Howl

by Annalise Grey

  “Ow! Tristan you’re hurting me.” I tried to pull myself away. Tristan dug his fingers in deeper.

  “Sit down now.” He forced me to the dining room table and released me as I sat down. “Who were you just with?”

  I rubbed my arm before answering. Who does he think he is treating me this way? “I was out. What does it matter?”

  “IT MATTERS!” I jumped back, almost falling out of the chair. Tristan just yelled at me. His twisted mouth and scorching eyes frightened me. “I can smell him on you, Sophie. You reek of human!”

  My heart racing now, I rapidly looked around the dining room into the open living room and then to the kitchen. Who else was home? Did anyone else know where I’d been? I should have showered before coming home. I was tripping over my own stupid decisions.

  “No one is home but us. Everybody is out running or having dinner with Thomas.” Tristan’s eyes were piercing in their stare. “So you need to be honest with me, right here, right now. Who is he?”

  “He’s my…boyfriend.” I wanted to sound stronger than I felt.

  “A human?” A growl erupted from Tristan’s throat. “How long has this been going on?”

  I lowered my gaze. I couldn’t bear to tell Tristan I had been sneaking around for almost four months.

  “Sophie! How long?” He demanded. “Oh I get it. He’s ‘Emily’, isn’t he?” Tristan's eyes were filled with disgust.

  “Tristan, listen to me! You can’t tell anyone! If Gavin finds out…I don’t know what he’ll do to me. Please Tristan, I’ll do anything just don’t tell!” My words poured out, inundating Tristan, apparently only serving to anger him further.

  “This isn’t just about you! You are putting us all at risk!” He slapped his hands to his face and growled again before speaking. “What if you got pregnant? Have you even thought of that? You would have wolfkind babies. There would be no hiding it, no denying or covering up! What would you do then?”

  “I’m using protection, Tristan! I’m not stupid!” I cried out.

  Suddenly the sound of a car engine approaching interrupted his thought. A chill shot through me making the hairs on the back of my neck bristle. Tristan stiffened, hands gripping a dining chair until his knuckles turned white.

  As the car door slammed shut I turned to Tristan, imploring him silently let me go shower. For a split second he seemed to deliberate what to do. Please, oh please....

  Lorelei stepped into the house, all pleasantry and contentment. Until she saw me and Tristan in our locked poses barely breathing. The tension in the air was palpable.

  “What am I interrupting?” Concern washed over Lorelei’s beautiful face.

  Tristan glared at me almost daring me to be the first to speak. My vocal cords refused to budge.

  “Wait.” Lorelei put a hand up and sniffed the air. The concern that was so prominent a moment ago morphed into something I’d never really seen – was it terror or revulsion? Maybe both? She knows. I instantly felt about three sizes smaller. Was this how it would be when Gavin found out?

  “WHAT are you doing?” It came out in a staccato shriek.

  “I’m…s-s-sorry.” I cowered in my seat, shaking, defenseless. Say something – anything! “I love him!” My hand shot to my mouth. Of all the possible things to say, I said that?!

  Lorelei looked like I had just punched her in the stomach. The color drained from her face and she exhaled so sharply I was sure my words had that physical effect.

  “What’s his name?” Tristan broke the noxious silence.

  “Does that even matter?” I whispered, trampled by my guilt.

  “I think it’s pretty important.” He paused, probably for effect. “And so will Gavin.”

  “Jaime Robertson.”

  “Why do I know that name?” Lorelei’s eyes swept from me to Tristan.

  “He works with Thomas at the center. They’re sort of partners.” After a pause, I blurted out again. “Thomas married a human.” It was the weakest defense I had but I clung to it like a lifeline. It seemed to diffuse some of the strain for my point was taken, however insignificant it may have been.

  “You are too young to remember what it cost when they were married. The first time Thomas told us about Kate, he had already made the decision to marry her. Gavin didn’t talk to him for almost two months. Mom took Thomas’ side despite the Code being in place and Granddad took Gavin’s. It was ugly. Thomas insisted that Kate would never be told the truth about us. He swore that he would do whatever it took to keep us safe. But it nearly tore this family in two. And this?” She gestured directly to me “I can't even begin to think of what it would do to us as a family.”

