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Why Do Pirates Love Parrots?

Page 26

by David Feldman


  The same can’t be said for my agent, Jim Trupin, who has plenty of reasons to be irritated, but has stuck with me through thick, thin, and weird. And how many artists have to face the challenge of illustrating forlorn cabooses and baffled slices of bread? Kassie Schwan has been more than up to the challenge for twelve books.

  Special thanks to Elizabeth Frenchman for her invaluable research help with several Imponderables and to Mark Sinclair for his yeoman work as Webmaster at Imponderables.com.

  My friends and family deserve bouquets for putting up with me while I toiled over this book, but they’ll have to be content with a crummy and considerably less expensive acknowledgment. Mucho thanks to Fred, Phil, Gilda, and Michael Feldman; Michele Gallery; Larry Prussin; Jon Blees; Brian Rose; Fraya and Eli Berg; Ken Gordon; Elizabeth Frenchman; Merrill Perlman; Harvey Kleinman; Pat O’Conner; Stewart Kellerman; Michael Barson; Jeannie Behrend; Sherry Barson; Uday Ivatury; Laura Tolkow; Mani Ivatury Tolkow; Terry Johnson; Christal Henner; Roy Welland; Judith Dahlman; Paul Dahlman; Bonnie Gellas; James Gleick; Cynthia Crossen; Chris McCann; Nancy Schwantes; Prakash Kumar; Karen Stoddard; Eileen O’Neill; Joanna Parker; Maggie Wittenburg; Ed Swanson; Ernie Capobianco; Liz Trupin; Nat Segaloff; Mark Landau; Joan Urban; Diane Burrowes; Virginia Stanley; Marjan Mohsenin; Dennis, Heide, and Devin Whelan; Ji Lu; Alvin, Marilyn, Audrey, and Margot Cooperman; Carol Williams; Dan Fuller; Tom O’Brien; Susan Thomas; Tom and Leslie Rugg; Stinky; Sara Walker Bosworth; Matt Weatherford; Amy Yarger; Alona Amsel; Jenny Kraft; Simone Cox; Steve Narow; Julia Covino; Jack Estes; Jennifer Fish Wilson; Jeni Nielsen; and Erin Podolsky.

  Special thanks to my pals at Starbucks #839 for keeping me vertical; to John DiBartolo, Annette Matejik, and my step-pals for keeping me ambulatory; to Jim Leff and Chowhounds for making sure I’m well fed; to PSML and Spectropop, for keeping the musical faith; to my Popular Culture Association pals, for getting academia right; and to Bill and Saipin Chutima, Ali El Sayad, China Bushell and David and Shirley Fuentes for feeding the soul.

  I had a ball talking to hundreds of experts in every conceivable field for this book. The most fun part of my job is when I find the expert or experts on some field I know nothing about and hearing them talk about the subject they are passionate about. Without their willingness to share their knowledge with us, Imponderables would not be possible. More than in most of my books, many sources came up blank when faced with some of the Imponderables in this book (amazing how few sock manufacturers have studied up on tissue paper insertion!); there isn’t room to include all of these willing experts here. Instead, we’ll list all of the sources who were willing to go on the record and whose expertise led directly to answers in the book:

  Lucinda Ayers, Campbell’s Soup.

  Rick Baldwin, Federation of Historical Bottle Collectors; Brenda Bates; Paul Bates; Ruth Bavetta; Kris Becker, Northcoast Thunderbikes; Roy Benson, Running, Ltd.; Fraya Berg, Parents;Dr. Jerry Bergman, Society for the Study of Male Psychology and Physiology; Dr. Andy Blockmanis, Pacific Center for Sleep Disorders; Rachel Bolton, Hallmark Gold Crown Stores; Matt Bragaw, National Weather Service; Sam Brookbank; David Brown, Cornell University; Sylvia Browne; Sandy Burton, Barbecue Industry Association; Joan Buyce, Masterfoods USA.

  Bob Camara, K-Jack Engineering; Maria Milagros Castro, Orchard Management; Marie Cavanagh; Suzanne Clothier, Flying Dog Press; Prof. W. Rory Coker; Louis Coletta, Tony’s Ice Cream; Lisa Comegna, Lord & Taylor.

