping here.”

  I held out a quivering hand for the paper. “Want some help?” Heart pounding like a jackhammer, I took his list and grabbed an extra-small cardboard box which serve as the market's shopping carts. Making our way through the market Jaime and I filled the box.

  The heavy summer air seemed to intensify the scent of Jaime as he stood so close. Twice I stumbled while walking. Jaime didn't bother to stifle his laughter. I pretended to be offended as I commented that I'm really not clumsy. “You smell and it's distracting.” I stuck my nose in the air in mock contempt.

  Jaime laughed again. “Showering only once a month will make anyone smell.”

  Too soon we gathered his vegetables and I rang up his purchase. Reluctantly, I handed Jaime his bag. I wanted so much for him to stay, for this moment to last all afternoon.

  “Hey listen, I’d like to take you out this weekend. Maybe dinner Saturday night if you’re free?”

  Thoughts struggled to morph into words. I wasn’t sure I was even still breathing.

  Yes… Didn’t I tell Tristan that nothing would happen?

  No… I wanted him.

  Yes… This was so wrong.

  No…

  Split decisions are not my specialty and certainly not ones made under duress.

  “I, uh....I'd love to.”

  “Maybe I can pick you up around six?” Oh no. I stopped cold.

  “Oh, well my house is next to impossible to find. We live a few miles from the research center. It would be easier to meet you somewhere.”

  “You live in the National Forest?”

  “Yes, but even if you know what roads to look for, it’s extremely easy to get lost.”

  “I could meet you at the center if that would be easier.” Jaime offered.

  “Okay.” I nodded, relief washing over me. “The research center at six. I’ll be there.”

  “Alright then.” Jaime grinned as he turned to leave.

  “Wait.” I was entering dangerous ground. “I need you to not mention this to Thomas. Please? I'm nineteen but my family is…um…they have this thing about….” I scrambled to finish my thought. What kind of lame but reasonable excuse was there?

  Jaime leaned in toward me. “I never intended to tell Thomas. We work together as professionals and now I have a date with his little sister.” He flashed one last, radiant smile. “It’s one date. It’s not like we’re getting married.”

  ~Particle physics in action~

  By the time I got home, I convinced myself that it wouldn’t really amount to anything. One, maybe two dates but no more. It wasn’t really possible for us to have that much in common, I rationalized. We would talk and find out that initial attraction didn’t really lead to anything and we would part on friendly terms. And then I could walk away from the situation with a clear mind and heart. And no one needed to know. No harm, no foul - right?

  Saturday even came faster than it should have. I put on my favorite green peasant top with embroidered red, blue, and white flowers around the left hip and my velvet soft jeans that I had bought myself several years back. They were so old and faded but they seemed to look good with everything. And they made me feel more confident than I should have been considering what I was about to do. I wasn’t normally a rule breaker. But this wasn’t going to become habitual. I had made a pact with myself.

  It’s just one date.

  I took a blow-dryer to my hair until it was mostly dry and then put it back into a long braid. I would let it stay in the braid as I walked to the research center. This was the easiest way for me to get any sort of dimension in my hair. I loved the big, flowing waves of my dark golden hair when it fell a little wild around my shoulders and back. As I was plaiting my braid I took a good look in the mirror, studying my face.

  When I was in Kane High School I knew so many girls who criticized themselves constantly. They would complain about this or that imaginary defect. I never really understood why they talked like that. I liked how I looked. I never thought I was a beauty or anything but I didn’t think I was ugly. I was happy with my face. I have these slightly exotic looking grey eyes that are pretty much a legacy in a werewolf family. My hair is a pretty color, like dark, raw honey but with some sun-bleached streaks. My face is kind of angular but still soft. I am very athletic but that’s because of what I am. My wolf brings with her great speed and strength.

  I stopped studying my face
and opened my medicine cabinet. I kept a little basket in there with some mascara and lip gloss. I usually wore very little, if any, makeup. It just wasn’t practical to be all dolled up if I were out hunting. Makeup would get ruined quickly. I never wore nail polish for this same reason. Normally when I’d get home from being outside I had to take a nail brush to my nails to get all dirt out so nail polish wasn’t really sensible.

  I was about to put on some of my mascara when a thought occurred to me. I walked downstairs to Lorelei’s apartment and knocked on the door. “Come in.” I heard John call to me. I stepped inside their apartment and John asked if Lorelei was around. “She’s in the kitchen making some tea.”

  I walked through their hall into the tiny but bright kitchen that was really only big enough for two people if they weren’t moving at all. Lorelei was standing at the little stove boiling some water. “Hey, Sophie. Do you want some tea?”

  “No thank you. I just wanted to ask you for a favor.” I leaned against the door frame.

  “Sure, what is it?” Lorelei asked as she grabbed an old faded Christmas cookie tin that was her stash of teas.

  Breathe, stick to the plan. I had a human friend from high school that I still kept in contact with. From time to time we’d go out for coffee or text. Still, I would have to tread this lightly so as to not arouse suspicion. “I… uh…I’m going out with my friend Emily and I was hoping that maybe you would do my makeup?” It felt just plain wrong lying to my sister. “I… um… don’t really know how to put it on.” No hint of anything suspicious.

  Lorelei turned to me then and gave me a huge grin. “Absolutely!” She grabbed her seeping tea cup and pointed me toward the hallway that led to her bedroom.

  When we got to her room I sat down on the bed and waited while Lorelei grabbed what looked like a tiny brown leather suitcase and set it down on the nightstand next to the bed. I fiddled with the end of my braid while I watched as Lorelei took out several containers of makeup and set each one down on the nightstand next to the mini-suitcase. She seemed to be debating with herself over which plastic container to use first. This made me a little nervous. “Lorelei, I don’t want to be painted, I just wanted a little to, you know, make me look pretty.”