Catching On Fire

by Sue Knott

  The choking sound from the front seat became more intense.

  “Then, perhaps if I accept your invitation your opinion of me in this regard will change?”

  “That will depend on how well you behave.”

  “I cannot go through life having you think me a cad. We had better go in before you give poor Faris convulsions.”

  Once inside I turned apologetic.

  “I believe Faris and I both appreciated your honesty. There are no games with you, are there Ms. Hawn-Imus?”

  “When the stakes are high, I believe in getting to the point. I hope that didn’t blow your cover?”

  “Quite the contrary. I think Faris knows me well enough to realize that you are exactly the type of woman I could fall deeply in love with.”

  He walked up behind me, and kissed my neck.

  “I wasn’t kidding when I said you wouldn’t be getting lucky tonight.”

  “Nor I, when I said I could fall deeply in love with you.”

  “Amir, you’re now my boss.”

  “Ahhh…I see you as an independent contractor. I am merely your client.”

  “If you’re implying you want to take our relationship beyond the friendship stage, I’m afraid I’m going to have to disappoint you.”

  “But, why?”

  I took his hand and looked into his eyes. I could see that he still felt this was a game he would win. Just like he won my employment. He thought he had an answer for whatever argument I might have. So I brought out the big one.

  “Because of Rachel’s First Law of Love.”

  “And what is this law?”

  “Never date anyone you wouldn’t marry.”

  “Ahhh. And, keeping in mind that this is not a proposal, what would be your objection to marrying me?

  “Women don’t have equal rights in your homeland.”

  “And you would reject me for a political situation beyond my control?”

  “I would reject you for fear of living in repression.”

  “Ahhh. But I do not live in Saudi Arabia any longer. I live in Dubai. Women enjoy far greater freedom in Dubai.”

  “But, home is Saudi Arabia. Most people eventually long to go home. And my home is Buffalo. That’s another conflict. Only one of us could live at home. Assuming your family would even allow you to marry me.”

  I could see I’d knocked the confidence out of Amir’s eyes. My issues were more complex than he was prepared to deal with. How could he have foreseen he’d come across a girl who’d look ahead to the altar before the first date? Poor guy. I felt sorry for him.

  “May I ask a personal question?”

  “Shoot.”

  “Do you have feelings for your partner, Jim?”

  Amir was extremely intuitive. Only way to deal with that was honesty.

  “Jim and I have never been involved romantically…but, yes, I feel for him almost as strongly as I feel for you.”

  I hadn’t realized I’d felt stronger for Amir than for Jim until I said that. But, it did feel true. Was that because Amir was here and Jim wasn’t? Or because Amir wanted me and Jim didn’t? I had no idea.

  “I’m kind of worried about having feelings for the both of you. Do you think a mutual attraction could come with this vision thing?”

  “My feeling is…no. But, if it did, what would it matter? Does it make a difference if love comes from the head, or the heart…or Horton?”

  “I’m thinking it might be a Who rather than Horton, but it does make a difference. If all Seers were attracted to each other, we could seek out the most demographically suitable mates.”

  Amir roared with laughter. “I have found the only woman on the planet who approaches romance from the standpoint of logic. And it turns out to be not the ideal character trait a man might imagine.”

  It took a moment for Amir to compose himself. He literally was wiping away tears of laughter.

  “So…you think the vision is sent up from the bottom rather than down from the top?”

  “The bottom levels would assumingly be more evolved. They’d have gone through millions of more generations.”

  “Not necessarily. We have no way to know how many generations Horton’s family has been around. And one would assume the Whos all have to start from scratch with the birth of each Horton. And if we’re the Horton, how could it be that our Whos all use the same symbols?”

  “Excellent point…you’re absolutely right. If the vision was coming from within, it would be implausible for everyone to see the same thing. Then again, if we’re talking plausibility, it’s most likely the message would come from the same level we’re on. Being in the same dimension – on the same space-time continuum – would sure make communication easier. They presumably wouldn’t have to speed anything up or slow anything down.”

  “Ahhh…that might make it more dangerous for us. They would be more advanced while sharing our same space. Should their intentions change, they could come and obliterate us.”

  “If they could travel to us, they probably would have come and shown us what to do with their message in the first place.”

  “Another excellent point. Except for romantic applications, you make good use of logic.”

  “Do you think most people would throw us in the looney bin if they knew we were seriously talking about this? I mean, how logical is it to believe all this? It’s bizarre. There’s no way to prove it. We have only our feelings to base it on.”

  “Ahhh, but that sounds like an accurate description of religion. Religion has been embraced by mankind since the beginning of recorded history. It has nothing to do with logic. Yet, people aren’t throwing each other in the looney bin over it.”

  “I’ll mention that to the head shrink when they commit me.”

  “If anyone knew I was talking business to this most amazing woman on a Saturday night, they would commit me. And they would be right to do so.”

  “This isn’t what you had in mind?”

  “Not in the least.”

  “You knew you weren’t going to score when you agreed to come in.”

  “True, but I thought I’d at least get to play the game.” Amir slid dangerously close and began a trail of kisses up my arm.”

  “But this game isn’t good for us.”

