Sleepless Fate

by Janae Keyes

  “For sure,” I felt Patrick barely touch my arm. I shuddered at his touch. Was he doing this on purpose or was it just a coincidence.

  “Enjoy your meeting with Mrs. Hartwell,” I let out a giggle thinking of her. I was grateful to not have to work under her anymore.

  “I only hope it will be over quickly,” he said, giving me a smirk. I finished getting my things and gave him a nervous wave before leaving his office.

  On my way out, I spotted an older woman, with graying dirty blonde hair, and a large pointed nose giving poor Layla a lecture. I quickly slipped past not wanting to make any contact with the infamous Mrs. Hartwell. Getting into the elevator my mind was occupied with the way Patrick had touched me. His touch was so gentle and everything about it was soft. Being truthful with myself, I knew I wanted to feel it again.

  THERE WAS NOTHING different about that day. It was Thursday and I’d only spent the morning in my office as usual before making the drive from San Francisco to Palo Alto to see Keaton. I pulled onto the campus of Stanford Medical Center and found myself a parking spot like usual. It was such a beautiful day, the sky was a bright shade of light blue and there were barely any clouds in the sky.

  I took my lunch from the passenger seat and made my way into the Medical Center and towards the hospital building. I knew this place too well. I hated that I had to know the ins and outs of a hospital, but over the past two years I’d learned them.

  I made my way to the floor that Keaton was on and exited the elevator. A nurse spotted me right away and gave me a wave and a kind smile. They all knew me and Keaton’s parents well.

  The walk to Keaton’s room was routine. I could probably walk it blindfolded. I opened the door and could hear the sounds of the machines. I took a breath before fully going inside and there he was, the same as always. I wanted to laugh at myself thinking that this was the week he would be awake. I took the chair from the corner and dragged it next to his bed as I did every week. I sat down and studied his face.

  “Hey,” I said softly as I took his tepid hand into mine. “It’s Thursday, but I’m sure you know that. I have news. April is pregnant. She and Nate are hoping for a boy. When she told me I thought of how much we wanted to have a baby or four. I’m sure they would look just like you and would have your spirit,” There was no reaction on his face. There was never a reaction, but that didn’t keep me from hoping.

  I let go of his hand and pulled my lunch into my lap. Today I’d picked up a salad wrap from the cafeteria at work before I left to make my way down here. I opened the plastic took a bite. I instantly wasn’t a fan and swallowed what was in my mouth before wrapping the plastic back around the it and stuffing it into the plastic bag I had.

  Sighing, I thought of Patrick and the feelings I was having for him. I knew honesty was the best policy, but could you really have honesty with a person in a coma? I let out a breath and pulled a bottle of water from my purse. I took a sip to rinse the taste of the wrap from my mouth before taking Keaton’s hand back into mine.

  “Keaton, I’ve been faithful to you for two years and for the first time. I think I have feelings for someone. I’m so scared. I can’t fall for someone and have you wake up. I always want to choose you. I know when your accident happened, we weren’t in the best place, but I loved you then and I still love you now. This isn’t something I ever imagined and I want to do my best to continue to be faithful to you,” Tears were falling as I spoke. I rubbed my thumb over his hand. If he could hear I wanted him to know that I was picking him. I was picking the life of remaining by his side even in his current state because I loved him and I’d loved him since I was 16 years old. Right now, I couldn’t see anything changing my mind.

  Chapter Five

  Brielle

  WEEKENDS COULD GET lonely for me. I didn’t have to work and I was left alone in my house. I felt like I was locked in with my feelings and memories. I could spend time with my family, but truthfully, I hated the way I felt when spending time with them. They seemed to talk about me like I wasn’t in the same room and they tried their best to not upset me, when I only would end up upset in the end.

  I was grateful that this weekend I was going to the beach with April, her husband, and daughters. Being out in the air would be nice and I didn’t have to think critically. Plus, I felt that it could keep my mind off Patrick, who seemed to occupy every individual space in my mind.

