Spiralling Skywards: Book Two: Fading (Contradictions Series 2)

by Lesley Jones

  “We’re gonna be great fucking parents.”

  “The best.” She smiled back.

  I was allowed home the following afternoon. We decided not to find out what we were having, wanting to keep it a surprise. Nan and Grandad stayed with us for the next two weeks, which actually worked out well. Liam was able to go into the office for the time that Luke was away, and then he worked mostly from home once Luke got back.

  They finally held interviews at the office and took on two interns and a junior receptionist to work alongside Liz. All of which, meant they could finally spread the load somewhat. Liam’s refusal to travel for the rest of my pregnancy meant that Luke was clocking up the air miles, something he wholeheartedly agreed to do once he found out what had happened with me while Liam was in Scotland.

  Apart from what had been administered while I was in the hospital, I was still refusing to take any kind of anti-nausea medication, but the sickness had mostly worn off, although I had ended up back in the hospital twice more because my doctors were worried about dehydration.

  I was thirty-two weeks into my pregnancy, and my nan had finally given us permission to go out and buy a pushchair. We had strict instructions to not bring it into the house until after the baby was born, though. All of this because of some long-held superstition of hers. Seeing as it was my grandparents that were paying and those things were not cheap, believe me, we didn’t bother to argue. I was actually blown away that most of what we’d looked at cost more than my first, second, and third car.

  “Sixteen hundred quid. Does it come with a chauffeur?” Liam joked as we stood in the baby shop, looking at more pushchairs/buggies/strollers whatever the name of the day was, I learned that it seemed to vary from store to store.

  “I could buy him a second-hand car for less than that.”

  I turned and gave him the evil eye as the sales lady demonstrated the one hold, fast fold feature of the ugly looking three-wheeled device.

  “Is this really what you want?” Liam asked.

  “Why, don’t you like it?”

  He shrugged his shoulders, obviously thinking carefully before he spoke. The upside of this pregnancy had been my insatiable appetite for sex, the downside, apart from the sickness, was that just about everything made me cry.

  “It’s not really . . . I mean . . . if it’s what you really want then got for it, but don’t you think it’s a bit . . .”

  “What? A bit what? It’s a baby buggy, how do you want it to look?” I snapped.

  “We do have a range of colours available, and you can also request a custom design, but it would require twelve weeks’ notice. When did you say you were due, dear?” Irene, the saleswoman, asked.

  “Seventh of July,” Liam stated with a proud smile lighting up his handsome face. I smiled back, feeling both horny and teary at the same time, especially when Liam pulled me into his side and kissed my temple

  “Well that’s out of the window then, you’ve only got eight weeks left. Would you like to look on the computer at the selection of colour options?”

  “Anything’s gotta be better than that grey,” Luke told the sales lady.

  We decided on red with a black trim. Luke and Archie would be pissed off since it was Manchester United’s colours and not Arsenal’s, but it was our kid and United were the team that Liam had adopted since he’d been living here. It was also universal and not too boyish or too girly.

  We stood at the till point and gave our delivery details and payment. Liam had his arm loosely across my lower back, rubbing his fingertips over the curve of my hip and arse through the fabric of the little summer dress I had on. It was only mid-May, but we’d had a few warm sunny days and as I seemed to be running at about ten degrees warmer than everyone else right then, I was happier when I was wearing next to nothing. Funnily enough, this seemed to make my husband happier, too.

  I was halfway through giving the lady our address when a sharp cramp-like pain shot through my lower belly. I had to stop talking so I could catch my breath. I stood upright and tried to take in air through my nose. Both hands instinctively went to my belly, and I splayed them out, hoping to contain the pain.

  “You okay, bub?” Liam had stilled beside me.

  “Wow. That was . . . shit.” I turned and looked up at him, but all I could do was shake my head as another pain ripped through me.

  “Babe?” he questioned nervously.

  “Would you like a chair?” Irene asked.

  My heart rate revved as adrenalin began to course through my system. Something wasn’t right.