  Lorelei walked over to the table and sat down next to me. She reclaimed her motherly composure, an attitude that presented itself whenever she felt I was lacking the maturity or experience to handle a situation, which was rather frequent considering that she was twelve years older than me. “How much did Mom tell you about the Code and why it was put in place?”

  The question took me aback. “I guess not much. Just that humans and wolf-kind are forbidden from interbreeding or having any kind of sexual relationship. What more is there?”

  “The Code of Procreation was put in place after the Blood Wars ended. The fighting began because wolfkind and humans had been interbreeding. Well, our men don't produce wolfkind babies so it wasn't much of an issue for a very long time. And the few mothers who had human lovers simply vanished upon pregnancy, with their packs keeping them secret and protected. But then one mother produced children to a human father who tracked her down after she fled. It took him several years to find them but by the time he did, the younglings were able to start shifting at will. The mother's secret was discovered and the father had her and the children hunted and killed.” Tears spilled down as Lorelei cupped my face in her hands. “All it took was one man with proof of our existence.”

  “I have a question.” Tristan spoke up.

  “What is it?” I inquired though I was sure I didn’t want to hear it.

  “Have you told Jaime?” His eyes were set in hardened fear. What if I had? Would it change everything -or nothing?

  “No, I haven’t.”

  “Do you think you can trust him?” Tristan asked. My head shot up at his question. He couldn’t really be thinking….could he?

  “Are you kidding me?! You can't even go there!” Lorelei nearly choked.

  “I just….”

  “No Tristan!” Teeth bared, Lorelei cut him off. “You know what would happen! Wolf packs have been hunted to near extinction in the past. Do you want them to come after us, too?!”

  “I wasn’t going to tell Jaime anything, I swear!” I cut in.

  “You better not.” She glared at me, sharp as a razor. “It is too dangerous for all of us.”

  “Alright, Sophie hasn’t told him anything so maybe nobody needs to tell Gavin. At least not right now.” Tristan took a deep breath.

  “Agreed.” Lorelei nodded, slowly. “I don’t want to see our family split apart because of her….relationship.” She pointed a finger at me. “But this can’t go on. You have to break it off. Now.” Though she stood up to leave, she seemed still shaken and aggravated. “I only came back to gather some extra clothes for the babies. We’ll be staying at Thomas’ for dinner. Looks like you two are on your own for the evening.” With that she disappeared into her apartment. A minute later Lorelei left the house completely.

  “I’ve hated myself for lying to you.” I put my head on one hand; the other wiped a few tears from my cheeks.

  “Obviously not enough to stop seeing him.” The words were icy daggers in my chest. “I do know why you’ve been lying. I get it. But it really hurts just the same.” Tristan sat across the table from me, initial anger dissipating. A few tears clung to the rims of his eyes.

  It wasn’t just that I was dating a human; I had betrayed my twin – my other half in so many ways. Tristan and I have shared everything from before birth and beyond. W
e never kept secrets – he was the one person on this earth that I could tell anything and everything to. I wanted to make a vow to never, ever again lie to Tristan but as soon as the thought crossed my mind so did Jaime’s face. Was I actually willing to choose Jaime over Tristan? Who am I becoming?

  “You really care about him?”

  “Yeah, I do. More than words can express.”

  “If you kept your human, what kind of future would you have? You can’t deny who you are forever.” He sat back in chair and studied me. “One thing is absolutely certain: you can’t have both a human mate and your pack, Sophie. It’s too risky for all of us.”

  I thought of my pack, my family – my brothers and sister, Mom and Will, Granddad. Of Tristan sitting not more than two feet from me. The love I felt for my family was unparalleled as was the duty to keep my kin protected.

  But Jaime? Wonderful, passionate, kind…dangerous Jaime. I knew in the depths of my soul that he should be my mate, bound together under the brilliant silver moon.