  Lifting up the brim of my hat I squinted as I looked out at the Pacific Ocean. I watched the waves crash against the shore and smiled seeing April’s husband Nate run around with their two little girls. The oldest, Tori, who was nearly 4 looked exactly like a miniature April with bright blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and a huge smile on her face. Ali, on the other hand, who was 2, looked very much like Nate with his black hair and slight tan.

  “Feels good out here,” Commented April who lounged next to me on the blanket on the sand. Though only about 3 to 4 weeks pregnant, it was obvious in April’s two-piece that she was pregnant or had a food baby from all the papadums she’d stuffed down.

  “Feels amazing. I could do this more often,” I mentioned. Keaton and I were always at the beach. Keaton lived for the beach and for the ocean.

  “We plan to come a lot over the summer. You are always invited,” April confirmed. I gave my best friend a smile. I was grateful to have her in my life. When things were gray she would no doubt bring in some color.

  “So, how is that project going with Mr. Bend me over that desk and take me?” I instantly sat up and my eyes were wide as I stared April down. I hadn’t told her about my dreams, but it seemed like she knew all about them and was describing them to me. Just last night when I did get a little bit of sleep, I dreamed of him bending me over his desk. I took the longest cold shower when I woke up covered in sweat.

  “April!” I scolded. “Your husband is literally only feet away.”

  “What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Not like I’d ever cheat on him,” April rationalized. I knew that April wasn’t that type of girl and would never cheat on Nate. She and Nate were soul mates and I remembered the day they met like it was yesterday.

  “To answer your question, my project with Mr. Bailey is going fine. Things are going to change big time around the office if we get the full approval from the board,” I explained to my friend who seemed to smirk at me referring to Patrick as Mr. Bailey.

  “I hope it all works out well. You deserve to move up in the company. I think this project will help showcase some of what you can do. You are so talented. Plus, a promotion for you equals a promotion for your hardworking assistant and soon-to-be mom of three kids.” Of course April had to work in a promotion for her and she deserved it.

  April has been my rock over the last two years and even before that I have depended on April for so much. For sure if I was to get a promotion, April would be coming with me to the top. I wasn’t going to leave my best friend behind.

  “Well, Old Man Jefferies is supposed to retire at the end of the year, but he has been saying that for years. I really want to put in for the CFO position, if he will finally retire,” I explained thinking of the plans I had for my future. My career was one place where I wasn’t stagnating and keeping myself locked in time. I was proud of what I’d accomplished for myself professionally and I wanted to keep moving forward. I wondered if I could have the rest of my life catch up with my professional life.

  At once a small brunette toddler plopped herself down on the blanket and in April’s lap. Ali had just been born when Keaton’s accident took place. I remember how excited he was for April and Nate when they were having their second daughter. Keaton loved kids and he was always down for babysitting when April and Nate needed a night off.

  “Mommy… juice,” proclaimed the little girl.

  “You want juice?” April asked her small daughter who nodded in response.

  I watched my best friend interact with her child and I wondered about having a child of my own. It was something I’d
always wanted and with Keaton it was definitely going to be a part of my future, but now it was indefinitely as on hold as I’d allowed my life to become.

  “I have so much to plan for Tori’s party,” April mentioned speaking of her oldest who was about to turn 4. She handed her little one a juice box. “We are doing it at the house. I’ve got a petting zoo planned and everything.” One thing was for certain, April went above and beyond for her kids.

  “You know if you need any help, I’m there,” I assured. If she needed me, I was there and would do what I could to help my best friend and to help my Goddaughter have an amazing birthday.

  “Thanks girl. I will let you know. I’m so tired with this baby and any help is appreciated,” she said.

  I looked out at the water and the surfers. I remembered so many days coming out to this beach with Keaton. Surfing was one of his favorite things to do and when the weather was nice and the waves were looking good he was the first out on the water catching the waves. He tried to teach me once. I was terrible and kept falling off the board. Instead of going out into the water with him, I watched and cheered him on.