  Pamela Davis, Rak Systems, Inc.; Alison Day, Santa Barbara Olive Company; Bill Deane, Baseball Hall of Fame Museum; Jerry DeBene; John DiBartolo, Polytechnic University; Bob Dietzel; Dr. Sunny Dong; Dr. Joe Doyle; Pierre duP Fourie, Baron’s Palace Hotel.

  Dr. Gordon Edwards; Tracy Elbert, PCBexpress; Niles Eldredge, American Museum of Natural History; Todd Lee Etzel.

  Phil Feldman; Louis Ferrara, Jr., Service Station Dealers of America; Paul Fiori, Service Station Dealers of America; Martha Fischer, Cornell Lab of Ornithology; Robert Fontana, TDK Electronics Corp.; Steve Fulkerson, Saint-Gobain Containers.

  Sally Garrelts, Pure Fishing; Brian Gearhart, CO2 Advertising; Bob Geis; Sharon Gerdes, S.K. Gerdes Consulting Dairy Management, Inc.; J. Giambroni, California Dairy Research Foundation; Ken Giesbers, Boeing Company; Joe Giordano; Todd Glickman, American Meteorological Society; William D. Gordon; Richard Gualtieri, Lord & Taylor; Lori Gunter, Boeing Company.

  Robert Habel, Cornell University School of Veterinary Medicine; Hazel Harber; William R. Harts; Louise Hauck; Maurice Helou, Citgo of Lyndhurst; Prof. John Hertner; Dr. Myron Hinrichs, Hasti Friends of the Elephant; Sam Ho; Fred Holabird; Holidays in Africa; Richard H. Hopper; Brian Edward Hurst; Jason Hunsaker; Cheryl Hyde, White Dolphin Inc. and Academy Fitness.

  Clay Irving.

  Michael Jackson, Vogel’s & Foster’s; Dr. Keith Jones, Pure Fishing.

  Terry Kennedy, St. Peter’s College; Larry Khazzam, Echo Lake Industries, Ltd.; Karen Anne Klein; Kathryn Kranhold, The Wall Street Journal; Lucille Kubichek, Chihuahua Club of America; Meredith Kurtzman, Otto; Stamatios Kyrkos, Le Moyne College.

  Fred Lanting; Tania Lategan, Cango Ostrich Farm; Prof. John Lawrence, University of South Florida; Thomas A. Lehmann, American Institute of Baking; John Levine; Mike Lombardi, Boeing Company; Mike Lopez, Prototron Circuits; Mort Luby, Bowlers Journal International.

  Dr. Mansoor Madani, Center for Corrective Jaw Surgery; David Maier, Oregon Graduate Institute of Science and Technology; Ralph Marburger, Combe Incorporated; Mars, Inc.; Sgt. Sean McCafferty, New York Police Department; Greg McMillan, McMillan Running; Gloria McPike Tamlyn; Dale Miller, University of Arkansas at Little Rock; Dr. Steven Mintz; Paul Morgan, K&F Electronics; Pat Moricca, Gasoline Retailers Association of America; Stephanie Moritz, The Hershey Company; Cecil Munsey; Sean Murtha, American Museum of Natural History.

  Prof. Kang-Yup Na, Westminster College; Willie Ninja; Tom Nosera; Dr. David Nye, Midelfort Clinic; David Nystrom, Eastern Mapping Center, U.S. Geological Survey.

  Dr. Richard O’Brien; Kirk O’Donnell, American Institute of Banking; Digger Odell.

  Christina Parker, Bruster’s Ice Cream; Carroll Pellegrinelli, about.com; Dr. Irene Pepperberg, MIT; Kim Piper, Bruster’s Ice Cream; Carole Price, American Ostrich Association; John Pritchard, Simi Winery; Prof. Robert C. Probasco, University of Idaho; Tom Purvis; Betty Pustarfi, Strictly Olive Oil.

  James Randi; Bruce Reed, Bruster’s Ice Cream; Steve Reichl, American Natural History Museum; Erroll Rhodes, American Bible Society; Joseph Richardson, Diebold, Incorporated; Ronnie Robertson; Joy Robinson, Combe Incorporated.

  Frank Schifano; Tim Schmitt; Steve Scorfidi; Arthur Seeds, Barbecue Industry Association; Rory Sellers; Bill Sherrard, Long Island Lighting Company; Peter Sherry; Hezy Shoshani, Elephant Interest Group; Carole Shulman, Professional Skaters Guild of America; Dean Sommer, Wisconsin Center for Dairy Research; Dan St. Louis, Hosiery Technology Center; Gregg Stengel; Jeff Stevenson, American Essentials; LCDR J. Carl Sturm; Jack Suber, American Financial Printers; Daniel Sutton; Ed Swanson; Julie Swift, Michigan Bell.