  “Sarah. Talk to me, you’re scaring me.”

  Everything from there seemed to happen so quickly.

  “Just a couple of really sharp pains that’s all.” I tried to reassure Liam.

  “You sure you’re okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m f—”

  My mouth hung open, but I didn’t finish what I was about to say. Instead, I stepped back from the counter and looked down at the floor.

  “My water just broke.”

  “What?”

  “Caroline, can you grab us a chair please?” Irene called out.

  I started to feel a little wobbly and stepped back so I could lean against Liam. He guided me down onto the chair that Caroline swiftly appeared with.

  “What do I do? Do I call the hospital, the obstetrician, what? Tell me what I need to do.” I knew he was trying to keep the panic out of his voice, but it was there, I could hear it.

  The ever-efficient Caroline appeared with a plastic cup of water and offered it to me.

  “Call the hospital and tell them what’s happened.”

  He did as I asked and explained the details as quickly as he could. Not saying anything before he hung up the phone and turned to me.

  “They want you to come in.” It was all I got before he was rushing out the door.

  Liam left me in the store and went to bring the car to the loading bay around the back so I had less distance to walk. I used the time to draw in deep breaths and tried not to panic about what this could mean for our baby, if he or she ended up being born eight weeks early.

  The staff waved to us and shouted their well wishes as Liam helped me into the car, and then we were off to the hospital.

  We were silent the entire journey, but as soon as we pull up at the hospital, I turned in my seat and grabbed Liam’s hand. “I’m so scared.”

  Lupe Fiasco’s “Superstar” was playing on the radio, and he turned it up just a little. Giving me his best smile and a wink, he told me, “He’s singing about you. We’re here now. Everything’s gonna be fine. We’ve got this, and you’re gonna go in there and be a superstar.”

  “I’m not scared of having the baby, Liam, I’m scared of becoming a mum.”

  He reached across the centre consul and held the sides of my face in his hands.

  “You are gonna be an amazing mum. You got this. We’ve got this.”

  I nodded my head but still wasn’t convinced. All of my old fears began rushing to the surface. What if I was no good at this? What if I was just like her?

  “Come on, let’s get you inside and find out what’s going on with this kid of ours.”

  ***

  I spend a week in a hospital bed after suffering something called PROM, Premature Rupture of Membranes. Despite having no contractions, I was on meds to prevent them from happening. They also had me on IV antibiotics to prevent infection and steroids to help develop the baby’s lungs. I was on total bed rest, only allowed to move around to use the bathroom and shower. I was bored out of my brain.

  I had my laptop with me and spent my time searching for baby names, I chatted with a few friends, mostly Sash through text, but then I found this thing called Facebook and joined that. I was still trying to figure out how to set up a profile when my phone rang. It was Will.

  We didn’t see too much of him these days. He had been promoted, once again, and was now an area or regional manager for whatever nightclub chain he worked f
or. I would have liked to have said that things weren’t awkward between us, but I couldn’t lie.

  I was okay when we were in a group together, but if it was just me and Will, I felt like the conversation was forced. I hated it. We used to be such good friends, we’d shop, go watch a film, grab a meal, or just go to the pub together, and it had never been awkward.

  He came to our wedding last year, but we had only seen him a few times since then.

  “Hey, Sarah Sunshine, what’s happening?”

  “Meeehhh, ya know. Just lying in bed like a big round beach ball.”

  “A big round beach ball? I don’t believe that for a minute.”

  “Well, next time you’re passing through town, feel free to come and see for yourself. I’ve been in the hospital for over a week, and I’m going out of my already crazy little mind.”

  “Hospital? Which hospital, why?”

  “St Paul’s Private. My water broke last Saturday. I’m on total bed rest while they try to stop me going into premature labour.”

  “Shit. I had no idea. I just got an invite from you to join Facebook, that’s what made me call.”

  “You did? Oh, I must have clicked something I shouldn’t have. I didn’t mean to, sorry.”