  “And why not? Will I crave your touch any less if you deny it to me? Quite the contrary! Will your fondness for me diminish if I sit across the room? Or leave the room? I think not. Why should we deny ourselves the pleasure of…proximity?” He put his arm around my waist and pulled me tight.

  “You’ve been working on this angle in the back of your head the whole time, haven’t you?”

  “Of course. And it is irrefutable, is it not?” He stroked my hair.

  “It is now that you’re so close. I’m only human.” I undid Amir’s bow tie.

  “Precisely what I was counting on.” Amir kissed my neck.

  “And I trust you will be gentleman enough not to attempt to cross the…goal line?” I undid the top few buttons of his tuxedo shirt.

  “Ahhh…very good move. Put the onus on the other player.” Amir ran his hand down my cheek and to my breast, letting it linger there ever so briefly.

  “Mmmm-hmmm. You can’t win, but you could lose.” I brushed my teeth against his chest in little pseudo bites.

  “I do not believe I will lose anything but my heart to you, Ms. Hawn-Imus.” He lifted my chin, looking deep into my eyes.

  Amir held to his word. When our cuddling risked growing intense, he got up to pour us some tea. We joked. We danced. We cuddled some more. I had an absolutely marvelous time. He kept it light, not even kissing me on the lips until we said goodbye at the door. But, that kiss was so loving, so soft, so filled with desire yet tempered by restraint, letting him leave felt…painful.

  “You’re very, very good at this game. I’m afraid I’m outmatched.”

  “Ahhh, coming from you, that is quite a compliment. I cannot imagine anyone outmatching a woman such as yourself.”
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  Neither could I, until tonight. I was afraid my overconfidence had cost me dearly. I wasn’t sure I’d have the strength to protect my heart from Amir.

  I closed the door behind him and leaned against the wall, stifling an urge to scream. I felt like I’d just had the tiniest taste of the most delicious hot fudge sundae in the world…and I desperately wanted another. It took a half hour on the treadmill before I felt calm enough to go to bed.

  Chapter 23

  I called Jim in the morning. The big party with Kiku’s family had gone well. Jim seemed both relieved and wary over my business arrangements with Amir. He was glad the issue with Kiku was now moot. But he was still worried about my safety. (I didn’t let him know that it was my heart that was in the greatest jeopardy.)

  I wanted to call Kim, but the thought of throwing another phone away was just too wasteful for my eco-minded conscience. Plus, what could I tell her? Nothing. She could never know about my trip to Vegas. I could never even admit knowing Amir, much less lusting over him. I was on my own, with no confidante to help me sort out my feelings.

  Amir came by a bit before noon to take me to lunch and go over all the arrangements he’d made for my employment. He brought Cala with him. She had a full set of luggage. Against my protests, Amir insisted I take the clothes in my room home with me. I had sorted them into what fit and what did not. I told Cala to return or keep for herself the ones I didn’t want. I put all of the negligees on that pile.

  Cala packed my bags as Amir filled me in on the details of our working arrangement. He then drove to the airport with me. I had given Faris a little box to give Amir after I’d left. It was just a prettily wrapped box containing a single Hershey’s kiss and a note that said, “I will miss you.” But, I also wanted to say a proper goodbye in person before we got out of the limo.

  “Faris, I don’t mean to be rude, but there are things that are hard enough to say with one man listening, let alone two. Is there some kind of window thingie you can put up?”

  “Of course, Ms. Hawn-Imus. I am sorry for any intrusion…”

  Amir ended the apology with a wave of the hand. Faris got out of the car.

  “I’m going to miss you, Amir.”

  “And I you. You are a most remarkable woman.”

  “You keep referring to me as a woman. I don’t feel like a woman. I still feel like a girl.”

  “May I ask your age?”

  “Twenty-four.”

  “Ahhh, you are on the cusp.”

  “The cusp?”

  “It has been my experience that most people transition into what feels like adulthood sometime between 24 and 26.”

  “And how old are you?”

  “I recently turned thirty.”

  “And do you feel like a boy or a man?”

  “Both. I do not think the boy ever completely leaves the man.”

  “I don’t think this girl will ever be able to completely leave the man either.”

  “I should hope not. Whatever the future holds, our brief past has been very special to me.”

  That didn’t sound as promising as I would have liked.

  “Do not frown, my Rachel. I am sure our future will be very special as well. We will see each other again. Often, I should hope.”

  He knocked on the window and Faris opened the door. Amir took my arm and walked me onto the plane. I didn’t know what to expect. He seemed to be backing off emotionally. Should I tell him I was ready to throw Rachel’s First Law of Love out the window? I couldn’t find the courage for that, so I followed his lead. I extended my hand.

  “Goodbye, Amir.”

  He shook my hand, reaching over to hold it in both of his when he was done.

  “Goodbye. Good luck. Be careful.”

  “Please try not to worry. I understand the huge responsibility I bear. I’ll be very, very careful.”

  Amir’s face softened. He paused for a moment, wavering almost imperceptibly, then kissed my hand.

  “I will miss you.”

  At that, he turned and left.