  Susan Thomas; Charlie Tomlin; Josh Trupin; J. Donald Turk, Mobil Oil Corporation; Ken Tyler.

  Prof. Martin Uman, University of Florida.

  Gerhard Verdoorn, Birdlife South Africa; Mike Vevea; Doreen Virtue; Paul Vossen.

  Tom Wagner; F. Michael Wahl, Geological Society of America; Steve Warrington, Ostrich.com; Steve Webster, Monterey Bay Aquarium; Dianna Westmoreland; Pamela Whitenack, Hershey Community Archives; Robert Wilbur, Pet Food Institute; Richard Williams, National Weather Service; Jennifer Fish Wilson; Frederick Woodruff.

  JP Yousha.

  Jeff Zeak, American Institute of Baking.

  And to those sources who wished to remain anonymous but provided valuable research, we thank you for your contribution to the vanquishing of Imponderability.

  HELP!

  Pirates can keep parrots. We prefer Imponderables. We certainly prefer solving Imponderables to cleaning up after parrots.

  But we can’t p
onder without you, so please keep sending in your Imponderables and your comments (regardless of which direction your metaphorical thumbs are pointing). If you’re the first person to send in an Imponderable we use in a book, you’ll receive an acknowledgment and an autographed copy as a thank-you for your contribution.

  Although we accept snail mail, we strongly encourage you to e-mail us if possible. Because of the high volume of mail, we can’t always provide a personal response to every letter, but we’ll try—a self-addressed, stamped envelope doesn’t hurt. We’re much better about answering e-mail, although we fall behind sometimes when work beckons.

  Come visit us online at the Imponderables Web site, where you can pose Imponderables, read our blog, consult the master index of Imponderability (including all eleven Imponderables books), and find out what’s happening at Imponderables Central. Send your correspondence, along with your name, address, and (optional) phone number to:

  feldman@imponderables.com

  http://www.imponderables.com

  or

  Imponderables

  P.O. Box 116

  Planetarium Station

  New York, NY 10024-0116

  Searchable Terms

  Airlines

  Boeing jets, numbering of

  window alignment of

  window shapes of

  Anchors, fouled, as Navy symbol

  Artists, thumbs and

  ATMs

  Braille markings on drive-up

  deposit envelopes, holes in

  Audio cassettes, auto-reverse and

  Auto-reverse, audio cassettes and

  Automobiles

  cockroaches in

  new car smell in

  Bagel holes, doughnut holes and

  Balls, orange, on power lines

  Barbecues, men’s domain over

  Baseball

  Elevation of pitcher’s mound

  Manager uniforms

  Bats, roosting position of

  Bibles, two-column format of

  Birds

  head bobbing of

  sweating of

  vocal mimicking of

  vulture circling

  “Black boxes,” color of

  Blind people, dreams of

  Boeing, numbering of jets of

  Boots on ranchers’ fence posts

  Bottles, necks of

  Bowling, Brooklyn strikes and

  Boxing, origins of “ring” in

  Braille markings, drive-up ATMs and

  Bread, mounds atop

  Brooklyn strikes, bowling and

  Brussels sprouts, Brussels and

  Cabooses, disappearance of

  Calendars, before Christ

  Cans, soft drink, flotation of

  Carbonated water, club soda and

  Cassettes, audio, auto-reverse and

  Cats

  cockroaches in

  miniature

  swimming and

  Chairs, warmth of

  Cheese

  Monterey Jack, origins of

  shapes of

  Circuit boards, green color of

  Clocks, clockwise movement of

  Cloudiness, iced tea and

  Clouds, formation of

  Club soda, origins of

  Coca-Cola cans, flotation of, in water

  Computer keyboards, SysRq key on

  Cookies, peanut butter, crisscross marks on

  Core, Earth’s, heat of

  Countdown leader, film and

  Cowboy hats, creases on

  Creases on cowboy hats

  Crickets, chapped legs and chirping in

  “D-Day,” D in

  Diet Coke, flotation in water of

  Dog food, smell of

  Dogs, shaking off water and

  Doughnut holes, bagel holes and

  Dreams, blind people and

  Driveways, versus parkways

  Drug labels, inactive ingredients in

  Earth’s core, heat of

  Earthworms as fish food

  Elections, Tuesdays as day of

  Elephants

  jumping of

  trunks of

  Envelopes, ATM deposit, holes in

  Executions, sterilized needles and

  Figure skating announcers tuxedos and

  Fish

  earthworms as food for

  sleeping patterns of

  Football fields, width of

  Fouled anchors as Navy symbol

  Friday the thirteenth, superstition about

  Fruit symbols, slot machines and

  Fruitcake, unpopularity of

  Gas pumps, automatic handles on

  Gas stations, automatic handles on

  Giraffes, vocalizations of

  Grape ice cream, rarity of

  Green, as color of circuit boards

  Hair, growth rate in head vs. body

  Half-time zones

  Hamburger buns, McDonald’s, white patch on

  Harley-Davidsons, revving at stoplights and

  Helmets, kamikaze pilots and

  Hershey kisses, paper tags on

  Hip swaying, women and

  Holes, ATM deposit envelopes and

  Horses, sleeping position of

  Ice cream, grape, rarity of

  Iced tea, cloudiness in

  Imponderables, vs. ponderables

  Inactive ingredients, drugs and

  Jack, Monterey, identity of

  “Jimmies,” origins of

  “Just For Men,” women and

  Kamikaze pilots, helmets and

  Kisses, Hershey, tags in

  Left-handed string players, in orchestras

  Lethal injections, sterilized needles in

  Lightning, zigzag shape of

  Loons, landing of

  M&M’s, colors of

  Macadamia nuts, shells of

  Managers, baseball, uniforms of

  Manhole covers, shape of

  McDonald’s hamburger buns, white patch on

  Medicine ball, composition of

  Men

  Domain over barbecue

  snoring and

  Milk cartons, impossibility of opening

  Mimicking, birds and

  Miniature cats, breeding of

  Monterey Jack, identity of

  Moon, visibility during day

  Mosquitoes, biting preferences of

  Motorcyclists, revving at stoplights

  Mounds atop bread

  Navy, fouled anchor as

  Necks, bottles and

  Needles, sterilized injections and

  New car smell, constituents of

  Newspaper vending machines

  Newspapers, cleaning windows with

  Olive oil, extracted, and olives

  Olives, after oil extraction

  Orange balls on power lines

  Ostriches, swimming and

  Packing peanuts, shape of

  Parkways, vs. driveways

  “Park,” taxi drivers, at stoplights

  Parrots

  head bobbing of

  mimicking and

  pirates and

  Peanut butter cookies, crisscross marks on

  Peanuts, packing, shape of

  Pharmacists and raised platforms

  Pitcher’s mound, elevation of

  Polaroid prints, waving of

  Ponderables, vs. Imponderables

  Portholes, shape of

  Power lines, orange balls on

  Psychics, women and

  Ranchers’ fence posts, boots on

  Revving at stoplights, motorcyclists

  “Ring,” origin of, in boxing

  Salmon, color of

  Sea stars, faces of

  Seats, warmth of

  Service stations, automatic handles on gas pumps

  Sheet music, directions of

  Shoes, single, on side of road

  Skating, figure, announcers and tuxedos in

  Slot
machines, fruit symbols and

  Sneezing, looking up and

  “Snickers,” origins of

  Snoring

  age differences and

  men vs. women

  Socks, tissue paper in

  Soft drinks, finger as fizziness reduction agent in

  Staggered starts, strategy in

  Standing still, difficulty of

  Starfish faces, existence of

  “STOP,” in telegrams

  String players, left-handed

  Sun, sneezing and looking at

  Superstitions, fear of thirteen

  Swaying, hip, and women

  Sweating, birds and

  “SysRq” key, purpose of, on computer keyboards

  Taxi drivers, gear shifts, at stoplights

  Tea, iced, cloudiness in

  Telegrams, “STOP,” in

  Telephone poles

  height of

  specifications of

  Thanksgiving, date of

  Thirteen, superstition about

  “This page intentionally left blank”

  Thumbs, artists and

  Tickling of self

  Time zones, half-

  Tissue paper in socks

  Tootsie Roll Pops, licking of

  Track, staggered starts in

  Trains

  cabooses, disappearance of

  whistle patterns of

  Trunks, elephants’

  Tuesdays, as election day

 

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