  “Yeah, I think it’s something in the settings you have to tick or untick, otherwise it just sends out an invite to everyone in your address book.”

  “I don’t have an address book. How would Facebook know who was in my address book anyway?”

  “Your email address book, doughnut.”

  “Oh.” I laughed, not feeling the least embarrassed because it was Will, and this was the way it should be with friends.

  “Fuck, Sarah. I miss that sound.”

  “Will.” I tried to make his name sound like a warning, but it just sounded like I was attempting a deep voice.

  “Sarah.” He used the same tone back at me.

  “So, how’ve you been? Tell me all the exciting things that have been happening in Will Bennett’s life since I saw you last. Let me escape and live vicariously through you for a while.”

  I heard him draw in and then let out a long breath.

  “I love that you’re lying in bed while I talk to you.”

  “A hospital bed, remember? I’m lying in a hospital bed, big, fat, and round.”

  “I doubt that very much, and even if you were, I’m sure you’re still the prettiest girl around.”

  Obviously, I was flattered, but I didn’t want to be the prettiest girl around for Will. I was Liam’s pretty girl, no one else’s. Will deserved his own.

  “My husband tells me I am, but I can’t see it myself.”

  “You should listen to your husband. He’s a wise and lucky man.”

  “Yeah, he tells me that, too. So, where you living, you still in the city?”

  “Yeah, I’m still in the city and still in charge of the London locations. Boss man has us all working overtime for the Triple M fundraiser coming up next month.”

  “Has that been a year since the last one already? This year’s just flown by, I’ve spent most of it with my head down a toilet or lying in a hospital bed, all while you’ve been rubbing shoulders with the rich and famous.”

  “I’ve actually spent most of it stuck in my car on the M25 driving, or attempting to drive, from club to club and meeting to meeting.”

  “So, no time for romance then?”

  “Always time for romance, babe, especially if it’s with you.”

  I let out an exasperated sigh. “Do you ever give up?”

  “Nope, and I never will.”

  “Well, you should.”

  “I know.”

  “Anyway. Are we gonna be Facebook friends or what? I’ve no clue what I’m doing on there, so I may need guidance.”

  “Yep, I’ve been setting up my account as we’ve talked.”

  “Cool. You can help brighten my lonely days and save me from dying of boredom before this baby’s born.”

  “Any time, Sunshine, any time.”

  “Thank you.”

  We were both quiet for a few seconds, and the familiar but hated awkwardness crept in.

  “Anyway, I won’t—”

  “I miss you, Sarah. I had to get away. I couldn’t . . .” He let out a heavy breath. “I’m glad that you’re happy. I want that for you. It’s just hard to watch coz it’s not with me. So, yeah. Moving away was the best thing I could do. Especially for myself.”

  “I’m sorry, Will. I really am.”

  “It is what it is.”

  I didn’t know how to respond to all of that and chose to remain quiet again.

  “So,” he said way too loud and upbeat, which made me flinch a bit. “When’s this baby due? Boy or girl? Will he be a Gooner?”

  “Seventh of July. We don’t know, and no. He’ll be a red.”

  “United? Tell me you’re joking?”

  “Afraid not.”

  “Poor kid.”

  “I’m sure he’ll survive. After all, didn’t they just win the league for the tenth time or something?”

  I took a swig from the bottle of water I had sitting on my tray table but almost choke when Will says, “Oh please don’t tell me you’re gonna call the poor kid Ronaldo or something sad like that?”

  Images of my vibrator popped into my head, and after a minor coughing fit, I managed to reply.

  “Nope, I definitely don’t think that’s at the top of Liam’s list of names.”

  It would, in fact, be right at the bottom, after Will and before Adam of course.

  “Okay, well I best get back to work.”

  “You do that. I’ll get back to playing solitaire on my laptop and staring out the window.”

  The line went quiet, and I thought he was gone but then I hear, “I know you don’t wanna hear it, but if it ever don’t work out, you know you can always call me, right? I’ll always be here for you, Sunshine, always.”

