Catching On Fire

by Sue Knott

  Be Randy wasn’t very motherly, which was fine by us. Me an’ Terry learned to be, like, independent a long time ago. Be Randy told us ta call her “Aunt Brandi.” I think she didn’t want people ta think she was old enough ta be our mother. But, she liked ta lecture us about motherly stuff like nutrition an’ grades. That was just a small annoyance compared ta what me an’ Terry were used to.

  For the most part, Be Randy kept outta our business an’ we kept outta hers. That is, until the whole notebook thing.

  Chapter 58 Gerry’s Story

  Be Randy was such a bitch about the notebook. It was MY notebook. I had it with me before I got ta Be Randy’s house. An’ all of a sudden she’s supposedly worried about danger? What about when she brings home a guy she’s, like, known for an hour drunk in a bar? He could be a serial killer for all she knows.

  Then, when she thinks she might make some money, then all of a sudden the danger doesn’t bother her. She’s lucky she didn’t get killed. I’m glad she didn’t get killed. I mean, she wasn’t all that bad.

  At first, I thought she did get killed. I heard her scream when the shooting started. It was the kind of scream you knew meant she was hit. And then, there wasn’t any more. Just that one scream.

  I never ran so fast in my life. I mean I, like, can’t run. When you can’t see, ya don’t run. An’ even a little bit a uneven ground can send you flyin’ on your face. But, when Terry grabbed my hand, it was almost like I could feel what was ahead of me. ‘Course, she told me every step a the way. She’s, like, the best sister anyone could have.

  After the shootout the police came to Be Randy’s house. I could hear on their radios that Rachel (only then I thought her name was Anne) was worried about us an’ bargaining for our safety. I, like, hadn’t had anyone except Terry really care about me like that in forever.

  Livin’ with Rae was pretty cool. She wasn’t like a mom. I mean, she was tryin’ to be a mom, but she didn’t exactly pull it off. It was more like livin’ with a bossy girlfriend. She, like, took us to all kindsa awesome places. She told us we HAD to join a team or a dance class or somethin’ like that. Our other fosters wouldn’t LET us do that kind of stuff. None a the other families’d waste their time cartin’ us around.

  Rae was obsessed with gettin’ the symbols we saw translated. An’ she was obsessed with security. That put me in a bad place. I could tell I knew a lot more about those symbols than was on the website. But, if I was the only one who knew that stuff – an’ anyone else found out – we could be in danger. I decided to keep things to myself for the time bein’. But, IDK, I wondered if I said something if that might help stop the fires an’ the floods an’ the famine?

  The other big problem was that I had this, like, bad feeling. I knew livin’ with Rae would mean something terrible would happen someday. I felt bad about that. I didn’t want anything terrible ta happen. But, I figured whatever happened might not be as bad as what could happen to me an’ Terry in the foster system.

  That’s why I was psyched when Amy wanted ta adopt us. I had, like, no bad feelings about livin’ with Amy. An’ she had effin’ horses! Amy an’ Marcus ended up bein’ cool, too. Marcus could cook real good. An’ Amy had the visions. Anyone who had the visions seemed ta end up bein’ an okay person.

  Chapter 59

  At the end of the twins’ second week with Amy and Marcus, Amy took me out to lunch. The twins wanted to stay with her longer. No big surprise.

  “You shouldn’t look at this as a failure, Rachel.”

  “I know that in my head.”

  “But not in your heart?”

  “It’s just difficult to admit to myself that I couldn’t provide them with the perfect home.”

  “No one expects a person of your young age to be able to instantly mother two preteens. Under the circumstances, you did a terrific job. Truth is, they’d be fine with you if there weren’t security concerns.”

  I almost told Amy about Gerry’s safety worries if we’d stayed together, but decided against it. “How big do you think the risk really is?”

  “It’s difficult to say, Rachel. Some of the groups who feel they have a stake in the outcome of the translations…well, they aren’t people who act rationally. But, I have connections in Homeland Security and other intelligence quarters. Connections that will alert me when a threat is perceived. Officially and unofficially alert me.”