  Did I have it in me to choose? And what if I stayed with Jaime and he turned on me? Could one love actually destroy the other?

  ~Complications~

  After the explosive argument with Tristan and Lorelei, I spent a week battling with myself until I finally decided to give up Jaime. I swore to myself that I would. I avoided speaking to him for another whole week afterwards. Text messages were not answered though I reread every word like a pathetic puppy lapping up the final remnants of a milk bowl. I told myself that I just needed to find the right moment to break it off completely.

  But that moment never came. Eventually my resolve broke and I began texting back. Texts turned into phone calls and calls turned into sneaking to the research center at three a.m.

  “Every move I make is suspect.” I laid my head in my hand and leaned against the Jeep door.

  “Who found my texts?”

  “Tristan. He thought maybe I had a secret boyfriend and went through my phone to find out if I was seeing someone. He told Lorelei and they haven’t told anyone else yet but they are keeping a very close watch on me.”

  “Maybe we should just cool it for a while.”

  “What?” I couldn’t believe the words had come out.

  “I’m just saying that if you’re target number one right now, maybe we should take a break for a while. At least until your family backs off.” Jaime’s voice was thick.

  “I know you don’t mean that.” I whimpered.

  “No, I don’t.”

  Several minutes of silence passed as I stared out the window into the pitch of night.

  “Tell them the truth.” He challenged.

  “You know I can’t do that.” I protested.

  “Why not? You haven’t tried. If they’re worried about you getting serious too young, tell them to meet me. I’m a good choice and you know it.” Jaime wasn’t a good choice, he was the best choice. Any other family would be ecstatic to have their daughter date someone like Jaime. Solid career with good income, dedicated, intelligent, exceedingly attractive, kindhearted, adoring…. The list could go on and on. But he was also human. No list of positives could negate that.

  “It’s not like that Jaime. I’m bound by their rules and you know that.”

  “You keep talking about these rules but you are more than willing to secretly break them. How much longer do I have to wait until you can be mine completely, out in the open? Maybe if I talked to Thomas…”

  “No!” I blurted out a little too loudly, frustration seeping into my voice. “I’ll…think of something. Just give me a little more time. Please?”

  “How much time? A few weeks? A few more months? At some point I will want a real future, not just ‘maybes’. I want a girlfriend I can move in with and possibly build a life with; you know, buy a house and have a family.”

  I swept a hand through my hair and nearly growled. Something in my face must have told him he’d gone too far. Jaime sighed. “Look, I’m sorry. This is harder for you than it is for me and I’m making it worse. I’ll give you some more time.”

  “Thank you.” I muttered bitterly. I couldn’t keep this up forever. Something would have to give or I would break apart.

  Making my way for home through the moonless night, I traveled slowly and deliberately through a section of forest that circles up and around my house so as to avoid my scent trail leading directly to and from the research center. Lost in thought I stepped over dried up branches and newly turning leaves. The scent of fall carried throughout the forest. Summer, with its warmth and promise of brightness, was quickly ending. Cool weather was stealing in and soon everything around me would be barren, the glorious leaves and fragrant flowers of fine weather laid waste. .

  As I walked, I heard a rustle from a few hundred feet to my left. I stopped mid-step and my ears twitched as I listened for movement. My nostrils took in the scents around me. Nothing out of the ordinary at first. Then a familiar scent caught on the breeze and I turned.

  “What’s a beauty like you doing lurking in the shadows?” Daniel’s voice was pleasant as he approached me but his jaw was hard set.

  My mind scrambled back and forth between excusing my presence at such a late hour and wondering what he was doing out as well. We had both been caught in dark of morning, wandering at a time when both should not be out. Awkwardly, he fiddled with a few silken strands of ponytail while we studied one another.

  “Couldn’t sleep.” I stuttered slightly. “You?”

  His eyes swept to mine. “Couldn’t sleep.” He repeated, clearly not buying my lie but nowhere close to calling me on it. Burning curiosity crept into my mind but sense kept it in check.