  These thoughts helped me make a decision. I was going to stay faithful to Keaton. Everyone was growing and moving on around me and I was used to it. Moving on without Keaton couldn’t be right. It wasn’t right. For now I was going to stand strong.

  SLEEP WAS HARD to find most nights. It was the same this weekend. After trying to sleep, I’d given up. I was frustrated with the situation with Keaton and I was frustrated with myself for having feelings for Patrick. The only thing I knew to keep my mind occupied was work. As it was, I’d now found myself in my office at 1am on a Sunday. Building security was used to me coming in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep.

  I sat at my desk going over some documents. It was nice and quiet with nobody around. I felt like I could really focus as I sat here at my desk in the deserted office building.

  As my body had gotten used to surviving on less food, my body was used to surviving on less sleep. Since Keaton’s accident, it was always hard to sleep. I’d have nightmares about it and I would lie awake thinking about our future or possible lack of a future. Now it was all of that plus Patrick that plagued my thoughts as I lay awake at night.

  Hearing footsteps, I jumped and looked to see a man in the doorway. It was Patrick. He was dressed in jeans and a button up shirt. He said nothing, but his honey eyes met mine, he gave me that sweet smile that I couldn’t help, but like.

  “Someone is a hard worker,” he commented as he fully walked into my office. He took a seat in one of the two chairs in front of my desk. I studied him for a moment.

  “I can say the same about you,” I addressed. He seemed to smirk at my answer. I looked back at my computer screen in order to keep myself from looking at him because the more I looked at him, the more lust I seemed to feel for him.

  “What brings you to the office at…” I glanced up to see him checking the time on his watch. “At one o’clock in the morning?” He questioned.

  “Can’t sleep,” I said plainly looking right back at my computer screen. “What brings you here at this hour?” I kept my eyes glued to the screen as I asked him the question. I heard him chuckle. I fought with myself to not look in his direction.

  “Can’t sleep. I’ve been here a few weeks and I still feel a bit jet lagged. It is four in the afternoon in Germany. I guess, maybe my body is still used to European time. I laid in bed thinking and decided I would come into the office. I was going to try and steal some files from you, but you were actually here.” My eyes looked up at him as he explained himself. I studied the features of his face, his full cheeks, strong nose, luscious lips, and stubble filled chin.

  “I don’t sleep much. I spend a lot of sleepless weekend nights here, at the office,” I commented. “What files did you need?”

  “The Wiltonson Investment Portfolio,” He stated. I nodded, knowing exactly what he was looking for. I dug through the folders on my desk and produced the files that he was in need of and handed them in his direction. “Thanks.”

  “No problem.”

  I watched as he continued to sit in front of my desk and went through the file I’d produced. I figured he would leave once he had gotten it, but there he stayed. I wondered what he wanted. I was trying to keep my resolve and stay faithful to Keaton. In order to stay faithful to Keaton, I’d made the decision to only spend required time with Patrick, but he was making that difficult for me.

  “It’s so funny,” Patrick started as he looked up from the file, his eyes meeting mine. “I never imagined myself here. I always figured I’d be the dumpy, fat guy working in a call center. I knew I could accomplish things, but I didn’t think I would be to this level. Even with Stanford and all.” I was a little shocked at his revelation. In school, he was a genius and most definitely belonged at Stanford.

  “You can’t mean that,” I spoke up. “You were destined to do great things. I remember being so jealous of your quick intellect in school. You were going places for sure. Myself on the other hand. I was so afraid of my future when it came to business.”

  “But you were one of the smartest girls in the program. You were and you are dynamic. I knew you’d get places. You have the brains and the looks.” He seemed to know how to make me blush.

  “As a kid, I wanted to be a gymnast. I loved gymnastics, but I wasn’t that great,” I giggled thinking of all the times I fell flat on my face off the balance beam. I wanted to be the next gymnastics superstar, but that wasn’t in the cards.