  “I know the girls will be safer with you than they could ever be with me. Heck, you’re armed.”

  “Hopefully it will never come to that. We’ll try to stay one step ahead of trouble.”

  Those “official and unofficial notifications” from sources that had their fingers on the pulse of all known terrorist groups and hostile nations would go a long way toward keeping the girls secure. I knew the girls deserved parents like Amy and Marcus. They deserved a home like the one they could have in East Aurora. They deserved some stability in their lives. Jim was right. I couldn’t give them stability.

  But, I also felt just a little, well, guilty. Somewhere, deep down, it was a relief not to shoulder the responsibilities of parenthood. I’d never been one to shy away from a challenge. Getting out from under that enormous challenge was like getting a “Get Out Of Jail Free” card in Monopoly®. I hadn’t earned that reprieve. And I felt terrible about feeling relieved.

  The conflicting emotions of missing the twins desperately while experiencing the near-elation of no longer shouldering responsibility for them – well, it made me an emotional mess. It didn’t help that I had also lost my boyfriend and my dog. (Ozone was with the twins. It didn’t seem right to separate them.)

  Deep down I was worried that I had invented a reason to seek out Amir. Was it just my loneliness that made me reach out to him once again for the Glyphs? With each passing day, I could tell I was growing more anxious and excited at the possibility of talking to him again.

  Finally, I came home to find a note slipped under my door. It read, “Ms. Rachel, please to meet me at the mall Tuesday at noon. You know the dressing room. Cala”

  Wow! It looked like Amir was going to meet me in person. I hadn’t counted on that. I thought we’d talk over the phone. The thought of seeing him both excited and frightened me. After all, the stress from my recent months of parenting had left me frumpish and plumpish. I’d gained nearly two sizes. I much preferred Amir having an image of the old Rachel when he thought about me.

  The prospect of seeing Amir again got me motivated to go to the gym. I wouldn’t be able to lose any serious poundage by Tuesday, but maybe I could get in good enough shape to avoid panting if we walked fast.

  Tuesday seemed both excruciatingly far away and dangerously close. When it arrived, I was a nervous wreck. I met Cala outside the Urban Outfitters dressing room, we went straight to her car, dispensing with a bit of the cloak-and-dagger routine (though I’d taken a city bus to the mall and I’d shopped around for a good 40 minutes before meeting Cala…just in case). We didn’t bother with disguises.

  Cala took me to her car. I wanted to ask where Faris was, but it seemed that might be rude. We drove to Niagara Falls, parked the car and walked over the Rainbow Bridge. Separately. With me a good 10 minutes ahead of Cala. I got a table at the Hard Rock Cafe and she joined me after she cleared customs. After lunch we walked around seeing some of the sights. (I don’t think Cala had been there before, and the Falls really are something to experience.)

  I was getting curious as to what our plan might be when Faris pulled up in a Town Car. Cala seemed embarrassed when she realized that she hadn’t mentioned we were going to Toronto for a late afternoon meeting with Amir.

  “I did not reveal our destination and timetable? Oh, please to forgive me! In my fun, my mind turned to mush. And you were too polite to point out my neglect. You are too good a friend.”

  “It’s fine, Cala. I was having fun, too. And a little mystery adds to the adventure.”

  “It is my job to make things run smoothly. Mystery should not be on t
he agenda.”

  I squelched the urge to mention that everything about Amir was mysterious to me. I was tempted to ask her whether Amir was meeting me in person simply because he was so close to Buffalo. Or could he have arranged to be in Toronto as an excuse to meet with me in person? I hoped he was as anxious to see me as I was to see him. I so wished I was 20 pounds thinner.

  In Toronto, Faris dropped us off at a towering office building. Cala led me into a large, corner office with a breathtaking view of Lake Ontario and took her leave. Amir was seated behind a beautiful, ornately carved wooden desk. He rose to greet me, but remained behind the desk, extending his hand. He grasped my hand in both of his. It was warm, but nothing more.