  I bounced on my heels while he uncomfortably turned away then back again. “Are you heading back?”

  “Uh, yeah. I mean, I was just heading back when I heard you.”

  He grinned at me, regaining his slightly cocky manner. “Walk with me?”

  I nodded and together we made our way through the thick of night, each as unwilling to speak of our reasons for sneaking out as the other.

  The morning and afternoon passed without another word from Daniel, though several times I could have sworn he was watching me. The sensation of being watched crept over me but when I would glance up, his face was turned away or he appeared to be engrossed in conversation with a member of my family.

  *

  “So you were out late last night.” Mom gave me a sideways glance at dinner that evening.

  My heart pumped wildly as my eyes jerked up to meet hers.

  “I apologize, Sabina. That was my fault.” Daniel cut in before chugging his glass of water. “I couldn't fall asleep so I came downstairs and found Sophie reading on the couch. I asked if she wanted to go for a walk with me.”

  My shock at his lie had to be clear as day on my face yet no one seemed to notice. Instead, my mom beamed at Daniel from across the table. “Oh, well that's fine. I bet it was a nice night for a walk.”

  “Indeed.” He nodded gaily and went back to his soup.

  *

  Over the next few weeks life went on inside our pack as usual except that Daniel never left. Gavin and Granddad had taken quite a liking to him. So much so that they suggested he stay until after fall harvest, maybe even until spring. They said it would be great to have an extra set of hands to help around the house.

  He heartily agreed and warmly embraced my pack as a group of friends. This gave him plenty of opportunity to be around me whenever he chose.

  “I can’t decide if I want kale or spinach. What does your mom prefer?” Daniel stood in front of the greens section of the market.

  “She likes either one.” I said, growing impatient.

  “Your mom is a great cook, by the way. I’ve never enjoyed dinner so much in my life.”

  “Yeah, she is.”

  “Who taught her to cook if your grandma is gone?”

  “Granddad taught her.” I put a hand on my hip hoping he’d get the picture. He didn
’t.

  “Can I ask what happened to your grandma? Or is that too personal?”

  I sighed. “Grandma died in childbirth with Mom and her sister Eve. Granddad was so heartbroken he left their home in New York State and came down here to start over.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry.” Daniel did look sorry.

  Maybe I should be nicer to him. I thought grudgingly. He is trying really hard.

  “It’s okay. It’s kind of hard to mourn someone you’ve never met. Like my dad. I was so little when he died that I don’t have any memories of him, either.”

  “I hear ya. One of my best friends from childhood was a human boy named Gregg. He got cancer at eighteen and passed within a year. Having been so close made his death so much harder to bear.” Daniel’s handsome face tightened with recollection of this pain. “You know I’ve never told anyone about Gregg.” He cleared his throat. “My family isn’t very fond of humans.”

  It was my turn for sympathy. “I’m so sorry Daniel.”

  He grabbed some spinach from the shelf. “I’ll just go with this.”

  “I’ll ring it up.” I took the bunch of spinach from Daniel’s hand, accidentally touching his palm as I did so. His lopsided smile beamed at me. My cheeks burned as I realized how hot he was. Ugh…Shake it off. I ordered myself. No way was he going to get to me. I wouldn’t play into his hands just because he was a super hot guy who opened up for a minute.

  “Five dollars and ten cents.” I put the spinach in a bag and took Daniel’s ten dollar bill, carefully avoiding touching him again.

  “Thank you Sophie. See you at home.” Daniel took his change and winked.

  It isn’t your home. My irritation returned.

  I turned on my heels and walked over to a woman examining different baked goods. She and I had a long discussion about the different homemade breads which took my thoughts off Daniel.

  I was ringing up the lady’s banana nut bread purchase when Brad, one of our stock boys, came over to my station with a huge bouquet of white roses wrapped in a lovely pale pink paper with an embarrassingly giant yellow ribbon. Brad put the flowers down next to my register. “Hey Sophie, some guy just bought these from Mrs. Tanner’s booth and he requested that I hand deliver them immediately.”