Howl

by Annalise Grey

  “Hey Thomas.” My face turned what I’m sure could be considered the color of a radish, as my brother nearly collided with me.

  “Oh hey Sophie. Didn’t see you there.” Thomas continued past me without skipping a beat. Jaime followed suit but paused long enough to wink before returning to the conversation he and Thomas had been having as they made a beeline for the deli section. Grinning, I headed toward my car. No sooner had I unlocked the driver’s side door when my phone went off in my pocket.

  ‘On lunch break w/Thomas- meet @ Evergreen Park in 20 min?’ Jaime’s text sent a different kind of heat wave across my skin.

  ‘Yes – c u then.’ This day just got a whole lot better.

  The usual screeches and stomping of little feet along the wooden dragon that was the playground of Evergreen Park were absent; surprising for a summer’s day, though I chalked it up to the weather. I wouldn’t have been thrilled to be out in this heat if it weren’t for the idea of spending even a few minutes alone with Jaime.

  I had plopped myself down on a creaky swing, dug swirly pictures in the gravel with the toe of my flats, and waited. Jaime’s Jeep pulled up along the curb. Inspecting the park one last time to ensure our privacy, I bounded over to him with a bit more enthusiasm than I had intended. Pinning him to the trunk of a close pine tree, I threw my arms around his neck and pressed myself to him. The gravel beneath my feet, the sun’s battering rays, even the hum of distant cars, melted away. There was only Jaime; his sensuous mouth, a slip of tongue, and hands that craved to take in every curve of my body. It was as delicious as it was dangerous.

  Jaime broke away first and leaned his forehead against mine. “I can’t stay long. I have a meeting with some of the rangers at one-thirty. But I had to see you.”

  “I’m glad you did.” I whispered.

  “I’ve been thinking of you every minute of every hour.” He delicately kissed my crown. “I haven’t seen you since Tuesday. Today is Friday. That feels like an eternity.”

  “It’s not easy getting away from my house; you know that.”

  “I do know. I just wish it weren’t this way.” As far as Jaime knew, I wasn’t allowed to date guys my own age let alone a guy who was 26. My family was strict – very strict. Though I turned nineteen at the beginning of March, my parents still treated me as if I were twelve.

  It might as well have been true considering the lengths I had to go to just to spend time with him. At first, it was sneaking phone calls and text messages. Then it was hiking far away trails when I told my family I'd be out hunting. Now I was stealing time from Thomas on their lunch break.

  The surreptitiousness of it was thrilling. Cryptic messages, clandestine meetings, and stolen moments that left too quickly. Jaime was my partner in crime.

  “How did you manage to ditch Thomas?” I asked

  “Just told him I needed an extended lunch to run errands before my meeting. He doesn’t seem to suspect anything. I know you’ve been worried about that.”

  “Yeah well, if anyone in my family finds out about you, I’m dead.”

  “That’s a bit of an overstatement don’t you think?” He teased with broad smile.

  “Okay not dead just…..” Imprisoned and forbidden from being within ten miles of you.

  “You worry too much. No one will find out. Not yet, at least.”

  My eyes whipped up to meet his. “Not funny.” Every muscle in my body tensed at the thought of someone catching me.

  “Hey I only meant that your family can meet me later. When you’re ready and they’re able to accept me as a suitor.” The warm, cerulean light that danced in Jaime’s eyes eased my tension. He had a way of calming me to my core.

  “Come over later.”

  “Sure. I'll just sneak out after dark.” I said, only half-kidding.

  “Then I could have you all to myself for the night?” Jaime was serious.

  “It's not like I can get away for a whole night Jaime.” I stared at him. “Somebody will notice if I don't come home.”

  “I promise to have you back before you turn into a pumpkin.”

  “Jaime, I....”

  “I'll have you back by dawn, I promise.”

  I wanted so much to say yes. I hadn't been to his apartment yet. And it would be a very welcome break from worrying about whether or not we'd be spotted in public. But getting out would be tricky. Was I really willing to sneak out of my house like some rebellious adolescent just to spend more time with him?