  Chapter 24

  It was going to take me the whole frickin’ trip home to decipher what just occurred. During lunch, Amir had been all business, but there was so much we had to cover, there really wasn’t time for any distractions. But, that goodbye. That goodbye was not what I’d expected after last night.

  Amir was definitely turning off any emotional attachment. But why? Did he change his mind? Get a call from an old girlfriend this morning? Did his father read him the riot act about seeing an American? Was he following Rachel’s First Law of Love because I didn’t have the strength to? Did he not see that I was wavering on that law? Or was he just being practical?

  I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Which was unlike me. I didn’t go around giving men the benefit of the doubt when it came to relationships. But, I just didn’t think Amir was a jerk.

  But, jerk or no jerk, I got the sense he was definitely giving our personal relationship a sense of finality. Well, except when he wavered in our last seconds together. That gave me the sense that he was conflicted.

  By the time I deplaned I had decided two things. Any romance between Amir and me was over. (It hadn’t really even begun, had it?) And since there was no future in it, that was a good thing. It hurt, but I was surprised that it didn’t hurt more.

  Plus, with the job ahead of me, I wouldn’t have any time to dwell on the situation anyway.

  Chapter 25

  We landed in Rochester. Amir had apologized all over the place about making my trip home longer, but I understood completely. It was a smart security move. It only added about an hour in a chauffeur-driven limo. I didn’t consider that much of an inconvenience.

  I was reunited with my car at a private storage facility. The car had been detailed inside and out, gassed up and kept safe in a garage. When I arrived, it was all warmed up for me. Which was nice – after a weekend in Vegas, I’d lost some of my winter hardiness.

  The chauffeur could hardly fit the luggage in my car. It took up the entire trunk plus the back seat. When I got home, my roommates were out. That was a lucky break. I could drag the luggage up without a million questions. Fortunately, most of the clothes were too summery for a Buffalo winter, so I could take them straight to the attic.

  No one besides Jim knew I had been out of town and I was going to try to keep it that way. This secret life was going to be hard to handle. Except for the Glyphs, I wasn’t used to hiding things from my friends and family. And until recently, the Glyphs hadn’t been that big a part of my life. Now, I was going to have to hide who my employer was and what I was actually working on. Worse, I couldn’t tell Kim about Amir. I was going to have to bear all the emotional turmoil without an understanding ear to share it with. That sucked.

  I called my parents and arranged to have dinner with them later in the week. I called Jim and left the message that I’d gotten home okay. He must not have been too worried since his phone was off.

  Then I called Kim. I was dying to know how her date went with Bill. Apparently, things were going extremely well. They’d done dinner and a movie on Saturday and he took her snowboarding earlier in the day. No kiss yet, but he wanted to meet her friends. She asked if I could go out with them Friday night.

  I thought that was perfect. I wanted to check this Bill out and make sure he was all Kim thought he was. I had to admit though, so far he sounded good. With Kim, I could often spot the losers before I even met them.

  Then, I sat down and started strategizing how to allocate my new, huge Glyphs promotional budget. I stayed up way too late trying to figure it all out.

  Chapter 26

  The week passed quickly. Between my regular job and my Glyphs job, I was buried with work. I didn’t want to give notice at the agency right away. Just on the chance that I let slip that I was whisked away over the weekend, I didn’t want anyone to associate that with my new job. I really didn’t know what to be careful about anymore, so I thought I’d best
be careful about everything.

  I did manage to take on less work at the ad agency. I told the traffic manager that I couldn’t work nights for a couple weeks. She knew how many hours I had been putting in and was willing to cut back on the number of jobs assigned to me. However, I knew she couldn’t get away with that too very long. The staff at the agency was lean and mean. Everyone had to pull their weight – and then some.

  Then, on Friday morning when I was dressing for work, I found a box that had been tucked between two of the sweaters from Las Vegas. I was running late, as always (I was definitely not a morning person), so I slipped the box in my purse.

  Being a typically hectic day, I didn’t get a chance to open the box until after work. In it was an incredible necklace. It had diamonds, but it wasn’t your standard diamond necklace. It was more like a funky work of art. I wouldn’t be surprised if it were a one-of-a-kind piece.

  Amir had stuffed a note in the box:

  My dear Rachel,

  Once away from your intoxicating presence, I realized that I took unfair advantage of your vulnerability. Please forgive me.

  You are correct that the obstacles to a lasting relationship are most likely insurmountable. It would be criminal for me to break your most wise First Law of Love.

  I feared I might lose my resolve if I were to deliver this message within sight of your most beautiful, all-seeing eyes. I apologize for my cowardice.

  You will forever hold a special place in my heart. I hope you can find the charity to forgive me. I would be most honored if I could remain your friend.

  With great affection,

  A

  Somehow, the pain of loss felt far greater at that moment than it did on the plane. Was it because I was now dealing with certainty rather than speculation? Whatever the reason, I was glad that I was in the relative privacy of my car. I sobbed uncontrollably for a good five minutes. Geesh, tears twice in one week – what was becoming of me?

  I wasn’t at all sure if I should keep the necklace, but I put it on for safety’s sake. I definitely didn’t want to lose it. I assumed it cost a small fortune.