Only Love

by Smith, Victoria H.

  “Your family is so beautiful,” she said, watching them play with our daughter.

  I smiled at them, then her. “Thank you.”

  She nodded, her smile so wide and bright. When I first arrived and she saw me, she couldn’t hide her anxiousness, and I didn’t blame her. The two of us had left things so badly between us. But now, that seemed to change. She was only comfortable with me and I couldn’t be more grateful for that. We watched the girls for a while longer before she spoke again.

  “You never fought me for custody,” she said, staring at me. “Why? I see the way you look at Abby and the girls. How you look so alive. Why didn’t you fight me? You should have.”

  Leaning back, I let out a breath, but I knew right away what to tell her. Why I didn’t fight. “I wasn’t in a good place. I felt she was better off.”

  “And now? Are you in a good place?”

  My lips lifted. I moved my gaze over to the beach, to my family. I nodded in response to her question. I think that was definitely safe to say, and once I did, Lia crossed her arms, her gaze so warm in my direction.

  She placed her hand on the table. “We’ll work this out with Abby. That’s my gift to you. My apology to you.”

  “You don’t have to apologize,” I told her. “I understand where you were coming from. I was a mess and our daughter didn’t need to be around that. I’m glad you did what you did. It was the best thing for her.”

  “Even still. Please let me fix this.”

  I placed my hand on hers, squeezing once. “Thank you. Truly.”

  Squeezing mine back, she let go, and once again stared out at that beautiful sight on the beach.

  “She seems okay,” I said staring at Abby. She was floating on her back now. So wonderfully, free.

  “She is okay, Adam,” she said. “She really is.”

  And so, my heart squeezed once again.

  I checked in on the girls and breathed in a sigh of relief that it would be the last time tonight. I loved them dearly, but was glad they finally were asleep.

  Gabby lain on her belly, arm hanging over the side of the bed with the sheets bunched haphazardly around her. She was definitely a wild sleeper that girl.

  I adjusted her bedding so it was actually around her, then got in a glance at Rissa to her left, sleeping soundly—also on her belly—in her travel crib the hotel provided for us. Abby and Lia lived in a pretty big city so it wasn’t hard for Aubrey and me to find a hotel that had subtle accommodations for a toddler.

  I backed away silently from them both. Again, I loved my girls, but it was definitely time for some alone time with my fiancée. It had been a long day. A long one, but wonderful. I called Abby shortly before I checked in on Gabby and Rissa, wishing her goodnight as well. She asked me to call before I went to bed, sort of tuck her in over the phone, and I felt nothing short of happiness at the request. I hoped we could make that sort of a routine with us. Maybe not every night, but often. Now, that we’d found each other again, there’d be no going back for us. I’d been blessed so much in the last year, and she was yet another gift.

  Pulling the door to Rissa and Gabby’s adjoining room, I cut the light off from Aubrey and my room so it was dark enough for them in theirs. I left it open a crack, allowing them to have easy access to ours, but still made sure the baby monitor in their room was on so we could hear Rissa. After that, I turned around to go to Aubrey, only to shake my head. Lying on her stomach, she’d dozed off, a beautiful exhausted sight in little shorts and a tank top, the TV flashing light on her mahogany skin.

  I turned off the TV, and then climbed into the bed with her, slipping my shirt off along the way. When I got to her, I crawled over her, encasing her. With a kiss to her shoulder, I attempted to wake her enough to get her all the way in bed so she could get some decent sleep. Of course, when I started I couldn’t stop, and my length went hard, the blood pumping to it and pressing against her round bottom.

  “Mmm,” she moaned, so aroused in her sleepy state, but then she groaned, pushing her hand into her curly locks as she let out a breath. “I’m so sorry,” she said. Turning her head, she frowned at me. “I fell asleep.”

  Chuckling, I pushed my hands under her shirt, kissing her neck while I gripped her warm waist. “I noticed. It’s fine.”

  “No, it’s not.” She’d flipped over at this point between the space of my arms, and that frown never left her. Even still she was half awake.

  Giving her one final kiss on the cheek, I let go of her, then reached over her, flicking off her table light. Obviously, tonight wasn’t happening with how sleepy she was, but that was fine. I just liked being near her. That was always enough. Always.

  I got us both under the sheets, her in my arms while I brushed my fingers along the sensitive skin just below her elbow. She spoke again when I reached over to snap on Rissa’s baby monitor on my side.

  “I’ll make it up to you, I swear,” she said, kissing my chest. She wrapped her arm around me, and I settled a hand on her skin.

  “It’s cool,” I assured her, kissing her hair. “I’m tired too. It was a long day.”

  I wasn’t lying to her. I was tired from all the events today, but definitely could have scraped up some energy for a couple hours of Aubrey. When I was with her, I never wanted it to end.

  She stroked her fingers up and down my chest, stopping only to brush her fingers momentarily around the hair there. “How about I talk to you,” she said, giving a small yawn. “Help you get sleepy too.”