  I mulled over the idea. “I guess I could wait until everyone is in bed and then leave. But it might be late by the time my family is asleep. And I’ll have to walk to your place. I can’t start the car and drive away.” I gave voice to my plan as it formed in my thoughts. “Would you pick me up at the research center? I'll call you when I'm on my way and you can meet me.”

  “Can't wait.” He gave me one more desirous kiss and then left. A little piece of my heart aching, I watched the wheels of his vehicle carry off the person I most wanted to stay by my side.

  ~In dreams~

  As a luminous Full Buck Moon punctuated the dark blanketing our yard, I sat on my bed and waited for the right moment to slip out. Soon as I was certain everyone was a sleep, I opened my window and carefully dropped with barely a thud. My window was just above the kitchen so no one should have seen or heard me. At nineteen, I was only now resorting to sneaking out of the house. Juvenile? Absolutely. But my fear of discovery grew proportionate to my feelings for Jaime. I was desperate to see him, to feel him next to me and just as desperate to not be found. And my ‘night out with Emily’ excuses were becoming seriously limited. This was how I rationalized it because if I let my thoughts linger too long on the truth, well... I just didn't want to think about it. So I didn't.

  I punched the numbers for Jaime’s phone as I approached the research center. Within minutes, his headlights made their appearance amongst the trees, competing for greater luminosity against the moon in the obsidian night. The contrast between light and dark was more apparent than ever. For some unknown reason, it struck a chord inside me.

  “Hey princess.” Jaime planted a kiss as soon as I slid into his Jeep.

  “Right.” I grinned. Princess was about as far from reality as possible. I much preferred muddy hiking boots and low-slung ponytails to high heels and glittering tiaras. I doubted Jaime would want me if I were high maintenance.

  “So I have you all to myself for the night.” He took my hand in the dark and curled his fingers around mine. It was crazy what affect his touch had on me. It was such a simple gesture yet it made me bubble from my toes up.

  We pulled into the off-street parking space for his apartment. Jaime led the way up creaking wooden steps to the side entrance. His apartment was on the second floor of an extra large old brick house that must have been converted into separate quarters after serving its original purpose. The apartment was small, more of efficiency than anything, though one person wouldn’t really need tons of space.

  The excitement of seeing his place for the first time was intoxicating. My eyes took in every little corner and nick-knack as if each was a piece to the puzzle that was my lover. Every little item in the place clued me in to who Jaime was when I wasn’t around. I examined pictures of Jaime and his brother at a lake, fishing poles in hand, facing into bright sunlight that crinkled their noses as they smiled. His college diploma was prominently displayed next to a family portrait. I leaned closer to examine the countenances of those who smiled back at me. Jaime has his dad’s nose and his mom’s bright eyes.

  The open living room walls were lined with bookshelves ready to bust from the weight of hundreds of books. Where there was no more space, Jaime had stacked piles of books that resembled numerous Leaning Towers of Pisa. I was pretty sure they would topple over if heavy vehicles drove by or if a strong gust of wind shook the building. I walked over to the closest shelf and titled my head to examine the cheerfully colorful spines. Books on wildflowers, edible plants, ecosystems of
deciduous and coniferous forests, hunting, etc. stretched as far as I could reach. Each book I examined was dog-eared, stained and battered as if Jaime had devoured the information in every page time and time again.

  “You could teach me a few things.” I didn't try to hide the admiration in my voice.

  Jaime came up behind me, wrapped an arm around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder. “The great outdoors is my passion.” He said simply.

  I grabbed a book titled 'Building Emergency Shelters: How to survive outside in any season'. I flipped through a few pages with diagrams and directions on building snow forts, rain shelters, and more. “Have you ever tried actually building these?” I asked, remembering how the first time I'd ever seen Jaime, he was camping in a tent.

  “A couple of them. The pine lean-to was the most fun and it smelled the best.” He took the book from my hands and flipped to the page with instructions on building the lean-to. “But in all honesty, none of these would do very well in the long-run. These are just short-term fixes.” He tossed the book onto an already dangerously tottering pile and turned toward the open door into the bedroom. “Come.” He tipped his head for me to follow.