  “Rachel! I am so happy to see you.”

  He did look genuinely pleased to see me. I’d say he looked a little sheepish, too.

  “It’s good to see you, too, Amir…I’ve missed you.” I must have been desperate for companionship. It wasn’t like me to let my feelings hang out there like that, with no signal they were reciprocated.

  “I owe you my deepest apologies,” Amir hung his head in what I can only describe as an attitude of shame. “When we last met, I was so happy to see you well after such a scare. I neglected to feel the shame that dogs me.”

  I could tell this was extremely difficult for Amir. And I was confused about what was going on. He continued in the same conciliatory tone.

  “I haven’t been able to forgive myself for the way our business relationship ended. I was a fool not to consider how successful you might be at our endeavor.”

  A slight smile briefly crossed his lips. “I had assumed my biggest problem might be you spending our money like – what is the phrase – a drunken sailor? And instead, my frugal little Rachel, you find a way to make money! Money going out is difficult enough to disguise…money coming in is, well, it is a red flag screaming for attention.”

  “It was so stupid of me, Amir, not to have realized the problem I was creating.”

  “No. You are the marketing genius. Finances were my responsibility. I should have foreseen every possibility and I did not. That is the past. Water under the bridge.”

  Amir’s gaze dropped from my eyes to the top of his desk. “But, it would be cowardly for me not to apologize in person for seeking the return of your necklace.”

  I could see Amir forcing himself to meet my gaze. “I should never have given you such a traceable gift. But, I had been overwhelmed by you. My only thought was to find something worthy of you. And nothing could fit that task except for something unique and dazzling. Asking you to return that necklace was…humiliating for me.”

  “Oh, Amir. I was never happy about accepting that necklace in the first place. I don’t even know how to own something of such value. I just didn’t know how to refuse it without insulting you.”

  “Well, let us put that whole unhappy episode behind us, shall we? I am grateful for you to so graciously accept my apology. And I am quite intrigued by your new proposal.”

  He liked my proposal! Excellent! I almost didn’t include it in my letter. I thought it was such a long shot. “I just think it would make a lot of sense for you – for all of the Middle East – to think of yourselves as energy producers rather than oil producers. Oil won’t always be the cash cow it is today. Everyone is working on new technologies – clean technologies – to replace it. If the Mid East doesn’t lead in developing those new technologies, you will become dinosaurs struggling to survive.”

  “As you said in your letter, we should learn from the railroads. They believed they were in the rail business rather than the transportation business, no? And the airlines made them obsolete? Such an old reference. You are as anachronistic as your friend Jim told me.”

  “I’m not the anachronistic one,” I laughed. “Jim is anachronistic. If you’d like a more recent example, look at Kodak. They must have assumed they were in the film business rather than the image business. Digital photography was invented at Kodak. And they did nothing with it. Now, they are struggling to remain relevant in the digital age.”

  “Ah, now I remember…you were not the anachronistic one, you are the encyclopedic one.”

  I made a mental note to myself to never leave Jim and Amir alone together again. Amir chuckled at what must have been the consternation on my face. It appeared the men in my life could gang up to poke fun at me even when they were in separate cities…heck, separate countries.

  “If you’re buying into the idea of investing in alternative energy, how are you going to move forward? Will you be able to openly fund that undertaking? Or can I help front that operation for you?”

  Amir became suddenly serious. He bit his lip, then spoke haltingly. “I…cannot again risk any involvement with you in an endeavor that may well – and hopefully so – have strong, positive financial outcomes. It would simply draw too much attention to our connection. While your anonymity miraculously remains in place…that may not always be the case.”

  I hoped Amir couldn’t see the dejection I felt. I thought that the situation might have now allowed us to become open friends. Wishful thinking on my part.