  Laughing a little, I set my hand on hers. Her fingers were kind of tickling. “Okay,” I told her. “What do you want to talk about?”

  She shrugged pressing all her softness against me. “I don’t know. About anything. What you want to do tomorrow before we leave? Where you want to eat? Or what about Lia?”

  Dipping my chin, I gazed down at her. “What about her?”

  Yawning again, she placed a hand over her mouth. “Mmmhmm,” she said, sounding much like another ‘I don’t know.’ She lowered her hand from her mouth. “How did you two meet?”

  My brows jumped. “You really want to talk about that? My ex?”

  I found that surprising. While Aubrey had been nothing but supportive about this reunion and being around Lia, I didn’t think she had any more interest about her. Lia was my past while Aubrey was my future.

  “Not in particular,” she said. “Just something to talk about. Hey, I told you about Javi. How we met in high school.”

  She nudged me with her shoulder and I could do nothing but smile at her. She really had no problem with Lia at all. It was just what she said, something to talk about. Dipping my chin, I pushed my nose into her curls, loving the soft scent that wafted from them when I did. “Same,” I told her. “That’s how we met. High school.”

  The room went silent, and I thought Aubrey fell asleep, but then she spoke again.

  “What’s that?” she questioned, lifting her head. “What’s that in your voice? Why did it do that?”

  Confused, I gazed down, staring at her. “Do what?”

  She rose up and placed her hands on my chest, resting her chin on the backs of her hands. “You said that as if you were happy, but sad at the same time.”

  She would catch that. I guess I couldn’t hide anything from her, nor did I want to. I never would keep anything from Aubrey again. As far as I was concerned my life was an open book to her from now and forever on.

  I placed my hand on her arm. “Lia was just a different person back then. Full of dreams, you know?”

  “And you?”

  And me… “I wasn’t as clear as her. Didn’t really have a set plan. I would have been happy living the rest of my life in Troy, but Lia had bigger plans. She wanted to be a reporter. A professional one and living on the coast.”

  And I found out that was exactly what she ended up doing just today. I was happy for her. Genuinely.

  “So what happened?” Aubrey continued.

  This question felt loaded, a
nd I didn’t really know what she was looking for. Maybe she wasn’t looking for anything in particular. Maybe she just wanted to know how we’d gotten to the point where we were now, and I supposed I knew exactly that.

  “We had Abby,” I said. “Me twenty-one and her barely twenty. I left college to go into the academy. Support her and our new baby quicker. She eventually had to leave school too when it got too hard to juggle both. I think she felt trapped. Lia. She was forced to grown up. We both were.”

  Aubrey moved her fingers up and down my chest again, listening while I spoke, and I realized something I guess I never had before. No one knew struggle the way this woman in my arms did, being forced to grow up when all you wanted to do was have something for yourself. She and I were kindred, connected more deeply than I ever knew.

  “Do you ever get sad?” she asked, staring at me. “That it didn’t work out?”

  I didn’t let the question linger in the air. I simply lowered Aubrey to her back, encasing her, protecting her in my arms like I always would. Holding her close by her shoulders, I kissed her deeply, showing her my answer. I believe I would have stayed with Lia forever. I would have been faithful to her forever, but fate didn’t want that. The universe wouldn’t allow that. Forever wasn’t in the cards for us because she wasn’t my destiny.

  She wasn’t my Aubrey.

  A few months later…

  That face of hers was a sight for sore eyes. Man, I swear thoughts of this moment were what kept me fighting, kept me determined to make it home. She was so beautiful, my little girl, the best part of me. She’d gotten so big since the last time I’d seen her. Her hair touched her shoulders now, and judging by her grin, she had a mouthful of teeth. It was more than a year ago when I came home last. It’d been too long. I missed so much.

  But never again; that’s my word.

  Rissa made her way to the slide, looking like she’d trip over her own feet with that clumsy run, but she never did. I smiled at that too, finding it hard to believe she was so independent now. It didn’t look like she was afraid of anything, which didn’t surprise me. Her mom was one of the most fearless women I’d ever met, and that was one of my favorite things about her. Aubrey. My baby.

  The hardest thing in the world was making myself stand there out of view, but I didn’t want to scare Rissa. She didn’t know my face other than what she’d seen of me in pictures her mom had shown her. All she knew was my voice, but I’d change all that. I would. If it took me the rest of my life to get to know her, to make up for the time we’d lost, I’d do that. Marissa was the only proof I had that everything connected to me wasn’t a mess. She was perfect.

  “Slow down, Rissa,” a voice rang out. A familiar voice. Aubrey was laughing and out of breath when she finally caught up to our daughter, scooping her up from the grass just as Rissa’s fingers touched the ladder of the slide. “You know you can’t get up there by yourself, silly girl. Let Mommy help you.”

  My heart felt so full. I loved them both so much that it nearly killed me to stand off in the shadows, but I had to. I’d been planning this all out for two days now. In fact, instead of going to see Aubrey and Rissa when I first got into the States, I laid low and waited for today—Rissa’s second birthday. Her party, actually. Everyone we knew was there from what I could tell, even my mom. That made me happy to see. That meant she and Aubrey must’ve finally worked things out. It’d been a long time coming.