  The bedroom was down a very short hallway from the living room/kitchenette. Everything smelled of Jaime – all sugar, woods, and earth. His scent hung in the air like a light cloud of heaven, enveloping and invigorating. I couldn't avoid setting my sights on the overly large bed. The slate-colored comforter and messed up pillows brought to mind the image of my lover stretched out lazily as I undressed....

  Jaime must have caught on to my thoughts for he smiled shyly and played awkwardly with a book in his hands before reaching it out for me to grab. “You can never be too prepared for a zombie apocalypse.”

  “What?!” I laughed so hard it took me more than a minute to recover. “Did you really say that?”

  Color rose in his cheeks. “Hey, at least I'll be prepared and you'll be coming to me for shelter and food.” He put the book in my hands.

  “Jaime, you know zombies aren't real, right?” I tried to stifle a giggle.

  “Excuse me Miss-Know-It-All, just because you haven't seen one yet doesn't mean that they can't occur. There are plenty of diseases out there that could mutate at any minute and turn the population into salivating, flesh-crazed, zombies.” He gave me a look that said 'I would know these things because that's what I do'.

  “Sure.” I stretched the word out as far as three heart beats and arched my eyebrows. I glanced at the book but didn’t catch the name. “So you’ve got a plan, then?”

  “Of course. I’m ready for anything, babe.”

  “Even a vegetarian who’s hungry? Because I’m starving.”

  “I think there is something around here for you.” He headed back into the kitchenette and started rummaging through the cabinets. I laid the book down with my jacket and pulled up a stool to the two-seater counter that doubled as a table. Jaime put a bowl and spoon down next to a bowl of cereal and gallon of milk. “Fabulous, Jaime. Really classy way to feed a lady.” I teased as I filled the bowl with crunchy flakes

  After I finished eating, Jaime took the bowl and set it in a conspicuously empty sink. Just glancing around, I got the feeling that Jaime was cleaner than most guys his age. Certainly more than my brothers. It was a constant battle of Mom vs. The Males of the House. Round One: Socks, dishes, keys, etc. strewn about and tossed wherever they happen to land. Round Two: Mom harping on Males to pick up after themselves. There’s really isn’t ever a clear winner because Round Three is really just Round One all over again. And again. And then again. But Jaime’s apartment was rather clean despite the clutter of books everywhere. No food on the counter or dust bunnies sneakily waiting to eat unsuspecting toes.

  “So,” Jaime shoved his hands in his jeans pockets and leaned against the sink. “It’s almost midnight but we could watch a movie if you want.”

  “I don't really feel like watching a movie.”

  “Do you want to go for a walk? No one would see us since it's so late.”

  “Not really in the mood for a walk either.”

  The corners of his mouth curled up slightly in a moment of awkward confusion. “Okay. So you have something else in mind then?”

  I nodded slightly and walked over to him. Hooking my finger in the collar of his tee shirt I pulled him to me. Our lips touched softly. I carefully unzipped Jaime’s hoodie and slid it off his muscular shoulders. Tossing it aside, my hands found their way under his tee shirt to his skin. Underneath my fingertips I could feel his heart racing inside the chiseled chest I adored so much. My lips moved down his jaw to the softest part of his neck, taking in the heat and salt of his skin. A small growl tried to escape my throat but I held it down. Jaime’s hands tightened on my hips, frantic to pull me even closer. He sighed and nestled his face in my hair. I pulled back to look in his face. With a rather reticent air, he smiled meekly. “I don’t want to rush you into anything.” I grabbed his wrist and led him toward the bedroom.

  I ripped the bottom hem of my tee in eagerness to divest myself of anything that separated my body from Jaime’s. The burning of his skin against mine intensified with each breath. His fingers snaked their way through my tresses while I pulled him into me. The unexpected surge of electricity as Jaime ran his teeth over the flesh of my shoulder, combined with the rhythmic movements of his hips on mine made my canines ache with an animalistic pleasure. I yearned for him to bite me, giving myself over to the release. A passing fear of shifting into wolf form then encroached into my mind. Mercifully, my teeth stayed put inside my mouth and the preliminary dread melted into emptiness.