  “I am forming a corporation to develop alternative energies. I’ve interested other leading Arab businesses to join me. We will employ researchers to study the Glyphs as a part – a very small part – of our enterprise. It won’t be a main focus, as I’m sure that might attract unwanted attention from international authorities. And, from a profit perspective, it is a long shot.”

  Amir shuffled nervously through the papers on top of his desk. “But, I wanted you to know that there will be substantial resources devoted to it. I only regret that I cannot hire you to play a role in that enterprise. You have much to offer. Lurking beneath that altruistic heart of yours is a very savvy business mind indeed. I am incredibly saddened that I cannot leverage your skills.”

  “It didn’t work out so well the last time you hired me. Probably wise not to make the same mistake.

  Amir did not seem to appreciate my self-deprecating humor, perhaps because it was also at his expense. A dark cloud passed briefly over his face.

  I awkwardly tried to lighten the mood. “I’m joking, Amir. I hold nothing against you. It truly was liberating for me to not feel beholden to you. Your large expenditures frightened me. I am much more comfortable when there’s an income as well as an outflow. It’s easier to gauge my effectiveness.”

  “I am relieved that there are no hard feelings.”

  “It would be rather silly of me to hold a grudge against someone who has apparently been providing me with my own bodyguard.”

  “Protecting your interests is also in my good interest, Ms. Shannon.”

  “Well, you’ve helped me add a new entry onto my list of Rachel’s Laws.”

  A bemused expression crossed Amir’s mouth. Why did men find my laws so amusing?

  “And what law might that be?”

  “Always look for the downside in unexpected gifts.”

  Amir raised an eyebrow, “and how exactly did I inspire this law?”

  “The valet driver who took my car when we first met. I hadn’t expected it…so…I never examined that surprise for the downside. It hadn’t occurred to me that you’d be checking out my license plates and running an entire background on me. And once I met you, it was even less likely to occur to me that it was anything more than an incredibly thoughtful and practical move on your part.”

  “And have you performed a background check on me?”

  “I wanted to. But, I felt googling your name would be too big a risk. If Amir Kezal is, in fact, your real name.”

  “Ever the altruist. More concerned over the safety of another than of yourself. There should be a Rachel’s Law against that.”

  “I’ll take it under consideration. But, I’m curious, Amir… If we won’t be working in partnership, why did do you bring me here today?”

  Amir’s expression was slightly pained, “I wanted to apologize in person for our past mis
understanding. While dealing with that over the phone was necessary at the time, it was also exceedingly rude. And…I have some news I wanted to deliver in person.”

  Amir appeared to struggle to find just the right words. “I am engaged to be married.”

  “Oh…how wonderful for you.” I hoped that sounded more enthusiastic than I felt.

  “I actually have you to thank for the engagement. As I was soliciting partners for this new venture, the marriage was proposed as a way of sealing one of the partnerships. My betrothed is a princess from an extremely wealthy and powerful family. I have yet to meet her, but she is said to be quite charming and very intelligent.”

  I was floored. This was the last thing I could have ever expected. “Do you think you can be happy in an arranged marriage?”

  “Yes, I believe I can. It is, of course, a long-standing tradition in my country. And the marriages there statistically last longer than marriages in countries where that tradition does not exist. The arrangement pleases my father greatly.”

  Amir sighed. “Sometimes, with a great deal of power comes a great deal of powerlessness. This arrangement is good for business. It is good for politics. It is good for my family. It was not my role to protest such a perfect alignment of the stars.”

  “I’d like to be happy for you, Amir. Though, I’m not sure I can be unless I feel that you are happy as well.”

  “Happiness is an elusive state. It would be dangerous for me to pursue the woman I would like to pursue. And even if I chose to take that risk, this woman does not choose me. Because of politics. So, you see, politics was already in charge of my love life…I just allowed it to remain so. I hope this marriage brings me happiness. But if it does not, perhaps it will at least not bring the pain that love has already awarded me.”

  “I feel that pain, too.”

  “And that strengthens our friendship. We both know the price one must pay for certain things. We both know the fates can be kind. And they can be cruel.”