  “That’s like me and basketball. I played as a kid and swore I would be the next Michael Jordan.” He seemed to smile to himself as he thought of his childhood dream. “A very, very white Michael Jordan.” I burst into laughter. Patrick gave me a small grin.

  There were so many days where I wished I could go back in time to being a little girl. Then, I felt like I could take on the world. There was no doubt that I was proud of myself and what I had accomplished in my twenties.

  “Yeah, life could have been so different for us. I think about it every day. It is one thing that keeps me awake at night.” I don’t know why I’d decided to let my guard down at that moment, but it felt good to speak freely. I kept so many feelings hidden from those I loved, it was nice to let them go to Patrick. I couldn’t explain why I trusted my feelings with him, but I felt like I could.

  “I can imagine. The situation with Keaton cannot be easy. It seems to take a toll on you. I can’t imagine feeling the way you feel for two years. It just doesn’t seem right or fair to you,” he sounded genuine as he spoke. I gave him a weak smile. I clicked print and stood from my desk.

  I went to my printer as papers began to appear in the tray, taking each one out to examine absently. I could hear Patrick shift, but hadn’t realized he was now standing behind me until I felt his hands just on my hips. I closed my eyes for just the moment. I hadn’t felt this in a very long time. Just being held in the moment, the way he held me was nice. It was something I’d missed from my past. I wanted to shake his spell away, but that magic. That magic was so strong and it seemed to drag me in and under. He was a master magician.

  “You deserve more than this,” he whispered in my ear. “You deserve the world and everything it can offer you.” I needed to face him. I spun my body around rapidly and there was his face just inches from mine. His beautiful eyes were hypnotizing me in the moment. I wanted to confront him, but I was frozen. One of his hands left my hip and made it’s way to my face. His soft thumb delicately stroked my cheek. I closed my eyes once more and leaned my head onto his hand. I cherished this feeling of being wanted and possibly needed.

  Opening my eyes, he gave me a smile. His smile seemed to make me powerless. His lips seemed to be calling mine onto them. Inhaling, I took in his scent of cinnamon. He gradually brought his face closer to mine. I knew he was going to kiss me and I had two options. The first was to allow him to kiss me and the other was to break the spell.
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  He was so close and I was powerless to resist when a jingle began to fill the space. I was shaken from my trance and his hands instantly were off me. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. I wondered who could be calling him at this hour, but he was a hot guy in the city. I’m sure girls all over the Bay had his number and were just aching for a piece of him. He gave me an apologetic smile, but it didn’t mean much to me. I took my papers to my desk and quickly began the process of shutting down my computer as he answered the call. I watched him leave my office while talking on the phone. I felt strangely disappointed that he’d left. I shook the feelings away and gathered my things.

  Kisses trailed along my bare skin. I was on a bed of rose petals as Patrick brought his body over mine. I could see a hunger in his eyes. He wanted me and I wanted him. My body was simply on fire with craving. I didn’t want to wait much longer as I spread my legs for him. I needed all that he could give me.

  “Fuck me, please,” I begged. He smirked that sexy smirk of his that made me wet every time.

  “I love it when you beg, baby,” He growled down to me. He lifted one of my legs and plunged himself into me. I moaned out in pure pleasure at feeling him fill me.

  “Please Patrick, give me more,” I pleaded with him.

  SITTING UP IN my bed, I let out a groan of disappointment. Patrick and I had already come so close to kissing and now I was having more dreams. I growled to myself as I noticed the sun rising just outside of my window. I’d finally gotten some sleep and now it was time to start waking up. I scolded myself for allowing us to get that close to kissing. I shouldn’t have let myself be so allured by him.

  I toyed with my ring. The very ring Keaton had given to me when he got down on one knee and asked me to be forever devoted to him and to be his wife. I’d accepted this ring and I planned to be devoted to him. Looking at the ring, it wasn’t much, but at the time it was what Keaton could afford. The band was white gold and in the middle there was a single 1/5 carat princess cut diamond. To me this single piece of jewelry was everything. He was going to wake-up one day, he had to, so I could fulfill my promise to him.