  All I wanted was Jaime; for his tongue to discover every new inch of me, his hands to never yield their desire. I needed for him to carve a secret space inside his soul to keep me for eternity.

  *

  I was walking through the National Forest. The trees were the same; black cherry, oak, hickory, and more. I felt the twigs give under my bare feet though I couldn’t hear their cracking. I couldn’t hear anything at all. No animals scurrying out of my path, no birds singing amongst the leaves, nothing. It was as if the woods were completely empty or maybe I had gone deaf. My eyes scanned the distance. Everything was devoid of color. Stark grey and black, some shades of white where sunlight or moonlight, I couldn’t tell which, dove through branches above me.

  I stopped walking when I noticed a dark pool of water, several feet around, randomly placed in the middle of the woods. Though I had no reason to, I walked right over to the water and swirled a finger around the glass-smooth surface, tiny ripples making their way out from my fingertip. The water was too warm to be regular spring water. It was almost hot. As I made figure eights and swirls in the water the temperature didn’t bother me but the way the water moved under my touch did. It was thick. Too thick to be water. It moved and rippled the way a watered down corn syrup would move; heavy and full of intention. And darkness. This water was the color of onyx at midnight. The motion of the water's petite waves caused an uneasy stir in my gut.

  The scene changed and the puddle was gone. I was facing Jaime who stood a few feet away. His face was a mask pale as death and just as serious. I put out my hands to reach for him but as I did, the water from the puddle poured off my palms in rivulets that sprang from an invisible source in my skin. Confused and horrified, I stared at the liquid as it spilled down my fingers onto the ground beneath my feet. The metallic smell hit my nose and roiled my stomach. I tried to scream but not a sound came. My throat vibrated and though my chords fiercely attempted a sound over and over again, the attempt was futile.

  Shuddering violently, I coiled into a ball on the forest floor, frantically wiping my hands on leaves, the ground, even my pristinely white dress. But the blood kept raining down from my hands. It splashed everywhere as it poured, down my arms onto my bare toes, streaks smearing as I wiped and wiped again. Some splashed onto my face and trickled down my cheeks and nose onto my lips. I didn’t want it
to but my tongue slipped past my teeth taking in the droplets as they landed on my mouth. The flavor was iron, salt, and spice; human-tasting. It made my canines ache fiercely; my jaw set hard, and sent a surge of appetite through me. Every muscle in my body pulled against my bones and tendons, begging to shift and feed, to rip at the tissue of whoever's blood I’d just tasted. Panting and thrashing, I tried to recoil from my own skin.

  *

  My eyes flew open in a panic. I was drenched in sweat and my heart pounded harder than a jackhammer. “A dream.” Whispering the words to myself rather than just thinking them made the reality of Jaime’s bedroom come into focus faster. My senses were inflamed for sometime after waking. Every groan and breath from Jaime was thunderous. His arm was draped over my chest, crushingly heavy. Even the scent of our bodies interlaced in passion clung too harshly in my nostrils. The moonlight glided low across the floor boards casting a brilliant, near blinding glow around the base of Jaime’s bed.

  My mind repeatedly returned to that spot in the woods.... A sinking feeling overtook me as I realized that the blood was reminiscent of Jaime; the way his blood would smell...and taste. I nearly gagged on my own revulsion and terror at this thought. What was happening? I shuddered as the images rapaciously intruded my mind and repeated their carnage.

  No, no, no, no.... I took several deep breaths to hold back the swell of vomit turning my stomach. It was just a stupid dream...a dream...a dream....

  After some time trying to recover from the horror of my sleep, I slid Jaime's arm off me and replaced the blanket where my indent was receding. Grabbing my clothes from the floor, I tiptoed into the bathroom to shower. The steam unwound the first steel cables of my tension. I scrubbed my skin pink with the net bath scrubbie I found hanging around the shower head and let the water wash away so much more than just sweat and Jaime. I refused to consider what my dream may have meant, what was lurking behind such a horrid dream. I didn’t want to go there. I couldn’t.