  “I know, Will. Thank you.”

  ***

  I woke with a start from a vivid dream where I was trying to lasso a horse. In the dream, I got too close, and the horse kicked me in the belly. My dream self wasn’t pregnant, but the pain of being kicked was excruciating regardless.

  I sat up with my heart pogoing around inside my chest and phantom pains twisting in my abdomen. A chair scrapped across the floor, and then Liam’s face appeared in front of me, chasing the dream away.

  “What time is it?” I asked with a croaky voice.

  “Almost seven. I brought Chinese with me, but I didn’t wanna wake you.” He tucked my hair behind my ears and held my face in his hands as he placed a soft kiss on my lips.

  “I fucking miss you, pretty girl,” he said, dropping another kiss right below my ear.

  “You don’t miss me, you miss fucking me.”

  “That too, but I miss you in my bed. I miss waking up with you spread all over me, your smell’s fading from the sheets. Did I tell you I had to spray them with your perfume?”

  His words made my nose tingle, and I shook my head in answer. “Come and get in my bed then.”

  “If I get in your bed I’m gonna wanna touch ya.”

  “I might just want you to touch me.”

  His face lit up and he wiggled his eyebrows up and down as he gave me one of his big, crinkly eyed smiles.

  “Yeah?”

  I threw the sheets back.

  “There’s more than one way to skin a cat. Get in here.”

  His shoes and suit trousers were off in an instant, and he climbed into bed beside me.

  “I wanna feel your skin on mine,” I told him.

  He helped me pull off my pyjama bottoms and then slid the straps of my vest down my arms. Instead of pulling it over my head, he pulled it down my body and off, disappearing under the blankets as he did so. When he reappeared, his hair was sticking up in all directions.

  “Take off your shirt,” I whispered.

  “Why are you whispering?”

  “I dunno. Coz
we’re doing bad things, and I don’t wanna get caught.” I laughed as I spoke, making him laugh, too.

  He pulled his shirt off over his head and then cuddled me against his chest. He had a smattering of fair hair there and my nipples react as they brushed against it. I had been unbelievably horny during my pregnancy, and it had been over a week since he touched me last. Going from two or three times a day to nothing was tantamount to torcher.

  I slid my hand inside his boxers and wrapped it around his dick, which was already hard for me.

  “Jesus, babe, you squeeze like that for too long I’m gonna make a mess in your hand.” He mumbled around a mouthful of my nipple as he slid his hand down my body and between my legs.

  “That’s all right, we’ll just clear it up.”

  “Fuck me, you’re wet.”

  “Yep, I’m as horny as you are.”

  “You were such a good girl when we met.” He spoke and laughed against my throat, which just made my nipples even harder.

  “I was, but you corrupted me.”

  “I think I like the corrupted version better.”

  He pushed two fingers inside me only to pull them out a moment later so he could circle them around my clit.

  “You didn’t like me when we first met?”

  “Oh, I more than liked you. One look, baby. One look at that arse in that skirt and the way your tits jiggled when you walked had me hooked. Your skin? Your skin is amazing, Sarah, but your face . . . I watched you walk away from that bar and mentally begged you to turn around, and it was as if you heard me. You stopped exactly like someone called your name, and you turned around and looked at me. The moment I saw your face, I was yours. From that moment on, my heart’s only beat for you.”

  We both stopped moving and just stared at each other.

  “I heard you,” I told him quietly.

  “Heard me?”

  “In my head. You said that you mentally begged me. Well, something inside me heard you. I felt a pull, and I couldn’t walk away. It was as if I had no choice. I had to turn around.”

  He wiped tears from beneath my eyes that I didn’t even know were there and lent his forehead against mine. Our bodies were pressed so tightly together that when the baby kicked, I knew he felt it. He was still smiling as he moved his mouth to mine again before crawling down the bed and kissing my belly. Holding his weight off me with his elbows, he moved back up and pushed my boobs, which were getting to be beyond a manageable size at that stage, together and stared down at them.