  Aubrey looked so good, like she’d managed to find happiness. That was what I wanted for her. I didn’t want her home falling apart because of what she thought happened to me. She hadn’t. She stayed strong because that’s what Rissa needed.

  Situating the big bear for Rissa underneath my arm, I looked down at the roses I’d picked up for Aubrey, realizing we’d have a long road ahead of us, but believing we could fix this. We’d been through too much for that not to be the case. Besides, regardless of how we’d fallen apart in the end, I knew she still loved me.

  And I still loved her.

  I couldn’t wait anymore. Already it’d been too long since I’d held them both in my arms. There wasn’t anything in the world I wanted more, and I’d gone through a lot to get here. It was time.

  ‘Relax,’ I said in my head, talking myself out of being nervous. Only good could come of this. I believed that.

  “You made it,” Aubrey said, wearing a big smile. She stood behind Rissa on the ladder at the top of the slide, guarding our baby’s small body so she wouldn’t fall. She was a good mother just like I imagined she’d be.

  I stared on as both of their faces lit up and Rissa’s small hand lifted into the air, pointing toward the end of the slide before clapping her hands. My eyes followed her gaze, and fell on a guy. A guy standing at the end of the same slide with his arms out, waiting for my daughter to come down it. Naturally, I went on the defense, watching, waiting to see what the hell was up. My eyes went to Aubrey to gage her facial expression, but all I found there was a smile.

  She was smiling at this dude.

  “Yayyyy,” Rissa sang as she slid from the top of the slide to the bottom into this stranger’s hands. He lifted her into the air and spun her once.

  What the fu—

  “Ok, now it’s Mommy’s turn,” he said, laughing as he shifted his gaze to Aubrey. She responded with a look of defiance as she chose to climb back down the ladder instead.

  I watched them cross the playground—Rissa laying her head on the man’s shoulder, Aubrey’s fingers linked up with his. I didn’t understand. Didn’t understand his role in my family’s life.

  But, damn… I was about to.

  I stepped forward, but stopped at the sound of my little girl’s voice.

  “Daddy, swing! Push me!” my baby said when her eyes lit up again.

  Daddy.

  She called him Daddy.

  That word hit me right in the middle of my chest. Right in my heart, killing the hope I’d allowed myself to have that I’d have them back when I came home. With one word, that slipped away.

  My vision went dark, hinted toward red as the bear I’d bought my little girl slipped from my grasp. The roses fell to my feet too when I realized I’d bought them for nothing. Apparently I’d bought them for someone who didn’t exist anymore. They were for my girl, not the person I just saw hugged up with some other dude.

  Nah… that was someone else.

  Someone I didn’t know.

  Up next in the Only Love Series is Javi’s Story!

  ONLY HOPE

  Coming Spring 2015

  Official Blurb:

  Javi

  Returning home wasn’t anything like I expected. Life had moved on without me and it’s been a struggle to keep fighting. But I have to. I have to because I stand to lose too much if I don’t. Now, I’ve finally found someone who believes in me.

  I needed that more than anything.

  Emma

  He’s got a lot of anger. He’s got a lot of pain and I usually take on cases with both of those things. But that was before. Before my whole life changed in one breathe. Now, I’ve got enough anger, enough pain for the both of us.

  I may need him more than he could ever need me.

  Javi and Emma

  She’s my only hope. And he’s mine.

  Hey, readers! Thanks so much for purchasing our novel. As indie authors, word-of-mouth really provides steam for the success of released titles. If you enjoyed the book, won’t you please consider sharing your thoughts by writing a review? We’d really appreciate you taking the time.

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  We’d like to thank our families and friends, our readers and writing buddies, as well as the entire creative team behind the release of ONLY LOVE, without whom this book wouldn’t be possible.

  - Victoria & Raven <3

  Victoria H
. Smith has a Bachelor’s Degree in Political Science. She puts it to good use writing romance all day. She resides in the Midwest with her MacBook on her lap and a cornfield to her right. She often draws inspiration for her stories from her own life experiences, and the twenty-something characters she writes give her an earful about it.

  In her free time, she enjoys extreme couponing, reading, watching Scandal, and general geekery in the form of Sherlock and DC Comics. She’s a bestselling author and the 2014 Swirl Award winner for Best New Adult Romance. She writes both new adult and adult fiction in many genres, but mainly focuses in contemporary interracial and multicultural romances.

  Website: http://www.authorvictoriahsmith.com/

  Raven is the author of several interracial and African-American romances, including her debut series, "Free Falling" books 1 - 3, "Red Sun", and "Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob". Since early on, she has found writing to be her creative outlet of choice, although she did not complete her first full-length novel until 2009. She has a Bachelor's degree in Human Resources, but currently works from home, mostly writing, but also building her own Virtual Assistant business.

  Website: http://youaresowrite.wordpress.com/